Chapter Eight #2
“Was it really too much to ask that you demand your wife make an appearance this evening?” Cameron hissed, sounding half-drunk. Did this man do anything without a drink in his hand?
“I won’t force her to see me.” That was Charlie. I remained hidden, leaning in to listen closer.
“Oh, really? That’s adorable, after your actions of the previous month.”
“I don’t want to be that person anymore!”
“Your sudden change of heart is conveniently antagonizing to my rule. Is that why you’re doing this? To aggravate me?”
Apparently it was a big problem I hadn’t shown up for the royal Christmas dinner.
“What’s going on between Ava and I has nothing to do with you,” Charlie hissed.
“There has never been a divorce in the history of the Elvish monarchy, and there won’t be! I refuse to allow this to happen!”
“I'm going to do what's best for her. If this is what she wants—”
“My father is dead. The royal family has to present a united front; otherwise, we look weak. We can’t afford to show The Mission there are cracks. I suggest you do something to keep her in this family. Otherwise, you’re even more useless than I thought you were!”
I felt immense rage at Cameron. Me loving my spouse was never the problem.
I realized the immense pressure Charlie had to be under. He needed to keep us together, not just for the sake of our marriage, but for the good of the Elvish empire.
I wouldn't stay with him out of duty. Whether Charlie and I were together or not depended on what we wanted, not what was best for the monarchy.
I rounded the corner. Poor Oberi had shrunk beside Charlie, his ears pinned back. I think that pissed me off the most. It showed how Charlie truly felt, and I’d be damned if Cameron acted like such a brute in my palace.
“It was my decision not to come to dinner,” I announced, looking Cameron in the eye.
“I know you think you have full control over everything, but since I don’t have any Elvish blood, I’m not forced to do as you say.
In fact, it’s pretty convenient for me to do whatever I please instead of dancing to your every whim, like everyone else here. ”
Charlie was petrified at my arrival, like he was ashamed I’d caught his father yelling at him. Cameron, though, appeared insanely irritated.
“Princess,” Cameron grumbled. “So polite of you to show your face now, after snubbing us so cruelly.”
“I figured you’d be too busy getting wasted at some party to celebrate the holidays with your son. I’m sure there are plenty of council members who are wondering why you’re late to your daily ass-powdering session.”
“How dare you!” Cameron thundered. “Such insults against the Emperor are worthy of the death sentence!”
“Then cut my head off and save the Warden some trouble. You won’t.”
Cameron wrinkled his nose. “I can see why you wish to disentangle yourself from this girl, son. She’s horrible.”
“She definitely is.” But Charlie didn’t sound discouraged when he said the words. He actually sounded… proud. Almost like he was saying, That’s my Ava.
Psh. Yeah, right. Up yours, buddy. Not anymore.
Cameron turned his back to us. “I refuse to continue this conversation. It’s ruining my holiday. You two may do what you like, but don’t think I’ll allow either of you to walk away from this marriage without me having any say.”
“Cool, because talking is all you’re going to do,” I shot back. “Hurry up and leave already. You’re wasting my time.”
Cameron huffed, then swept his royal robe around him like some kind of big shot before stomping off. He ran away like a little bitch because he knew he couldn’t win an argument with me. Pathetic.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Charlie said quietly. “I can stand up for myself.”
The statement stung, because he did need help. Charlie was strong, but he couldn’t shield himself from the world all the time, especially not from the father that had all but disowned him. Protecting him had once been my job… and I still didn’t want to let that job go.
I’d never admit that to him, not even on my deathbed, so I said, “Yeah, well, I’ll always take a chance to piss on your dad’s day.”
“I guess.” He shrugged. “I don’t want to ruin your birthday, so I’ll just go.”
He turned to leave, but I snatched his wrist. “Wait.”
It was the most contact we’d had in weeks. It made me ache. My entire body grew weak for him. His skin touched mine, and a rush of something deep and forbidden flared within me.
I didn’t understand the connection, the fire that continued to blaze within my chest. Our bond was broken and my magic was gone, so I shouldn’t feel this way.
I let him go. “I wanted to thank you for my present. You didn’t have to do that.”
“I already had it made before everything… happened,” he confessed. “I didn’t see a reason not to give it to you, even if we’re… you know.”
