Chapter Nine #4
There were pieces of me and Ava’s story that wouldn’t make sense in general if we didn’t put in the explicit parts.
I wasn’t ashamed of it, because those memories weren’t something I felt I needed to be ashamed of.
Sex wasn’t some immoral thing to be hidden in the dark and never spoken about.
There was nothing obscene, disgusting or wrong about what Ava and I had done together.
We’d been husband and wife, and it was healthy for us to express that love.
We’d grown, healed and learned so much about each other, ourselves and our relationship through our sexual experiences.
Maybe by reading about them, and sharing with the world what we’d done together, other people could heal, too.
But how could we revisit all those memories now, even if history required it?
I didn’t think Ava and I could work together on compiling our records, but I couldn’t leave her to do it on her own, either.
There were important pieces of our story that she hadn’t been there to witness.
I was more than happy to tell the world about how much I loved her, and everything we’d done together…
but I didn’t know if she’d feel the same.
She might want to take all those special parts out, and make it seem like those treasured moments never happened at all.
It gutted me.
I quickly changed the subject before anyone could comment on what I’d said. “Does anyone know why this meeting was called?”
“Takahashi wanted to speak with us,” Ez said. “Also, I think I might’ve found something.”
“Then lay it on us,” I told him.
Ez hesitated. “We should probably wait for Takahashi… and Ava.”
My heart stuttered at the sound of her name. I didn’t realize she’d be here today. The words caught in my throat. “Where’s… Ava?”
“Same place she always is— out in Ilamanthe, trying to fix the city,” Marcus said, as if I should know.
I sat up straighter. “Wait, what?”
“Didn’t you know?” Marcus rattled on. “Ever since Christmas, Ava’s been busy trying to fix what she broke.
You know— helping to repair buildings, talking to grieving families, visiting sick people, fundraising to give aid to people who were impacted by her actions.
She’s out there all day, every day. She never takes any breaks or days off. ”
My features must’ve grown paler by the second, because Kallie nudged Marcus and muttered his name under her breath.
“Ow! What was that for—?” Marcus cut off. “Oh, right. Sorry.”
Everyone knew better than to bring Ava up around me, because it hurt just thinking about her.
But this was different. We weren’t talking about what used to be.
This was about what Ava was doing to make things better.
All this time, I thought she’d been avoiding me.
Now I knew that Ava was doing her best to mend the damage caused by her behavior.
She wasn’t just sitting around feeling guilty about what she’d done.
She was trying to make up for her mistakes.
Meanwhile, I’d been sitting around doing nothing, failing to take any action on fixing my own.
That made me feel like shit, until I realized hosting another pity party wasn’t going to do me any favors.
I wasn’t Cameron. At least Ava was putting forth an effort to change her ways.
If she could do something to help in the aftermath of everything that happened, then so could I.
I had all this free time now that Cameron made it clear he had no interest in me, so I might as well do something useful.
The last thing any of us needed was for me to mope in bed for another month while the Warden conquered everything outside of Ilamanthe.
If we were going down, we might as well go down fighting.
Ava was out there busting her ass to help others, so I needed to step up, too.
I just needed to find a place to start.
Ez and Danny saved us all from an awkward silence. They went back to debating loudly about the raunchy content in the other archives while I got up from my seat and retreated to a bookshelf at the edge of the room, unable to sit still right now.
Marcus’ tell-tale footsteps approached. “I know that look on your face. Your head’s not in the game.”
I scowled. “Well, it needs to be, because I can’t afford to keep missing things.”
“What’s on your mind?” Marcus asked.
I paused, before I figured I needed to talk to someone about this who wasn’t my dog.
I didn’t want to spill what Ava and I had done behind her back, but Marcus was one of our best friends— both of ours.
I didn’t think she’d mind. If there was anyone to confide in, he’d probably be the best choice. “Ava and I… uh… we slept together.”
I heard the complete shock in his tone. “Wait— you guys slept together? Does that mean—”
“No, we’re not back together. As far as I know, she still wants to go through with the divorce.”
Marcus balked. “But… you guys…”
“Yeah, I don’t get it, either.” I sighed. “This has me really messed up.”
“Is she playing games with you?” Marcus wondered.
