Chapter One #4
“I can’t blame Kallie for taking Ava’s side, not after what happened with the Dollmaker,” Marcus insisted.
“I’d want everything to end, too, if I’d just survived a traumatic experience with a serial killer.
And she gets why I had to take your side, because deep down, she didn’t really want things to end, either.
She just wanted to stop herself and others from being in pain.
A temporary lapse in judgment isn’t enough to split us up. ”
“Even if it leads to something like this?” My tone was so… barren. My entire world had been turned upside down as a result of my own actions, and I still had my magic and Oberi. I couldn’t imagine how Ava was feeling right now.
“You and Ava both made mistakes,” Marcus said. “None of this is right, but we’ll make it better.”
Tears fell down my face as I grabbed at my hair and pulled. “I don’t know how I’m going to repair this. Ava has to hate me.”
“Hey, you guys will work it out,” Marcus encouraged.
“You broke my bond with Kallie, and that worked out. We’re together now.
You and Ava don’t have a bond anymore, but you’re still married.
This is the toughest thing you’ll ever have to go through, but breaking a bond doesn’t mean destroying a relationship.
You two can still pull out of this, and become stronger. Closer, even.”
“You think so?” I asked.
Marcus was giving me back a little bit of hope, and I was terrified to believe in it.
But I had to, because accepting the alternative was worse than pure hell.
It was a sentence that tightened like a noose around my neck and removed all air, but wasn’t enough to actually kill me, though I desperately wanted to suffocate, leaving me in a state of permanent suffering.
“Definitely,” Marcus said. He put an arm around me and pulled me closer. “Bro, I love you. Your friends love you, even though everybody’s pissed, and Ava still loves you… even if you’ve broken her heart.”
“I broke more than her heart. I shattered her.”
“She’s got stuff to be accountable for, too,” he encouraged. “Even if you started it, this isn’t all on you. You guys love each other more than anybody I’ve ever seen. I know you can get through this.”
I wiped my face. “Okay. I guess I’ll wait for her to come back, and we can talk this out.”
“That’s the spirit.” Marcus clapped me on the back. “You get ready to patch things up with Ava, and I’ll go talk to Kallie. We can smooth all of this over.”
Marcus’ words were so level-headed that it gave me some courage.
He was right. Marriage had good times and bad times, right?
This was one of the bad— no, absolutely atrocious— times.
I was certain there’d never be anything more terrible in our lives than what had happened today.
Even if the Warden did his worst, it wouldn’t be more than what Ava and I had already done to each other.
If we were at rock bottom, the only way to go was up, right?
It wasn’t like things between us could get any worse.
I went into my bedroom. The moment I closed the door behind Oberi, he came toward me.
Charlie, does it hurt? Oberi asked softly, nudging my hurt hand. What can I do?
My infinite sadness instantly turned to rage.
Even with the inferichite collar, I was angry at Oberi— and a part of me blamed him for what I’d done to Ava.
He’d taken her side, instead of helping me to protect her by calming her down, and it had forced me to make a horrible decision.
If I couldn’t forgive myself, I didn’t want to forgive him, either.
“Why are you trying to comfort me?” I seethed hatefully as I pushed him away. “Leave me!”
Because I still care! Oberi yelled. Because I still love you, even though you are testing every ounce of patience that love has right now!
“You didn’t give a shit when you and Ava were kicking the crap out of me a few hours ago!”
Well things have certainly changed, as you now notice, because now we are all stuck here, Oberi snapped. Ava’s desire to end all things has now resulted in turmoil, no thanks to you.
“I had to stop her somehow!”
Oh, yes, and we are all paying the price for it, Oberi growled.
“Quit blaming me! If you had taken my side, we would’ve been able to subdue Ava without me having to break our bond!”
I will never take your side, not after you planned to imprison Ava away.
“I made a mistake—”
A mistake! Oberi’s guffaw was an absolute insult.
You ruined us, Charlie! All of us! Ava certainly had her part to play in it, but it was you who started this whole mess, and I blame you alone for its consequences.
None of this would’ve happened if you hadn’t let the power go to your head.
Ava chose to destroy the world, but you pushed her to do it.
You know as well as I do that you are her anchor, and you steer her in the direction she goes, wherever that may be.
“How could I have predicted she’d go off the deep end?” I yelled back. “I knew she’d be upset about the restrictions I put upon her—”
Restrictions?! Charlie, you put her in a cage! If you cannot see the devastation such an action gave her, then you are even blinder than you appear.
