Chapter 10 – Erin
Now that the stressful part of the wedding is over—the actual ceremony itself, where I felt incredibly self-conscious standing in front of more than two dozen people—I can finally relax and enjoy myself. Now it’s just a party with my friends.
Everything’s perfect. The food is delicious.
The three-tier wedding cake is almost too pretty to cut—cream-colored marzipan decorated with lavender roses and pale green leaves made from icing that look real.
The kids are running around squealing with laughter—at least the ones who can walk—as their aunts and uncles chase after them. It’s bedlam, and I couldn’t be happier.
I hope one day Mack and I will have kids to add to the commotion. One good thing about the McIntyres is that they’re not averse to noise and a little bit of chaos.
The photographer takes the wedding party outside to take a ton of pictures—the bride and groom, the bride and her bridesmaids, the groom and his groomsmen.
One of me and Sam, since he walked me down the aisle.
One of us with Mack’s parents, Hillary and Rob Donovan, and Haley.
So many pictures. By the time we’re done, my cheeks ache from smiling.
When all the pictures have been taken, we go back inside and do all the expected activities, like Mack removing the garter belt from my leg, and of course there’s the requisite bridal bouquet toss.
All the unmarried females fan out in a half circle behind me. I close my eyes and toss my bouquet backward. When I hear a chorus of amused exclamations, I turn, surprised to see Haley clutching my bouquet. She looks as surprised as everyone else.
Immediately, Mack shouts, “Oh, hell no! Absolutely not!” He stalks forward and plucks the bouquet out of his daughter’s hands and offers it to the nearest person, who happens to be Elly, Shane’s housekeeper, who’s been married to her husband, George, for over four decades.
Of course, everyone in the room bursts into laughter.
After all the formalities are over, Mack takes my hand and leads me outside onto the back patio for a little peace and quiet. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing,” he says. “It’s been quite an afternoon.”
“It has. I’m good. Just a bit tired.”
From here, we have an unrestricted view of the gently sloping lawn that stretches all the way down to Lake Michigan and Shane’s private stretch of beachfront property.
To the right is the family’s private dock, where half a dozen boats of various sizes are moored. I wish we had time to take a boat out.
I’m leaning my head against Mack’s arm when I hear a man’s voice behind me. “Erin?”
I turn to find Miguel standing behind me. He’s holding hands with Ruby, who looks pretty exhausted. “Ruby!” My concerned gaze goes from Ruby to Miguel. “Is everything all right?”
“Everything’s fine,” Miguel says. “We just wanted to thank you for inviting us and tell you to have a great rest of your day and a wonderful honeymoon.”
“You’re leaving?”
He nods, sparing a quick glance at Ruby. “We’d better get going.”
“Of course,” I say. “No problem.” And then I give Ruby a hug, noticing how tense she is. “Thank you so much for coming,” I whisper to her. “I know this took a lot of courage for you to come here. I want you to know how much I appreciate it.”
She gives me a half-smile. “We wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
“You two sure clean up well,” Mack says as he joins us.
Ruby’s wearing a loose, light gray linen jumper with a white blouse beneath, sheer stockings, and tan sandals. Her long, lovely red hair is up in a graceful topknot. Miguel looks dashing in a black suit and tie.
Mack and Miguel do the guy hugging thing, and then he smiles down at Ruby. “Thanks for coming, Ruby. It means a lot to us.”
The patio doors open and noise from inside the house spills outside, making Ruby flinch.
Miguel puts his arm across her shoulders. “Ready, babe?”
Ruby nods, smiling apologetically at me. “Sorry, Erin.”
“Don’t apologize, please. I’m just glad you could come.”
Right after Ruby and Miguel leave, Beth comes outside to let us know it’s time to cut the cake. Mack cuts a thin slice and holds it up to my mouth. I do the same for him. The cake is delicious, which isn’t a surprise because Gina Capelli made it. She caters all of the McIntyre events.
As the evening winds down, Mack invites me to walk down to the beach with him. It’s still light outside, but the sun is starting to sink toward the horizon. The lake is quiet this evening, with only a few sailboats skimming across the water off in the distance.
Mack brings one of my hands to his mouth and kisses it. Then we link our fingers as we gaze out over the lake.
“This place is so beautiful,” I say.
Behind us is Shane’s sprawling estate. Right now it’s bustling with people, but soon they’ll all be gone, back to the city, back to their daily routines. Elly and George will have this place practically to themselves.
Mack asked me weeks ago where I wanted to go for our honeymoon. “Anywhere you want,” he’d said. “Anywhere in the world—Paris, London, Hawaii, The Caribbean? Just name it.”
Shane offered us the use of one of the company’s private jets to take us anywhere in the world we wanted to go.
I honestly didn’t know how to answer. First, I thought we should go to Great Britain because I’d love to see the historical literary sights in England—the homes of Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte.
I’d love to visit Scotland and Wales and Ireland.
And then I considered a paradise like Hawaii.
And, of course, there’s the Caribbean islands.
“Anywhere?” I’d asked.
Mack had nodded. “Just name the place.”
“Hawaii, I guess. It’s beautiful, and I’ve never been anywhere like that.”
“Are you sure?” He’d frowned. “You don’t sound too excited about the idea.”
“No, I am. Really.” But of course that was a lie.
And so we’d made plans. We got a reservation at a popular hotel on the main island. Layla and Jason volunteered to take care of Lizzie while we’re gone. All the arrangements were made.
So, why am I not excited about going?
And the more I think about it, the more anxious I feel.
The truth is, I know why. I’m not looking forward to spending a week in a hotel filled with strangers. And of course there’ll be a bar in the hotel. We’ll probably have to walk by it several times a day.
