Chapter Twenty-Five #5
Still, though. I didn’t like how defeated Ava sounded.
She didn’t quit even when the rest of us had, and I needed to remind her of that.
“There might be two endings to this war, but there could be multiple ways to get there. What if there’s an option for you to get the outcome you want without having to give up who you are, and everything that makes you the incredible person you’ve become? ”
“I can’t be the ruthless Empress I need to be and still be part of this family. It’s too big of a distraction.” Her fingers trembled as she placed them over mine. “I’m one woman. I can’t do, or have it all.”
“But you can. You’re Ava. You can do whatever you want to, and there’s nothing that’ll be able to hold you back.
” I grasped her hand tightly. “I don’t want you to doubt yourself.
I still believe there isn’t a force on Earth or in the heavens that can prevent you from having everything you wish for, and if you let it come to you instead of fighting it, everything will work out in the end. ”
“I want there to be another way, Charlie. But I can’t be his mother, or your wife. I’m being forced to become something bigger now.”
She truly believed it. There wasn’t anything I could say to convince her otherwise, because her mind was made up, and the whole world wouldn’t be able to divert Ava from her path once she’d decided upon it. “If we’re not together, what happens to Casey?”
“He needs to go to you. I’ll sign away my rights to him, and you can be his sole parent.”
“Ava, think about what you’re giving up.” She didn’t even want visitation?
“If he’s in my life at all I won’t be able to do this. You’ve proven to me you can take care of him. So do this for me, and take him. Raise him to be better than both of us were.”
I couldn’t agree to that, because I didn’t think I had the capability, but I’d damn well try. If Casey was the only piece of Ava that I’d get to keep, I’d do my damndest to make sure he turned out to be the best of us.
We’d tried, and tried, until we couldn’t try anymore, and we’d attempted to resuscitate this marriage until it’d fallen completely apart and there were no more pieces to salvage. It was nobody’s fault. Sometimes, you both gave your all to save a relationship, and it still crumbled anyway.
Oberi nudged me through the bond, told me it was okay. I knew it was, even though this was tearing me up inside.
Ava sniffed. “I don’t want to go through lawyers, or a mediator—”
“I don’t either. I just want to get this done.
” There was nothing to split up since my father had taken my inheritance away.
We’d both come into this marriage with nothing, and that’s how we were leaving it.
The only thing to work out was custody, but that would be dealt with once we got in front of a judge.
It would be easy… Ava was signing away her rights to Casey, so I would get full custody, and that would be it.
There would be no bitter battle, no drawn-out fight.
I almost wished there would be. It might be better than this grief-filled acceptance.
Without her asking, I opened the side drawer and reached into it. I withdrew the ominous papers, knowing it was finally time.
I clutched the cursed, vile stack in my hands. “If we sign these, won’t you lose your claim to the Elvish throne, and not be Empress anymore?”
Ava held herself back, before she uttered, “I don’t think that matters at this point.”
She was right. After her incredible efforts in Fasva and everything she’d done to bring this empire out of the depths of despair, it didn’t matter if we were no longer married.
People would still follow her, call her Empress and sit her on the throne anyway.
They’d discarded Cameron in favor of her, because they adored her, and despised him.
Ava had pulled off a more successful coup than I could ever imagine achieving without having to resort to violence to get it.
She’d done it without trying, without even intending to do so.
She’d stolen power from my father and taken the crown so seamlessly, and made the people worship her while doing it.
The Elves loved her. They didn’t blame the ruined city from Ava’s attempt to destroy the world on her.
They blamed it on me, because I was the one who’d pushed her to such lengths, and unlike me, she’d worked right away on repairing everything she’d done wrong to them.
She’d helped to rebuild the city, given her aid, enabled people to grieve, donated all of her things to those in need and roamed around the city in a ragged dress for ages, playing the part of a beggar princess who was willing to become destitute for the sake of her people.
Because of it, she’d claimed the empire.
A woman had achieved through strategy and compassion something a man with brute force never could. It made my effort to claim the throne appear weak and childish in its stead. The Elves followed her eagerly, while they’d done nothing but fear me.
