Chapter 21
MORRIGAN
Iwasn’t entirely sure what we were supposed to do next.
What I did know was that I could still feel his kiss days after it happened. In the middle of occluding, I sometimes found myself staring at his lips when he wasn’t paying attention. Needless to say, it made my mental shields crumble, almost impossible to build back up.
Since then, Mara hadn’t been as cold anymore.
She still barely spoke to me, but our interactions had increased to simple greetings in the hall when we passed by each other.
She even sat with Azrael some days in the courtyard when he wanted to pick the flowers.
He thought they looked pretty on the dining table, and would put together a small bouquet of daisies every couple of days. Thankfully, Tristan didn’t mind.
But I still yearned to understand Mara more. Why did we look so alike? And why did I feel like she could barely stand the sight of me?
“Gods, Morrigan. I swear your hair just gets thicker instead of longer,” my mother complained as she attempted to braid it. It had been so long since she touched my hair like this.
“Maybe you’re just out of practice,” I threw back at her with a smile.
Finally, she got it pulled back just enough to keep it out of my face.
Before I could stand from the chair, she knelt down in front of me and pulled my hands into hers.
“You know… I’m so happy I get to spend this time with you.
” She opened her mouth to continue, but closed it and took in a breath instead.
“I am too,” I assured her, giving her hands a tight squeeze.
After a couple of silent seconds, she finally looked back up at me.
“This won’t be forever. You know that. Eventually, I will need to pass on or else I’ll become one of those…
” She swallowed. “I know this is a lot. It’s confusing, and you keep getting thrown into situations that feel so impossible.
But I want you to know that you do have a choice, flower. ”
Her eyes were hazing with unshed tears that I knew she was doing everything in her power to hold back.
“Tristan is a very kind person. He’s been with you for a long time, and that might make you feel like you owe something to him.
But you don’t. You don’t owe any of them anything.
” She raised one of her hands and placed it gently on my cheek.
“If you do find love, it would make me so happy, Morrigan. But I want you to know that the love that matters most is the love you have for yourself.”
Great. Now my eyes are burning.
“You are so strong—stronger than any of them. You have a heart that even the worst of this world couldn’t break. A strength that could move any mountain…”
Before I could react, she pulled me forward into a hug that meant more to me in this moment than I could have expected. It was different. It was the love of a mother, one I had felt but didn’t know it at the time.
“You were always enough, Morrigan. You were never no one. You are everything—everything to me—and I love you so much.”
I didn’t bother to stop the tears as they fell from my eyes. Instead, I slid to the floor with her and returned the embrace. “I love you too, Mom.”
“You were always enough, Morrigan.”
Her words replayed in my mind as Tristan and I sat together. She was right. Fuck Maeryn and what she thought of me. Screw Cain… Aamon… and every ounce of pain they had inflicted. I was more than their torture.
"Morrigan, you’re bleeding again,” Tristan said quietly. “Maybe now is a good time to take a break?”
Lately, it seemed like the more I used my magic, the worse the nosebleeds became.
I hadn’t told Tristan that I’d begun experiencing them outside of using my magic as well.
Occasionally, I would wake up and feel it dripping down my lips.
Usually, they would be accompanied by a short headache that would eventually pass.
“No,” I insisted. “I can do this.” Because I could.
I had spent my entire life doubting myself. I am more than my fears… stronger than my past. A stupid nosebleed wasn’t going to hold me back from what I knew I was capable of.
With my eyes closed, I directed all of my focus into building the walls in my mind, brick by brick. I pictured the walls of my old home—the ones that kept me trapped, hidden from the world. The walls of my attic… my prison. Every single wall that held me in like a bird in a cage.
That’s when I felt it rising, protecting me instead of isolating me.
“Morrigan…” Tristan said warily, his voice sounding distant now that I had lost myself within my own mind. “Slow down, please.”
Suddenly, it was like a lock clicked into place, and I felt the walls form a tiny box. “Do it,” I whispered. “Try it now.”
