Chapter 30 Aliénor
ALIéNOR
He said nothing on the drive home.
Didn’t ask me a single question.
And that was how I knew that he already knew.
He hadn’t left my side except when he went to the restroom, but Carvel must have texted him. Something must have transpired right under my nose, and I missed it.
The SUV drove us through the streets. I’d packed my bag so I could stay for the weekend, but I knew those plans were canceled. But when the driver turned toward the Eiffel Tower rather than away from it, I realized we were still going to his place as planned.
But that didn’t mean I wasn’t about to get dumped.
God, I couldn’t believe this was over. The best man I’d ever had was already gone. I almost cried right there in the back seat.
When we arrived at his home, we took the elevator to his floor, and that was even more awkward than the drive. After the long walk into his bedroom, he immediately carried my bag to the dining table and set it on top.
He normally carried it to the bedroom, so that wasn’t a good sign.
My heart was in my throat, and there was so much sweat on my skin, I could see it glisten when I passed one of the mirrors.
My feet should be killing me in these heels, but because there was so much adrenaline, I couldn’t feel pain.
My legs felt like anchors dropped from a massive cargo ship, and I collapsed into the armchair in my beautiful gown that cost a third of my paycheck.
I’d expected to get fucked in it—not dumped.
Luca was clearly uncomfortable in his tux because he went to his bedroom first to get it off.
That gave me a couple minutes to breathe.
When he came back, he was just in his sweatpants, looking exactly the same as when we hardly knew each other, when he was the king of this fortress and I was just a servant.
He dropped onto the edge of the couch, arms on his knees, and he rubbed his palms together for a second, as if mentally preparing himself for what was about to ensue.
I wanted to die.
He eventually sat back on the couch and looked at me.
I was frozen by that stare. Broken by it.
“Something you should know about me…” He spoke with absolute calm—and that was somehow more terrifying. “Lie to me, and you’re dead to me. I don’t forgive, and I don’t forget. Second chances are always a mistake. Those are the headlines.” He turned quiet, his stare continuing to burn into my face.
Now, it was my turn to talk.
I soaked in my own sweat. Choked on my own breath.
Wanted to cry and scream and run all at once.
I was pretty certain that no matter what I said or how I said it, this relationship was over.
So I just came clean. “I told you I was eighteen when my family was killed. Just a kid, if you ask me. I had nowhere to go and nowhere to turn, so I…” I swallowed, ashamed of this part of my past, a past that I’d hoped would stay buried.
But now it’d been exhumed for everyone to dissect and judge.
“Became a woman of the night…” I felt my eyes start to water out of pure humiliation.
Luca’s expression didn’t change.
“My first time was with a client. That was how I got by through my early twenties…until the Oath found me, even though I didn’t work under my real name. That was how I met Carvel.” My eyes left Luca’s because I couldn’t meet his stare. “He was one of my regulars.”
I didn’t know what his reaction was, and I didn’t want to know.
The silence stretched between us. Longer and longer. Heavier and heavier.
“I wouldn’t describe it as a relationship, but we did see each other outside of work sometimes.
The last time I saw him was four years ago.
When the Oath found me, I had to start over and change my number and all that, so he probably thought I ghosted him.
” And no man liked having his ego bruised like that.
That was probably why he was so uncomfortable at the sight of me.
Or maybe he was disgusted that his friend was in a relationship with a former whore.
The silence continued.
I felt the crack in my chest. The tears that began to break the dam.
I just wanted to leave and take whatever little dignity I had left.
“I did what I had to do to survive. I’m not proud of what I did, but I’m not ashamed of it either.
But I understand why this won’t work.” I still wouldn’t look at him.
Couldn’t look at that beautiful man who’d taken my heart and say goodbye.
“I used to push drugs on the street. I broke the law every day before the Fifth Republic. I see no difference between us. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
Shocked by what he said, I flicked my eyes back to his.
“Don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than.”
