Chapter 8 – Erin
On Saturday, we go dress shopping. And by we , I mean the entire bridal party—myself, Beth, Layla, Jasmine, and of course, Haley. Jason comes along to accompany Layla, and naturally Sam is with us because of Beth.
I invited our friend Ruby, too, but she very gently declined the offer. I wasn’t surprised or even offended by that. Ruby suffers from a severe case of agoraphobia, and I didn’t actually expect her to join my bridal party. I just didn’t want her to feel excluded.
Ruby has made a lot of progress since she moved in with her boyfriend, Miguel Rodriguez, who lives in our apartment building.
Miguel has been helping Ruby. She occasionally leaves their apartment, which is just down the hall from ours, to visit the rest of us.
She’s even left the building a few times to go grocery shopping with Miguel.
And she promised she’d try to come to our wedding. If she does, it will be a huge step for her.
Beth’s driver, Joe Rucker, pulls up in front of our apartment building in a big black Cadillac limousine hired especially for the day. I told Beth I didn’t need a limo to go try on dresses, but she insisted.
Joe, looking very handsome in a dark suit, gets out of the limo and comes around to open the rear door for us.
Haley is already here at the apartment with us.
Mack picked her up earlier this morning.
Along with Layla and Jasmine, we climb into the limo and take our seats.
The interior has two padded leather benches facing each other.
There’s also a bar holding an ice bucket with a bottle of something pink and bubbly.
As soon as we all take our seats, Sam gives Joe the signal to pull away, and we’re off.
“I brought a little something to celebrate with,” Beth says. As Sam pulls the bottle of pink bubbly out of the ice bucket and pops the cap, she says, “It’s nonalcoholic strawberry sparkling juice. Nonalcoholic so Haley can participate, too, as she’s under the drinking age.”
What Beth doesn’t mention is the fact that I have never had any alcohol since the night of the assault.
My attacker drugged me that night by putting Rohypnol in my drink at the hotel bar where my friends and I were celebrating.
I haven’t touched the stuff since. I’ll probably never have alcohol again as long as I live.
Sam grabs a champagne glass and begins to pour. He hands the first glass to me, and I take a sip. Bubbles rush up into my nose, and I nearly sneeze as the carbonation tickles my sinuses. It’s sweet and tastes just like strawberries.
Sam pours everyone a glass.
“To Erin,” Beth says as she holds up her glass for a toast. “To a much-anticipated wedding for a beautiful young woman. When I met you, Erin, I had no idea how important you would become to me—to all of us. But especially to Mack.”
Everyone takes a turn offering a comment, and by the time they’re all done, I can barely see through the tears pooling in my eyes.
Haley lays her arm across my shoulders and gives me a hug. “To my future step-mom,” she says as she raises her glass.
Everyone chuckles, including me. It seems a silly thing for her to call me her step-mom when I’m only six years older than she is. We’re more like friends than we are mother and daughter.
“Seriously, I couldn’t imagine a better partner for my dad than Erin,” she continues.
“Or a better step-mom for me. Since the moment I met Erin, she’s been my biggest cheerleader.
” She lays her head on my shoulder, which isn’t easy as she’s so much taller than I am.
“I love her dearly, and I can’t wait to welcome her officially into my family. ”
After everyone makes a toast, there’s not a dry eye in the limo, including Sam’s.
By the time we get to the bridal shop, I’ve gone through three tissues and have finished two glasses of the delicious strawberry fake-champagne.
Joe pulls up to the entrance of an exclusive bridal shop in Lincoln Park. Sam opens the door, and we all climb out of the limo and head inside, where we’re greeted by a tall African-American woman in a black pencil skirt and white silk blouse.
“You must be the Erin O’Connor party,” she says as she checks her clipboard. “I’m Audrey. I’ll be helping you today. Please, follow me.”
The girls and I follow the sales lady through the store to the bridal dress department. Sam and Jason follow at a discreet distance. I think they’re trying not to crash our bridal party.
We have a daunting task ahead of us. I’m hoping to find a wedding dress off the rack that I can wear, with minimal alterations, if any.
There’s not a lot of time before the wedding.
And, we need to pick dresses for the bridesmaids and Haley and Beth.
Good grief, I haven’t even decided on a color scheme for the wedding.
“First, your wedding gown,” Beth says as she pulls me to a rack of gorgeous white gowns. “Do you have a particular style in mind?”
“No, not really. Something pretty, but not too fancy. Just… something nice. Something that feels like me . And nothing too expensive,” I add as an afterthought. Mack told me I could spend as much as I wanted, but of course I won’t do anything extravagant.
The dressing area is nicely appointed, if a bit on the fancy side.
There’s a row of plush burgundy velvet chairs arranged in a semi-circle and facing a platform, behind which is a semi-circle of tall, gilded mirrors.
The girls each take a seat and get comfortable as Beth helps me carry a few white gowns to the bride’s dressing room.
I pick out three to start with. They’re all off the rack, petite, and in my size, so hopefully one will fit and I can take it as-is.
Beth hangs the three gowns on hooks in the dressing room. “Which one would you like to try on first?”
I study them. They’re all white, sleeveless, with gently scooped necklines.
They’re all floor-length, and since they’re petite, hopefully they’ll be the right length for me.
One has a bit more lace overlaying it than the others.
One is a bit more on the plain side. One has an overlay of a subtle nubby material. I think I might like that one the best.
“This is so overwhelming,” I admit.
Beth gives me a sympathetic smile. “I remember when I was in your shoes. Yes, it’s a lot to take in.” She turns and faces the three dresses on display. “One at a time, right? Let’s start with this one.”
As I undress down to my underwear and bra, I shiver. I’m not used to being so scantily dressed outside the privacy of my own home. I wish Mack were here.
