Chapter Twenty #3
Oh. My wedding gown. My grandmother had made it especially for me, love embroidered in every stitch. I hadn’t realized it’d been brought out here, but of course it was.
I stared at the gown. I loved that dress so much. It was my favorite thing, memories and love wrapped within the bodice and skirt.
My resolve wavered. I nearly told Mama to take it back, before I thought of what my wedding meant. That was more important than what I’d worn.
I changed my mind. “Here. Take this.”
The girl’s eyes nearly popped out of her skull. “Your wedding dress? Princess, I saw you wear it on television during your wedding to the prince— I could never be worthy of such a beautiful gown! That is yours entirely!”
“Not anymore. Now we share it.” I gestured that she should take the dress, and Mama pressed it into the girl’s astounded arms. “It belongs to you now.”
The girl sniffled. “I… thank you, princess. I lost my parents in Forevermore’s siege. My fiancé lost his, too. We have nothing and no one to help us pay for our wedding. I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to afford a dress.”
“Well, now you get to wear the wedding gown of the princess herself,” I replied. “Just take care of it once you’re done with it. And if you meet another girl who needs a gown, pass it on to her, and tell her to pass it on to the next girl, and on and on.”
“I agree. Such a pretty dress shouldn’t be worn for just one wedding.” Mama spoke up, knowing just what to say. “It should be a gown passed throughout the ages to many brides. A new tradition amongst the Elvish people.”
Such a beautiful thought. That was a better option than it sitting in my closet unworn for the rest of my days.
The Elvish girl wept tears of joy. “You don’t know how much this means to me, princess. We were left with nothing after Forevermore was destroyed, and even less after Emperor Cassiel died.”
“Then let this dress be a new beginning,” I said, grasping her hand. “Now go start the rest of your life, with my blessing.”
She ran off sobbing. I watched the dress’s skirts flounce up and down, saying goodbye before I continued to hand off the rest of my items.
But they weren’t mine anymore. Not really. They belonged to everyone. The people had given me these gifts, and now, I was returning them to where they belonged.
As I watched my ladies give away the items, and overheard the profound gratefulness of Ilamanthe’s citizens and refugees, something dawned on me.
Elvish monarchs were a reflection of their people.
So many of these Elves weren't just desperate.
They were terrified. That fear was giving way to courage because these gifts were giving them hope.
Charlie had needed hope, and because he couldn’t find any, he’d tried to make some out of what little he’d been given.
He hadn’t tried to take over the world because he was an insane dictator, or a deranged maniac driven mad by power.
He wasn’t like the Warden in that way. He’d tried to become a tyrant because he’d been scared.
He was frightened he was going to lose his empire, lose his friends…
lose me. So he’d resorted to violence and control.
He wasn’t an evil person hellbent on world domination. He was just afraid. He had a reason to be. The Warden was an absolutely horrifying person, and he had the power to take everything away in the blink of an eye.
I had to show Charlie there was nothing to be afraid of anymore.
Maybe there’d been a time long ago when the Warden had frightened me, but I couldn’t find it in myself to be scared of him anymore.
He had infinite power, but I’d lost it all and was slowly finding my way to being better than I was before.
I wasn’t even afraid of him taking Charlie or Casey away.
Because I knew I’d rain hell upon this earth before I’d ever allow the Warden to harm them.
I’d lost my magic, my Familiar, and nearly everything else.
He would not take anything more from me, because I would stay strong and refuse to let him.
People couldn’t be broken unless they decided to break, and even if the world burned, the Warden would not break me.
Evening fell, and soon, there wasn’t anything left to give away. The square cleared, and sunset fell across our faces in shades of red, orange and pink, bathing the city skyline.
“That’s everything,” I said, looking at the empty baskets. “We should return to the palace—”
“Excuse me?”
The tiniest voice interrupted me. I turned back around.
The littlest girl with long, tangled hair and a stained dress that looked more like an oversized t-shirt stood across from me, a small speck of blood on her lip and a cut on her chin.
A girl too young to know that she shouldn’t speak when an Elvish monarch was talking.
Where were her parents? She was too little to be wandering the streets alone.
