Chapter 15 Jasmine #4
He watches me carefully, then leans in, lowering his voice to a deadly whisper only for me. “You want all of me, mon désir? Every single drop?”
Then he grins. No. Not another smile. Not with those words.
All my carefully constructed chagrin wants to vanish because when Julien smiles like that—with the faintest hint of fang teasing me, promising me something… I just want to give in.
“You have me.” His fingers trace the back of my neck again. “No one else.” They skim the top of my spine. “Every piece of me is for you and you alone.”
Except the pieces festering inside some stupid Lead Commanders. I manage to keep that comment in, but my face must say plenty.
“Are my words not enough?” His fingers become firmer at my nape, coaxing me to turn and meet his gaze fully. “Let me show you. Let me show you that I bleed for you and you alone. Crave only you.”
“Julien.” Kane’s voice penetrates the air and more slivers of shadow crawl across my skin. One brushes over my knee, almost chiding.
Julien blinks down at me, his fire cooling as he registers the flickers of shadows.
The moment shatters, and I lean back, just out of reach.
“So, guess we won’t be using that serum anymore.” Sai smirks.
I stare at my hands clenched around the tablet, trying to remember what we were even talking about before I claimed Julien’s blood like some kind of feral creature.
I grimace.
Sai’s voice lowers. “Hey, don’t worry, Red. We still have Zeek with his freaky mind games, Daddy Darkness keeping the worst in line, and I’m an expert in my… area.”
My head snaps up. “And what is your area?”
Can I sound any more bitter? But I already know what Sai is an expert in. Had firsthand experience. Felt it. With his words, his mouth, his hands…
Is that what he’s implying? That he seduces loyalty? With his body, his voice, his eyes?
Does he speak to others like that? Speak to them in that same low, flirt-drenched tone? Does he look at others the way he looks at me? All smirking confidence with those damn piercing eyes?
My eyes.
He smiles as he watches me, like he knows what I’m thinking, like he’s waiting for me to burst and claim him out loud too. It’s a sly, deviant expression—one dimple flashing as he finally says, “I’m very good with my hands.”
I glower at him. My burning rage so acute it must surely singe him, because I feel it, like a firestorm breaking through my skin.
“Sai, enough.” Kane’s voice is clear, sharp, even over the pounding in my ears.
His cooling shadows tighten around me, soothing me again, and I meet the calm of his dark gaze.
“If necessary,” Kane expands, “Sai is skilled at physical persecution.”
The heat vanishes like a snuffed flame as I turn back to Sai. “You torture people?”
His second dimple appears—mocking, darkly amused.
“When that guy was screaming for help… on the phone that time…” I mutter, lost to the memory. Sai speaking in dirty, heated whispers while a man wailed in agony.
A man he said he was torturing for me.
The others exchange unreadable glances, but Sai doesn’t look away. He tilts his head and confirms everything without saying a word.
“I’m surprised you didn’t figure it out sooner, Red.” His grin doesn’t fade as he speaks only to me. If anything, it sharpens. “Remember how I tortured you?”
I frown, but he doesn’t let me think.
He flashes images into my mind. His voice telling me not to touch myself, leaving me on the edge of release, ordering Julien to stop. Then, the night where I came again and again until my legs trembled.
“Delayed gratification, edging, overstimulation…” His voice drops, becoming all heat and sin. “So many kinds of torture I want to try with you, Red.”
Depraved.
That’s what I am.
Because instead of being disgusted to hear that Sai has, in his mind, been sexually torturing me, I’m intrigued. Instead of recoiling, I want to know what other kinds of torture he has in mind—because I clearly like the ones he’s implemented so far…
I slam my eyes shut, digging the heels of my palms into them.
How did the conversation end up here?
Because I lost my mind when my darkness got jealous over Julien using his blood to keep enforcers loyal.
That was it.
“Next time you meet with the Lead Commanders, can I join?” I ask, still covering my eyes, needing to block out at least one sense.
“Yes,” Ezekial answers, immediately. “May I ask why?”
“I know you say they’re all loyal, that you’re positive, that you have…
strategies in place to ensure it.” I’m now talking to my lap, staring at the black screen for a nice distraction.
“But I also thought the same about the staff at The Inferno. Maybe, I’ll be able to sense something you can’t. Emotions are hard to hide.”
Don’t I know it.
I was currently blocking any and all emotions radiating around this table because I couldn’t be sure what would happen if I let them in.
“Amon also asked we ensure his allegiance at the next meeting,” Julien casually mentions, thankfully removing some of the attention from me. I take my chance and finally look up. “He would like to make that clear to whoever is betraying us.”
