Chapter 36
Chapter
Thirty-Six
brEANNA
Dad had told me that once a soul entered the spirit realm, it ascended or descended, and how fast this process lasted depended on how the person died.
The realization that I was in the spirit realm struck me hard, but I didn’t feel the usual tight chest or achy heart that signaled my panic.
My body felt feather light—a weightlessness I hadn’t experienced before. The pain in my chest was gone, and there was no physical pain.
But my mind went to Torin and his bloody tears. I thought I had more time with him, and it was too late to regret not living life to the fullest.
My biggest regret was that I didn’t have enough time to have the family I wanted. With Torin, I should have read The Book of Thoradis, which granted immortality.
I hoped Torin could numb the pain and let me go as he started his own family with a chosen mate. I wished that he would move on. He deserved happiness, even if it was without me.
The spirit world glowed, a ghostly realm of see-through light and swirling hues beyond description. It was beautiful, haunting, and strangely comforting all at once. I wandered through the ever-changing scenery as if in a dream, drawn to the heart of this otherworldly place.
Gardens of vibrant flowers emitting a soft shine surrounded waterfalls that cascaded with stardust. I wondered if the realm was a product of my imagination or if all the other souls saw the same natural beauty I did.
I was alone, but I could feel the presence of unseen others. Voices hummed in the air, but I couldn’t make out their words.
Time and space here intertwined and didn’t work in the same way as in the human realm.
The strangest thing here was the daylight, when the sky was shades of dark blue with small, shiny stars. Sparkling constellations illuminated the expanse, leaving me in awe. In the human realm, one couldn’t see the stars in daylight.
"Breanna." Cordelia's voice sounded like a gentle whisper in the breeze. "You can't stay here for long."
Turning, I saw her standing beside Hayden. My confusion and anger flared at the sight of him, my heart twisting with betrayal and pain.
So it is possible to feel negative emotions here.
"Only a few moments," Cordelia said softly to Hayden. "And then you must go."
"Go?" I demanded, glaring at Hayden. "Why is he here? Did he die too?"
"Breanna…" Hayden's voice caught, sounding pleading. "I love you. I lost myself, but I want to make it right. I'll atone for my mistakes by staying here instead of you. A soul for a soul."
Gasping, I stared at him. I finally looked at Cordelia, and she nodded.
"Forgiveness and redemption," I murmured. "Is that even possible?"
Hayden smiled sadly. "For me, maybe not. But I can find peace knowing I've sent you back." Hayden looked at Cordelia. “Can you show my memories to Breanna?”
Cordelia, with raised eyebrows, nodded.
His gaze fell on me again. "I want you to see how I was made a villain so perhaps you can understand me better. And maybe, just maybe, a little sympathy might grow amidst your hatred."
Part of me wanted to lash out, to scream at him for all the wrongs he’d done to me. But another part, buried deep, ached for the man he once was. For the beaten-up boy I’d first met and the gentle bodyguard he became.
"I don't hate you, Hayden," I told him, and for the first time since entering the spirit realm, I realized it was true. “But I can’t promise you forgiveness. Not today. Maybe later or…not ever.”
The pain he had caused me still lingered, but hate no longer had a place in my heart. I refused to let hate, a dark emotion, consume me. I wouldn’t give it that kind of power over me.
“We need to hurry,” Cordelia said, resting her hand on Hayden’s shoulder as she lifted the other one.
She muttered the words of a spell, and a dark shimmer emerged from the ground like a velvet curtain and morphed into the white fog I’d seen before when she displayed Torin’s memory to me.
The world shifted and swirled before my eyes, and I braced myself for the onslaught of memories that were about to unfold. The images blurred and played like a movie preview as time slowed or sped up, just like she'd done with Torin's memories.
I waited patiently as the fog of magic cleared. I found myself standing in the familiar dungeon in the fairy castle—in front of the same prison cell where Willa had resided for a long time.
The cold stone walls were damp and slick, but there were no wolf guards this time. Willa stood at the threshold of the wide-open prison door, her brown hair untamed, deep shadows underlining her wise brown eyes.
I placed my hand over my heart, trying to calm the wild rhythm. Even if it was just a memory, I still appreciated the chance to see my mother one last time.
Another woman, wearing a long, beautiful gown with wide sleeves, stood beside Willa. Her braided blonde hair fell over one shoulder. Her eyes were the same sky-blue eyes I’d never forget.