My eyes watered, not because I was heartbroken, but because he washed me clean. Free of the judgment of a lesser man, I felt pure. A tear rolled along my nose and splashed on my dress.
“Did you have feelings for Carvel?”
My joy was swept away like dust by a broom.
“I was attracted to him, and I enjoyed his company.” I told the truth even though it hurt, even though it made me feel sick.
My life at Maxine’s wasn’t the issue. It was my connection to one of his close friends.
They probably had a code about that sort of thing.
If he was jealous or angry, he didn’t show it.
“But it was never anything close to what we have.”
His eyes dropped.
“He was a fun distraction, but you’re so much more.”
He rubbed his palms together again.
“We went to dinner one time. I slept over at his place once in a while. It was casual, from beginning to end. Once I fled the Oath, I never thought about contacting him to let him know what happened to me. That was how casual it was…at least for me.” Carvel was a really good-looking guy with muscles and ink and that don’t-give-a-fuck attitude, but there was never an attachment.
There was never the deep-rooted desperation that I felt for Luca.
He continued to stare at his palms. “Anything else?”
I shook my head and waited for judgment. “No.”
His palms stilled, but he continued to stare at them.
I shouldn’t fight for him. I shouldn’t beg for a man to choose me. But I’d never wanted to fight for something so hard.
“I knew.”
The pain in my heart was replaced by confusion. “Knew what…?”
“I’ve been to Maxine’s. I’ve paid for a woman many times. I could tell by the way you screw.”
I felt embarrassed, even though I didn’t know why.
“The way you agreed to my terms so quickly. When you told me to fuck you in the ass…”
My cheeks flushed with a new wave of embarrassment.
“So, I have to ask.” He lifted his chin and looked me in the eye. “Was this all planned?”
“Was what …?” I asked with a broken voice.
“This.”
I swallowed.
“Did you fuck me to get what you want?”
“And what do you think I want?”
“You knew I could fix your problems. You knew I could kill the Oath or scare them off. You knew I could change your life for the better.”
“Luca, I’m good in bed, but I’m not a sorceress who bewitched you. We said goodbye, and I went my own way. You came to me. You checked in with me. You showed up at my apartment. You’re the one that chased me.”
“But was that your goal—”
“I’m embarrassed I was a whore. I’m embarrassed that I fucked your friend for money and for free.
But nothing has hurt me more than this accusation.
Because it’s so fucking obvious that I’m in love with you.
” Tears came to my eyes from the anger or the emotion or the sheer catharsis of my confession.
“You were a jackass when we met, and I had no desire to pursue a man with a heart made of steel. I fucked you because I needed a roof over my head, but I also fucked you because you’re so sexy it’s fucking stupid, and that was a pretty damn good trade to me.
It wasn’t until we said goodbye that I felt…
something. That I saw you were more than what you seem.
That there’s a heart under all that muscle.
I thought about you when I lived alone in my apartment, often, but I never expected to see you again.
” The tears continued to fall. “It’s all real, Luca. Everything has been real.”
His stare had been locked on my face the entire time. No reaction of any kind.
I wiped my tears with my thumbs and looked away, still sitting on the stand and waiting for the judge’s ruling. I felt like a criminal for my past, and because of my past, I was being falsely accused of a crime I would never commit.
“I believe you.”
I sniffled, my eyes still cast away from him.
“Baby.”
My eyes continued to water, but I was instantly weak when he called me that, a nickname that came from nowhere and emerged on few and far between occasions. I sniffled again before I looked at him.
“I don’t care where you’ve been. I don’t care who you’ve been with. I just want to know this is real.”
“It is real.” It was so real and true and beautiful that I was scared every day I was going to lose it. “But…what about Carvel?”
“What about him?”
“You’re friends.”
“We are friends. He’s the Third French Emperor, so I’d say we’re more than that.”
“And…that won’t be a problem?”
He shook his head. “I have my past. You have yours.”
“Yes, but you have to look at him and talk to him.”
“I’m not saying it doesn’t bother me,” he said. “But it’s not worth losing you.”