Chapter 6 – Erin
The next morning, I wake before Mack, feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck.
My body aches all over, and my mind is fried.
The nightmare I had last night was the first one in a long time, and I know what caused it.
I was triggered by that movie we watched—or at least we watched part of it.
As soon as he realized what was happening in the movie, Mack changed the channel.
I should have known better than to watch a movie like that, but I was trying to pick something I knew Mack would like. He’s always such a good sport about watching romcoms and historical romances.
Lizzie walks over my body, stepping on my full bladder in the process. She stops to make biscuits on my belly, and she’s purring so loudly I’m afraid she’ll wake Mack. Carefully, I slip out of bed and head to the bathroom, Lizzie following close on my heels.
After taking care of business, I brush my teeth and wash my face.
My cheeks itch from dried tears. I look like crap, pale—I mean, paler than usual—with shadows beneath my eyes.
And the worst thing is, I know Mack is going to beat himself up over what happened last night.
He always blames himself when I have a nightmare.
He shouldn’t. None of this was his fault. It just happened.
I slip on my robe and head barefoot to the kitchen to start the coffeemaker.
I’m definitely going to need some caffeine to kickstart my brain this morning.
I sit at the kitchen table while the water heats, scrolling through Instagram on my phone, looking mostly at videos of cats and homesteads with chickens and baby goats.
I wish we lived on a farm. The videos make it seem so peaceful.
Once the coffee’s ready, I pour a cup and go out onto our screened-in balcony to sip and watch the sun rise over the lake. I’m usually not up this early, so it’s a rare sight to see.
My furbaby hops up onto my lap and makes herself comfortable. I run my fingers through her coat of soft fuzzy fur and let her purring soothe me. She’s a calico, mostly white with splotches of orange and gray.
I focus on the view of the lake. On the two sailboats that are out on the water this early. There’s a small white speedboat skimming across the water’s surface far off in the distance. I can barely make out the Ferris wheel at Navy Pier.
It’s all simply a distraction from my own thoughts.
When I glance down at my engagement ring, my stomach knots.
Why would he want to marry me—someone who’s so damaged?
Someone who freaks out over a stupid movie?
Why would he willingly saddle himself with me?
Is it because he feels responsible for what happened? Does he feel obligated to stay with me?
He could start over with some other girl—someone who doesn’t carry so much baggage.
I jump at the sound of a gravelly voice behind me. “I woke up and you were gone.” His voice is rough in the morning, almost a growl, and I find it incredibly sexy.
I tip my head back. “Good morning.”
Mack’s bleary-eyed, too. I think he slept about as well as I did last night, meaning not well at all.
He steps out onto the balcony and runs his hand over my hair. “How do you feel?” He takes a seat on the other lounger.
I paste a bright smile on my face as I set Lizzie down and rise to my feet. “Good. I’ll get you some coffee.”
He snags my hand. “Erin, wait.” He tugs me down onto his lap. “I don’t need you to wait on me, honey. I need you to talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You cried yourself to sleep last night. I—”
“Well, I’m fine now. Last night was last night. Today’s a new day.” I laugh nervously. “I don’t know why you put up with me,” I say flippantly, hoping to distract him.
He cups my cheek in one hand. “Put up with you?” He frowns, clearly not liking what I just said. “Erin, you’re a gift I don’t deserve.”
“I’m a disaster.” I try to get up, but he holds me on his lap.
“You’re beautiful,” he says. “You’re smart as hell. You’re kind and empathetic. You’re loving and affectionate. And you love my daughter like she’s your own.”
“She’s your daughter, and that makes her mine, too. Speaking of Haley, don’t forget we’re having lunch with her today to celebrate.” I hold up my hand and flash my pretty new ring. “And I invited Philip to join us, and he accepted.”
Mack shakes his head. “Of course he did.” His sarcasm is thick.
I swat his arm playfully. “Be nice! He’ll be here at eleven-thirty.”
Mack lifts me off his lap and sets me back on my lounger. “We should grab some breakfast. It’s my turn to cook. What sounds good to you?”
“French toast?” Mack makes the best French toast.
He leans down to kiss me, tasting of peppermint toothpaste. “I’m on it.”
* * *
Haley arrives a few minutes early. Her mom and stepdad drop her off at our apartment building on their way out to run errands. She’s sitting with me on the sofa in our living room, oohing and ahhing over my ring.
