Benny
My chest is still feeling warm and glowy from my thirty-second interaction with Bree when I drop on the couch beside Colby and lean my head back. His laptop is open on his knees as he goes through photos from his trip, marking which ones he wants to edit and submit.
I pick up my guitar and strum, humming the tune to Bree’s new song.
“That was fast. Did you save her from her fears?” Colby asks.
“She didn’t need me.”
Colby shoots me a look. “Beg to differ. You know she watches you when she doesn’t think you’re looking, right?”
I close my eyes, my hand growing still against the guitar strings. “Are you trying to give me a complex? Nothing good can come of this.”
“Why not? You clearly still have feelings for her.”
“Clearly?”
“She says jump, you ask how high.”
“That’s low.” I set the guitar down, frowning.
He lifts an eyebrow. “Am I wrong?”
Is he? “I’m not whipped, if that’s what you mean. But she’s in a vulnerable state, and I have a chance to be here for her.”
“Almost like you guys are getting a second chance.”
“No, because I’m old enough to recognize the things that got in the way of us being together before would still be problems now.”
My phone buzzes, so I pull it from my pocket and read the text.
Bree
I might have spoken too soon
Benny
Did a blue jay make its way into the bathroom?
Bree
That’s a weird guess. For your information, it has nothing to do with birds
Benny
What is it, then?
Bree
The dolls. I can’t handle the dolls
Benny
I’ll be right over.
Bree
THANK YOU
“Apparently your mom’s dolls are freaking her out.” I stand, stretching. And, I’ll admit, it feels good to be needed. Too good? I don’t want to think about that. That thought is better left in a bottom drawer, tucked under the pants I never wear but can’t bring myself to give away.
“Oh, yeah? They don’t even have wings.” Colby’s laughing.
“I don’t think that’s the problem.”
Colby gives me a look. “You can’t get rid of them.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Bree said to jump.”
I shake my head, but when I reach the door, I give him a look. “Don’t worry. Nothing’s going to happen to the collection.”
“I know, man.” Colby goes back to his computer as I slip outside.
“I feel ridiculous,” Bree whispers, standing so close that the hair rises on the back of my neck. “What’s Colby going to think?”
“He won’t care. Don’t worry.” We brought all the dolls to my garage so they wouldn’t even be in the vicinity of her sleeping quarters.
Her hand slides around my bicep as I push a tote box into place. She breathes out a heavy sigh and leans her forehead on my shoulder. “I’m being a baby.”
“You’re entitled to it. You watched a horror movie tonight and you’re sleeping alone in an unfamiliar house.”
She looks up. “You’re being too nice. They’re just dolls.”
My head tilts back and forth a little. “The eyes are a little much.”
She reaches for the final tote box and lifts the lid, where two cushioned dolls and their glassy eyes are staring into our souls. Bree shudders. “Okay, I don’t regret it. But maybe wait to tell Colby their fate until I’m safely back in New York.”
My body freezes at the way she talks about slipping out of my life as easily as she slipped into it. I try to read her face, searching for any clue to how this makes her feel, but come up empty. “Is that where you live?”
“Most of the time. Sometimes I stay in Sunset Harbor, where our family house is in Florida.”
“The one you grew up in?” I’d been out there with her a handful of times while we were dating. But by then, she spent a lot of time in New York and LA, too.
“Yeah. My sisters and I went in on the house together after my parents got divorced, so we co-own it as a vacation home. But my main apartment is in New York.”
I lift the last box and slide it into place, then dust my hands off. “That’s it. Your house is now doll free.”
“To be clear, I don’t have anything against the dolls.”
“Right.”
“I couldn’t sleep thinking about them being in there, stacked like a little glass Victorian army.”
My grin is hard to suppress. “After watching a really old movie about birds.”
“It doesn’t have to make sense.”
“Good, because it doesn’t.”
“Hey!” Bree nudges my chest. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”
I capture her hand. “I boxed them up, didn’t I?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
I tug at her hand. “Come on. I’ll walk you back home.”
We head for the side door to the garage and slip into the dark.
“You want to come over in the morning and practice?” I ask. “We’ll have the studio sometime next week.”
Bree stops on the lawn between the houses and faces me, her brow puckering. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Because I’m usually such a jerk?”
“No. I know you’re a good man. But it doesn’t…this is just…I want to understand what’s happening here, I think.”
You and me both. I’m desperate to know where her head is at and how quickly she’s planning to drop me once she returns to her life. “If you want full credit for the song, that’s fine—”
“That’s not what I mean. I’m not speaking on a professional level, Benny.” She shakes her head, frowning. “I don’t care about any of that right now.”
“Really? Because it seems like you care a lot about your career. You traveled across the country and hid to ride out a scandal because you do care so much about your career. Which, you should. You’re good at what you do.”
“Was.”
“What?”
“I was good at what I did. Now there’s nothing to go back to. I’m not an idiot. I know I crossed a line. The public might forget eventually, but I’m canceled. Once you’re canceled, you can’t come back.”
“Who told you that?”
“The headlines. Print media is still a thing. Did you think I’d totally miss the magazine racks with the giant headlines about Bree Belacourt being canceled?
Because I caught some today, and they’ve been running on a loop in my head.
It’s fine—I didn’t expect any less. Honestly…
this song might smooth some feelings, but we can’t expect anything more from it. ”
“You’re being a bit of a downer.”
“I blew it, and I know it. I’m being a realist.”
My jaw hurts from clenching it so hard. Why am I holding back? Why aren’t I telling her how I feel? She’s being honest with me and asking me to return the favor. “Why do you care so much what a bunch of faceless people on the internet think, anyway?”