The fairy Queen, dazzling in her ethereal beauty, held a whispered conversation with my mother, their voices too low for me to discern the words.
A small boy lingered in the background. He couldn't have been more than five years old, his golden hair tousled and his bright-blue eyes wide.
It took me a moment to realize that this was Hayden—so young, yet already embroiled in the dangerous world of the fairy realm. My heart clenched at the sight of him, so innocent and vulnerable.
The little boy approached the two women cautiously, clutching the hilt of the fairy Queen's gleaming sword in his tiny hands. The blade was extended, and my eyes widened as I watched his every step, mentally praying he wouldn’t trip on the uneven prison floor.
He gripped it tightly, his knuckles white with effort, but he managed to hold it steady as he offered it to Willa. A shy smile graced his lips, his eyes shining at my mother.
"Thank you, young Prince,” Willa said as she accepted the sword.
Willa’s fingers wrapped around the hilt as if it were a lifeline.
The fairy Queen smiled at the boy and patted his head. The little boy all but purred at his mother’s touch.
I teared up, watching the display of their love, wondering where it had all gone wrong. How was Hayden made the villain when he had so much motherly love around him?
"Be careful," the fairy Queen added, her eyes filled with concern. "And remember, you have allies here."
Willa slipped away into the shadows of the dungeon hallways.
The fairy Queen and Hayden had put themselves in danger for someone else—a trait that would carry Hayden through his life and ultimately lead him to me. I didn’t know why they’d helped Willa, but I was grateful. Without their intervention, I wouldn’t have been born.
The memory began to dissolve around me, bringing different images that swirled around as if time had a mind of its own and was deciding when to stop.
The familiar fog that surrounded me cleared. A new scene unfolded before my eyes, a memory of Hayden when he was about fourteen, appearing just as I had first met him in the human realm.
But we weren't in the human realm—we were still in the fairy realm, standing within the grand fairy throne chamber. The room was a breathtaking display of shimmering gems, and the ceiling seemed alive with crystals.
It didn’t escape me that there was only one throne, that of the King—a symbol of his dominance and authority.
"My wife and son are traitors," Hayden's father roared, his voice echoing off the walls.
He looked younger than the last time I’d seen him in this same room. He paced back and forth in front of the throne, his eyes wild and dangerous.
Willa was there too, her hands bound in chains, her body trembling as she knelt on the cold marble floor.
The fairy Queen stood beside my mother, her cheeks wet, her hair disheveled, and her long dress ripped at her shoulder. I stepped closer, and only then did I see the pink color and scrape on her left cheek.
“Please, my King,” the Queen said and bowed, “I beg you to forgive us. Please don’t hurt Hayden, at least. I’ll carry whatever punishment you deem appropriate, but don’t hurt our son.”
It became clear the fairy King had discovered that his wife and Hayden had helped Willa escape nine years ago.
But the Queen’s words only triggered the madman. He growled so loudly that my body vibrated.
“Not only did Willa escape, but she gave birth to a bastard daughter from another man. Do you realize what you’ve done?”
“I’m sorry, my King,” Hayden’s mother said, her head still lowered.
“Your punishment is death,” he said, and gasps filled the air.
The fairy King brandished his sword, its blade glinting under the crystal light. With swift precision, he swung the weapon and thrust it into the fairy Queen's chest, eliciting a breath of pain from her lips.
Her body fell next to a sobbing Willa. She shook her head, tears streaming down her face, staring at the Queen.
"Mother," Hayden cried out from the threshold.
Hayden was tall and scrawny, a slender boy who must have packed on muscle after he joined us in the werewolf kingdom. He dashed toward his father, fists clenched, ready to fight for the woman who had raised and loved him.
"Insolent boy," his father spat, dropping the sword and easily overpowering Hayden.
The King landed blow after brutal blow with his hands. With each punch, the fire within Hayden’s eyes grew stronger, fueled by his love for his mother and his hatred for the man who had taken her away from him.
This was how a villain was made.
My throat constricted, and I couldn’t take another breath as the King kicked the teenaged boy in the stomach.
After one particularly vicious strike, Hayden crumpled to the ground near Willa. Blood trickled down his face, yet his eyes never wavered from Willa's. Something passed between them—perhaps it was their unspoken shared pain.
