50. Lotus #2
I move deeper. Every inch feels unreal, hotter than I imagined.
She’s soft and slick around me, her body gripping every inch so tightly I have to grit my teeth to keep from losing control before I’m fully inside her.
Natalia gasps and pulls me down until my lips are on hers.
I can feel her everywhere. Around me. Beneath me.
Her legs locked against my hips, her breath against my mouth, her heart pounding through the place our chests meet.
“You okay?”
She nods quickly.
“Yes.” Her voice shakes. “Don’t stop.”
“You have no fucking idea how good you feel.”
“I might.”
A laugh breaks out of me, helpless and breathless and the vibration of it only adds to the sensations.
She rolls her hips and my whole body shudders.
I kiss her again, answering her motion with mine.
Slowly at first, drawing almost all the way out before pressing back into her, letting both of us feel every part of it.
Natalia’s mouth opens beneath mine. Her sounds start small, trapped against my lips, then grow as her body adjusts and begins matching me.
This.
This feels so fucking good I don’t have language for it. There's nothing in Khmer or English I can use to make sense of it.
This is exactly what I was afraid of.
Because being inside her doesn’t feel like taking anything. It feels like finally finding the thing I’ve spent all this time refusing to name.
I keep one hand beneath her neck and the other at her hip, holding her steady while the rhythm builds.
She fits around me so perfectly, like her body has been waiting to prove every reason I gave for stopping was bullshit.
Her nails drag down my back. I groan into her throat.
She curls one leg higher around me, changing the angle, and the next stroke pulls a cry from her.
I do it again and her head tips back. Again.
Her body tightens around me. I kiss her throat, listening to every broken sound she gives me now that there's no one to overhear or a reason to stay quiet anymore.
“That’s it,” I murmur against her skin. “I love the way you sound. I need to hear it.”
So she gives it to me.
Every sound.
Every curse.
My name stretching into something that barely resembles language.
I drive into her harder, each thrust deep enough to send the bed rocking beneath us. Natalia holds on tighter, then her face changes as the pressure builds. I know that look by now, so I slide one hand between us, circling her need with my fingers.
She tries to stay with me. Her eyes find mine, wide and glassy, and for a few seconds she holds on.
Then I drive into her again and the force of it sends another wave through her body.
Her gaze slips. Her lashes flutter. Her head falls back as though the pleasure has become too bright to look through.
She drags her eyes open again, biting down on her lip hard enough to whiten it.
I move against her once more. The connection breaks her focus all over again.
Her eyes roll back. Her hands clutch at me.
Her hips twist beneath mine like her body is trying to escape the same feeling it keeps reaching for.
Every time she manages to look at me, I give her another thrust, another circling pass of my fingers, and watch the pleasure tear her gaze away.
She keeps trying. But she’s losing the fight, caught between watching me and surrendering to what I’m doing to her. I slow just enough to keep her there with me. Her hands close around my face. I move against her again, my fingers matching the rhythm. Her whole body pulls tight.
“Don’t leave me, Nat.”
The confession leaves me before I realize what I’m saying.
I’ve told women to look at me before. Talked them through this. Told them to stay with me, give me their eyes, let me watch.
But never that.
The minute it leaves my mouth, I know it means more than keeping her gaze on mine. It’s a fear I didn’t know I had until it found a way out, hidden inside the urgency of the moment. Natalia hears it too. Her eyes lock onto mine, tears gathering at the edges as she nods.
“I’m here.”
Something burns behind my own eyes. I drive into her again, but neither of us looks away.
“Kiri, I’m—” I cut the words off with a deep, desperate kiss, pouring everything I can’t say into the way my mouth moves over hers as she breaks beneath me.
Her cry fills the room as her body clenches hard around me, every tight contraction dragging me closer to the edge.
I keep moving through it, watching her fall apart and trying not to follow too fast. Her legs shake around my hips, her nails cut deep into my shoulders.
The sight of her, the feel of her, the fact she’s saying my name like this after everything I did—I lose whatever control remains.
I bury my face against her neck and come with a groan I can’t hold back, my whole body locking over hers.
After, there’s nothing except heat. Shared, spilling, drowning in it.
Her breath.
My heartbeat.
The slow aftershocks moving through both of us.
I stay inside her until my arms begin to tremble as the energy drains from me, adrenaline fading.
Then I roll carefully to the side, taking her with me instead of leaving any space between us.
Natalia curls against my chest as I pull the blankets over us.
Neither of us speaks for a while as my hand moves slowly up and down her back. She presses her lips against my skin.
“So,” she whispers.
“So?”
“That was worth waiting for.”
I laugh softly and kiss the top of her head.
She lifts her face. The tears are gone now, but her eyes still have that brightness to them, like she might start again any second.
Then she settles back against my chest and places one hand over my heart.
The same way she did in Nagoya. I cover her hand with mine.
Tonight, staying doesn’t feel like waiting for something terrible to happen.
It feels like choosing what happens next.