Chapter Thirty-Five #2
“That’s nice to hear. I have a filtration system, of course.
You’d have to be a complete idiot not to use one.
” Luca digs through a large backpack. He’s carrying two, I realize—his own, and my tent and sleeping bag that Allard was carrying.
He produces a filter system like the one I have and a protein bar and makes me stop and consume it and water.
“Is Dane’s leg okay? You said he went into surgery.”
“Yes, I’ll tell you about Dane for sure,” Luca says. “Please finish your water.”
I drink the rest and eat half the protein bar, which is all I can manage, and Luca gets us walking again.
For a long stretch I am quiet as my brain does its best to push through the remaining layer of morphine, which is regrettably thinning.
I think about Allard, and a full-body flush of relief comes over me that I’m rid of him.
“God,” I moan.
“What? Is it your arm?” Luca is instantly alert, his steadying hand back on mine.
“No—it’s leaving Allard and the 1982 out there. Bodies.”
Luca stares at me for a moment, his eyes searching mine, like he’s assessing me. He relaxes slightly. “It is a slight pity that it’s June. If it were the winter, it would be snowing up here and they would likely be covered for a season. Maybe the midges will eat them.”
I snort a hopeful laugh and lean heavily against him as we trudge on. Every footstep is tinged with relief.
■ ■ ■
We are nearing the trailhead when Luca finally gives me an update on Dane. He dangled the information like a carrot because he knows, as I do, that my energy is nearly gone. The pain is back—it’s an insistent ache with teeth, and I may beg him for another shot soon.
“He had just come out of surgery when we arrived at the hospital, and he was coherent only enough to tell us the important things—that you were out here, that Eric had shot him. The doctors say his leg is looking great.”
I want to sob again, but I’ve cried enough. “Good.”
“I’ll take you there to set your bones,” Luca says.
The trailhead is in view now. Allard’s car is there where we left it.
A black car is parked haphazardly next to it—the one that was tailing us.
Luca carefully packs me into his rental.
I think about seeing Dane, about whether I want to.
I still feel the horrible churning hurt that he made his deal with ProtoDark for me.
I don’t think that’s forgivable.
Luca gestures to the bottle of water in the center console. “Please drink.”
I fall asleep for the drive, and Luca gently wakes me when we’re at the A I’m not spewing blood from a gunshot wound.
Finally I am seen by a doctor, and X-rays are taken.
The breaks in my fingers are clean, and they’re splinted in foam and metal.
The break in my arm is nastier, probably because I fell on it and rolled, but they splint and cast it and warn me it may require surgery.
“After the swelling’s gone down, come back and we’ll determine whether surgery’s necessary,” the doctor says in his thick brogue.
I don’t bother telling him that I plan to get on a plane as soon as possible and jet out of here.
They give me some heavy pain meds that will help with swelling, and I enter the waiting room to find Xhan and Luca sitting on chairs, waiting for me.
Luca strides over to me. “Ahh, look at you.”
“I’m so sorry,” Xhan says. She pats my good arm. “My guy here did a phenomenal job of extracting you, I hear.”
I nod. I’m tired again, and I want one of those nice pain pills. “Is there…somewhere I can go? A hotel or…?”
Xhan and Luca exchange a look that I choose not to decipher, and Xhan takes my good arm so I can lean against her.
“We rented a house in Inverness. Dane will need to recuperate further before flying home. He’s still here in the hospital.
He won’t be discharged for another day or so. There’s a room for you at the rental.”
Again, that awful churning happens in my gut. I can’t face Dane right now. He’ll want to talk and apologize and tell me it wasn’t as bad as I think it was, but it is that bad. I want to hide from having to figure out how I feel by descending into sleep.
“Can we go to the house?” I ask. “I’d like to lie down.”
“You sure you want to go now?” Xhan asks. “You don’t want to see—”
“Now, please. I can’t…I can’t.” I’ll face whatever’s next later, after sleep. Then I’ll decide whether to leave or confront Dane.
Xhan nods, but she looks uncomfortable.
The rental is a nice three-bedroom house two streets from River Ness.
Luca makes me finish another protein bar and tries to make me eat soup so that I won’t feel ill when I take my pain meds.
Xhan helps me shower; I can’t manage the arm and fingers myself, and I’m drowsy from the medication.
I haven’t showered in two days, and I’m covered in blood and sweat and God knows what else.
“Araceli picked some things up for you.” Xhan opens a new pack of underwear in my bedroom. She helps me into everything. I can’t find it in me to be modest. “She’s still over at the hospital with Dane, but you’ll see her tomorrow.”
I nod, using the grogginess as an excuse not to engage. The pain medication is a wonderful thing, almost as good as the morphine. The bed is clean and inviting, and Xhan ushers me in, then pulls the covers over me. I don’t even realize I’m crying again until she gently wipes away my tears.
She leaves the room and closes the door behind her.
I am left with too many thoughts and feelings—most of them involving Dane—and I desperately wish I could time travel to weeks from now, when I’ll have processed and, perhaps, mentally blocked those gruesome moments with Allard and the 1982.
I’ll have forgotten the pain of my broken bones and the tang of fear in the back of my throat.
Maybe the hurt at Dane’s betrayal will have begun to recede.
I’ll forget the longing I had for a bigger, more exciting life, one where instead of sitting in a small gray office, I’m meeting other cryptologists and traveling where I always wanted to go.
I’ll put away the hope of relying on friends who have my back through anything.
And I’ll let go of the desire, the need, for a profound connection with someone, because I’m not sure anyone can compare with what I experienced for a single morning with Dane.