Chapter Fourteen #6
“This is a complicated birth due to your injury, and there may be struggles. But you’re powerful enough to get through this, because you’ve gotten through everything that’s come before.
Trust yourself,” Mama said firmly. “We’re all here to support you, and who knows?
This might be a fond memory of yours someday down the line, when all of this stops being so frightening.
The sudden nature of it is what’s scary, Ava.
But we’re Hawkei. We chase the unknown. It’s what you’ve always done your entire life.
You go out searching for new experiences to enjoy, you find mountains, and you conquer them.
Just think of this as a new exploration you get to take together with Charlie. ”
That was a cool way of looking at it. Charlie came back with the ice chips, and I took them, popping one into my mouth. “Thank you.”
Charlie went to respond, but I grabbed his wrist when I realized the room around me had gone silent. Moments before, all I could hear beside our conversations were those incessant booms, rattling over Ilamanthe. Now, there was only… silence.
“Hold on a moment,” I said. “I don’t hear it.”
“Hear what?” Charlie asked.
“The explosions.”
Everyone in the room froze. We waited with baited breath, counting on the Warden’s next strike.
It never came. Holy shit.
“Did the shield drop?” I asked my mom.
“I don’t think so.” She pursed her lips, pausing to listen closer.
Nothing happened. When we didn’t hear the screams of civilians, the cries of battle or the sounds of the dying, I was finally able to take a breath.
“He’s stopped,” Charlie marveled.
Mama’s tone was triumphant. “He can’t get past Ava’s shield, even now.”
Ha. Fucking loser. Even after becoming a god, he still couldn’t best what I had been.
“If he can’t get through the shield, he can’t hurt us.” Charlie’s voice rang with some semblance of hope, and it gave me courage.
“There’s a hole in it, though,” I pointed out. “If he finds it, he can get through.”
“He hasn’t found it yet.” Charlie’s voice became victorious. “Maybe he won’t.”
“We’re going to run out of supplies eventually. The city only has enough resources to last us for a few more months. If he doesn’t get through the shield, he’s going to starve us out,” I replied.
“That’s a problem to solve later. Your shield has bought us some time.” Mama moved to braid back my hair. “You just focus on getting this baby out.”
Mama was right. My shield still stood. I didn’t know what the future held for any of us, especially between me and Charlie, but what was important was giving birth to this baby and making sure the three of us got through this.
Although… I was pretty damn good at pissing the Warden off.
We were going to lose this war, and lose everything, that was for sure, but who said we had to make it easy on him?
We couldn’t fight against a god, but we could give him one hell of a show on our way out.
At least when he blew our corpses to pieces, he’d be irritated that we hadn't groveled before our demise. He wouldn’t get the satisfaction of us stroking his ego, that was for sure.
In the back of his mind for the rest of eternity, he’d always remember that Ilamanthe never gave in no matter how much power he displayed, and being a thorn in his pitiful self-image was the best I could strive for.
Luana and my mother kept checking on me, but it seemed like the labor had slowed down since I arrived.
The bleeding from my cervix had stopped, so I didn’t need an emergency c-section, though the waiting now was worse than the panic.
Everyone departed from my room to wait for the baby to drop lower, so I could start pushing— giving Charlie and me a moment alone.
Which was the last thing I wanted, because I didn’t want to talk about all of this right now, but what else were we supposed to do? He sat beside my bed in an armchair, keeping steadily silent with Oberi at his feet.
Throughout it all, he never let go of my hand, and I didn’t pull away. I needed his hand in mine to ground me to reality right now, because honestly, what the fuck was this life?
“Are you scared?” Charlie’s tone was so understanding. It reminded me of the soft dom he’d once been. It triggered a response in me to hang on to every word he said, spellbound by each syllable he spoke.
I hadn’t felt like that in a long time. But I’d been hurt by him, so my wounded side came out first. “Of course I’m fucking scared. I’m more terrified than I’ve ever been in my life, and I can’t run away from this.”
“Then it’s my job to help you be less scared.” Charlie’s hand moved to rub between my shoulders. “We’ll do this together. I’m not leaving you.”
“You’d better not. You put me here.”
Charlie smiled at my bratty response and continued to rub my back. “I know I can’t do much, but you don’t have to go through this alone. I’m here.”
