Chapter 24 #2
“Yes, I do.” She looked up at me with red, swollen eyes. “I need to be on my knees because I threw away the most precious thing in my life. I destroyed us because I was too scared to disappoint people who were never going to love me unconditionally anyway.”
“What do you mean?” I found myself kneeling in front of her.
“My family disowned me. When I told them I couldn’t marry him because I was in love with you, my father…” She touched the corner of her mouth where I’d noticed the healing cut. “He called me an abomination and hit me so hard.”
White-hot rage flashed through me. “He hit you?”
She nodded, fresh tears spilling over. “They said I had brought shame on the family and they told me never to come back.”
Without thinking, I reached out and brushed my fingers lightly over the cut on her lip. She closed her eyes at the contact, leaning into my touch as though she had been starved of it.
“He hurt you,” I whispered, my voice shaking with fury. Not at her, but at them. At anyone who could hurt her like that.
“It doesn’t matter.” She opened her eyes, catching my wrist and pressing my palm against her cheek. “None of it matters except you. I chose you, Marley. I stood there in front of everyone and chose you.”
“But you came here looking so…” I paused, my anger shifting into something softer, more protective. “Look at you. You’re exhausted and hurt and—”
“And terrified that you’ll send me away.” Her voice cracked completely. “Terrified that I waited too long, that I hurt you too badly.”
I studied her properly then. The shadows under her eyes, the cut on her lip, the way she was shaking like a leaf.
“You did,” I said softly, still cupping her face. “You fucked me up so badly I thought I might not survive it.”
“I know. I know, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it if you’ll let me.”
“What makes you think I should let you?” But my voice had lost its edge. My thumb traced over her cheekbone, wiping away tears.
“Nothing. I have no right to ask. But I adore you so deeply it feels like I’m drowning without you. I care enough to walk away from everything I’ve ever known. I care enough to beg.”
“You shouldn’t have to beg for love.”
“I’m not begging you to love me. I know you care about me. I can see it in your eyes right now, even though you’re furious with me. I’m begging for a chance to prove I deserve it.”
I was quiet for a long moment, processing everything she’d said.
“So what now? You think you can just show up here and everything goes back to the way it was?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I know it doesn’t work like that. I know I have to earn back your trust. I know I have to prove that I’m serious about this, about us, about building a life together.”
“What kind of life? You don’t even know what you want.”
“I want you.” The certainty in her voice made my breath catch.
“I want to wake up next to you every morning and fight about whose turn it is to make breakfast. I want to learn your language properly so I can tell you I love you in German without mangling it. I want to meet your parents and embarrass you with how eager I am to impress them. And I want to build something real with you, something that’s ours. ”
“And what about your sexuality? Your identity? You can’t just flip a switch and suddenly know who you are.”
She was quiet for a moment, her brow furrowed in thought.
“I don’t know if I’m a lesbian or bisexual or pansexual or something else entirely.
I’m still figuring that out. But I know I’m in love with a woman.
I know I want to spend forever with you.
And if loving you, choosing you, building a life with you makes me queer, then I’m queer. I’m not ashamed of that.”
The honesty in her voice, the respect and humility made me soften despite my best efforts.
“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” she continued, stepping closer.
“I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t worth choosing.
I’m sorry I was too much of a coward to fight for us when it mattered.
But I’m here now, and I’m choosing you now.
And I’ll choose you every day for the rest of my life if you’ll let me. ”
“Princess—”
But she held up her hand.
“I know you probably think I’m just confused, that I’ll change my mind when things get hard. But these past weeks without you have been the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. I’ve had plenty of time to think about what I want, and what I want is you. Just you. Always you.”
The tears I’d been holding back finally spilled over.
“You broke my heart.”
“I know.” She reached for my hands, and I let her take them. “Let me spend the rest of my life putting it back together.”
“They really disowned you?” I asked quietly.
She nodded. “My sister Esther was the only one who stood up for me. Everyone else just watched my father call me those names and didn’t say a word.”
“I’m sorry.” And I meant it. Despite everything, despite how angry I was, the thought of her being hurt like that made my chest ache. “I’m sorry they treated you that way.”
“Are you sorry enough to give me another chance?”
“Princess, seriously?”
“A girl had to try.” She leaned into my palm. “God, I’ve missed your hands.”
“Kelechi…”
“Yes, my love?”
“What happens when things get hard again? When you miss your family or when someone makes you feel ashamed of being with me?”
“Then I’ll remember what it felt like to live without you and choose you again.” She brought her hand up to cover mine. “I’ll remember that losing you is worse than any shame they could make me feel.”
“You promise?”
“I promise. I swear to you, Marley, I will never walk away from you again.”
I stared at her for a long moment, this woman who had broken my heart and was now kneeling in front of me, bruised and abandoned by her family but still choosing me.
“Come here,” I said finally.
She launched herself into my arms so hard we nearly toppled over. I held her tight as she sobbed into my neck, her whole-body trembling.
“I’ve missed you so much, princess,” I murmured into her hair.
“I’ve missed you too.”
“In normal circumstances I’d be too angry to even hear what you had to say. But I care about you too much to do that.” I pulled back to look at her tear-streaked face. “Even though you hurt me. Even though I should probably protect myself and send you away.”
“Thank God you’re not that sensible,” she said with a watery laugh.
“Shut up.” But I was smiling too.
When I kissed her, it was careful, mindful of the cut on her lip. She kissed me back, her hands fisting in my shirt to pull me closer.
“When did you get to Mapleridge?” I mumbled against her lips.
“Four. The flight was exhausting,” she replied.
“Damn, have you showered or even had anything to eat yet?”
“None of the above, having you in my arms again is more fulfilling than any of that. You mean everything to me,” she whispered against my lips. “Absolutely everything.”
“And you to me,” I whispered back. “God help me, you mean everything to me too.”
We held each other on my bedroom floor, both of us wounded in different ways but somehow still unbroken when we were together.