“I cannot be responsible for everything that she decides to do,” I spat back. “I can do my best to guide her, control her when she gets out of hand, but I can’t take the blame when she decides to do something this radical!”
You fail to understand the kind of sway you have over her. These sick ideas that originate in her head don’t just pop up without being coerced, and she wouldn’t have done this if you hadn’t forced her hand.
“Of course you’re going to take Ava’s side.” I hugged my arms around myself and turned my back to him. “After all, she’s your favorite, right?”
Oh, fuck you, Charlie. Oberi’s livid voice rang out louder than I’d ever heard it before.
I think you fail to see the obvious, for I am certainly being punished for my heart going one way instead of another.
Because for the love of the gods and all that is holy, when our bond was broken, I remained tied to you.
Oberi gave a wail. And now my Ava is gone.
Taken away from me, never again to be reunited with my beloved.
She cannot hear me, she cannot feel my presence.
I have become nothing to her, and the part of her within our soul is lost. I cannot take any of Ava’s soul forms— the unicorn, the phoenix, the narwhal, they are all gone to me now.
I am bonded to you only, to the pieces of you that live inside of me, and the pieces of her are gone.
Who am I now, except a being cleaved in two?
“We could’ve prevented this,” I argued. Goddammit, I was crying again. The tears just wouldn’t stop.
We could’ve, but you did not desire to. You didn’t take the prophecy seriously. None of us did. So now, we must deal with its outcome.
I didn’t bother giving him a response. Either because I was weeping so hard or because I was just so upset with him, I couldn’t tell.
Hours passed. I sat on my bed, and Oberi laid on the other side of the room ignoring me. We sat there in silence, ignoring each other’s presence while we waited for Ava to return from wherever she was.
As the time passed, my mind wandered. Whatever my friends said about Ava taking responsibility, I still felt like this was all my fault.
I’d driven Ava to want to end the world, and I was the one who’d broken our bond.
I was a fool to think that I could end suffering, because now I was the one suffering, and worse yet, so was she… suffering beyond explanation.
I supposed I would just have to be the villain forever, because that's what I'd become. And if there wasn’t any way to mend this, then I guessed I’d just die, because everything else felt just as pointless.
Even so, I kept telling myself that this situation wasn’t hopeless.
I knew I could get Ava back, and there were no limits on what I’d do to prove to her that I’d made a mistake and I needed to make it up to her.
No matter what my grandfather had said, I’d find a way to restore our bond eventually, and repair our magical connection.
Then, she’d forgive me, and we could move on.
I knew we could work through this. Nothing had kept us apart before, so why would this?
I’d do anything to get her back. Anything.
The door to my room opened. I immediately stood, bracing myself. “Who’s there?”
There was an infinite pause that dragged out the endlessness of time and space. Oberi held a breath, and I realized then who exactly had entered… my wife.
Something inside of me fractured and tore once again, cutting my heart to shreds.
I’d never had to ask if Ava was around before.
I felt her presence through the bond, and always knew where she was because of her connection to me.
If she was far away, or close… I automatically knew.
I didn’t have to place her in my world like I did other people, because she always was.
Ava had become one of those outliers for me. A person in my world that I couldn’t place.
A longing piece of me withered up and died inside.
It was like losing myself all over again.
I knew the bond was broken, and I felt the empty pit inside of me where that bond once connected us.
But it was one thing to know it and another entirely to experience it like this.
The emptiness was all-encompassing, to the point where I wasn’t even sure Ava was here at all, and I’d only imagined she’d entered the room.
She might as well be a figment of my imagination, because none of this felt real.
How could Ava and I exist without one another? It seemed to defy all laws of nature.
Again, I was reminded that I was the one who did this to us.
I fell on my knees before her, crawling and begging. “Ava, please,” I pleaded. “I’m so sorry. I never should’ve done this. If I could take it all back, I would. You were right. I never should’ve locked you up, never broken—”
I didn’t get a chance to finish my sentence, because she whacked me hard in the chest with something that crumpled on impact and made a crinkling noise. I caught whatever she was holding, and found that it was a stack of papers.
“What… what’s this?” I asked breathlessly, catching the papers and holding them in my hands.
Ava’s response was distant. Her following words disintegrated everything that was still hanging on inside my chest, imploding any future we may still have.
“Divorce papers,” she snarled. “Sign them.”