Chapter 15
That night, Raye dreamed of Kalfr.
She dreamed of him laughing, his head tipped back, his dark eyes alight.
She dreamed of him speaking, his voice low and velvety in the darkness, telling her of his goddess, his people’s tales, all the places he’d seen.
And she dreamed of him gasping over her, murmuring heated praises into her ears, as his lithe body arched and shuddered over her, pouring her full of pleasure and relief.
And then… she dreamed of Kalfr growling at her.
Shouting at her. Pleading with her. Gripping his curved sword so tightly his knuckles went pale.
Please, Raye. Svein is yet my son. I only seek to care for him, and keep you both safe.
I am sorry I kept the truth from you. I will do all within my power to regain your trust. I will spurn my bond with Gaelfr, and I will never touch him thus again, without your leave. I swear this, upon the goddess. Please.
Raye awoke with a start, the sweat hot on her face, the dread creeping in her chest. While Kalfr’s voice kept echoing, jangling through her thoughts.
I will spurn my bond with Gaelfr, and I will never touch him thus again, without your leave. I swear this, upon the goddess.
Kalfr had — said that. He’d really said all that, back before she’d made that threat to take Svein away. Hadn’t he? And she hadn’t listened. She’d scarcely heard any of it, through her fury and her crushing sickening fear.
But that vow he’d made, when he’d sworn never to touch Gaelfr again. Had Kalfr… kept that vow? And had Gaelfr known about it? Had that been part of why Gaelfr had stayed away, all this time? Or why Kalfr hadn’t sent for him to come back, even if his own vows had supposedly demanded it?
Raye glanced sideways in the early morning light, toward where Gaelfr was still in the bed beside her.
His eyes were already open, and his brow slowly furrowed as he studied her, his nostrils flaring.
Like he could still smell that memory of Kalfr upon her, dark and bitter and incriminating.
Especially since now she was the one who’d touched Gaelfr.
She was the one who’d let him kneel over her face, and bury himself in her throat.
Raye suddenly couldn’t bear to meet his eyes, and she shoved down to the bottom of the bed and stumbled out of it without touching him. “Just need — the outhouse,” she said thickly. “Back in a moment.”
Gaelfr didn’t make any effort to stop her, which presumably meant he didn’t scent any danger outside, and once Raye had shut herself into the small outhouse, she buried her face in her hands, and took deep, gulping breaths.
It didn’t matter. Whatever this had been between her and Gaelfr, these past few days, it meant nothing.
She couldn’t trust him. He was still dangerous. He was still planning to leave, as soon as Kalfr returned. I should never be so cruel. Worse than you…
And Raye was only doing this for Svein. She needed to feed Svein, protect him, keep him safe from those awful men. And that was all.
She spent far longer in the outhouse than she should have, but when she finally strode back to the cottage, her head was high, her breaths shallow but steady. She didn’t care. She didn’t.
Until she stepped inside, and found… chaos.
Svein was wide awake, gleefully running around the room, strewing clothes in his wake.
While Gaelfr bustled about between the table and the bed, surrounded by goods and textiles, because he was…
packing. Yes, he was packing, wrapping various items into makeshift sacks made of rope and furs, and those were Raye’s furs, and —
“What the hell, Gaelfr?” Raye demanded, her voice ringing through the room. “What are you doing?”
Svein briefly stopped running to dart a worried look over his shoulder, while Gaelfr turned to face her, his brows raised. “I am packing your goods,” he said. “We are leaving here today.”
Raye gaped at him, and then down at the piles of items before him: food, utensils, the woodcutting axe, the meagre remnants of Raye’s clothes, even her ruined bloodstained dress. “What do you mean, we’re leaving?” she shot back. “Now? Why?!”
Gaelfr’s expression didn’t even flicker as he turned to continue his packing, wrapping up plates in one of Raye’s clean dresses.
“You were threatened by armed men yesterday,” he replied, his voice flat.
“It is no longer safe here. Instead of waiting here for Kalfr, we will go to meet him, and find a safer place to stay.”
Raye gulped for breath, and desperately fought through the disbelief, the rising, all-consuming rage. “And you just now happened to realize this? As soon as you woke up this morning?”
But damn it, she already knew Gaelfr’s answer, could see it in that set to his mouth, the spasm in his jaw. “This was settled last eve,” he said. “As soon as I came back here, and scented those men on your doorstep.”
What? So Gaelfr had just decided this yesterday, without any warning or discussion whatsoever? And then, last night, he…
“And why didn’t you bother to mention this last night?” Raye demanded. “Because you wanted —”
Her voice snapped off, her eyes darting toward Svein, who was casting uncertain glances between them, while also haphazardly piling Mr. Snuggles and the Orc Mountain book onto one of Gaelfr’s makeshift sacks.
“I wanted to grant you comfort and ease, last eve,” Gaelfr said tightly, without looking at her.
“And one last night of peace together, in your home.”
Raye whipped her head back and forth, and clamped down the almost overpowering urge to scream. “And that was also your decision to make?” she hissed. “Without even pretending to consult me?”
Gaelfr kept packing, though his shoulders looked stiffer than before. “I swore to keep you safe, woman,” he replied, curt. “And yesterday, I failed in this. So ach, I then wished to soothe you, and tend you, and calm you, until you were at peace again. This is what I have vowed to do!”