Ava was always five steps ahead. She’d already grabbed all the pieces and put us in checkmate without us realizing we were playing her game.
Ava covered her face in her hands as she began to weep. “Oh, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”
That was saying so much. Ava had died, gone to the Ancestral Lands and back again, grieved countless friends, lost her ability to walk, her bond, her Familiar, and everything that made her life meaningful, yet choosing to say goodbye to me was the most agonizing thing she’d done. That in itself was a gift.
Every time before, I’d been the one to break us up, from decisions I’d made. Now Ava was making that decision, and that’s how I knew this was permanent.
“Then let me make this easier on you.” I reached for a pen, laying the papers on the side table. “Let me sign them first.”
Oberi hopped off the bed, and I could feel his head hanging low as he started for the exit. I’ll… I’ll give you two some privacy.
He had to depart from us, to grieve. I knew he felt like he’d failed as a Familiar for not being able to bring us back together, even though none of this was on any of our shoulders.
Both of us paused, her staring at the documents, and me, dying inside.
“We can do this,” I told her. “We… we have to. For Casey.”
I poised the pen in my fingers before I whispered, “I don’t know where to sign.”
“It’s right here.” Ava’s hand grasped mine, and she guided me to the paper. But she didn’t let go. She kept her fingers laid over my own as the pen flowed over the paper, signing my name. I felt the ink of the pen sting across the parchment, cutting my dreams to pieces.
I handed the pen off to Ava, and she took it intentionally. The sound of the pen’s scratch against the paper as Ava quietly cried was a nightmare I’d relive every day for the rest of my existence.
“It’s done. I’ll file these once we get back from the afterlife.” Ava began to shake, and it was so violent it rocked the bed.
“Hey. Hey, it’s okay.” I wrapped her in a hug, rubbing her arms. “I’m here.”
She quieted in my arms, and I continued to hold her even as tears streaked from my own eyes. I rocked her back and forth, reaching up to wipe her eyes so she could still see through the haze of our sorrow. I just wanted her to look at me, even if I couldn’t see her do it.
We would get through this. Separately if not together, but we’d get through it all the same. I wouldn’t fall apart now, because despite how hard this situation was, it was what she needed.
And I would never deny her anything ever again.
“I want to make it clear. I’m not doing this because I’m mad at you.
” Ava’s damaged voice cut open all of my wounds.
I yearned for nothing else but her happiness.
“I forgive you for everything you’ve done.
I’m not upset that you broke our bond anymore, because I’m finally seeing the light.
You brought so much joy to my life and did your best to mend anything you ever did to hurt me.
You truly saw who I was, and held me up when everyone else let me down.
You had faith in me when I didn’t believe in myself, and you helped me become the person I was always meant to be.
You carried me through life when I couldn’t go on.
With everything I’ve been through, and everything I’ve done, I’m who I am today because you believed in me. ”
I kissed the top of her head, struggling to breathe.
“You saw things in me I wasn’t able to see in myself, and stayed strong for us when I wasn’t able to.
You spoke up for me when I was too afraid to have a voice, and you’ve always been honest about wherever we ended up.
You didn’t see me like everyone else did— a worthless lowlife who was going nowhere— but for everything that I had the capability of being.
I’m the man I am today because you expected more from me.
Experiencing your unconditional love was the greatest blessing of my existence.
I’ve lied so much in my life. To myself, others, everyone I cared about. But you became my truth.”
“I will always be with you. It doesn’t make a difference where you go, because I’ll always be at your side.” Ava clutched at my arms. “But this is where the path splits. It goes in two different directions, and you can’t come with me.”
“I know.” I embraced her tightly, just one more time, before finally letting her go. There were no winners in divorce, but there didn’t have to be any losers, either. Just us, going in two opposite directions. Enemies, lovers, strangers. Even though she was the best of my life.
Ava broke out of my hold, and I nearly withered away. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I need to get out of this armor, get clean… forget all of this happened. I can’t move on until I start over.”