That meant more to me than he would ever realize. “I don’t know what to do about custody, or—”
“Let’s make sure the baby’s healthy. Then we can figure it out,” Charlie offered.
I didn’t like that we were tabling so many important discussions, but he was right.
If the baby was as premature as Luana expected, it wouldn’t be leaving the hospital for a while, anyway.
We could take turns visiting or something.
We didn’t have to be in the same room just because this baby shared a part of me… and a part of him.
That thought ripped me apart. We’d made this baby because we’d loved each other, dual halves of ourselves brought together like our souls had been. Now we were splitting up before this child was even born.
I knew what I really wanted was to visit this baby as a couple, though we’d never be one again.
But at least we were going through this as a unit.
We might not be together, but we were doing this together.
He hadn’t run scared when the doctor told him I was pregnant.
He’d stayed, and he’d promised me he wasn’t going anywhere even though I’d shoved divorce papers in his face. There could be no greater gift.
“I wish we could figure out how this happened. We were always careful,” Charlie said, baffled.
I counted back seven months, then scowled. “We escaped the Institute at the end of June. You weren’t on any birth control until we arrived in Ilamanthe in July.”
“Are you sure that’s right?” Charlie furrowed his brow, like he was still trying to believe this was happening.
“Well, when did you have your last treatment at the Institute?”
“I don’t know. We got thrown into Cellblock 9 around the time I would’ve taken it.”
“Well, did you take it or not?” I growled.
He gaped. “I— I don’t know.”
“So you didn’t. That means we weren’t covered for a few weeks before we got to Ilamanthe.” I rolled my eyes. “The one fucking treatment we skip, we conceive on the first try. At least we know we’re super fertile.”
Charlie gave the slightest of smirks. “I’m not so sure it was the first try. If you remember, we had nothing else to do with our time while we were in that cabin.”
He managed to get a smile out of me with that one. “Marcus and Kallie were always complaining they could hear us.”
“Not like we didn’t hear them. We knew what they were doing in the room next door. They were loud as fuck.”
“Yeah, Marcus in particular.”
I snickered. “It was always after midnight when they thought we were already asleep. They woke me up every time the headboard banged against the wall. I don’t know how they accomplished that, because they didn’t go all the way until they got together officially, but whatever they were doing in the room next door made a hell of a lot of noise.
Kallie’s illusion walls didn’t cover any of that up. ”
“Maybe they were just jumping on the bed innocently, and your perverted little mind turned it into something it wasn’t,” Charlie joked. “It was just a slumber party!”
“Must’ve been one damn good slumber party. I used to whisper touchdown every time I could hear Marcus moan, which was half the fucking night.”
Charlie smirked. “I remember. If we could hear Kallie three times, we used to say it was a homerun.”
We broke out into giggles, which turned into rapturous laughter. I grasped his arm and squeezed it as the two of us cracked up, unable to hold it in. Oberi’s tail blurred as he wagged it as fast as he could, giving a doggy grin.
Recalling old times helped me remember just how good our lives together had been. It took my mind off of everything that was happening, and made me realize that when this baby had been made, we’d been madly in love.
I wanted to get that feeling back again. Whether it was possible, I wasn’t sure, but the smallest spark ignited in me, telling me there might be a way.
Time passed by so slowly. I continued to dilate, and Luana assured me the baby was moving downward, though it didn’t feel like it. This kid sure was taking their sweet ass time in showing up. I guess the baby took after me, because ancestors knew I never got anywhere on time.
Charlie never left the room, just did whatever I asked.
The lights were too bright and pissing me off, so he dimmed them until they no longer hurt my eyes.
He kept cool cloths pressed to my head, and moved me to shift positions every half hour.
I knew some women didn’t want anyone around them during labor, because it made them feel overstimulated or claustrophobic, but that wasn’t me.
I needed constant touch, and Charlie seemed to sense that without me asking for it.
Charlie’s hands were always on my body, rubbing my back, holding my hand or playing with my hair.
Oberi’s black eyes observed us both, a slight sparkle in them I hadn’t seen in a long while.
We slept in short sprints here and there, me in the bed and Charlie on the chair, but I don’t think either of us got much rest. We were too preoccupied with what was to come.