Chapter 57 Sai
Red’s still in my arms, on my lap, but now her back rests against my chest. Doesn’t matter how she’s positioned—so long as she’s touching me, I don’t care. Every breath’s easier when it’s filtered through her.
I haven’t spoken. The others speak to each other and Red, but they know I’m in no state to communicate.
Julien’s given her a bowl of something that smells sweet and spicy. Pasta, maybe.
She keeps trying to give me some, holding the fork to my sealed lips, but I shake my head, keeping my chin hooked over her bare shoulder from where the shirt has slipped.
Kane’s now sitting across from her, on the coffee table, watching her eat intently. Either Red doesn’t notice or is happy to ignore, humming her enjoyment between every other bite.
When she’s almost finished, Zeek leans over the back of the sofa, holding his tablet out to her. He’s been fiddling with it for a while, in between looking at me with cautious glances. Always forget how much the fucker cares.
“What’s this?” Red asks, fork halfway to her mouth. Then her full lips close around it, she slides it out, chews, swallows—tongue tracing the curve of her lip to catch the sauce.
Man, I wish I was that fork.
“A wish list,” Zeek answers, tone a little lower, because he’s also watching Red’s mouth.
I smirk. We’re as bad as each other.
She places the fork into her now-empty bowl, and Kane immediately takes it from her. She flashes him a quick thank-you smile, and that tiny gesture short-circuits his brain, he stalls, bowl in hand, then restarts and takes it into the kitchen. I hide my chuckle against Red’s shoulder.
“A wish list for what?” She takes the tablet, studying the screen as she leans further into me like it’s second nature.
My arms slip further around her waist, tugging her even closer.
“Things you might want, or like,” Zeek explains, tapping an icon on the screen. “Anything, really.”
A ridiculous number of categories pop up in colour-coded boxes, the first few listed are: Food. Drink. Travel.
She instantly taps Food, and hundreds of images explode on screen, each with little descriptions, names, ingredients, countries of origin…
“You made this?” Her voice is full of awe as she starts scrolling.
“There are already apps like it, I just copied some code and compiled them.” Zeek tries so hard to sound casual, but his shoulders definitely rise a little. Then he flits onto the sofa, sitting beside us. “If you like something, click the heart in the corner. It’ll save to a ‘favourites’ folder.”
She nods, fully immersed now, pausing every so often to ‘heart’ something.
“Bubble tea?” she frowns, staring at an image I don’t recognise either. “Originated in Taiwan.”
I glance behind at Julien. “We haven’t been there,” he says to me, studying my face as I frown.
Maybe I need this app too.
“That looks… awful.” Red laughs, moving the screen closer to me so I can see better.
She’s kept trying to involve me ever since I went silent. With her touch, actions, and words. Fuck, I don’t deserve her.
“What are those black things?” She tilts the tablet, like that’ll help us figure it out. “Like… frog spawn? Why would anyone want that in tea?” She turns her face, looking up at me, her smile so fucking bright, so addictive.
“I dunno about frog spawn, baby,” I murmur, voice a little hoarse. But her eyes light up, and that’s enough to keep me going. “But y’know some people eat snails?”
“What?” she gasps, staring at me with those wide, pretty eyes. “People eat snails?”
“Yeah, Red. French people.” And I tip my chin at the big Frenchman behind us.
Her gaze snaps to Julien. “You eat snails?” Her voice sounds shocked, but there’s a teasing edge.
Julien sighs, settling against the back of the sofa. “Not me, in particular, mon ame. But it is French cuisine.”
She digests his words, nodding thoughtfully, then turns back to the screen murmuring, “Definitely need to go to France and see that.”
She has no idea how happy she’s just made big guy. Julien loves his home country, even if it holds some shitty memories.
She scrolls for a bit longer through food and drink, then swipes back to the home page. After a pause, she taps on Travel. A 3D globe blooms across the screen, rotating slowly, and Red goes still with uncertainty.
Zeek immediately jumps in. “Click anywhere,” he offers gently. “It’ll show you the country, the districts, cultural highlights...”
But she doesn’t move. Her fingers hover, frozen. I glance at Zeek warily, he does the same, until slowly, she swipes across the globe. A glowing arrow appears, marking our current location: England, and she taps it.
The screen floods with images: district names, cities, key attractions—the Entertainment District.
Another taps and neon colours wash over her face, reflecting in her wide eyes. I feel her heart pulse harder, like it’s beating inside my own chest. She pulls the tablet closer, staring intently as the images emerge one by one—and there it is.
The Inferno.
