12. The Wedding （Chaos, Cock, and Holy Fuck） #3
The altar crashes to the ground in a cacophony of splintering wood, scattered candles, and extremely determined fucking.
We land in a pile of debris, sacred relics, and wedding flowers.
We don't stop.
"I specifically asked for reinforced," I gasp.
"Maybe it was reinforced for prayer," Slade suggests. "Not for this."
"Keep going."
From his chandelier, One-Eye stares down at the wreckage.
"They broke the altar," he says flatly. "They broke the actual altar. In a house of worship. On their wedding day."
"We broke the altar!" Wreck crows triumphantly, still thrusting. "Add it to the list!"
"What list?"
"The list of things we've destroyed during sex! The antechamber table, the carriage suspension, now the altar."
"That's not a list to be proud of."
"It's absolutely a list to be proud of!"
The rats have begun a triumphant chant.
"Broke the altar! Broke the altar!"
"On their wedding! On their wedding!"
I come so hard I see stars, clenching around both husbands while the third spills down my throat. The orgasm rips through me, magnified by the chaos, the destruction, the sheer absurdity of my life.
This is my marriage now.
This is my life now.
Absolutely fucking perfect.
Later, much later, we lie in the wreckage of what was once a sacred altar, breathing hard, thoroughly satisfied, and covered in splinters.
"We should probably clean this up," Slade says.
"Later."
"The reception guests are waiting."
"Later."
"The kingdom expects..."
"The kingdom can wait."
I'm sprawled across Ash's chest, Slade curled against my back, Wreck draped across all of us like a human blanket. Gerald and Susan have nested in the remains of the altar flowers. Bastard is standing guard over our pile of satisfaction, honking softly at anyone who approaches the door.
The rats are recounting the events to an audience of exactly no one.
"And then the third leg gave out."
"It was magnificent."
"I've never been prouder to be a rat."
One-Eye lands on a nearby pew, looking approximately one thousand years old.
"I have witnessed many things in my long life," he says slowly. "Wars. Plagues. The rise and fall of kingdoms. But nothing has been as exhausting as the past week with you four."
"We're charming," Wreck says.
"You're disasters."
"Charming disasters."
"That's not." One-Eye pauses. Considers. "That's actually accurate. I hate that it's accurate."
I reach up and pat his feathered head. He allows it, which might be the most romantic gesture I've received all day.
"Thank you," I tell him. "For everything. The magic, the driving, the reluctant participation in our chaos."
"I didn't have a choice."
"You could have flown away at any time."
One-Eye is silent for a long moment. "I could have. I didn't. I don't know what that says about me."
"It says you love them," I suggest. "Despite everything."
"I love cheese. I tolerate them." He ruffles his feathers. "There's a difference."
"Sure there is."
From outside the door, Mira's voice drifts through.
"My lady? The reception has been waiting for... some time. Shall I tell them you're... indisposed?"
I look at my three husbands. At the destruction around us. At the life I've chosen.
"Tell them the reception is cancelled," I call back. "We'll emerge in a week. Maybe two."
"A week?"
"We have things to do. Consummation things. Tell them to go home."
Mira's sigh is audible through the door. "As you wish, my lady."
Footsteps retreat.
Ash shifts beneath me, his cock already stirring again. "A week?"
"At least."
"We should move somewhere with an intact bed."
"We should." I don't move. "In a minute."
Slade's hand traces lazy patterns on my hip. "We're married now. Officially."
"We are."
"All three of us to you."
"All three of you." I smile against Ash's chest. "Mine."
"Yours," they echo together.
Gerald chitters from his flower nest, something that sounds suspiciously like "finally."
"Gerald says he's proud of us," Wreck translates.
"Gerald is a menace."
"Gerald is family now. Officially. By law."
"By law?"
"I'm pretty sure ferrets count as dependents. I'll have the lawyers check."
I start laughing. I can't help it. The absurdity of my life, this chaos, this perfect disaster, hits me all at once.
I'm a lady married to three farmhands. I have a goose as security, ferrets as children, rats as advisors, and a traumatized crow as... whatever One-Eye is.
I've never been happier.
"I love you," I say. All of them. I don't specify because I don't need to. "All of you. Even when you drive me insane."
"Especially when we drive you insane," Slade corrects.
"The insane parts are the best parts," Wreck adds.
Ash just tightens his arms around me. He's never been good with words. But I feel his answer in the way he holds me, like he's never letting go.
Eventually, we'll move. We'll find a bed. We'll continue the destruction of furniture that has become our signature.
But for now, we lie in the wreckage of our wedding altar, surrounded by animals, covered in splinters and satisfaction.
Married.
Finally.
Forever.
"Worth it," One-Eye admits quietly, just before he falls asleep.
"Worth it," we agree.