Chapter 21
Chapter twenty-one
Not all goodbyes are final
And not all hellos
Are meant to last
May 15, 2017:
Today was the day I had been eagerly anticipating throughout my educational journey: graduation day.
I stood in front of the mirror, my fingers fidgeting with the tassel of my graduation cap as the clips my mom used to secure the blue fabric into my head were digging into my scalp.
The bathroom was dimly lit, and I could hear the distant chatter of my fellow about-to-be graduates right outside.
I put my hands under the cold water that ran from the faucet.
I was ecstatic to be graduating, but I couldn't help but feel a little pang of sadness hit me more frigid than the water running over my skin; this would be the last time I'd ever be in this bathroom.
It was the last time I would walk down these halls as a student, and it was the last time I'd sit in the school auditorium.
It was simply a day of endings. I should have been filled with hope for the future.
I mean, I was about to go to college! Jamie and I were moving to Boston together, and Lucas and Kayla got into Stanford!
We were about to start the lives we had dreamed about, but that also meant losing the only world I knew.
I looked around, taking in the graffiti-covered walls, the scribbled profanities, and the inappropriate drawings etched into the paint of the stall doors.
It was a strange sort of comfort, knowing that this place would always be the same, even as everything else changed.
I took a black pin out of the pocket of my blue gown.
I found a blank spot on the cinder block wall and wrote the four of our initials in big, bold letters.
Below, I wrote, “Forever and always.” The smell of alcohol from the pen filled the air as I wrote the last word.
Part of me felt a little bit better knowing that we were now a part of this messy wall.
Kayla's head poked through the bathroom door, and I turned to face her. “Come on, Alex,” she hurried me, “everyone's starting to line up.”
I took one last look at our names, then roamed my eyes over the bathroom one last time before following Kayla out into the brightly lit hallway that led to the school auditorium.
I hurried over with Kayla and squeezed in line next to Jamie, our fingers immediately intertwining as his lips kissed my cheek.
Early in the day, I tried to bribe Mr. Madison, our senior PE coach, to let Jamie and me sit together for the ceremony.
Still, sadly, due to our last names being nowhere near each other in the alphabet, we were going to be separated, but at least I could steal a few moments with him in line.
I gazed up at him as we stood there, his eyes flashing back at me in cheerful confusion. “What? Do I have something on my face?” he questioned, still wearing a smile.
“Just your normal goofy grin,” I teased back.
We’re graduating! Jamie is graduating! The thought continued to hit me harder and deeper every second we stood there. I couldn’t believe that we all finally made it to this moment. The air around me felt warm, like a giant hug, as we waited for the ceremony to begin.
I looked beside me at Lucas, who towered over everyone and everything as he draped his arms around Kayla. Despite Kayla being fairly tall, she seemed positively tiny in comparison to Lucas, as if he were a giant and she was a Smurf.
“We did it, guys,” Lucas spoke in a sentimental tone that made me want to mock him, but I was feeling just as sappy as he was.
Jamie chuckled. “I'm not sure if my diploma counts. Ninety percent of those grades are due to sitting next to Alex in every class.” Jamie wrapped his arm around me. “We’re just lucky I sat next to Colin. I swear that dude is freaking Urkel.”
Mr. Madison threw open the auditorium doors and gestured for us to enter.
He began calling our names out to assign us to our seats.
My heart was pounding hard in my chest. Something about the idea of climbing up a set of stairs to walk across the stage without tripping over my ridiculously long gown was shooting anxiety into my brain.
Once we were all seated, the outside doors swung open, and parents began to take their seats.
Once everyone was settled, Ms. Bragg took center stage; there's no doubt in my mind that her speech was stolen from some overpriced self-help book, but it filled me with joy, knowing it would be the last speech I would ever have to hear her give.
The names of my classmates were called out one by one, and they quickly raced onto the stage, giving big smiles and bows as they took their diplomas from Ms. Bragg's hand. Then, the best sound I've ever heard boomed through the auditorium: “Jamie Angeles.”
My heart immediately swelled with pride and joy as I watched him walk up the steps to accept his diploma.
Jamie was neither a straight-A student nor would he ever be accused of having school spirit, but that didn't matter.
