43. （VOW）el
VERENA
43
The remnants of the rehearsal dinner lingered around me, a harsh reminder of how things were supposed to be. The twinkling lights, the elegant decorations, the carefully arranged centerpieces—everything designed to be perfect—felt like a cruel joke. The pitying looks from the departing guests only deepened the ache in my chest.
The night had started so differently. Auntie had been here, her presence a beacon of warmth and love. But as the evening wore on, I saw the toll it was taking on her. She moved slower, her laughter quieter, her smiles tinged with exhaustion. It broke my heart to see her that way, but she insisted on staying as long as she could.
“Verena, sweetheart,” Auntie called softly as she prepared to leave, leaning on Mom for support.
I hurried over, my eyes filling with concern. “Auntie, are you okay?”
She gave me a weak smile, her eyes full of love and sadness. “I’m fine, just tired. But I need to get home and rest.”
I hugged her gently, afraid to squeeze too tight. “I understand. Please take care of yourself.”
She nodded and then whispered in my ear, “Have grace for Jae. He’s doing his best.”
Her words were a balm and a burden. I knew she was right, but it didn’t make it any easier. As she and Mom left, I stood there, feeling helpless. This entire thing was what Auntie wanted, and I was trying so hard to make it perfect for her.
The room felt emptier without Auntie and Mom, their absence a gaping hole in the evening. Danny, the wedding planner, approached me with a sympathetic smile.
“Everything looks beautiful, Verena. I’m sure the wedding will be just as magical.”
“Thank you, Danny,” I replied, trying to muster a smile. “You’ve done an amazing job.”
She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before heading off to coordinate with the staff.
An hour later, the door swung open, and Jae walked in looking disheveled and frazzled. His suit was wrinkled, his tie askew, and his hair a mess. Dark circles under his eyes betrayed his exhaustion, and his entire demeanor screamed stress and fatigue.
My heart ached at the sight of him. He looked so lost, so burdened. I wanted to be angry, to yell at him for being late again, but all I felt was a profound sadness. This was supposed to be our night, a celebration of our commitment, but it was clear that commitment wasn’t to me.
“Where is everyone?” Jae asked, his voice strained and tired.
“They left,” I replied softly, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice.
He let out a heavy sigh. “I’m so sorry, Verena. Mina didn’t wake me up when I fell asleep. I was so busy with the server breach, and I just…lost track of time. Where is Auntie?”
“She left, she was tired,” I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Fuck!” he roared, the sound echoing through the empty restaurant. His face contorted in frustration, and before I could react, he kicked a nearby chair, sending it skidding across the floor. “The whole point of this was for her to have a memorable night, and I ruined it.”
I flinched at the sudden violence, my heart pounding in my chest. The raw pain in his eyes was almost unbearable to witness. He stood there, breathing heavily, his fists clenched at his sides.
“Jae,” I began softly, taking a tentative step toward him, but he cut me off.
“No, Vee,” he snapped, his voice breaking. “I don’t need your pity right now. I don’t need you to tell me it’s okay, because it’s not. I fucked up. Again.”
I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat growing by the second. “I’m not trying to pity you, Jae. But you need to understand?—”
“Understand what?” he interrupted, his eyes flashing with anger. “That I’m failing everyone around me? That no matter how hard I try, I can’t be there for the people I love when it matters the most?”
“You’re not failing,” I insisted, my own voice rising. “You’re dealing with so much, Jae. Auntie knows that. She knows you’re trying your best.”
He shook his head violently, his frustration palpable. “My best isn’t good enough! Do you get that, Vee? It’s never fucking good enough!”
The intensity of his self-loathing cut deep, and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. “Jae, you’re here now. You can still make things right. Auntie understands?—”
“But do you?” he shouted, his voice raw with emotion. “Do you understand? Because I don’t think you do. You keep telling me it’s okay, but it’s not.”
I tried to steady my trembling hands. “I’m not mad, Jae. I’m hurt. You left the bachelorette party. You made this big declaration and put all your attention on me and then…nothing. I feel like an asshole even demanding, well, anything from you. This was so much easier when it was fake, because I knew where I stood.”
His eyes softened slightly, the anger giving way to a deep, aching sadness. “I know, Vee. And I’m sorry. I know I’ve let you down. But I need you to hold on a bit longer. Please.”
“Jae, what am I even holding on to?” I said, my voice trembling with emotion. “I don’t even have the chance to see if you can put me first, because you’re being pulled in so many directions. I shouldn’t be a priority right now even though I want to be, and it’s so fucked up..”
He opened his mouth to speak, but I pushed on, the words tumbling out in a rush. “Now that feelings are involved, I don’t know where we stand. Part of me wants you to treat me right, to make me feel like I matter. Part of me understands that doing this for Auntie is important. And part of me wants this to be real and done the normal way—dating, figuring this out. Not diving headfirst into marriage.”
I looked up at him, searching his face for answers. “I need to know where we stand, Jae. I need to know if there’s a future for us that isn’t just about convenience or obligation.”
