Chapter 20 Sai #2
“How…” Her voice breaks, and the sound forces me to finally look at her. “How did you get out?” she whispers, tears trailing over her lips, down her chin, dropping onto our joined hands.
“Eventually, finally, I heard a voice, a voice with a really annoying accent.” I try to smile again, for her, for myself, but I can’t quite make it. “And fuck did I want it to be real. Goddesses, I remember how much I wanted it. But then it said words I didn’t understand. Fancy, stupid words.”
I finally manage a smirk, but it’s thin.
“Julien found you,” she breathes the words, the relief so clear.
“And his voice being inside my head, it triggered something. Back then I didn’t realise what but, for the first time, I crossed into the Dark Realm. That’s when I saw him.”
This is a memory that has stayed. His tall dark form, clad in shadows, stepping closer to my tiny cage.
I remember the fear.
“But I hadn’t seen anyone in so long, hadn’t spoken, hadn’t been touched. I’d become…” I look away as I murmur the word, “Feral.”
I breathe in, hold and count to three, try to fight the ache in my chest when I hear Red’s breath catch again.
“When Julien broke my cage, tore it apart with his shadows, the ashes…” I shake my head, hearing my past scream. “All those years, that’s all I had, a pile of dust I called my friends, and they just disappeared into the dark…”
I wet my lips.
“I just… lost it. I launched myself at Julien.” A hoarse laugh rattles out of me. “Well, I tried to. But I was skin and bones. I didn’t stand a chance against him. I couldn’t even walk properly, didn’t know how to use my powers.”
My gaze drops to the counter, focussing on the untouched coffees.
“His shadows restrained me, and kept saying things, over and over, words I didn’t understand, until I realised it wasn’t a sentence.
” I fight against the lump in my throat, the slicing twist in my stomach.
“It wasn’t a sentence, it was a word. Just one, whispered in different languages. Ami. Amicus. Dusa.”
“What does it mean?” she whispers.
I open my mouth to say it, but the word sticks in my throat. It feels too small for what it meant in that moment, for how many times he said it, how many times he’s said it since.
For what it saved.
I look at her. “Friend.”
Jasmine inhales sharply, then she drops her gaze—and I swear the entire room loses heat.
I place two fingers under her chin, gently guiding her face back up.
The sight guts me.
Her cheeks are wet with fresh tears, a small sob cracking free as her watery eyes flicker between black and red like she’s splintering in two. She’s losing her grounding, darkness slithering in as the shadows reach out and pull her—
She launches onto me, so suddenly I nearly fall back off the stool. Her arms lock around my neck, legs dangling beside mine as she places all her weight, all of her calming heat, into me.
Her fingers slip into my hair, clinging but gentle, anchoring me to her in every way she can. Touching me everywhere she can.
My hands hover over her back, fingers twitching uselessly.
I don’t move. I don’t breathe. I don’t dare.
If I do, she might vanish, she might stop, I might never feel her like this again—
“Sai,” she sobs my name like her chest’s breaking open, and I’m no longer frozen. My arms wrap around her waist, desperate to keep her together. “I… I had no idea you... I could never have imagined… I’m so sorry, Sai. I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
The warmth of her tears sinks through my shirt.
Tears that are for me. For what I suffered.
For the boy who will always be trapped in that cage.
I hold her tighter, pulling her even closer, letting my nose bury into the crook of her neck as she cries for me.
I never want to let her go.
We stay like this for a long time, holding each other. The silence is only broken by the distant hum of machines and her quiet sounds, until they finally ease.
“What happened then, Sai?” she asks, still clinging to me. “With you and Julien?”
“I can’t put it into words, Red,” I murmur against her shoulder, wishing it was bare so I could feel even more.
“But, somehow, I knew I could trust him. It’s like something inside me recognised him, knew he was safe.
” My fingers brush her spine. “We couldn’t even communicate because we didn’t share a language.
I could barely speak Faeish, forgot how to speak at all, but our darknesses knew each other.
They called to each other. That was enough. ”
Her darkness curls around us.
“He took me away from that broken cage, that realm, and I never looked back.”
Her chin rests over my shoulder, her cheek brushing my ear. “I’m so glad Julien found you, that you felt safe enough to leave with him.”
“When I met you, Red. I felt the same thing.” She tenses.
“I felt it with Julien, Ezekial and Kane. But with you… it was so intense. Immediate.” I chew my lip, trying to find the words I want to say—the ones I need her to hear.
