Chapter 25
Jessamine had felt herself unraveling for days on end. The magic that was eating her from the inside out would not give up its hold so easily, and she knew that there was a limited amount of time for her here. But she hadn’t thought that it would all end so swiftly.
She could feel herself fracturing around the edges. There wasn’t anything that she could do about it, and strangely enough, it didn’t hurt. She’d expected this death to be just as painful as all the others.
There would be the sharp jab in her chest, the hitch in her breath, all the sensations that came with death, and yet…
this time there was none of that. Piece by piece, she could feel each one of those sharp edges painlessly peeling away and disappearing.
Memories filtered off into the distance.
Emotions vanished except for the love she held tight for him.
That was the last thing she was willing to give up, even as she felt it being tugged out of her hands as though another creature was telling her, It’s time to let go.
She stared into his dark, horrified eyes, and she wished she had the energy to tell him that he shouldn’t feel guilty for this. Neither of them had remembered it, or if they had, they hadn’t thought it so important that it was worthwhile to bring up.
“I made you a vow, Deathless One,” she heard herself whisper as the life faded from his eyes. “I will not break it.”
She watched his final gasp, and everything suddenly felt so hopeless. She didn’t want him to die. She didn’t want to watch that happen and know there was nothing she could do about it.
They had failed the world. And with that, she drew those thoughts into the afterlife with her.
Everything turned golden and gleaming. The cave dissolved, and suddenly that fracturing feeling intensified. It was like she was herself, but in different forms.
For a moment, she was a child again. All her fears and insecurities flooded to the front of her mind.
No one would like her if she didn’t fit in.
She should pretend that she liked the same things as everyone else, because if she didn’t pretend, then they would realize she was different.
She would be alone all her life, and she didn’t want to be alone.
Friends were important. They were the only ones who could prove her worth and value.
Suddenly, her mind shifted again. She was the angry version of herself.
The Jessamine who had been stomped on her entire life.
Told that she should be better, be more, and then ended up dead no matter how hard she had tried to prove herself worthy.
She was enraged. She wanted vengeance and pain and all the world to burn for what they had done to her.
And then she was the softer version of herself. The quiet woman who was ready to self-sacrifice just so that others were happy. She wanted them to be happy. She wanted them to live their lives the way they wanted, and if that meant she was wounded or aching, then so be it.
Over and over again, she shifted through every version of herself. Sadness. Peace. Envy. All the good and the bad that made up who she was, until suddenly she was standing in the midst of golden light, and Jessamine no longer recognized herself.
She was naked, she realized, wrapping her arms around her chest to stay warm. She was already shaking in this strange place, uncertain of where she was or why she was here. Her eyes burned with the brightness of the light surrounding her.
She kept feeling something inside her change. Like she was still shifting between all those versions of herself and she didn’t know how to pull them all back together.
A figure appeared in the gold. A smudge of darkness silhouetted and walking toward her.
“Hello?” she called out. “I need help!”
The figure continued to move closer, and that had to be a good sign except… the closer it got, the more she realized that person was herself.
The shape of the body was a little different.
Older. Softer. A version that she hadn’t seen before in her youth.
Her stomach was a little more plush, her hips more round, her shoulders curved in slightly, as though her posture had taken a sharper turn in the wrong direction the older she got.
And as the figure stopped in front of her, Jessamine surveyed the aged face.
She hadn’t realized the lines around her mouth would become so prominent.
Though she had avoided the sun nearly all her life, it appeared the older version of her had not.
There were freckles dotted across her nose, a few age spots on her cheeks, and wrinkles between her eyes and on her forehead from years of frowning.
Her cheeks had sagged slightly, but this was a stately woman in front of her.
An intimidating creature who had proven her worth time and time again.
It was surreal to be standing here, at her death, and see the future she would never have.
“Oh,” Jessamine finally whispered. “It’s… you.”
“There are many versions of me,” the old woman before her said. “Just as there are many ends to your story. I can’t say I expected to see you here so early, though.”