Willa leaned toward young Hayden. "Get up," she whispered. "Go to the human realm. Find my daughter, Breanna, in the werewolf kingdom. Protect her."
Young Hayden's eyes filled with fierce determination as he nodded, gritting his teeth against the pain. "I'll protect her until I'm old enough to kill the fairy King," he vowed, his voice filled with conviction.
He hadn’t always been a monster, but later, he’d turned into one when he killed this woman.
As the memory began to fade, tears streamed down my cheeks.
The memory shifted, and I found myself standing outside the familiar cave hidden within the lush heart of the werewolf kingdom—my secret place as a child.
The vibrant-green foliage seemed to shimmer with life, casting dappled shadows on the moss-covered ground. A gentle breeze whispered through the leaves, carrying with it the earthy scent of damp soil and the distant melody of birdsong.
A younger version of myself approached the cave's entrance. I remembered this day—I was only nine when I first met abused Hayden, but I had no idea the trauma he’d experienced right before our meeting.
My heart thudded in my chest as I recognized the figure huddled inside—Hayden, bruised and battered, but alive.
"I’m Breanna. Who are you?" I asked gently, kneeling beside him.
One eye fluttered open, the other only halfway.
"Ha-Hayden," he managed to whisper, wincing as he tried to sit up.
"Stay still," I instructed as I assessed his injuries. "You're hurt."
With care that surprised me, I cleaned and bandaged his wounds. As I worked, our eyes met occasionally, sparking a deeper understanding.
Time sped up, but the image of the cave remained. Hayden’s bruises had faded, and the cut flesh at his eye and lip had closed.
I walked deeper into the cave and stood above the young kids, both sitting and facing each other. Hayden leaned in and pressed his lips against the young version of me. It lasted only a second, but my cheeks reddened, and I giggled nervously.
“You’re adorable,” Hayden said to the girl.
It was my first kiss.
The images sped up, and the last image I saw was of the young girl walking away toward the royal manor while Hayden stood at the cave entrance with a broad smile on his boyish face.
“I found you, and I’m never letting go,” he said, but my younger self never heard his words.
The white fog fell around me, swirling in a vortex. When it cleared, I was back in the spirit realm, facing Cordelia and Hayden.
I only nodded toward Hayden, fearing I’d choke on my words. It was a silent farewell. I was grateful to be a part of Hayden’s memories, but they changed nothing.
I wiped my face with the back of my hands. He gave me the same smile he’d hidden from me at the cave entrance.
"Remember, child," Cordelia warned gently. "You must go soon. Time is running out."
Cordelia led me to a twinkling portal, its surface rippling like water in the delicate landscape of the spirit realm. The colors shifted and swirled around us, creating an ever-changing tapestry of light and darkness.
I hesitated, my heart pounding as I glanced back at where Hayden had disappeared.
"Go on," Cordelia urged, her voice gentle but insistent. "This is your way back."
"What about you?" I asked.
Cordelia's eyes filled with a deep sadness that seemed to stretch back centuries. "Only one soul can return, and it'll be you," she said. "Your mate's waiting for you, child."
I nodded. “Thank you, Cordelia.”
As I stepped towards the portal, I couldn't help but glance over my shoulder one last time with more tears brimming in my eyes.
"Go now, Breanna," she said softly. "Live your life and find happiness."
With a final nod, I stepped through the portal, feeling the strange sensation of being pulled apart and stitched back together. As I glanced back, I saw two bright lights, like lightning, disappearing into the brilliant sky. I closed my eyes, hoping with all my heart that they had found peace.
The world outside the spirit realm rushed back in, filling my senses with the scent of blood. I blinked, disoriented for a moment.
"Anna!"
Torin's voice broke through my blurry vision. As my gaze cleared, red eyes radiating love met mine. Torin cradled my body, reminding me of the memory I’d seen when he cradled me as a baby in his arms.
My thoughts drifted back to Hayden's memories, the innocence of the young boy he had once been and the man he had become. How much of his actions were driven by circumstance and the darkness surrounding him, and how much was simply a part of who he was?
I also harbored darkness within me, but Hayden had let his consume him, caving to its sweet allure.
I sighed, feeling a strange sense of relief as I let go of the hatred I had harbored toward him.
As I embraced Torin, I knew that I had made the right choice. I would always carry the memory of Hayden and Cordelia with me, but it was time to move forward and embrace the life waiting for me.