Before the attack. A towering building with scarlet neon letters burning bright against the night sky. She makes a sound, soft and barely there. I don’t think she even realises, but we all hear it.
We feel it.
A hot poker straight through the fucking heart.
She said she’d stay with us, but the way she’s looking at it now…
I glance at Kane. He’s more attuned to her emotions now than any of us, and I realise we’re all doing the same thing—watching him. His dark gaze meets each of ours, one by one.
And the look on his face… I close my eyes. Sink deeper into her.
I’ll never force her to stay. None of us would. Well, maybe Kane… But we wouldn’t let him. We’d never take her choice. But the thought of her—
“Where’s the place with the large, hot baths,” she murmurs suddenly, swiping back until the globe reappears.
Zeek frowns slightly, then leans in and spins the globe to Japan and taps.
Sun-soaked shrines, vibrant blossom trees, huge snow-capped peaks, and steaming onsens spill across the screen.
“Oh,” she breathes, consuming it all.
Fuck, the way she looks right now, I’ll never get over it. The curiosity and awe, the quiet joy blooming behind her glittering eyes.
She scrolls, taking her time, stopping on one particular image and expanding it to fill the screen. It’s an onsen surrounded by and nestled high in the mountains dusted with snow, the water a deep blue with clouds of steam hovering the still surface, one red monkey sits on the rocky edge.
It doesn’t look real, like something from a dream.
She’d fit there perfectly.
“We can go there?” she whispers, her fingers tracing the screen.
Fuck that stings. Her awe-struck joy tainted with doubt. We look at each other, and I see the pain that soft, little question has etched into us. Because we want to take her there, desperately, but what if Red decides to choose a world that doesn’t include us?
Nothing in this world is guaranteed, or fair. Mothers lock their kids in cages. Brothers are forced to choose sides. Little sisters die screaming. Sons are turned into weapons.
So why the hell would we get to keep Red after the shitty lives we’ve lived, after all the damnable things we’ve done?
No. Wait. Fuck that pessimistic attitude.
She’s told us over and over to believe her, to take her at her word. And she’s right. She deserves better than me wallowing in my own shit.
I haul her closer, bury my face in her hair like if I breathe in hard enough part of her will never leave me.
“Course we can, baby,” I whisper, rough, because I need her to believe it, to feel it. Need her to know that the world is hers, if she wants it—every last corner.
Including us.
She leans back against my chest, a content sigh leaving her lips. “I’d like that.”
Hell, that gets me. A ragged breath tears out of me before I can stop it, relief so sharp it’s almost a laugh. With those few words, she’s picturing a future with us in it.
Choosing it. Planning it.
I glance at the others. Julien’s lips curve in that soft smile, Ezekial’s does too, and even Kane’s hard gaze finally eases. We’re all thinking the same damn thing.
We’ll take anything, give anything, be anything she needs.
She tries to scroll further, but I feel her strength slipping, her shadows pulling away. When her head dips and she flinches, I know she’s seconds from sleep.
I start to lean forwards, ready to carry her back to bed—
“No,” she murmurs, palm pressing to my chest. “I want to stay here. You can all just… stay.” Her hand pats around for the tablet on the sofa. “I want your favourites too.”
And then she’s gone, asleep in my arms, heartbeat steady, shadow-laced fingers tangled in mine. Her other hand is still resting on the screen, like her body remembers even as her mind drifts.
Kane’s the first to move, helping me ease her down so her head rests on my lap, then he stays crouched beside the sofa. Zeek pulls her legs across his, and Julien reaches down to brush a lock of hair from her cheek.
We’re all quiet. Just watching her.
“We’re going to need a bigger sofa,” I mutter.
Julien laughs quietly, Zeek shakes his head, and Kane just keeps staring.
“I’m serious.” I gesture to us, all crammed around her like desperate shadows. “Bigger sofa, bigger bed, bigger bath. Maybe just… a house made of mattresses and onsens.”
Zeek snorts, but doesn’t deny it.
I reach for the tablet under Red’s hand, gently sliding it free. “She said she wants our favourites.” I grin as the screen lights up. “So, who’s going first… Julien? I bet this thing doesn’t have enough storage to handle all your tastes.”
He smiles, but I know this man too well, there’s some dread in his eyes with a little uncertainty as he looks at Red. He’s still haunted by what we all saw, Jasmine’s face when The Inferno flashed on screen.
“We all saw her face when those photos came up.” I let that sink in, remembering the way her heart raced, then shake my head. “But she’s already told us she’ll stay, you told us not to doubt her, big guy.”