A shuddering exhalation shook her shoulders as another violent shiver rushed through her body. “And where is here?”
“The end. The beginning. The start of something new.”
She didn’t have time for riddles. Not when there was so much she could have done and that was all ripped from her by a single mistake. “Am I dead?”
“Yes.” The older version of her grinned. “And no.”
“You of all people should know I hate riddles,” she grumbled.
The older version of herself chuckled, and then something shifted in her face.
A strange warping as her eyes turned from dark black to blue, and then back again.
Her jaw moved, shifting just enough to make it look like there was another person in her body before, all of a sudden, she was back to herself.
Just that small shift was enough to warn Jessamine that something very, very odd was happening here.
Narrowing her eyes, she felt a person inside of herself answer.
Rage burned in her chest, a sudden knee-jerk need to destroy and murder and kill everything that stood in her way or tried to make her see something that wasn’t there.
It wasn’t fair that everyone was constantly trying to take advantage of her, even in death.
“Where am I?” she asked yet again.
“A crossroads. A time of choosing where you can put aside all of your torment.” The old woman reached out a wrinkled hand, unshaking and unwavering. “Allow me to guide you, Jessamine. We will walk through these decisions together.”
But as she watched, the hand shifted. It wasn’t her hand. There was a gaudy ring on one finger, and then a strange symbol burned into the palm that she could only see for a few seconds before it disappeared again.
Frowning, she took a step away from the version of herself that was supposed to be her guide into the afterlife. “What if I don’t want to go?”
“You have no choice in the matter. No one wants to go.” A soft smile crossed the old woman’s face. “I know you would have liked to see yourself as I am, years of life that would bring you to this time and this place, but it is not how it worked in your story.”
“What other stories are there?”
“The wheels of time move at different paces. In some realm, some timeline, a version of you was never killed at your wedding. You grew as old as you see now, and that was when you died peacefully in your bed. Other versions died very young. In one timeline, you choked as a child and no one was there to save you.”
A small memory flickered in her mind just as the swell of insecurities threatened to overwhelm her.
Jessamine could feel herself physically shrinking, turning back into that little version of herself who hadn’t realized there were pits in peaches.
She’d swallowed it whole, and it had gotten lodged in her throat.
Callum had been there, then. He’d saved her life, making sure she coughed it up before he had pounded her back over and over again, to make sure that she was still alive.
She looked up, young once again, a child staring up at the oldest version of herself, and she had the thought that a woman of this age would take care of her.
She could trust someone who was older, because they always had her best interest at heart.
Even if she didn’t understand what they wanted her to do.
Reaching out her hand, she slipped her fingers against the wrinkled palm. Yes. This was right. Instantly all that anxiety disappeared, because someone was here to take care of her.
The old woman smiled down at her, and another nervous thread in her chest eased. “You’ve made the right choice, Jessamine. I will guide you through this realm, and we will bring you to the end.”
“What is the end?”
“It’s the place where you can finally rest your head. Where no one can take advantage of you ever again. All that magic of yours will finally be safe.”
Her magic would be safe? That sounded nice.
It wasn’t just Jessamine who would be safe, then.
It would be everyone else as well, safe from her.
From all the wrongdoings that she had already done in this life.
She was supposed to save her kingdom, but she’d failed at that, too.
Her magic was dangerous… and someone might try to take it.
Alarm bells rang out in her head. And suddenly she wasn’t a child anymore.
She was enraged yet again.
It burned through her as she tossed the hand aside and took a step back. Her entire body seemed to vibrate with the knowledge that something was terribly, awfully wrong.
“Why would I need to keep my magic safe?” she snarled. “I’m dead.”
The old woman paused, looking down at her hand as though she was surprised Jessamine wasn’t still holding it. “All magic like yours has to be contained. Surely you didn’t think death was the only path for you to walk?”
“You have made it seem like that is so. Where are you taking me?”