Chapter 26
Chapter twenty-six
You don’t have to love to be loved.
You don’t have to live to be alive.
You don’t have to die to be a ghost.
Life is made of flickering moments.
Hold on to each and every one tight
Before The Enemy of Time says goodnight.
2:30 p.m.
We drove in silence, none of us knowing what to say or wanting to speak.
The clock had run out of seconds. Time was forcing me to face the events of today: the life I lost and the future Jamie had offered me.
But a future without him—without his goofy smile that illuminated even the darkest days, without his warm touch that melted my cold heart, and without his laughter that made every moment feel magical—seemed unbearable.
How does one live without the heart that made theirs beat?
I twirled Jamie's engagement ring around my finger, the one he gave me that night in Boston.
I spent all night waiting for him on that fourteenth day.
I spent hours doing my hair and even longer doing my makeup.
I bought the most expensive dress I have ever owned, and I wore ridiculous strappy pink sandals to match.
I was planning to say yes to him. I was going to confess my feelings and tell him that I wanted him to hold me and never let me go.
I waited all night on the fourteenth day, only to receive a call on the fifteenth informing me that moment would never come.
I had five more minutes left before I had to confront the stark reality that awaited.
We passed the old playground where Jamie became my white knight, the open field where the Carnival was held every year, and where Jamie kissed me for the first time.
We passed the high school where we dashed out of prom and spent our first night together, truly together.
We passed all the places that would forever hold the memory of Jamie and me, but now everything looked gray.
Without Jamie sitting next to me, the town was void of all happiness.
My stomach hurt from the memory as we drew near to our destination.
Julian turned off the car, and my mom slowly unbuckled her seatbelt.
I was sitting in the middle between Kayla and Lucas, all of us dressed in black and gray.
None of us was in a hurry to get out of the car.
We sat there, hoping that by remaining still, the day would vanish and erase itself from the present.
Lucas broke the silence by suggesting that we go inside the building before it was too late.
He opened the car door and stepped out, and we followed him.
His movement gave us the strength to exit the car and walk towards the large double doors that stood between us, and the truth I could no longer deny.
Lucas was just about to open the door, just about to open Pandora’s box and unleash all the horrors that came with it.
“Wait! I placed my hand on top of his, stopping him.
I peered down at my finger, the shiny diamond sparkling in the sun like a little star of hope.
My story with Jamie was written, and the book was now closed, but Lucas and Kayla's story wasn't over, or at least I wasn't going to let it be that way.
I looked into my brother's mournful eyes. “I let my past erase my future. Don't make the same mistake.” I took the ring off my finger and gently placed Jamie's final gift in Lucas's palm.
He fixed his gaze on me with a mixture of disbelief and astonishment. “Alex—”
I stopped him from trying to play the big brother role.
“Not every love story needs a happy ending. But yours deserves one.” I lightly nodded my head to Kayla, who stood behind us, her eyes glued to the ring like it was a wish fallen from the heavens.
“Go get her,” I whispered. Small tears trickled down my cheeks, but they weren't tears of sadness.
I was crying because I knew this was precisely what Jamie would have wanted.
As Lucas's eyes met Kayla's, a big, goofy grin spread across his face. His eyes sparkled with a mixture of indescribable joy and immense nervousness. His lips parted, and he was about to say the four words that would forever bind the two of them together—
“Yes!” Kayla blurted out before Lucas could get down on one knee.
“Yes?” Lucas asked back in shock.
“Yes.” She declared repeatedly until he slipped the ring on her finger and sealed their fate with a kiss.
My mom and dad were standing behind us, speechless, and their eyes were welling up just as badly as mine. In one minute, my world would shatter, but at this moment, I could hold onto the little bit of light shining through the darkness.
Kayla broke away from Lucas’s embrace and put her hand on my shoulder. She didn’t need to say anything. I knew it was coming, but at least now I wasn’t facing it alone.
I gripped the handle of the large double door and pushed it open.
I walked into the cold building and looked around to see everyone I had gone to school with sitting in rows of chairs lined up to form a walkway.
I moved past them to see Jamie at the front of the room.
I don't even remember moving, but suddenly, I was standing right in front of him, looking at his beautiful, messy black hair and sun-freckled nose.
I wanted to talk to him. I wanted his arms wrapped around me one last time.
I tried to tell him I was sorry for not reaching out again and for not trying harder.
But I couldn't and would never get the chance because I wasn't standing in front of my Jamie.
I was standing in front of a lifeless body. Jamie's body.
The noise from the funeral parlor was muffled by the sound of my heart thumping in my ears as oxygen left my lungs. I officially couldn't lie to myself any longer.
I wasn’t at a reunion. I was at my best friend’s funeral.
For a moment, I couldn’t believe breathing was even possible. Maybe I was the one who had died, and all of this was some kind of illusion.
I inhaled sharply. My heart was still beating. Air still filled my lungs. I was alive.
But I couldn’t comprehend that the person in front of me wasn’t.
I stared down at Jamie—Jamie, the kid from the wrong side of the tracks, who could never shake his reputation.
Jamie, who stole candy bars from the grocery store and sold them at school.
Jamie, who copied my tests just so he wouldn’t look dumb.
My Jamie. My other half. The person I would never be whole without.
The person who was now lying in a casket with his head slightly elevated on a small white pillow.
His hair was pushed back, and his face was void of expression.
His skin was pale, with no flush in his cheeks like when he was angry or embarrassed, no dark circles under his eyes, and no bruises along his jaw from school fights.
I told myself to look away, but I couldn't. Maybe if I could stare at his face long enough, memorize his features, map out the lines and marks on his skin, count his every eyelash, every freckle, I could pretend that he wasn't dead.
Pretend that he was still alive and we were both simply living separate lives.
I could pretend that he found a nice girl, got married, and had two kids, just as he always wanted.
I could pretend that he was growing old and happy, instead of frozen in time, about to be laid to rest beneath the earth.
Jamie was gone, taken from this world at 7:42 p.m., killed by a drunk driver on the wrong side of the road—the night he was driving to hear my answer to his question I’d never get to answer.
I never had the chance to say goodbye—I never had the opportunity to make it right.
Why didn't I call him? Why didn't I put away my pride?
Could this day have been avoided? I prayed for an answer to an unknown question.
I prayed for more time—time that I would never get back and time I would never have again.
But that's the thing about time; it isn't kind.
It passes while you're too busy to notice, too busy to care, until one day, the hourglass is shattered, and the enemy of time strikes, and death steals your final breath.