I try the lacy dress on first, and then Beth makes me walk out of the dressing room and step up on the large, round dais.
“Now turn, Erin, slowly,” she says.
All the girls ooh and ahh as I turn in a circle, tossing out compliments.
“Gorgeous!”
“Perfect!”
“Stunning!”
“What do you think?” Beth asks me.
I frown. “I don’t know. It’s kind of fussy, don’t you think?”
She holds out her hand and helps me down the steps. “Let’s go try on dress number two.”
Dress number two is the rather plain one, mostly a solid white satin gown with very little in the way of decoration. I put this gown on and return to the platform.
“You look beautiful, Erin!”
“Very classic!”
“That’s lovely.”
I stare at myself in the trio of mirrors, feeling very much like an imposter. I certainly don’t look like me .
I return to the dressing room and try on dress number three.
“Oh, wow,” Beth says as she gazes at me in awe once I have it on. “Erin, it’s perfect. It’s so you , don’t you think?”
My eyes widen as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I love the dress. The texture is delicate. The shape is flattering. It’s a wow .
“You like this one, don’t you?” she asks.
I nod. Yes, I can see myself walking down the aisle wearing this dress. “How much is it?” I look for a price tag, but I can’t find one.
Beth locates it behind my right arm pit. “It’s your lucky day. It’s on clearance. Only $589.”
That seems like an awful lot of money to spend on a dress, but I guess it will have to do. “I’ll take it.”
I show the girls this third dress, and their reactions are unanimous.
“This one, Erin!”
“Oh, my God, you look stunning!”
“Mack will flip!”
I nod. “Yes, this is the one.”
And they all cheer for me.
I glance at the back of the room at Sam and Jason, who are leaning against the wall, trying to remain inconspicuous. They both give me a grin and a thumbs up.
“That wasn’t so hard,” Jasmine says as she stands. “Now what color do you want the rest of us to wear? Chartreuse? Hot pink? Lime green? Polka dots? Personally, I vote for lime green polka dots.”
I laugh. “Actually, I was thinking maybe lavender, if they have anything like that.”
Haley comes up behind me and tugs on my arm. “I think someone’s here to see you,” she whispers as she nods toward the curtained doorway.
When I spot Mack standing there, my stomach does a little somersault.
He’s here!
Sam claps Mack on the shoulder. “You just couldn’t stay away, could you?”
“Hey, I’m just here to pay for the dresses.”
“Dad!” Haley steps in front of me. “You’re not supposed to see Erin in her wedding dress until the day of the ceremony. It’s bad luck!”
“Bullshit,” Mack says. “Besides, it’s not fair that Sam and Jason get to be here, and I don’t—and I’m the groom.” He defiantly crosses his arms over his chest. “I get why Sam is here.” He nods toward Beth. “But why does Jason get to come, and I don’t?”
Jason crosses his arms. “Because I’m Layla’s medical service boyfriend,” he says.
I step around Haley and turn in a slow circle so Mack can see the dress. “Do you like it?”
Mack comes right to me, and before a rapt audience, he pulls me into his arms and kisses the life out of me. “I love it. You take my breath away, Erin.”
After they all have fun teasing Mack for crashing the bridal outing, he joins Sam and Jason. While the guys hang out, the rest of us scour the racks of bridesmaid dresses looking for anything lavender. The dresses don’t have to exactly match—they just have to be a similar shade of lavender.
We luck out and manage to find enough dresses on the rack to fit all the bridal party.
Everyone finds a dress in her size, and no one needs any alterations.
It’s a miracle. We still need shoes, of course—I’m thinking cream-colored—but we can save that for another day. The hard part is done. We have dresses!
While we change back into our own clothes, Audrey collects our selections and carries them to the checkout counter to put them in protective dress bags.
Mack pays for our purchases, and then he asks, “So, what’s next on the agenda?”
“I don’t know about you all,” Sam says, “but I’m starving.”
Everyone concurs, and we all hop into the limo to go out for pizza.
* * *
That night, when we’re at home and crashing out on the sofa, Mack indulges me by watching my favorite version of Emma by Jane Austen, the one starring Romola Garai and Jonny Lee Miller—the only version that matters.
I’m tired after a long day, and I fall asleep halfway through the program.
Mack wakes me near the end so I don’t miss my favorite part—when Mr. Knightly confesses his love to Emma and asks her to be his .
No matter how many times I’ve seen this, I still watch breathlessly as Mr. Knightly winces in romantic agony as he asks his beloved Emma, “So tell me, have I no chance of succeeding?”
I don’t know why he can’t just come out and say, “ Emma, I love you. Will you marry me? ” But still, that scene makes me swoon, every single time.
When the credits start rolling, Mack turns off the TV, rises to his feet, and scoops me up in his arms. “So tell me, Erin, have I no chance of succeeding tonight ?” he asks with a hopeful grin.
Giggling, I lean up to kiss him. “I daresay you do, kind sir.”
And then he carries me down the hall. We make a quick pitstop in the bathroom to brush our teeth and get ready for bed, and then he resumes carrying me until we’re in our room, Lizzie hot on our heels.
“We should get another cat and name her Emma,” I say.
“Or,” Mack says as he lays me down on the bed, “we could have a baby and name her Emma.”
Swoon!
We’ve talked about having a family, and it’s something we both want. Mack would love for Haley to be a big sister one day.
A long while later, after Mack has succeeded , I lie awake for a while thinking about the future.
I will be married in only five weeks now. I wish my grandma was here to meet Mack and celebrate with us.
With Mack spooning me from behind, and Lizzie curled up at my feet, I’m nestled between the two loves of my life.
I wonder what the future will bring.
Only five more weeks.