“They aren’t faceless to me. My fans built my name. Without them, I’d be nothing, and I owe them.”
“Which is remarkably modest of you, but it doesn’t change the fact that they’re the ones turning on you now.”
“They have a right to.”
“No one has a right to say the things they’re saying.”
“So it’s true,” she says in a small voice. “I haven’t been on social media, but I assumed it was a lot like the magazines I saw in that shop.”
“Yeah.” I swallow hard. The cold air is starting to get to me, but I fight it. “It’s not pretty. We should work on getting the song out soon.”
She groans, throwing her arms out. “What’s the point?”
“Hey,” Colby’s voice comes through the window screen on the side of my house. “You guys are being kind of loud.”
Bree drops her face in her hands.
“But hang on a sec,” he calls.
“Sorry,” I mutter. We were getting a little heated at the end there. “We’re getting careless.”
“It’s on me,” she says. “I should have taken the conversation inside.”
Colby strides outside. “I have an idea.”
I give him a hard look. Bree and I weren’t exactly discussing our relationship—it’s nonexistent, so there’s nothing to talk about.
Yes, I’ve felt the pull toward her I’ve always felt, but that’s just chemistry.
Right? I’ll never not feel a buzz in her general vicinity or the desire to be closer to her when we’re sharing the same air.
“What if I do a video of your song?” Colby asks.
Bree and I stand side by side in silence.
“How do you know about it?” she asks.
I rub the back of my neck. “Uh, guilty.”
I’d told Colby about the song. He’d heard me on the phone trying to get the studio after hours. I’d even explained what Bree hoped to accomplish with it. He’d thought it was a good idea.
“Putting out another song to cover the one you already did is fine,” Colby says, “but I have the equipment to make a low-stakes music video. We can go acoustic, Ben on the guitar, but we won’t show his face if that’s what you want, and shoot at the beach at sunset or something.”
“Sounds a lot like a commercial I almost did for my brother a while ago,” she mutters, rubbing her eyes. “I don’t know.”
“A video with a simultaneous song release will have a bigger impact,” I say tentatively. “It’s not a terrible idea.”
“Gee, thanks,” Colby says sarcastically. “I was thinking this could be a mutually beneficial situation. We can use it to promote the concert.”
Bree takes a step back. “I’m not ready for something like that. It’s too public.”
“You’ll have to face people at some point.”
“Not this soon.”
“It’s okay, Bree,” I say, shooting Colby a look. “No one is going to force you to do anything you’re not ready for. Besides, you can’t get on that stage because I’m definitely not ready for that, and I made that promise.”
She gives a weak laugh.
“Will you still do the video, Cole?” I ask him.
“Sure. It’s your best chance for a wide spread, Bree. You give people something to share along with the music, and a place to leave a caption.”
I wish I’d thought of it first, but I’m not a PR guru, and I don’t have Colby’s genius brain. When I face Bree, she’s watching me, waiting for my reaction. I nod. “I think it’s a good idea. If you’re up for it.”
“I’m up for it. But I don’t know if anyone’s going to want to see my face.”
“Since when have you let anyone else have power over your feelings?” Colby asks. “Don’t you have a song about owning your emotions?”
Her mouth opens, but no sound comes out. She promptly closes it again.
“‘Mine to Feel’, right?” I ask.
“Yeah, that’s the one.” She’s oddly quiet.
“If you want to skip the beach thing, we can use my backyard. I have a shot in mind that would work.”
“I don’t mind shooting at a beach,” she says.
“We could do both, then.”
“What about Duncan’s Landing? There’s a good cove there.”
Colby nods. “Sure. That works.”
“Wait…” Bree says, “what if we did a parody?”
“Of what?”
Bree’s smile widens, her eyes flashing between us. She draws her arms tighter around herself, but her smile is open. “You mentioned the places they filmed The Birds aren’t too far away, right?”
Colby laughs. “Aren’t you terrified of that—”
“Not in broad daylight,” she says, cutting Colby off with a wave of her hand.
“The song has a few bird themes in it, so it’s not totally unconnected.
It would give me a sense of connection to this time in my life, too, and this refuge.
Besides, this is where the song was created.
But it’s subtle. Unless people are major fans of the movie, is anyone really going to make the connection on their own? ”
“I don’t know, Bree. Your fans are super sleuths.”
“Not that super, or they’d have found me already.”
“She makes a good point,” Colby concedes.
“Well, if you want to check out the school they filmed at, I can take you over tomorrow. It’s in Bodega. We can scout it as a location for filming.”
“That sounds good.” Her grin widens. “But if we see even one blackbird, I’m out of there.”
A slow, low chuckle rolls from my chest. So much for broad daylight, eh? “That’s fair. We can head over around noon. Colby?”
“I’m busy, and I’ve seen it a million times. You guys look around. When you have all your locations chosen and the song recorded, we’ll worry about shooting.”
“Give us a week, then.”
“Thanks for doing this,” Bree says, sounding extremely grateful.
Colby seems to clock this, because he gives her a nod I interpret as acceptance before he heads back inside. If he was hesitant at first about her showing up in my life again, he seems to be warming to the idea now. “Good night, Bree.”
We make it to her porch and she smiles up at me.
“You want me to tuck you in?” I ask, before I can think better of it.
She reads my face for much longer than the question warranted, chewing on her lip like she’s considering accepting me. “Not tonight.”
Once the door is closed and the deadbolt locked, I kick myself the entire walk back to my house.
Just friends. Just friends. Just friends.
Maybe if I say it enough, I’ll believe it.