He made it to graduation day! He was the first in his entire family to earn a high school diploma; as far as I was concerned, that diploma was worth more than gold.
I wish Jamie's mom could have been here to witness this. She would have been so proud, like one of those crazy parents who bring a giant sign and a bullhorn to cheer him on. But I'm sure she was there in spirit, or however all that works.
As I was scanning the crowd, I caught sight of Jamie's dad sitting in the very back row of seats.
I blinked my eyelids open and shut multiple times.
I'm pretty sure I let out a gasp because the person sitting next to me smacked my arm.
Jamie's dad's eyes were slightly red from the tears welling up in them, and he was smiling from ear to ear.
I turned my head to look back at Jamie. He tightly gripped the diploma in his hand, and his eyes looked like a deer caught in the headlights as they focused on his dad.
The two men exchanged a slight nod and a barely perceptible smile.
It wasn't much, but it was probably all Jamie needed.
After the graduation ceremony, our parents gathered around us, taking countless photos.
My mother was determined to capture every possible angle of all four of us in our caps and gowns.
She had an endless amount of energy and enthusiasm for milestone events.
She directed us to stand in different positions and forced us to smile in unison like we were plastic mannequins at her disposal.
Finally, after what felt like hours, she let us go, allowing us to take a deep sigh of relief and quickly change out of our hot and heavy graduation attire.
Julian and Kayla's dad were smart and promptly found a cozy corner to hang out in with the other dads, keeping far away from the chaos.
The teachers moved everybody into the gym, which was decorated with picture boards set up to showcase every student's life. It was like walking through a giant time capsule, one made of bad haircuts and braces. I found myself standing in front of Kayla’s display, which was possibly the most vibrant one in the room—actually, no, scratch that—it was the most vibrant one in the room.
I'm pretty sure my eyes still haven't recovered from the jarring neon pink and fairy lights scattered around the photos framed in purple jewels.
Lucas stood to my right, wearing the suit Mom had picked out for him. “Leave it to Kayla to show everyone up.” He chuckled as his gaze roamed over Kayla’s display.
“Wouldn't have it any other way.”
Jamie approached from my left, his hand wrapping around mine.
Meanwhile, his other hand shoved a handful of cookies from the dessert table into his mouth.
“Damn, this thing is like an art project. Maybe I should have done more to mine.” Jamie glanced at his display board, which consisted of only a few photos stapled to a cardboard poster.
Lucas's expression turned serious as he leaned in to examine the photos of the four of us doing reckless and stupid stuff. “I hope life is always like this.” He sighed.
Jamie playfully punched Lucas's shoulder. “Of course it's always going to be like this! It always has, and it always will.”
I heard Jamie's words, and I wanted them to be true, but just like Lucas, a part of me knew it wasn't going to be. It's funny, when I was in high school, I desperately wanted it to end, but when it did, I desperately wanted to go back.
Kayla bounded up next to Lucas, appearing virtually out of nowhere.
She had pulled a stellar change in costume and was now clothed in a blinding pink sequin mini dress with oversized puffy sleeves.
If Kayla's personality had to be summed up in fabric, this outfit was it.
“Corbin says the after party at his house; we're going, right?”
Jamie moved his hand from mine and placed it on my waist, holding me from behind like he always did. I felt the warmth of his embrace as his arms crisscrossed around me. “Do we have to?” he grumbled, his breath lightly smelling of chocolate chip cookies.
Kayla stomped her hot pink stiletto on the gym floor.
“Yes! I can't believe you thought I was asking. This was our last night as stupid, careless high schoolers. Tomorrow, we will wake up as soon-to-be college freshmen looking down at the barrel of four years caged in another educational prison! We must take advantage of our last night as reckless teenagers!”
I grumbled back at her, “Come on, Kayla. We have our whole college career to party. Can we just go to my house and watch a movie tonight? I'm exhausted, and all I want is to burrow into fuzzy pajamas and slip into a sugar coma of licorice and jellybeans.”
Kayla's ebony skin was now turning an eerie shade of red. “We are not ordering pizza and watching a movie! We are dressed for a fabulous night filled with stupidity and possibly stomach-pumping.”