“I’m so happy for you guys,” Haley says. She hugs me. “Dad, you did a great job on the ring.”
Mack is sitting in the recliner watching some kind of sports news program on TV, volume muted. Lizzie is lying on the back of his chair. “Thanks, but I had a little help.”
Haley laughs. “Come on, Dad. Give yourself some credit. It’s perfect.”
When there’s a quiet knock on our door, Mack gets up to answer it.
Haley shoots me an eager grin. She’s always so excited to see Philip.
Mack stands at the open door, having a quiet conversation with Philip that seems to be going on a bit too long.
“Where are your manners, Mack?” I say. “Invite him in.”
Reluctantly, Mack stands back and motions for Philip to enter.
Philip’s gaze goes right to Haley, and his face lights up. “Hi, Hale.”
“Hey,” she answers. Her soft cheeks flush as she gives him a little wave. “I’m glad you could come.”
“I wouldn’t miss an opportunity to see you, babe,” he says. “Not for the world.”
I catch sight of Mack, standing behind Philip, rolling his eyes at me once more. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Thank goodness Haley is too wrapped up in Philip to notice what her dad is up to.
Now that we’re all here, we head downstairs to the lobby and exit out the revolving front door. There are plenty of nice restaurants in The Gold Coast, our neighborhood, and since it’s such a nice day, we decide to walk. It’ll surely be easier than trying to park in downtown Chicago.
“So, where to, honey?” Mack asks me.
Since we’re celebrating our engagement, he thought I should pick the restaurant.
“How about Gibson’s?” It’s a popular steakhouse on Rush Street, not far from us.
Mack and I head off in the direction of the restaurant, walking hand in hand. Haley and Philip follow sedately behind us. Before long, there’s about half a block between us and the happy young couple. Mack keeps glancing back as if to make sure they haven’t ditched us.
I elbow him. “Relax, Mack. She’s not going to get lost on the way to the restaurant.”
Haley and Philip are hanging back just far enough that they can have a private conversation without us overhearing. It’s rare that they even get to see each other without an audience, so I’m sure they’re enjoying a little bit of privacy.
“Do you know who Philip reminds me of?” I ask Mack. “Not just physically. I’m referring to his character traits.”
Mack eyes me warily as if he suspects it’s a trick question. “Who?”
“You, of course.”
His eyes widen. “Me?”
“Yes.” I glance behind us. Haley and Philip are holding hands, and Philip is smiling as he listens to Haley talk.
“He’s strong, like you.” Mack is a big guy, but Philip is even taller and bigger all around.
He’s built like a tank, with rock-solid biceps and thighs the size of tree trunks.
“He’s a gentleman, like you. He’s brave and loyal. ”
When two teenage boys on skateboards come barreling down the sidewalk toward Haley and Philip, Philip deftly moves Haley safely out of their path, preventing a disaster. “Careful, guys,” Philip says, and they wave to him as if to say sorry .
As the two kids continue on their way, coming right toward us, Mack pulls me aside, putting himself between me and the teens. “Watch it, boys!”
“And a fierce protector,” I add. “You know, there’s only a nine-year gap between Philip and Haley.”
The unspoken part is that there are thirteen years between me and Mack—and he’s worried about the age gap between them? Seriously? Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.
Mack stares hard after the two boys on their skateboards, but I don’t think he’s actually seeing them. I think he’s doing the math.
When we arrive at the restaurant, Mack speaks to the hostess. While we wait in the lobby for a table, Haley and I sit on a padded leather bench, while Philip and Mack stand beside us.
Despite the crowd, it’s not long before the hostess calls our name. After we’re led to our table for four, Mack and Philip simultaneously pull out our chairs.
The similarities between them are even greater than I first imagined, and I have to work to maintain a straight face.
I think Mack’s fundamental problem with Philip is that he recognizes himself in the younger man.
And Mack fought our age difference tooth and nail—until I got hurt. Then his priorities shifted.
The guys order steaks and baked potatoes. Haley and I both get the lemon grilled salmon with mashed potatoes.
While Mack and I chat as we eat, Philip and Haley are lost in their own world.
He asks her questions about school, about the courses she’s currently taking, about how her extracurricular activities are going.
He knows she’s in the debate club and the Girls in STEM club.
He knows who her friends are, and he asks about them by name. Obviously, he pays attention.
Philip asks Haley if she’s thought any more about her plans for college.