I sit upright. “Oh, I need to ask you about him,” I blurt, casting a glance at Ezekial too. “Kacey told me that, well… just see for yourself.” I show the memory to them all, trying to focus on the key elements.
“Amon is… distraught,” Julien explains, glancing at us all before landing back on me. “But not for what Kacey believes. Assure her of that. I am assisting him with his control.”
“His control?” From what Kacey said, it was her.
“Shifters are tactile beings. He knows that isn’t currently possible with Kacey.
If Ezekial had not intervened at that moment, Amon is concerned he may have hurt her,” he elaborates, and my heart sinks for Amon.
“Shifters normally complete their bonds immediately. His beast does not understand why they haven’t, and therefore, Amon doesn’t trust himself around Kacey. ”
My stomach feels heavy at the thought, but then his words conjure other questions. Things we’ve never discussed. That I couldn’t find the answers to online.
“How exactly do you complete a bond?”
From the way the room immediately darkens, I realise I’ve made a mistake.
“Because I looked it up. Well—” I shrug. “I tried, but not many people share that information online…”
The men all cast varying looks at one another, before Ezekial settles his gaze with mine. “It’s normally an intimate moment.”
My eyes widen as I seek out Sai. “You mean we could’ve bonded, without me even knowing?” My voice lowers on the final word.
Sai raises his hands. “I wouldn’t do that, Red. I knew how far I could go, believe me.”
“What do you mean ‘how far you could go’?” I softly snarl, aware of how easily Martha heard us before.
“Certain things are fine, but other... things aren’t.” His tone is calm, almost lazy, but his eyes flick briefly towards his unit who all pointedly look elsewhere.
“Things?” I repeat.
I’m not relenting, and no one is stepping in, so he lets out a sigh.
“Sex, Red,” he says so casually. “Sex is what completes a bond—most times, anyway.”
“But most bonds aren’t even sexual?”
“Which is why I said an intimate moment rather than sex.” Ezekial delivers a stern look at Sai.
“Bond completion is a unique process for every member of said bond. No one knows for certain what will result in a bonding, but sex is often the main contributor for sexual bonds.” Julien helpfully takes over.
It makes sense, I guess. But then… “Why couldn’t I touch you?”
Sai remains perfectly still. “Someone change the subject.”
“I’m actually really enjoying this.” Ezekial smiles, taking a bite of his pastry.
If that wouldn’t bond us, why else wouldn’t he want me to touch him? What would Sai not want to tell me… My brows shoot up.
“Are you…” I lower my voice. “Are you a virgin?”
Ezekial laughs first—so loud and sudden I almost flinch, then Julien joins, even Kane stifles his version of a laugh behind his version of a smile.
“No, Red. I’m not.” Sai grins, and he doesn’t even try to keep his amusement back. “But I do have less experience with… certain things.”
“You said no more lies,” I’m not laughing as I repeat the phrase they’ve bounced around. “But you’re all being vague and dismissive. You haven’t even answered my question.”
Just to make a point, I push back from the table.
The men’s laughter and easy-going smiles stop.
Sai’s hand latches onto my knee beneath the table and my body feels alight. His fingers squeeze firmly, veins and rings on tantalising display as his voice lowers.
“I’m not a virgin, Red. But with you, it’s like I am.” I’ve no idea how to process that. “Even this.” He glances down at his hand and we both watch his thumb brush a little higher, touching my thigh. “This is… difficult.”
“Why?” My voice is almost a sigh.
“I’m a lot younger than these old fucks.” He smirks, gaze sweeping back to my face. “I haven’t been immortal for as long, haven’t had as much experience handling my darkness.”
His fingers trace idle circles against my knee.
“So, when ‘Dark Sai’ wants to come out and play—which is always when I’m around you—” I try not to smile at that. “I’ve got to work twice as hard to keep him locked down.”
Then he leans in, voice low. “We all have that version of ourselves, Red. A darker version. Even you.” His touch slides a little higher.
“It’s that little voice in your head, whispering all those dark, possessive things.
And when we spent time together, when that voice got a little too loud…
” He glances at my mouth. “That’s when I knew to back off. ”
I knew too well what that felt like, when the darkness was overwhelming, screaming at you. When Kacey flitted us to her apartment, I thought the voice would deafen me—kill me.
Did he feel like that all the time? Did they all?
He must see my worry because Sai’s seductive touches still.
I swallow. “Can you show me? Can you… let that side out?”