Chapter 3 Kane #2
With each question, he gets closer and closer until our noses almost brush. He knows I hate my face being touched. He knows it’s more than hatred.
“If you want to keep your face,” I say, voice low, “back off.”
He stares, incredulous. “That’s your opener?”
He’s pulled back, dragged, by Julien. “Rather than arguing, my dearest friends, shall we return to my previous point?” Julien surveys us all before continuing without any response.
“Let us consider why she made this selection. Why not Ezekial?” He allows a pause, his lips tilting into a small smile.
“You see, she has made an assumption regarding Kane—one she cannot, with any certainty, extend to the rest of us.”
We wait, and Sai gives two impatient, sharp nods, urging Julien to just spit it out.
“She believes that Kane doesn’t want this. Doesn’t want her.”
All eyes land on me.
I don’t move. Don’t speak.
They can think what they want, because none of it changes what has to be done.
“She’s chosen him because she knows he won’t try to convince her otherwise. She knows that, out of the four of us, he will remain silent,” Julien says carefully, taking his time to analyse each silent response. “We should take this as a positive.”
“Big guy, I know you’ve been around a lot longer than me, and you’re meant to have experience and all this ‘otherworldly’ knowledge, but how the fuck is that a positive?”
“Because if she’s chosen Kane due to the fact he won’t try to persuade her, that’s because she knows she could be persuaded. Therefore—”
“There’s a chance,” Sai concludes immediately, his hopefulness in those few words not missed by anyone.
He’s a fool.
They all look at me again, waiting for my response to Julien’s hypothesis, because that’s what it is. There’s no proof, just theory. But I can see his logic, and part of me—maybe the part that aches every single second—wants to believe it.
But Sai is also right.
I don’t talk to people. Not unless I have to. These three men are the only ones who’ve ever stuck. And when I do speak to others, it’s out of necessity.
Orders, outcomes, obedience.
I’m blunt, concise—harsh. I don’t waste my words. Which is exactly what this current situation calls for. Words. Emotions. Things I am not capable of.
“Alas, that brings us to the most important question.” Julien levels his gaze with mine, a soft smile in place.
I know what he’s about to ask, but it seems all of us do because it’s my brother who speaks first. “Do you want her?”
No one says another word, and their silence is a clear indication of their desperation.
I let it fester. For as long as I can.
I know what I have to say. I’ve been preparing myself for it, saying it over and over in my mind for days.
“We need to break the unit.” Finally, I say it aloud.
I’ve been thinking it ever since I accepted what she was to us, but saying it out loud feels different, like pressing on a bruise I thought had healed. I can’t quite pinpoint the emotion, but it isn’t pleasant.
Sai finally looks something other than angry. There’s still a deep-rooted rage lingering in his gaze, but now it’s mixed with snippets of something else.
“You’d leave?” Sai’s voice comes out thin as he stares at me, all rigid lines gone.
All the colour drains from his markings, leaving pale grey lines. The mock horror from moments ago is nothing compared to this.
“You’d leave us, just like that?” His eyes flicker over me, frantic. “You wouldn’t even try? To stay? To make it work?” The disbelief in his voice is harder to stomach than I expected.
I nod once, and he folds in on himself like I’ve struck him.
“So, that’s it. That’s—that’s your choice?” Sai doesn’t look at me, just shakes his head. “You don’t want our girl. You don’t want us.”
My gaze hardens. “I never said that.”
“Didn’t you?!” His eyes blaze, the piercing light of his markings eroding every shadow in the room. “You said you’re going to break our unit. Our fucking unit. Our family!”
“If that’s what’s necessary.”
“That’s not what’s fucking necessary!” The air crackles as Sai stands, chair flinging out behind him. “You two need to talk some sense into this fucking prat before I—”
“You know she’s more likely to accept the bond if I’m not in it.” I don’t shout, I rarely ever, but I do raise my voice.
And not one of them denies my words.
“How could I not do this for you?” I spare each of them a look.
“I will not accept this, Kane.” Though Julien sounds calm, I don’t miss the flickers of darkness infecting his stare. “This is not an acceptable option.”
Ezekial’s fingers tighten on my shoulder. I fight the comfort it brings because I know I’ll have to learn to live without it.
Without them.
“Brother,” Ezekial urges, the darkness in his tone almost secondary to the plea, “you’re not even considering the other side.”
Other side? There is no other side. This is the only side. Just one choice. One outcome. The only thing that will keep them happy. Complete. Whole.
Ezekial leans on the table, willing me to look at him. I do, but barely.
