Chapter 38
Kissing Kalfr was like falling into a whirling, wheeling abyss. Lost in the taste of him, the softness of his lips, the gentle caress of his tongue.
But strongest of all were the sudden, almost-forgotten memories, blaring behind Raye’s eyes.
The first time he’d ever kissed her, cautious and chaste, in her garden beneath the moonlight.
The second time he’d done it, against her front door, her face cupped reverently in his hands.
And all the times after, when he’d so often done it deep and thorough, plundering her mouth as his body had rocked over her, cradling her close and safe onto her bed.
And for a breathless, burning instant, Raye thought maybe — maybe he would do it again.
Maybe he would guide her back down onto the altar, and sink into her with such reverent, certain sweetness.
Maybe he would cover over everything she’d just done with his warmth, his approval, his protection.
He would prove to her he still cared, and prove it to all his kin, too.
But instead, his mouth suddenly froze against Raye’s, his body rigid and still. As if he’d just remembered what this was. Who she was.
And in a jerky movement, he drew away. Dropped his eyes. And turned his head sideways, toward where several of the previously watching orcs had come over to speak to him — apparently offering him their congratulations and best wishes, grinning and clapping him on the shoulder.
It left Raye kneeling alone and untouched, her lips tingling from the kiss, and her — oh.
Her previously lovely chemise, now wrinkled and streaked with white.
Her bare breasts, still spilling out flushed and swollen over its neckline.
Her groin, her thighs, still smeared all over with thick, viscous fluid.
And her arse, still bared beneath her rucked-up chemise, and now feeling distinctly flushed and bruised and tender — not only where Gaelfr had slapped her, but where he’d rammed his way inside her, too.
Where she still felt slack and open, and could still feel Gaelfr’s leavings oozing out of her, dripping down toward the fur.
Raye’s face burned, and too late, she yanked at the chemise’s hem and neckline.
But her fingers were shaking, her mouth trembling, and she almost sobbed at the feel of Gaelfr’s warm capable hands, turning her toward him, and pulling the chemise firmly back into place — and then he produced a cloth from his trousers, and began carefully mopping between her thighs.
“Should you… wish for any proper tending?” he asked, low and careful, beneath the still-rising chatters and voices around them. “Or a healer, mayhap?”
The vision of Gaelfr’s tongue licking between her legs flared with dizzying force, but Raye squeezed her eyes shut, and vehemently shook her head.
She couldn’t bear more of this right now, even if it was that.
And what would Kalfr think, what would he say, if Gaelfr were to start tending her like that, now?
Because despite that blessing Kalfr had spoken at the end, the rest of it was rising again, bitter and humiliating.
Kalfr had still exposed her. He’d still fucked her without touching her.
And he still couldn’t even stand to kiss her.
Something had begun prickling behind Raye’s closed eyes, and she could feel Gaelfr’s slow exhale, fluttering against her hair. “This was… a good showing, saeta,” he said, quiet. “We should not have gained this band, without you.”
Raye fought down her scoff, but it was enough that she could open her eyes, and frown at his strangely intent face. “Don’t lie to me, Gaelfr,” she hissed back, hoarse. “If it wasn’t for me, you would have gotten the band without hesitation. I was… a liability to you. To him.”
She darted a helpless sideways look toward Kalfr, who was still smiling and nodding at the half-dozen orcs now circled around him — but then Gaelfr clasped her jaw, turned her face toward him again.
“You were not,” he said stubbornly. “You have brought us great honour and peace with your deeds today. You have gained us the goddess’ blessing. ”
Raye attempted a scoff, but her eyes were prickling again, her cheek spasming against Gaelfr’s hand. “B-but,” she began, with another sidelong glance at Kalfr. “He was still… it wasn’t even… he was only doing it for…”
Gods, she couldn’t say it, because it was too painful, too shameful, the miserable truth creeping closer with every breath.
Kalfr had wanted that band, so he’d done everything he could to gain it.
He’d fucked her, he’d said what he’d needed to say, but otherwise, he’d still made his position excessively clear, hadn’t he?
He still didn’t care about her. He still hated her.