His eyes were pleading. “I get it, Vee. I do. And I want all of that too. I don’t want to fuck this up, especially when I’ve wanted this for so long. But right now, I just need you. I need you to help me get through this.”
I shook my head, tears spilling over. “You can’t keep asking me to be strong for both of us, Jae. I’m breaking too. And I need you to see that.” I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of what I was about to say. “Jae, you have to understand something. This…this fake marriage, this charade—it’s tearing me apart. I can’t keep pretending that everything’s okay when it’s not.”
“You think it’s easy for me?” he shot back, his voice rising, his eyes flashing with anger. “You think I don’t see how hard this is for you? For us?”
“Then why do you keep doing it?” I demanded, my heart pounding. “Why do you keep pushing me into this role? What if we just?—”
“I’m doing my best!” he yelled, fists clenched, his body trembling with frustration. “You don’t understand the pressure I’m under. Auntie is dying, Vee.”
“And what about me?” I fired back, my own anger bubbling up, hot and fierce. “What about what I need? You think this fake marriage is enough for me? You think I’m happy pretending?”
His eyes widened, but I continued, unable to hold back the torrent of emotions any longer. “I’m not even mad for me, Jae. I’m mad for you. You have this precious time with Auntie, and you’re still putting work first. Every day, you choose the office over the moments you could be spending with her. Do you even realize what you’re missing out on? She needs you, Jae. And you’re not there.”
I took a step closer, my voice shaking with a mix of frustration and sadness. “You keep leaving for work, letting it consume you. And it’s not just hurting me—it’s hurting you. You’re missing out on these precious moments with her. Moments that you won’t ever get back. And for what? A deal? A contract? Money?”
He looked away, guilt flickering in his eyes, but I wasn’t done. “I understand that work is important. I understand that it’s a part of who you are. But, Jae, you’re losing sight of what really matters. You have this limited time left with Auntie, and you’re wasting it. You’ll regret this one day. You’ll look back and realize that while you were busy making deals and signing contracts, you missed out on the last memories you could have made with her.”
I felt tears welling up, but I blinked them away, refusing to break down. “I’m hurt for myself, yes. Because I love you, and I want to be a priority in your life. But I’m also sad for you. Because I see you drowning in your work, and it’s tearing you apart. And I’m terrified that when it’s too late, you’ll realize what you’ve lost.”
My voice dropped to a whisper, raw with emotion. “I want to be there for you, Jae. I want to help you through this, but you keep pushing me away. You’re so focused on work that you’re blind to what’s happening right in front of you. I don’t want to be the one to say ‘I told you so’ when you realize what you’ve sacrificed.”
“You agreed to help me!” he accused, pointing a finger at me, his voice filled with bitterness. “You agreed to be there for me.”
“Yes, I agreed to help you,” I said, my voice shaking with emotion, my vision blurring with tears. “But I didn’t sign up to watch you destroy yourself. I’m giving you everything, Jae. My time, my energy, a damn wedding. What are you giving in return?”
“I just need you to understand!” he pleaded, desperation replacing the anger in his eyes. “I need you to be patient.”
“Patient?” I laughed bitterly, wiping at my tears with the back of my hand. “I’ve been patient. I’ve been standing by your side, supporting you, loving you. But I can’t love someone so blind to what really matters right now.”
His face twisted in frustration, his body rigid with tension. “So what? You want out? You want to leave me when I need you the most?”
“I want you to figure out your priorities!” I yelled, my voice echoing in the empty banquet hall. “I want you to deal with what’s happening instead of hiding at the office. You can’t love me properly until you do.”
“I can try,” he said, his voice breaking.
“Trying isn’t enough,” I snapped, my heart aching with the intensity of my feelings. “You need to prove it, starting with Auntie. And you have to do it on your own.”
“Fine!” he shouted, his face contorted with rage. “You want me to suffer alone? You want me to push you away? Then go! Leave!”
“I just want you to understand that I’m worried you’ll regret this, Jae. She’s dying.”
“You think I don’t know that?” he yelled back, his eyes blazing with anger and hurt.
“Then do something about it!” I shouted, my voice raw with emotion. “Face your grief. Stop going to the office and spend time with her. That is what she wants. And maybe then, we can talk about us.”
He looked at me, his chest heaving, and for a moment, I thought he might actually listen. But then his expression hardened, his eyes narrowing. “Fine. You want me to face it? I’ll face it alone.”
“Maybe that’s what you need,” I shot back, my voice icy, my heart breaking.
I turned on my heel, my steps quick and determined as I stormed out of the restaurant. The door slammed shut behind me with a resounding bang, leaving Jae standing there in the empty space. I turned back for one last glance, the shock and despair on his face nearly destroying me.
As I walked away, the cool night air hit my face, mingling with the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. My mind was a whirlwind of emotions—anger, sadness, frustration, and a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, this would be the wake-up call Jae needed.
I needed him to heal, to face his pain, and to come out on the other side stronger. And until then, I needed to find my own strength, to stand on my own two feet. Only then could we have a chance at something real, something more than just a fake marriage built on lies and desperation.