“I don’t know. If she is, this is one cruel fucking game to play.”
“She’s not.” Kallie’s voice nearly made me jump out of my skin. I froze, and felt Marcus’ shoulder stiffen against mine.
Shit. I hadn’t meant for her to overhear. I was planning on her ripping me limb from limb for what I’d just said, but she came closer and said, “Explain.”
“You mean Ava didn’t tell you?” I was shocked. Ava had always been open with our friends about what happened in the bedroom, and usually, I didn’t mind her sharing. The fact that she kept this secret meant something, though I didn’t know what.
“Why would she tell me?” Kallie questioned. “She handed you divorce papers, and now she’s sleeping with you. She’s clearly embarrassed to admit that it happened.”
I didn’t want to violate any trust that might still be between Ava and I, but Kallie had me cornered. If I didn’t give her something, I might not live to see the next five minutes.
I kept the details as vague as possible. “Ava came to my room, and we talked. The conversation got pretty serious.”
“Did she…uh.” Marcus didn’t say more, and I knew what he was hinting at.
So he’d known about Ava’s attempt at infidelity, and he hadn’t told me.
That should’ve stung, but it didn’t. He was trying to be loyal to both of us without hurting either.
I was glad that he’d taken care of her in the moment, because I bet she’d been torn up after what she’d nearly done. I would’ve been, too.
“Yeah, she did.” I managed to nod. “She admitted she tried to cheat.”
“Ava tried… never mind.” Kallie cut herself off. I was stunned that Marcus had known and Kallie didn’t. Ava must’ve been really ashamed of her actions if she didn’t tell her best friend. “So you talked. Then what?”
“I don’t know. She was in a lot of pain from her spinal injury, I could tell. She needed to take a bath, so I helped her, and then she asked me to… you know.” I shrugged. “Things escalated from there.”
Both of them were silent, and I added, “I’m sorry. We shouldn’t have, I know that.”
“No,” Kallie mumbled. “You might’ve made the right call.”
I was dumbfounded. “What? I figured you’d be the last person who’d approve of this.”
“I hate you, Charlie. Like, legitimately, I really do,” Kallie confessed. “I can’t forgive you for what you did, but I also care about you, too. I love you like my sibling. Not as much as Ava, of course, but I think this might be what you guys need.”
“How? It seems like we’re going backwards.”
Kallie’s tone was introspective. “At first, I was certain it would be a good idea if you two went your separate ways. But the more I think about it, the more I realize neither of you thrive without the other. I want Ava to do what’s best for her.
If that’s dumping you, I’ll take the opportunity to throw you out on your ass as soon as she says the word go. ”
“Gee, thanks.”
“But—” she added. “I also know she loves you. Even now. You both did things that were wrong. If anyone can come back from this, it’s you two.”
“Yeah. Me and Kallie worked our shit out, and now look at us!” Marcus agreed. “We’re perfect for each other!”
“We’d be more perfect if you didn’t keep leaving potion bottles all over the bathroom counter for Rishi to knock over,” Kallie replied flatly. “I nearly fell flat on my ass this morning on a pile of vials.”
“You’re right. Sorry, babe,” Marcus apologized.
Kallie’s voice grew closer as she leaned in.
“Charlie, I know you don’t want to hear this, but maybe you shouldn’t give up.
You and Ava heal through sex. You always have.
It’s your way of communicating when you don’t know what words to say.
Maybe this is your guys’ method of repairing what was broken. ”
The conversation ended there, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what Kallie had said.
Ava and I did connect in one way, at least. Sex was something we were very good at.
It had been the strongest part of our relationship, so it wasn’t surprising that part of us had survived the cataclysmic disaster that had been breaking our bond.
I didn’t think it was enough to bring us back together, but maybe Kallie was right and it would be enough to take the first step.
Footsteps came from behind me, and I heard the soft sound of Ava’s wheels on the carpet. My pulse immediately spiked.
Takahashi cleared his throat as the two of them entered the room. “Thank you all for coming on such short notice—”
“What the fuck?” Ava snapped, cutting him off. Nobody responded, giving me no context.
“Is… everything all right?” I asked carefully.
“Charlie,” Ava breathed, and hell, her voice sounded like a song. “You’re hurt.”