He was still only doing this for Svein. She couldn’t trust him…
“Peace, saeta,” Gaelfr said, quiet now, as his warm hand gently caressed her cheek. “I can scent my ástvinur, ach? You pleased and honoured him in this. You kept your vow toward him. And” — he took a breath — “you showed yourself brave, and loyal, and lusty, and beautiful.”
Brave. Loyal. Lusty. Beautiful. Raye blinked at him, disbelieving, because Gaelfr couldn’t have just said all that. Gaelfr didn’t believe that. Gaelfr thought she was scrawny, and greedy, and jealous. I should never have dreamt he could find worse than you…
But he looked even more stubborn than before, and he slipped down a hand, and curved over her breast through her chemise. “We were the envy of every Bautul in this room,” he whispered. “Even Silfast could not deny your beauty in this.”
Raye’s cheeks unaccountably heated again, and though she kept searching Gaelfr’s face, she couldn’t find a trace of sarcasm or guile. But maybe he just wanted to believe it himself, so Kalfr would believe it too. Because he still only cared about saving Kalfr, right?
“And,” Gaelfr continued, still very quiet, as he plucked out a fresh cloth from his pocket, and began wiping at Raye’s hot face. “You have not forgotten what I told you upon this, ach? About how he needs the power in this? How he needs to learn this again?”
Right. Raye swallowed, and nodded against Gaelfr’s stroking cloth, because yes, if nothing else, that had been all about power, hadn’t it? About Kalfr’s power over her, his command, his humiliation, his punishment.
“Good,” Gaelfr said firmly, as he lowered the cloth back down again, wiping at her thighs, stroking at her tender crease.
At where it still felt sticky and damp, but not nearly as messy as before, and Gaelfr grunted with satisfaction as he smoothed out her chemise.
“Now come, and keep showing yourself a good, worthy mate for us.”
He nudged her toward where Kalfr was now on his feet beside the altar, his trousers back in place, his smile still firmly on his face.
Though once Raye had accordingly joined Gaelfr beside him, it occurred to her that Kalfr’s smile looked strained, and his glance toward her and Gaelfr might have been relieved.
“Ach, my beloved kin,” he said, and he even slid a hand to circle tentatively around Raye’s waist. “Our kind brothers have many well wishes for us, and some of them wish to know more about our new band, also.”
Right. So this was still work, then, it was still part of the show, and Gaelfr knew it, too.
Clearly this was why he’d comforted Raye, and shunted her over here in the first place.
And it took almost all her remaining strength to nod and smile, and to show herself a good, worthy mate, like they wanted.
She’d vowed to do this, she needed to do this, for Svein.
But the conversation passed in mostly a haze, and Raye could scarcely recall any of the orcs’ names, even though she’d met several of them already today.
She did vaguely note that Kalfr invited some of them to join his band, too, and though the orcs seemed pleased by this, Gaelfr occasionally looked confused, or disapproving.
But he didn’t dispute any of Kalfr’s choices, and instead only kept standing close behind Raye, stroking her back.
And once the orcs finally filtered away, he helped her fully dress and fix her hair again before guiding her out into the corridor.
Where the haziness kept swirling, blunting everything into a weary, empty flatness.
Nod, smile, speak the right words, prove it, keep her vow.
She distantly registered running into the Kesst orc again in the corridor, because he gave her a narrow look, and demanded whether she didn’t want a healer.
But Raye smiled and dismissed that too, despite the ever-growing soreness between her legs, and Kalfr and Gaelfr’s sidelong glances toward her.
“I’d just like to go see Svein, actually,” she said, perhaps the first genuine statement she’d uttered since the altar. “He’ll surely be wondering where we are by now, right?”
Thankfully, no one protested, and Raye’s awareness jolted closer once they found Svein still in the schoolroom, happily playing with wooden swords with several of the other young orcs.
But upon seeing Raye and Kalfr and Gaelfr at the door, his eyes lit up, and he instantly dropped the sword with a clatter, and rushed over into Raye’s arms.
“Mama!” he exclaimed, quivering as he clutched her tight. “You came back! I have so much to tell you! I had so much fun, and did so many new things!”
Raye squeezed him back, drinking up the wonderful truth of his beloved form against her, the sweet scent of his head, the messy curls escaping his braid, tickling at her cheek.
“Oh, I’m so glad, love,” she croaked, and oh gods, she was not going to cry, she wasn’t. “I would love to hear everything.”