Chapter Twenty-One
Five Days Left
I head back to the office, hoping that Xander will have returned to work on the finale.
He prefers it when it’s quiet and dark and he can concentrate without the disturbance of all our colleagues.
We’re alike that way.
It’s a ten-minute walk from Lunar Books but I get there in four.
My heart is racing when I arrive at our desks.
But the office is empty.
Xander is nowhere to be seen.
Where the hell is he? I internally scream in frustration.
I plop down on his chair, the whiff of his cologne making me dizzy.
I’ll need to corner him tomorrow morning, but will that be enough time? We already only have five days – basically four now as it’s late – to present our joint effort to Meagan.
I need him to talk to me.
But then, my eyes snag on a small note thrown on his desk.
The writing, scribbled hastily, is unmistakably his.
Reminder: Dinner with E.
Heart of Seoul. 19:45.
Heart of Seoul.
My favourite restaurant.
Who is E? Is he seriously on a date? Wait, no.
I’ve got to stop jumping to conclusions.
Look where that’s got you so far, Yara.
I check the time.
It’s 7.45 p.m.
now.
I could still catch him if I’m fast enough.
I could get the tube or a taxi.
A taxi will be expensive, but hey, what’s the cost of true love? Feeling like a British Carrie Bradshaw, I rush out of the office and flag down the first black cab I see.
The whole journey, my eyes flicker anxiously to the time on my phone.
I hope I get there in time.
Otherwise, I’ll have wasted an entire journey and a good chunk of money.
What am I even going to say? I want to shout at him.
To yell at him for being so cruel.
To confess how special our weekend in Wales was.
To thank him for opening up to me.
To apologise for misunderstanding the situation so badly.
To pull him close and never let go.
I get there at ten past eight, not late enough that Xander will have finished his meal and left.
I hope not anyway.
Heart of Seoul is alive with activity.
Table after table is filled with patrons, slurping noodles and struggling with chopsticks.
There are smart waiters bustling between tables.
The walls are dark wood, with low amber lights overhead. I realise, with a too-late sense of dread, that it really is the perfect location for a date.
I hurry into the restaurant, my eyes quickly scanning the room for any sight of him.
For a minute I think he must have gone, but then I see him.
Xander… and there, right before my eyes, is what I suspected.
My heart sputters to a stop as I watch him deep in conversation with a girl about my age, huddled closely together.
She’s beautiful, of course.
Long dark hair that she’s tied into an elegant bun.
She wears a sleek purple silk top that brings out her green eyes.
There are diamonds in her ears that sparkle as she shakes her head, smiling, brushing her hand across his.
An easy, familiar touch. I see him laugh, which causes an ache in my chest. In my experience, those deep, full laughs are rare. For him to be sharing them so easily with another woman, so soon after what happened between us, hurts more than I want to admit.
I remember now the skipping out of the office and how he almost missed Andrew’s party because he was meeting someone.
I can’t believe how foolish I’ve been.
This is the Xander I always knew, the womaniser.
Sure, we might have fun for a few weeks, but this is what he does with everyone.
I tell myself I need to look away, but it’s like a horror movie. I can’t.
Lost in an emotional fog, I realise someone has been saying ‘Miss’ repeatedly, and I feel a tap on my shoulder.
‘Sorry, miss, are you waiting to be seated?’
a waitress asks.
‘I-uh, sorry.’
I stumble over my words.
‘I’m not staying actually… I’m just gonna go…’
The waitress looks increasingly blurry as my eyes fill with tears. Then, Xander looks up. He sees me and his face is stricken with feeling. I run out of the restaurant, my heart shattering more with every step I take. I don’t even make it halfway down the street before I feel a large hand pulling me back. It steadies me as I gather my bearings.
Oh, please not now.
I don’t even need to look up to know who it is because I would recognise his hands anywhere.
Xander.
Thankfully, my mind freezes before I let my emotions get the best of me.
‘Get off of me!’
I snap, which garners a few curious stares from onlookers.
I wave my hands in the air in an act of frustration.
‘Look, I understand. It was silly of me to assume that we—Never mind. I know you’re mad, but after everything we’ve been through I guess I thought… But it’s probably too late now—’
‘Now wait a second, Yara, just calm down. You—’
he starts to say.
‘Please, don’t worry about it. I don’t want to embarrass myself any more than I already have. I’ll see you at work tomorrow. I hope you have a lovely evening.’
I go to turn away from him, but again he drags me towards him.
‘Yara, stop! It’s not what you think, okay?’
he says urgently.
‘That’s my sister.’
I blink frantically. I wish the ground would open me up and swallow me whole.
‘Your… your sister?’
I’m so mortified I wish the rain would dissolve me and I could seep into the drains. I think of who I saw in the restaurant and I experience a flash of recognition. Eloise. That same sister who followed me on Instagram all those months ago.
‘Yes, Yara, my sister,’
he says.
‘We reconnected after my grandma’s funeral. We’ve been having a few lunches and dinners here and there.’
My mouth opens but my mind isn’t able to generate any words. Overwhelming relief floods me. And then, that same uncertainty, nervousness that I felt on the way here.
We stand facing each other on the street, cars racing past us. The streetlights illuminate his handsome features.
‘So, did you come here for a reason or was it just to gape at me like a dying fish?’
he teases, like we are back to how we used to be.
My mouth snaps shut at his observation. I take a deep breath, knowing that I just need to rip the Band-aid off and say it.
‘About what I accused you of before I… Andrew explained everything and it’s all a huge misunderstanding. I know you didn’t try to take credit for my idea. But Meagan told me you did. Well, kinda. I mean at the very least it was heavily implied. I didn’t know what to think and I’m sorry! Can we just be okay now?’ I plead.
‘I see.’
He looks towards his feet, scuffing the ground with his heel back and forth.
‘I told you that I would never do something like that. I hoped that you would believe me.’
‘I know.’
I hang my head and try to swallow the lump in my throat.
‘I’m sorry. But, I guess I’ve found it hard to trust people. In the past. But it will be different in the future, I promise.’
‘I feel like my word is never going to be enough for you.’
His gaze rips away from me like he can’t bear to look at me any longer.
‘But why should it be? We’ve been rivals for years. If Meagan had implied you’d done the same, I probably would have believed her too. Maybe we’ve just been through too much together to properly let our guard down, y’know?’
He’s talking himself out of us. I feel him slipping away.
‘I think I was right,’
he says, still looking at his shoes.
‘The kind of love we imagined back in Wales, it doesn’t exist. It wasn’t real. How can two people trust each other that much? We clearly can’t.’
‘Xander, no, I—’
‘It’s okay. Look, I need to get back to Eloise. I have to think about… about everything. I’ll see you at work. We have a lot to do.’
He smiles weakly. He holds himself rigidly, not letting himself get too close to me.
‘Get home safe.’
And with that he leaves me standing in the middle of the pavement staring after him like a love-sick puppy.
As I watch Xander’s retreating figure, his words echo through my mind, the heaviness of the conversation settling in my stomach like a deadweight.
It doesn’t exist. It wasn’t real. But it does. It was. Because I felt it. We felt it. I’m certain of that.