“I felt safe. You feel safe.” My fingers trail up and down her sides.
“And it was so fucking selfish of me, to touch you when you didn’t know what we were, but I just—”
How the fuck do I say this? How do I explain?
Julien always said that sometimes simple is best.
“For the first time in forever, I felt whole because of you… I didn’t ache anymore.”
I feel her hands slip away from my hair, from me. I ready myself for her response, her possible rejection, my gut spasming in the tense quiet—
“Tell me she’s dead.”
What?
I loosen my hold so I can lean back to see her. She’s brushing away tears with her hands, but I reach up and hold her face between my palms, stopping her.
“Tell me she’s dead,” she repeats, voice steady, but with a carnal edge and deadly blaze in her eyes. “Tell me she’s already burning in hell. Tell me she suffered, or I’ll go find her, right now, Fae Realm or not.”
“Baby—”
“Is she dead, Sai?”
No more lies.
Slowly, I shake my head, and her darkness explodes, dragging us both into the Dark Realm.
She’s shaking, breathing too hard, too fast, and I know that if I don’t stop her, she’s going to push herself too far, she’ll get trapped in the dark.
I tighten my hold on her face, pressing my forehead to hers.
“But she will die.” My voice is firm inside her mind. She resists it at first, her body thrumming with barely restrained violence, but I don’t let go. “The four of us made a vow to return, to turn the Fae Realm to ash.”
Something flickers in her expression, then she whispers in our minds, “Nimur.”
I nod against her, my thumb brushing her cheek still damp from tears. “When the time’s right, it’ll happen. But right now, I need you more than I need revenge.”
A shudder runs through her body as her darkness claws to take over. I feel it, the war inside her—the urge for vengeance dragging one way, the need to stay here pulling her the other.
We all know that fight.
I once thought Red would never forgive me for betraying her trust. But now, she’s a live wire, burning only for revenge—for me.
I hesitate, doubt myself, but… fuck it.
I press a kiss to her forehead. “Stay with me, Red.” My voice is out loud, but quiet, a plea wrapped in a soft command. “Please, baby. Don’t let her take any more from me.”
She stills at my words, then exhales a sharp gasp. I keep my lips against her skin, not knowing when I’ll ever get another chance. My fingers caressing her jaw, her cheeks, her lips, and slowly, her darkness ebbs away.
“That’s it,” I murmur. “Stay with me.”
When I lean back again, her eyes are locked on me, and though the fire’s still there, it’s no longer wild.
For a moment she just stares, then her face crumples, and a broken sound escapes her lips.
“Sai…”
Her arms are back around my neck, chest heaving against mine as the Dark Realm fades away.
This time, there’s no hesitation, I hold her instantly.
“You’ve really been given a shit deal with us, Red.” I force out a brittle laugh, hoping to ease all this dread. “We get you, and you get four fucked-up bonds.”
She pulls back instantly, her face tear-streaked with black smudges of make-up, and swollen lips—and she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
Even when she looks downright offended.
“But maybe,” I rush to add, “maybe that’s the point. We might be a mess alone, but the four of us together… maybe we can make something worthy enough for you.”
Her expression softens. “Sai, you’re giving me way too much credit.” She swipes hastily at her face until the skin reddens, and all I want is to kiss it better. “I don’t even know what my past life was. I could have been a mass murderer, I could have been evil and—”
“I’ve seen evil, Red.” I stop her, and thankfully, she doesn’t try to say any other ridiculous things. “I’ve seen it in all kinds of forms, in all types of beings. It clings to you, stains your soul. You’re good, Red. Too good.”
“But I can meld minds like Ezekial. That means—”
“Nothing, Red.” I brush her cheeks over and over. “It means something bad happened to you, not that you are bad. Just like with Zeek.”
She bites her lip and my gaze darts to it. The urge to kiss her is constant, but I won’t, not now. This isn’t the right time.
“But we will find out what happened to you,” I vow, eyes meeting hers. “And when we do, we’ll add it to our revenge list.” I smirk, knowing at least one dimple goes with it. “At this point, I should probably start writing it down.”
She sniffles, then lets out a breath that’s almost a laugh—a little sharp and exhausted, but there.
“Let’s not make it too long,” she says, trying to smile.
My smirk widens into a teasing grin as I tilt my head. “Baby, you don’t even know our completion rate. Have you met my unit? Trust me, we can add one more.”
She huffs, rolling her eyes. “You make it sound like a sport.”