Raye’s mouth opened again, but nothing came out, because… Gaelfr had thought he’d failed, by leaving them yesterday? He’d felt guilty, perhaps? And was that why he’d been so kind, so solicitous, once he’d returned? Cooking supper together, sparring with Svein, tending her in bed…
Raye’s eyes closed, because of course it had meant nothing. Of course she knew that, she couldn’t trust him…
“You won’t make us stay here, will you, Mama?” cut in Svein’s small voice. “With the bad men who want to kill us?”
Gods damn it. Raye dragged in a deep breath, forced her blinking eyes to focus on Svein’s wan, worried face. She was doing this for Svein. She needed to keep Svein safe.
And no, it wasn’t safe here. Not with those awful men still watching them, waiting for other orcs to show up. And if Kalfr really was on his way, what then? Would the men attack him? Kill him, while Svein watched?
“Where would we go, then?” Raye made herself ask Gaelfr, through gritted teeth. “And how will we find Kalfr to meet him? Unless you’ve already heard from him somehow, and didn’t bother mentioning that, either?”
Gaelfr shot her an unreadable sidelong look, and kept packing. “I have heard naught from Kalfr, but I will scent him, once we are closer,” he replied. “And we will go west. To Orc Mountain.”
West. To Orc Mountain. To Orc Mountain?!
Raye’s fury surged again, together with a dizzying horror, staggering her on her feet. “You’re taking us to Orc Mountain?” she yelped. “You’re taking Svein there? No, Gaelfr. No. I won’t. I won’t!”
It came out shrill and panicked, and Raye’s hands fluttered to her mouth, her heart thundering in her ears.
No. Gaelfr couldn’t steal Svein away, trap him in that dark impenetrable Orc Mountain, where she would never get him back.
It was everything she’d fought against all this time, years of scrimping and starving and misery, fighting to keep her little family together, to keep Svein safe —
“You promised, Gaelfr,” Raye gasped, blinking at him through blurry, stinging eyes. “You promised you’d keep us safe. You swore to the goddess!”
There was an instant’s empty silence, Gaelfr’s face hazy and still as he gazed back at her.
And then he strode toward her, closing the space between them in three quick steps, and Raye flinched at the feel of his hand on her back.
Spreading against her, stroking up and down, as if he was… caressing her. Reassuring her.
“Do not fear, woman,” he said. “I will not force you or Svein into Orc Mountain, if you do not wish it. We will find another safe place to stay nearby, instead.”
Raye hauled in a breath, and frantically searched Gaelfr’s too-close face. He looked sober, stubborn, as if he truly meant that, but… Orc Mountain, Orc Mountain, she needed to keep Svein safe, and —
“But I must yet visit the mountain myself, if naught else,” Gaelfr continued, as his hand kept stroking, steady and warm. “For it is there that we will find help, and learn how to best face the threat of these men.”
But it wasn’t helping, it wasn’t, and Raye kept searching his face. “But you — you’re leaving, Gaelfr,” she croaked. “You can’t do any of this, because you’re leaving us, forever! As soon as Kalfr comes, you said! So now, that could be — today!”
It rang through the room, afraid and accusing and… hurt. And no, Raye didn’t care if Gaelfr left, she didn’t… but she couldn’t make herself say it. Not even after everything he’d done last night, everything he’d already done today. She should hate him, she should want him to go away forever.
But then another thought struck her, stronger than the rest. Maybe Gaelfr still hated her, too. Maybe he really was only gritting his teeth and doing his sworn duty by the goddess, in Kalfr’s stead. Maybe he just wanted to be rid of her, and free of this entire mess, as soon as possible, forever.
But Gaelfr still stood close beside her, his hand stroking her back, and now Svein’s familiar body eased into Raye’s other side, his hand patting her shoulder.
“Don’t worry, Mama,” he said, with an encouraging smile.
“Papa Gaelfr won’t leave us yet. Not until he’s sure we’ll be safe from the bad men.
Because he swore it to the goddess. Right, Papa? ”
Raye followed Svein’s hopeful gaze up toward Gaelfr, who was blinking back toward Svein’s face, his broad shoulders rising and falling. As if he might still refuse, he might hand them off to Kalfr as quickly as possible, and never look back…
“Ach, my son,” he replied, as his hand slightly spasmed on Raye’s back. “I will not leave you until I am sure you both are safe.”
Oh. And Raye should not have sagged into Gaelfr’s side like that. Should not have turned head toward his shoulder, breathing in his rich musky scent…
“That will take a few more days, at least, won’t it?” she asked, hoarse, toward the floor. “Even after we find Kalfr?”
And gods curse her, because it meant… she wanted that much from Gaelfr, at least. She wanted to know they had him for at least a few more days. No matter what happened with Kalfr, no matter what came next.
“A few more days, then,” Gaelfr’s gruff voice said. “If you will now trust me, woman, and obey me, and come.”
Trust him. Obey him. Raye stiffened against him, and fought down her grimace. Of course now he would use this against her, and she should refuse. She should snap back at him, or find another way. He was dangerous, she couldn’t trust him, but…
She needed him. She needed to keep Svein safe. No matter the cost.
“Fine,” she said, though she couldn’t meet Gaelfr’s eyes. “Fine. I’ll come.”