Chapter 5 #2
I imagined Megan’s head as a plastic mole. “Aren’t you dating Carter?”
“At the moment, yes. But I was thinking about Jamie for after.”
Just as my anger erupted, Jamie reappeared with funnel cakes.
“Alex, let’s go do the ring toss?” Jamie glanced at Megan. “Oh, hey, you can come too.”
I pushed between them. “Let’s ride the Ferris wheel.”
Jamie frowned. “But you hate heights.”
Meghan chimed in. “I love heights! I can go with Jamie.”
“That’s a nice offer, but I’m fine,” I said, matching her fake smile.
Jamie finally noticed the tension. “Why don’t we all go? I’ll get Lucas and Kayla. Meghan, you grab Carter and Brandon.”
Annoyance flickered in Meghan’s eyes as she stomped away.
Jamie handed me my funnel cake. “What was that about?”
I stuffed a chunk in my mouth. “Nothing.”
Everyone gathered in line for the Ferris wheel, and apparently, I wasn’t the only person uncomfortable.
I watched as Lucas stood stiffly near Becky, but his attention was entirely elsewhere.
His eyes darted to Kayla and Brandon, his fists clenching every time they talked.
When the operator called for the first pair, Lucas and Becky climbed into the swinging bucket seat.
Even as the bar locked them in, Lucas's gaze lingered on Kayla and Brandon, his stare almost daring Brandon to look back.
Kayla had gone out with plenty of boys over the summer, always keeping things quick and casual, treating dating like a game she was always sure to win.
She would flirt, have her fun, and move on without a second thought—always in control, always unbothered.
But something about Brandon was different.
I could see it in the way her laughter lingered just a little too long or how her cheeks flushed when he spoke.
It was almost like, for the first time, the rules of her game didn’t quite apply.
Lucas noticed, too. He kept cutting into their conversations, making sarcastic remarks, or physically stepping between them like an overzealous bodyguard. Jealousy was an understatement when it came to Lucas and Kayla.
Finally, it was Jamie's and my turn. The operator seated us and locked the lap bar. I gripped it tightly.
“Are you sure about this?” Jamie asked.
“Yeah, what’s not to be sure about? It’s just two tons of metal moved from town to town. Totally safe.”
The ride jolted forward, and I tensed, gripping the seat so tightly my nails chipped the red paint covering the metal bar.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Jamie comforted, covering my hand. “You’re safe. This ride’s been spinning all day. There’s nothing to fear.”
“Murphy’s law …” I choked out.
“What?” Jamie chuckled.
“Murphy’s law. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.”
Jamie squeezed my hand. “You know all that anxiety will give you a heart attack one day.”
“Or an aneurysm. Fifty/fifty chance.”
I opened one eye and gasped.
Jamie turned my face to his. “Just look at me.”
For a brief second, I was transfixed by his eyes, the way they gleamed into mine so effortlessly and longingly. His cheeks blushed a deep red.
My heart raced, but not from fear. I didn’t intend to move forward, but somehow, I did. He did too. We stopped just short of each other, close enough that the space between us seemed to vanish.
I gave the tiniest nod, and Jamie responded to my silent request. His lips brushed against mine, gentle and unsure at first. Then, with a bit more certainty, he kissed me again.
I could barely breathe. His hand caressed my neck before sliding into my hair, drawing me closer, as if we were something delicate and secret.
And just like that, he pulled back, his eyes wide as he searched mine, as if he wasn’t sure it had really happened either.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I wanted to do that tonight.”
My head was dizzy. “Why?”
“I wanted to be the first. High school starts in a week, and life will move fast. It’ll be like blinking, and when we open our eyes, it’ll be graduation, and everyone will leave. You’ll leave. I might not have you forever, but now I can be your first forever. That counts for something, right?”
Jamie seemed frozen, waiting for my response.
“Everything,” I said. “It counts for everything.”
As if my words were mouth to mouth, he sucked in a breath and smiled.
If only the night had ended there. When we got off the Ferris wheel, Carter had gotten sick, and I offered to wait with him until his mom came to pick him up.
Then I went back to find the others. They were gathered around the High-Striker game.
Jamie hit the mallet as I approached, causing a bell to shriek and lights to start flashing.
Meghan wrapped her arms around Jamie's neck and pulled him in, shoving her mouth against his, but he didn’t pull away.
I should’ve walked away. I should’ve swallowed the humiliation, turned on my heel, and left without another glance. But instead, I stood there, watching, the pain throbbing in my chest like a wound I couldn’t stop poking. Jamie kissed her back as if nothing that had happened between us mattered.
My legs moved before I could stop them, carrying me towards the group. Jamie's lips were still on hers, but his eyes flicked up when I approached. For a split second, our gaze met. His expression twisted, shock, maybe guilt, or panic, but I didn't wait for him to speak or explain.
Instead, I snapped. I didn’t think. I couldn’t think.
I reached out and grabbed the nearest body.
The boy's startled expression barely registered before I pressed my lips to his.
The kiss was messy and rushed, his lips tasting of hot dogs and cheap mustard.
I wanted to scream, to cry, to run, but mostly, I wanted to make Jamie feel the same ache.
I pulled away quickly, my heart racing. The air felt heavy, and everyone was staring.
Kayla's face swam into focus, her mouth slightly open, her expression between shock and betrayal.
When I looked at Jamie, expecting hurt or anger, there was nothing.
No emotion, no reaction. His face was unreadable, his eyes cold and unyielding. And somehow, that was worse.
Back then, I thought I knew what heartbreak was.
But I was wrong. True heartbreak is when your legs betray your body, and you’re left lying on the floor.
When your lungs shrivel to sand, and you’re left gasping for breath.
When your brain melts to nothing, and you are left without a word.
True heartbreak is when every second of every day feels like an eternity lost in the dark.
I would trade everything and anything for the simple sting of a fourteen-year-old's heartbreak.