Chapter 36 #2
Cupping both sides of her cheeks in my palms, I focused on the electrical waves coming from her brain.
Searching through her mind, I found the area I knew best. It was one of the most powerful parts of the brain, the amygdala.
It controlled our sex drive, emotions, motivations, and memories.
Lighting up her amygdala with a kiss made it that much easier to locate since it was such a small area within the brain.
The electricity firing in that spot was powerful.
I dove in. Allowing my magic to sift through any of her memories that involved me, including this one, and absorbing them.
Every single memory of us. Even clear photos of what I looked like that hung throughout the palace.
Surely, the king would have them removed after the fiasco down in the interrogation room, anyways.
I took them all, except for the day on the playground.
I let that one remain so she had a thread guiding her back to me one day.
Gods, it flayed me to do this again. I had only been ten years old last time, forced by the king to take away her memory of awakening her abilities down in the interrogation room on the day we’d met on the playground.
I hated myself for it then, but it was nothing compared to the repulsion I felt now.
At least I had vastly developed this ability since that day, so it wouldn’t be painful for her this time around.
Tears leaked from her eyes, and her lips slowed against mine, confusion settling in as to why she was kissing a strange guy in her room in the middle of the night.
Reluctantly, I broke the kiss. “Stay strong,” I whispered.
“Allow yourself to be happy with Slate,” I murmured against her lips before placing one last kiss against her forehead.
As I did, I absorbed that memory, too, before I stepped back quickly.
Gray’s forehead was wrinkled, and her eyes glazed from confusion as her brain reconstructed to suit its new arrangement. I took that time to swiftly exit her room, praying Slate had truly distracted Forest long enough for me to enter the living space where Valik’s portal would reappear.
It had been years since I’d been inside the King’s Suite.
As I waited for the portal, I caught sight of the painted portrait of the woman with pale pink hair above the fireplace.
Beautiful as she was, something pinged inside me at the sight of her eyes.
I’d never seen her before, but I presumed she must’ve been the king’s former lover from a time before he’d been crowned the ruler of Kinetics.
Imagining the king loving anyone besides himself was a joke.
A mixture of relief and utter heartbreak warred with one another within me.
No longer would the princess know me. Those few and rare moments that we did share—that gave me life—were gone.
I was truly alone. Even Slate couldn’t really help me.
And that was okay; I didn’t want to risk his life, either.
He and Gray would make a great fit. I was just mad at myself that I didn’t see that pairing coming sooner to prevent the pain that arose from it.
I bounced on my heels, growing worried that the portal had yet to appear, when a bright light blinded me in the darkness of the king’s living room.
“Thank fuck,” I whispered. With my Kinetic magic unrestricted, it was only a matter of time before someone detected me.
Each second brought me closer to another fresh wave of hell that I was sure to endure at the king’s orders and my stepfather’s hands.
As soon as a split opened wide enough for me to step through, I took the chance, not willing to risk Gray walking out in her confused stupor.
I squeezed through to the other side, returning to the depressing motel room that reflected my mental state. Valik stood waiting, his shoulders slumped and emerald eyes sagging in exhaustion. “Welcome back.”
I collapsed on the bed, burying my face in my hands. “It’s done.”
Valik’s breaths sharpened as if he’d fought an entire army alone. Sweat poured from his temples and drenched his white shirt. “It’s for the best. It’s the only way.”
I knew he was right, but it didn’t stop the guilt and selfish longing from resurfacing. I had no right to tamper with her memories. That was the part of my power I hated the most. If only it worked on me.
“I know,” I conceded, not looking up at him. “But it doesn’t make it feel any better.”
Valik stumbled across the carpet before his weight slumped onto the mattress beside me. “I get that,” he sighed. “But sometimes, we must make hard decisions. Decisions that are better for the long run rather than for our own gain. She’ll find her way back to you one day. Trust in that.”
“How do you know?” I asked, my voice monotone and empty. I had nothing left. Even Valik would leave me here to deal with the early stages of Endarkening.
My chest suddenly became too tight. I lurched from the bed and searched for the bottle of rum I kept stored in the mini-fridge.
Thankfully, Valik hadn’t poured it down the drain while I was gone.
A part of me believed he understood what it felt like, but another part of me figured he just didn’t give a shit.
That I served a purpose to his means and whatever I needed to cope to get by worked for him just as well.
Pulling the alcohol out of the mini-fridge, I removed the lid from the cheap bottle before I pressed its opening to my lips and tilted it upside down.
The spicy taste of the rum burned my throat and twisted my tongue, but it was welcomed.
I’d do anything to distract myself from this all-encompassing grief.
I retrieved the pack of cigarettes I’d picked off a stranger on the sidewalk yesterday, pulling out a stick and placing it between my teeth while I searched for a lighter.
“You’re too young for these habits,” Valik said through shortened breaths.
I pretended to be unbothered as I continued to search.
I didn’t care about my age. Life didn’t care about my age.
I was only a kid by society’s scale. “Happy Birthday to me, right?” I chuckled, with all the coldness resting in my soul as I continued to scramble through my meager belongings in search of a godsdamn lighter.
“But to answer you,” I mumbled through the cigarette between my lips, “I’ve been too young for a lot of things.
Didn’t stop them from happening, right?”
A heavy pause sat between us, Valik nodding. “That’s fair.” He sounded tired—not just from the exhaustion from opening a portal but from life. We were weary souls in the night, trying to stay afloat.
At last, I found the lighter, a minor win that felt way too strong, giving me a brief dopamine boost. The lighter zipped to life, sparking a flame bigger than what resided within me at the end of the cigarette as I inhaled.
The paper crackled as it burned, sending the nicotine buzz down my throat and enhancing the alcohol’s effects.
I leaned the lower half of my body against the dresser, holding out the bottle of rum to Valik. “Drink?”
Valik shook his head but then halted in mid-motion. “You know…fuck it,” he said, rising from his spot on the edge of the bed. “I’m too drained to return tonight. Might as well celebrate your seventeenth birthday with you.”
I snorted. “This is the most depressing birthday party you’ll ever attend.”
“Actually,” Valik argued before he tossed the bottle of rum back and guzzled several sips.
“There was this one birthday I had when I turned three-hundred and thirty…” He waved off my shocked expression, realizing this man was far older than I ever gave him credit for.
How old was he? “And I’d just lost my”—he cut himself off abruptly—“lost my home. I’d lost my home. ”
I held his gaze, trying my best to keep my poker face intact.
Gods, I fractured more by the minute. I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d keep this up.
Between the grief, the drive to deplete again and feel that euphoric feeling that came with it, and now the loss of Gray, I wasn’t sure how much time I had left.
“I once went through something similar to what you are. The path ahead is dark and ugly, but you’ll make it through,” Valik assured me. Ancient wisdom shone in his green eyes. And I wanted to pick his brain for more information, but I wasn’t sure if now was the time.
“I only have one question,” I said, reaching for the neck of the rum bottle again and taking another deep swig.
Valik lifted his eyebrows, urging me forward.
I let the burn settle and inhaled another hit of the cigarette. The alcohol began to buzz through my veins, adding a slight balm to my darkness. When I met Valik’s eyes, it was like he knew what I was going to ask before I voiced it aloud, but I proceeded anyway.
Holding his gaze, hoping more than anything that he had the answer to my question, I asked, “Can you erase my memories?”