With a heavy sigh, I could hear Tristan shift against the grass.
Then, there was a push on the wall. It was heavy enough to form tiny cracks, but I reinforced them quickly.
Different parts of my shields were attacked, one by one, and I continued to patch them up.
Eventually, they began to crumble a little, and with one last shove, I sucked in a sharp breath before falling forward.
Tristan caught me against his chest, and I felt it rumble with laughter.
“That was amazing!” he exclaimed. With one of his hands, he lifted my face to meet his gaze. “You did amazing, Morrigan.”
My eyes were heavy, and I felt warm liquid sliding over my upper lip, but I felt good. Even if only for a moment, I was able to block out the power of a god. Who’s laughing now, Cain?
I quickly wiped away the blood and smiled up at him. “I told you I could do it.”
“I never doubted you.”
We sat there, me leaning into his chest, and the both of us staring at each other for a while. The longer I looked at him, the hotter the blood pumped in my veins. And judging by the way his eyes kept flicking down to my lips, I knew he felt it, too.
No fighting it, right?
“I think I want to kiss you,” I whispered, and I watched his throat bob in response.
He didn’t respond, just lowered his lips until they barely brushed mine. Energy buzzed between us, begging for friction, and when he finally kissed me, I felt like my insides were melting. I shifted my body until I sat on his lap, straddling him, and tilted his head up so I could deepen the kiss.
He tasted familiar, like I would know who he was just by the feel of his lips against mine.
Now that I had done it once, my body continued to crave more and more each day.
It was becoming hard to hold back from the pull between us, that damned tether seeming to tighten by the minute.
But kissing him like this felt like all the strings wrapped around my lungs were releasing their grip, and I was breathing again for the first time.
His hands found my hips, digging his fingers into my skin like he was holding himself back.
I didn’t know what I wanted, truthfully.
Part of this desire tugged at my hips, begging them to move against him to see how deep our connection really was.
But then I felt my head swimming again, and I pulled away from him just before a small bead of blood slid down my nose.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, climbing off of his lap and placing my hand below my nose. “Gods, that’s so embarrassing.”
Tristan smiled as he stood and removed a piece of cloth from his pocket.
He pulled my hand away from my face and gently wiped the blood from my skin.
“Why don’t you go rest a little. I’ll have Mal keep Azrael company, and after,” he leaned down, pressing a kiss to my forehead, “I have something I’d like to show you. ”
Without warning, he lifted me into his arms, carrying me as he walked back to the castle.
I hummed when my head rolled onto his chest, his smell burning an imprint into my nose that had the tether buzzing with happiness.
“What is it?” I asked quietly, my eyes slowly beginning to droop as a slight headache sprung across my temples.
“Something I needed to make sure you were ready for. Something long overdue.”
I couldn’t fight it any longer. The last thing I felt was being placed onto soft sheets, just cold enough for comfort, and I fell asleep.
Tristan had brought me to a set of stairs that spiraled downward.
“Before we go down there,” Tristan said, stopping me at the first step. “I need you to remember that you can leave at any time. But I also need you to understand that you don’t have to leave. Whatever happens down there, every person inside this castle will support your decision.”
“You’re freaking me out, Tristan,” I whispered sheepishly.
He said nothing as he turned around and continued down the stairs. Once we reached the bottom floor, I realized that these were cells. It was a dungeon. He continued his silence as he escorted me down the hall to the cell at the very end, hidden in darkness.
As his hand touched a torch on the wall, it lit with a bright blue flame, a color I had never seen before, and he stopped in front of the bars.
Slowly, my feet moved with weighted trepidation as I approached the cell, scared of what I might find inside.
Based on Tristan’s grim expression as he glared into the darkness, my heart drummed rapidly.
I finally reached his side and allowed myself a single deep breath before turning my head.
My breath escaped me.
Sitting inside the cell, chained and bloody to a point beyond recognition was… Aamon.