“How did you build it? The design’s exquisite.”
“Mav helped me, along with a couple of Elvish technicians. I don’t know much about building things, and I’m not good at mechanics, but Mav had a lot of great ideas.
I figured since he made those glasses for me that could read text out loud, he could help me with this.
It was pretty awesome, hanging out with him as much as I did. Maverick’s pretty cool.”
“You were so busy this year. Training with your grandpa, running the mob, working with us to find the vampire key, planning our wedding. How did you find time for this?”
“I made time, because you deserved it. I had Kallie drop it off this morning. I hope that was okay.”
The hurt that had eaten away at me for days ebbed and flowed, lightening the tension so that somewhere, I could find a smile. “It was just fine.”
Charlie nodded, staying quiet. Oberi nudged his hand impatiently, and Charlie said, “Oberi says you have something to give me, but you don’t have to. I know things are different now.”
Dammit, Oberi. Why had he brought my present up? It was so cruel. I couldn’t give it to Charlie now.
But I couldn’t get out of it, either, not since Oberi brought it up. “It’s fine. I got you something too, a while back. It’s in our— your— quarters. I left it there before I moved out. If it’s all right, I’d like to give it to you.”
I had been happy to let it hide forever, unfound, until Charlie had given me my present this morning. He might as well have it. These were merely Christmas gifts we’d previously picked out during a time when we thought we would have forever. Exchanging them didn’t mean much. They were only things.
Charlie nodded slowly. “I guess that would be all right.”
We headed in the direction of his room, Oberi the only bridge in the distance between us.
This was weird. There was an awkward tension that had settled between him and I that was wider than the ocean, and it made the air hard to breathe.
I wanted to flee from the area screaming, but at the same time, something drew me in, telling me to stay.
When we got back to his quarters, I rummaged through the drawers of what used to be my desk until I found a Christmas present, wrapped weeks ago. “Here you go.”
Charlie unwrapped the paper. He reached inside and pulled out a newborn onesie in the colors that made me think of him— hunter green and baby blue. Nivita and Yapluma, the earth and the sky. The onesie had tiny buttons lining up the middle, and little booties stitched to resemble huskies.
“What is this?” Charlie asked, confused. He didn’t understand what it meant.
“I was going to tell you that I was ready to have kids.” The confession withered out of me. “I know you wanted to be a dad, so I was going to let you know you should get off birth control, so we could start trying.”
He brought the onesie close, holding it tightly to his chest like it was a precious treasure. “I figured you wanted to wait until the Warden was dealt with.”
“He’s always going to be around.” I’d given up on hoping that the bastard would die, because he never would.
He’d be a constant in my life forever, haunting me until I gave up my own ghost. “I’m tired of putting my life on hold because we’re always fighting him.
I wanted to give us something to fight for. ”
My reasoning seemed so silly and selfish now. What a besotted fool I’d been, so in love it’d turned me blind.
“That’s such a huge sacrifice. I was okay if we stayed childless.”
“Being with you made me rethink things.” And it had. I’d slowly started changing my mind after we’d gotten married in Ilamanthe, because the thought of having Charlie’s baby and growing our family seemed like something that could actually make me… happy.
What a stupid thing to wish for.
I sighed and said, “It was probably better that we never had any children. My worries about being a poor mother were right, because look what I tried to do.”
Charlie nodded. “Yeah. I probably wouldn’t have been a good dad, either.”
I didn’t want to judge him. I was only judging myself. I’d been one hundred percent right in my concerns about being a parent, and I should’ve known that all along. It was stupid to hope things could’ve been different.
Charlie placed the gift aside, then opened the bedside table drawer. He took out the divorce papers, clutching them with both hands. They looked a lot heavier, and a lot more serious, than they had before. “What do you want to do about these papers?”
I didn’t know how to respond. “Did you sign them yet?”
“No. But it’s been a month, and I feel bad we’re not moving forward with this.”
I wasn’t sure. I’d wanted a divorce so badly when I’d slapped those papers onto his chest, but I was starting to reconsider things. Was this really what I wanted?
It had to be. Because how could I be with a man who had done such horrible things, to me and others? How could we fix this after so much had been broken?
“What does Oberi think?” I asked. I needed guidance, and perhaps he had some to offer.