“You’re just assuming she doesn’t want you,” he says, holding my gaze. “How do you even know—”
Because who would want me?
“Because I threatened to kill her, threatened to torture her loved ones, to slaughter anyone who got in my way.” My black gaze bores into his light one.
“And yet, you shared a bed together.”
I fix him with a cold look of disgust. “That meant nothing. I was helping her.”
“And she helped you,” he snaps, eyes molten mercury, then he takes a breath. “Remember what she asked the morning after? One of the first things she asked me?”
Shall I pretend I don’t remember? Stay aloof. Apathetic. Pretend her voice isn’t carved into my memory. That I haven’t stored every word she’s ever said. Let them cut into me, syllable by syllable.
“She asked if you were okay, Kane.” Ezekial holds my gaze, doesn’t let me look elsewhere. “She wanted to know how you felt and, even though I wasn’t privy to your conversation afterwards, not all of it anyway.” He smirks. “I’m pretty sure she liked helping you.”
“That’s because she’s better than me.” I stare past him to the far living room wall made of glass, anywhere but his eyes. “You’re all better than me.”
Ezekial shakes his head. “She could have picked any one of us, she could have picked no one, and yet she chose you.”
I don’t respond.
Julien’s made it clear why she chose me. Not because she wants me, but because she knows I’d be the one to lock her thoughts in place. To stop the bond from finalising. To stop us becoming bonded.
A crackle thuds into my arm, the sting dragging my death-stare to the fae beside me.
“Listen, whatever you’re cooking up in that dark head of yours is wrong. So I’ll tell you something that isn’t.” He leans in, this time gripping both my shoulders, bringing me close enough to break his nose in an instant.
“If you ever, and I mean ever, suggest breaking up this unit again, I’ll drag you to the Pit, beat the ever-living shit out of you, and lock you up. Do you hear me? Do you understand?” He’s gritting out the final words as his coils slither over me, rattling.
He studies me, waiting for a reaction. But I don’t respond.
I’d no doubt Sai would try to fulfil his threat. But he’s the youngest, and in terms of power, the weakest of our unit—that is, until he falls into the dark. That side of Sai is… challenging, and from the cracks in his irises, I know staying silent is my best option.
Eventually, he pulls away, but mutters, “Break up our unit? Please. What a dickhead.”
“You needed to know I’m willing to step away.”
“No,” Julien snaps curtly, his red gaze streaked with black.
“Not happening, brother.”
Sai slams his hands onto the table causing everyone to look at him, but he’s locked on me.
“Listen, the only option is this. You’re going to convince Jasmine that even though we’re all fuck-ups who don’t deserve her, we’re sorry and we’ll spend eternity proving we can and will be good enough. Agreed?”
The others quietly nod, but I remain still.
Would eternity be enough? The things I’ve done. The things I’m still willing to do. I’ll always be a monster.
But I’ll pretend, for now. For them.
“Well, I think this was quite successful,” Julien comments as he stands.
Successful?
I watch him cast a brief look at my brother and Sai. I would have thought his words sarcastic, if it wasn’t for that look and the knowing smile now upon his face.
“We acquired some answers, at least,” he adds.
My jaw grits as realisation hits. “You played me.” I glance between the three.
Julien and Sai have never spoken to each other that way. At least not since I have known them. I should have seen it from the start. And now, they’re both sharing smug smiles, while Ezekial appears somewhat guilty.
“You orchestrated this,” I say. “The whole thing.”
“Well, there was a hell of a lot of improv going on near the end.” Sai grins, dragging his chair back and sitting, then reaching over to pat my shoulder.
“Had to find a way to get into that head of yours, mate. But then you did the whole ‘we need to break the unit’.” He drops his voice into a cartoon-deep growl as he repeats it.
My glare becomes cutting, but it’s wasted on him. Always has been. He just winks.
But then something switches in his expression. His eyes darken, voice lowering into a thunderous droll. “But I hope I made myself clear, Kane. Because if you ever say something like that again, the three of us will chain you in the Pit, and I’ll never let you leave.”
I glance at Julien, then Ezekial. Both are staring straight at me, unflinching. That look says it all. Sai isn’t alone in this. Together, they’d drag me back from the dark if they had to.
“You don’t get to leave.” A thin crackle of blue lightning pierces the air with Sai’s final vow, eyes never leaving mine.
I don’t know what I did to deserve these men. I say I’ll leave, and they take it as a challenge.
I lean back in my chair. “I’d like to see you all try.”