Every time I walk by the hotel bar, I’ll be reminded .
Every time we go up in the elevator, I’ll be reminded .
The idea makes my skin crawl and my stomach cramp.
I know it’s just my anxiety talking. I think maybe I should force myself to go. Force myself to get over it. But I can’t. It’s like being afraid of heights and standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower, right at the edge on a windy day. And then someone tells you to just step off.
It’ll be fine. It’s all in your head.
But your body fights the idea with everything it’s got.
I want to tell Mack I don’t want to go, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
I don’t want to disappoint him. He seems so excited about the trip.
He’s been showing me pictures of the hotel and the beaches and the crystal clear blue water.
He’s been talking about all the cool things we’re going to do, like swim in the ocean and snorkel.
“Erin?”
I glance up at the odd expression on his face. “Hmm?”
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
He glances pointedly at our joined hands, at my fingernails, which are digging into his flesh.
I immediately let go and wince at the sight of half-moon indentations in his flesh. “Oh, my God, Mack! I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m just wondering what’s on your mind.”
I shake my head. “It’s nothing.”
“Erin,” he says, in that tone. The one that says he’s nearing the end of his rope and he expects an honest answer. “Out with it.”
“Okay, fine. I don’t want to go to Hawaii.”
He grins. “Is that what’s bothering you?”
I nod. “I’m sorry.”
He pulls me into his arms. “I want to be with you , honey. I don’t care where we go. Is there someplace else you’d rather go?”
I look back at the house. “I want to be someplace where I can relax. Someplace where there’s nothing to remind me .” Meaning, no triggers. “If it’s okay with Shane, what would you say to honeymooning here?”
“Here?”
I can tell he’s mulling it over. “Yes. It’s quiet and private. There’s a pool and a movie theater. There’s plenty to do here, and we could stay in one of the suites in the family wing. The only people we’d see are Elly and George. It’s perfect.”
No hotel, no strangers, no bars.
Mack nods. “You’re sure?”
“Yes. It would be a staycation honeymoon.”
Smiling, he shakes his head. “Yes, if that’s what you want. I’m sure Shane won’t mind.”
I grab hold of his sleeve. “Are you sure you wouldn’t be disappointed? Were you looking forward to Hawaii? Because if you are, I—”
“No, honey.” He leans down to drop a quick kiss on my lips. “I just want to be with you. I don’t care where we go. We could honeymoon in a cheap roadside motel for all I care.”
“Then let’s go ask him.”
When we return to the house, half the guests are in the process of clearing away the tables and chairs. Lia is turning on a stereo sound system that will fill the great room with songs from my favorite playlist. Annie and Beth are feeding the toddlers some cake.
We spot Shane easily enough. He’s standing near the podium with Cooper, the two of them in conversation.
As we approach, Shane breaks off whatever it is he’s saying and smiles at us. “Ah, the happy couple. What can I do for you?”
“We have a request,” Mack says, getting straight to the point. “Would you mind if Erin and I spent our honeymoon here?”
“Of course I don’t mind,” he says. “In fact, I’ll go out on a limb and say I think Elly will be thrilled to have the company.”
* * *
“It’s time for your first dance as a married couple,” Beth says as she draws us to the center of the room. All of our guests are spread out in a circle around us. “May I present Mr. Mack Donovan and Mrs. Erin O’Connor-Donovan.”
Beth signals to Jake, who’s operating the sound system, and a moment later, the first notes of Ordinary by Alex Warren fill the air. Mack offers me his hand, and when I take it, he sweeps me into his arms and moves us gracefully along the floor.
When the first song ends, the next one begins— Bad Dreams by Teddy Swims. Mack tightens his hold on me because he knows the significance of this song. He’s my safe place, my refuge from the bad dreams.
He’s my hero.
He literally saved my life. If he hadn’t found me in that godawful hotel room when he did, there’s no telling whether or not I would have survived the aftermath of the assault.
As tears roll down my cheeks, he smiles down at me and cups my face so he can brush them away. “I’ll always be here to chase your bad dreams away. Always, Erin.”
As the second song ends, I realize there’s a line of guys waiting behind Mack—first and foremost is his father, Rob. The resemblance between Mack and his father is uncanny. They could pass for brothers if it weren’t for the fact that Rob’s hair and trim beard are fully gray.
Rob Donovan taps Mack on the shoulder. “My turn, son. I want to dance with my beautiful daughter-in-law.” When Mack releases me, his father offers me his arm. “May I have the honor of the next dance, young lady?”
As the next song begins, Rob whisks me away. “You look absolutely beautiful, Erin. My son is a lucky man.”
“I think I’m the lucky one,” I say. “You and Hillary raised a fine son.”
Rob grins. “Well, yes, his mother and I would agree with you on that, but admittedly we are biased.”
I glance across the room at Mack, who is dancing with his mom. The petite woman with short strawberry blonde hair is smiling up at her son.
My family has officially grown today.
My next dance is with Shane. “You are a vision, Erin,” he says. He leans down to give me a chaste kiss on the cheek. “Are you enjoying yourself?”
“Yes. I’m so happy right now I could explode.”
My dance card is full tonight. I think even Jane Austen would be impressed. After I dance with Shane, then it’s Cooper, and then Sam, and Jason, Philip, Liam, and finally Mack again. Then Jake and Jamie and Dominic and Calum.
I’m practically breathless by the time I find myself back in Mack’s arms.
“Are you having fun?” he asks me, his eyes filled with laughter.
“Yes! Best day ever!”
Mack bends me over his arm, kisses me, and then whispers, “Mrs. O’Connor-Donovan, I cannot wait to get you into bed.”