I came close to her. “What is it?”
She bit her tiny lip— guess that’s where the blood had come from. “Do you have anything… for me?”
This girl had shown up too late. We’d already given up everything, but I didn’t want to turn her away. “What are you looking for?”
The little girl’s eyes watered, and she rubbed her face. “Everyone picks on me. I was wondering if you have… a friend?”
My gut felt like it’d been punched. “No friends at school, huh?”
“The other kids are scared of me.” Her little lip wobbled. “I’m always picked last for games. They never let me play.”
I could relate. The kids in my class had been scared of me, too. I’d been a weird kid obsessed with dark stuff who was the daughter of a powerful chieftain. Nobody wanted to play with me unless they were my siblings or cousins… until Monica.
I realized there was one thing left that I hadn’t given away. My fingers had subconsciously wandered over the string bracelet Monica had made me over a decade ago, the one I never took off.
And this bracelet was the last thing I had left of her.
I swallowed. Everything meant… everything.
My fingers fumbled to untie the bracelet around my wrist. I moved to take it off before I gave myself the chance to reconsider.
“Ava,” Mama whispered, telling me I didn’t have to give up this.
I shook my head quickly, and she said nothing more. I unwound the bracelet from my wrist, gritting my teeth as I pulled the string band. Cutting off my arm would be less painful, but I did it anyway.
Monica had died years ago. It was time to let her go and be at peace. She didn’t need me holding on to her so tightly anymore. We both needed to be free. This was my way of telling her, and myself, it was okay to move on.
“Here. This is a friendship bracelet.” I stuffed my tears down, speaking thickly through my tightened throat as I tied the bracelet around the little girl’s wrist. “When you show it to the other kids in your class, you can say the princess gave it to you, and that we’re the best of friends.
Just remember that friendship isn’t something you force.
It’s something you find when you least expect it. ”
“You mean it?” The girl started bouncing up and down.
I found a laugh somewhere through my choked voice as I struggled to tie the bracelet on.
I thought of all my friends, my Institute family.
I wouldn’t have chosen any of them from the start, but I marveled as I looked back at everything we’d made together.
“Of course.” I finished tying the bracelet. “Keep it safe. It’s the most magical bracelet in the world.”
“I’ll treasure it forever and ever,” she said sincerely. She hadn’t been taught not to touch Elvish monarchs, either, because she gave me a hug. I hugged her back, then smiled as I watched her skip off, yelling at the top of her lungs that the princess was her first-ever friend.
Mama put a hand on my shoulder. “That was the bravest thing you’ve ever done. I’m so proud of you.”
The lump in my throat dissolved as I whispered, “It was time.”
We returned to the palace. I didn’t feel sad any of my stuff was gone.
If anything, I felt lighter, like a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulders.
I couldn’t do anything to retrieve any of my things, or buy anything new to replace them.
According to ancestral tradition, Charlie had to restore it all.
Please let this man have good taste in fashion. He didn’t. I’d be wearing potato sacks for the rest of my life.
But think of how beautiful all the women of the realm would look in my gowns. We’d be the most gorgeous empire in existence. Even me in my potato sack. I could make anything look good.
A small basket sat on my lap as I headed back to Charlie’s quarters.
The only things that were inside were things that were originally ours— my journal, anything we’d shared, and a songbook of ours that was still packed with all our old songs.
I’d kept my daily wheelchair, and my all-terrain one I’d gotten at Christmas, because those were accommodation tools I needed for my disability, along with Hemlock’s anthropology book and my mother’s compass, but nothing else.
The only clothes that I still had were the ones that were on my back.
Guess I was sleeping naked. Didn’t know if that would help much in the fixing my marriage department, but it couldn’t hurt… or backfire… I hoped.
I entered Charlie’s quarters alone, then took in a deep breath and looked around. Something about the moment almost felt right. Like starting over.
I could use a new beginning. I gave a resolute nod. “All right, Charlie. Your move.”
Charlie hadn’t returned that night. I think he’d slept over in the NICU to be with Casey. I figured that was fine. I didn’t want him rushing back here right away. I needed a little bit of adjustment time to be back here.