Chapter 4 #3
“I hope you don’t think that will turn me on or make me admire you.
That shit is noise to me. I’m telling you now …
make too many passes at me … I’mma fold your ass up like a beach towel that needs to be placed in the smallest section of a packed towel rack,” I responded, causing her and her co-worker’s eyes to grow big.
“I look sweet, but ain’t shit sweet this way.
I have a section in my closet that’s filled with tactical gear, boots, bulletproof vests, and guns.
I’ve held y’all up enough. I’ll go sit in a corner and complete this application. ”
“Fine fucka,” the chick said lowly and admiringly as I walked off.
Lord, bless her heart, I thought, locking onto Momma Orthella and August walking toward the other empty swinger sitting before a large, beautiful flower bed.
While sitting, I couldn’t take my eyes off them.
August was his best self when he was next to his mother.
I adored the love rolling from him, covering her.
She was the apple of his eye, making me love him harder.
He was truly a mama’s boy, but he wasn’t the sweet and soft kind of mama’s boy. He was that ride-or-die momma’s boy.
Letting the duo have their time without my prying eyes, I focused on the two-page application. My heart raced as I smiled. I was about to fill out the application when the conversation I’d had with my sister resurfaced. My hand trembled, and fear crept in. I didn’t want to go down for fraud.
Needing to talk to Laysha, I rushed to retrieve my phone. On the seventh ring, the yawning heifer cooed, “Hey, little sister. How’s it going?”
Looking at the application, I whispered, “Did you tell the Social Security Administration about all of us or just you?”
“I told them about all of us. Are you mad at me?” she inquired curiously with a hint of sadness in her tone.
“No, I’m not mad. Just need to know how to work this angle. I’m sure they will have me in their face.”
“I’m sure as well. Tell the truth. Of course, minus the fact that we really had to survive. I told them we completed odd jobs for the elderly and bounced from house to house of strangers willing to take us in.”
“I wasn’t going to tell them how we survived. That would be dumb as fuck. Do you think they’ll want us to pay that money back?”
“I hope not, especially after how I put things. Lil sis, you were the brains behind us surviving. Now, it’s time for big sis to make sure you survive the aftermath. Trust me. Please.”
“K. I love you,” I breathed easily, retrieving a pen from my purse.
“I love you. What are you up to?”
“Filling out an application for an assisted living facility where Momma Orthella lives,” I answered, smiling and hopeful.
“Are you completing it there?” she asked worriedly.
“Yes.”
“Is anyone going to help you with the application?”
“No.”
“Will you comprehend what’s on the application?”
“Yes.” I nodded repeatedly while forcing shame away.
“Have you been openly receiving help with reading and comprehension?”
“No,” I admitted, filling out the top part of the application.
“So, you are still letting August and everyone else read while you observe and mentally store everything?”
“Yes.”
“Mona, let August into the part of your life that you hate to discuss and think about. He’s about to be your husband.
He’s beyond in love with you. Let him know you struggle with reading and comprehension due to how we grew up.
He’ll understand. I promise he will,” she stressed for the three-hundredth time this year.
“No. I will learn my weakness by watching him read to Azaria and sitting next to August Junior while he’s getting a head start on his college freshman courses,” I confessed lowly, slapping ‘N/A’ on the employment part.
“Remember, a couple is as strong as their communication. I told my man about my struggles, and he was eager to help me. You know this. Because you hear how I talk. Allow August to help you, his fiancée. See how everything turns around for you. I promise it will,” she replied as it was time to get off the phone with my sister.
She was speaking shit I wasn’t up to hear.
She knew how embarrassed I was about my ability to read and understand what I’ve read or stumbled over.
“You are breathing heavy, which means this call needs to end before I send you spiraling in a public place. Making it hard for you to get home and slide under a high-rise table. Mona, you need to seek a therapist. You were hurt the most by our parents. You had princess dreams that were whipped from you. You saw violence at the highest level behind what was done to you. Please seek August and a therapist. You’ll accept things better.
I’ve dampened your mood enough with the truth.
I’ll call you later. I love you. Kiss and hug Min and the kids for me,” she said warmly as my eyes became teary.
“I will kiss and hug them for you. I love you too. Talk to you later,” I rushed to say, so our call would be behind me.
Staring at the application with my childish handwriting in a few areas, I slumped back in the chair.
Zoning out, I thought, am I wasting my time with this job thing?
Will I be asked to read to the person I’m assigned to?
While I have to go over doctors’ papers and other shit with them?
Am I biting too much, knowing I’m not equipped to handle it?
Am I only good for making dope, kicking in doors, and robbing motherfuckas because I’m ashamed to tell August the truth?
Ring. Ring. Ring.
Snapped from my thoughts, not liking my positive energy wafting around the establishment, I was eager to slam into anyone in its path. My eyes were locked onto the first page of the application when I blindly answered my device.
“Hello.”
“Hey, Uncle sweet and sour patch niece. I hear the sadness in your voice. What’s wrong?” Uncle Silas asked.
After exhaling sharply, I said, “I want to work, but my reading and comprehension are eating at me. I talked to Laysha. She spoke about what needs to be done, but I can’t find the heart to do it.
I don’t want August’s loving stares to turn into a ‘what the fuck kind of woman am I marrying who has difficulty reading and comprehending?’ I don’t want to see love dwindling from his eyes, making me feel smaller than my parents made me and still makes me feel. ”
“Mona Beezus, one thing about August, he’s like Kingston.
He’s supportive, stern, and attentive. He’s rough, but he’s a helper.
He’s easy to talk to. He’s about to become your husband.
You must trust him to give you what you desire.
For him to do that, you must be 100% transparent with him.
Let him see all of you. Open up to him now before you become his wife.
Why now? You’ll always hide things from him, making y’all’s marriage start off rocky.
Tell him everything, starting from when you can first remember, and watch how he holds you tight and fix that crown I put on your head when my wife and I had to step in and make sure y’all were okay.
Forgive yourself for not allowing Ray to accept my wife’s and my invitation for your siblings and you not to have us as your legal guardians.
Yes, sweetheart, I know it was you who was behind it.
They didn’t tell me. Over the years, Clara and I learned who was the head honcho of y’all.
Baby girl, I’ve told you once, and I’ll tell you again …
you need to seek professional help and have August by your side.
You most definitely need to know that you aren’t dumb.
You are smart, even if you can’t read fast like others around you, read big words, or know the meaning of those words.
You are a wonderful mother, Mona. Become the wonderful princess you dreamed about being.
Then, you can step into the sparkly shoes of a queen,” he spoke calmly, causing me to nod.
As I completed the application, Uncle Silas’ encouraging words ran into my ear. With all my might, I tried to move past my funk and fear.