“Oh, it is. And you know how competitive we are. Pretty sure I’m in the lead.”
That earns me the smallest, tiniest ghost of a real smile. And hell, I’ll take it.
But then it drops, and her fingers still against my chest. “But the Queen, she knew you? Back at The Inferno, she spoke to all four of you like you’d met before. She must have known what happened to you?”
I don’t answer straight away, because I’m trying to decide how best to answer without freaking her out.
“The Queen wasn’t queen when that happened to me, Red. She knows me as an enforcer, that’s it.” I shrug, hoping that’s enough.
“But she’s one hundred years old?”
Ah shit. Have any of the guys told her their age yet? Fucking doubt it. Well, here we go…
“Yep, she is.”
Her brows furrow. “And she wasn’t… around?”
I whack on a blinding smile—all teeth and dimples—even try to get my markings to glow in hopes it’ll distract her.
It doesn’t.
“You’re…” She wets her lips. “You’re a hundred years old?”
I tilt my head, grinning with one eye closed like I’m estimating. “Yeah… something like that.”
Red’s jaw drops. Fuck, she’s so cute.
I keep smiling while she stares at me, speechless.
“Okay, I… I guess I just thought you were a lot younger.” She shakes herself, blinking as she tries to get back on track. “But then, why didn’t you tell her what happened to you? About your mother? About what she did to you? She could have her locked away?”
“Baby, I understand what you’re saying, I really do.
But the fae world doesn’t work like that.
People with power don’t get punished. They don’t get locked away in cages or burnt alive.
” Her frown deepens while I take advantage of her closeness, letting my fingers trail up her spine again.
“But, my mother doesn’t have as much influence anymore.
Because the queen is a Dualist. Do you know what that is? ”
She pulls in her bottom lip as she nods, and all I want to tug it free with my teeth…
“Beings who believe the Light and Dark are equal,” she says softly. “I remember Alexis explaining it.”
Least they told her something fucking right.
“So the queen’s at least trying to do some good, create some kind of harmony in the shitty realm.
But sixty years of ruling, and there are still factions.
And I’m not just talking about the Green fuckers.
There are others too, just not as… aggressive.
” I tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear and admire her soft blush.
“If I’m honest, Red. I’d rather scrape the whole realm clean. All of them. Start again.”
Her gaze reignites like a flame at my words, and I find myself leaning closer.
I know we’ve been here too long, I know I need to go to Julien, I can feel it in my gut, through the bond, but I don’t want to go.
I don’t want to leave her.
“Julien needs you,” she whispers the hard words for me, but I’m still closing the distance, still staring at her lips. “You need to—”
“But I need you.” Fuck, I sound so desperate.
“I’m here, Sai.” She smiles, and I’m hit by her beauty again, all thoughts erased as I stare at her. “And I’ll be here when you get back.”
She begins to pull away, and I hate it. The loss of contact, of her.
“And… I think your phone’s been going off for a while.” She nods at it.
I sigh dramatically, glancing at the vibrating phone beside the stone-cold coffees.
“Kane must have a sixth sense for ruining moments,” I mutter, swiping at the screen, then wince. “Ah, there it is. Some angry texts, a couple of death threats, and an ominous ‘Get here, now, or else’ as the finale.”
She huffs out a laugh as I scan through the messages. If Kane’s texting, that means he’s not in the Pit, which means Julien is alone—
Geeklord Supreme: Kane’s back in the Pit, waiting for you.
I knew they wouldn’t leave him.
“What’s wrong?” Red asks, her fingers brushing against my chest.
“Looks like big man needs both me and Daddy Darkness today. So Kace won’t be seeing Amon again.” I shake my head. Poor fucker. I knew what it was like not seeing Red for a few hours; Amon has barely seen Kace at all. “Which means you won’t be seeing Kane either.”
“Oh.” That one sound is filled with so many things.
Because it means she wanted to see him, and that helps ease the ache already growing in my chest at leaving her.
“It won’t be like this forever, Red,” I murmur in a promise, touching her face one last time.
“I want to help, Sai.” Her eyes flash brighter. “Just… ask them again, please. For me? Just ask them if I can see him.”
I know it’ll be pointless, I know they’ll say no, but I’ll still do it.
I nod, and she smiles again, and that’s the image I’ll cling to, somehow, that makes it easier to breathe, makes facing the friend who once pulled me out of the dark, out of that cage, a little less daunting.
Not easy, just maybe less likely to end with me missing a limb.