Chapter 10
We find Kevin in Narragansett,Rhode Island. He hasn’t changed that much. Still the same old person who loves to surf and is loyal only to the waves. He invites us to dinner. Ethan declines the invitation, saying it should be just us, but Kevin insists that the more, the merrier.
“Seriously, you guys should come out tomorrow morning,” Kevin says, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, laid-back as ever. His sun-kissed hair falls into his eyes, and he brushes it away in that carefree manner that always made my heart skip when we were younger. “The waves have been epic these past few days.”
I feel my stomach flutter, a mixture of nostalgia and nerves. “Surfing has never been for me,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady.
Ethan leans forward, elbows on the table. “What happened to improvising?” he asks mockingly.
I shoot him a look that I hope reads as ‘traitor’ but probably comes off more ‘adorably flustered’. My cheeks heat up, and I resist the urge to kick him under the table.
“Great,” Kevin exclaims, oblivious to what I want, which isn’t anything new. That’s just him. And probably this is it, the moment to confront the jumble of feelings I’ve neatly boxed and labeled ‘Kevin - Do Not Open.’
I draw in a deep breath that tastes like sea salt and bravery. My heart pounds in my chest as I speak. “I haven’t surfed since . . .” My words trail off, and I don’t need to finish the sentence.
“Since us,” Kevin fills in, and there’s a flicker of something in his eyes—a shared history that still smolders between us. His gaze locks with mine, and for a moment, it’s as if no time has passed at all.
“Right,” I manage, forcing a laugh that sounds more convincing than I feel. I break eye contact, focusing on the napkin I’m twisting in my lap. “As you remember, I was never good at it.”
Ethan’s phone rings, and he excuses himself. I watch Ethan rise from the table, a look of chagrin crossing his face before he disappears into the night, leaving me alone with Kevin. My heart races as I realize the gravity of the situation, and I wonder if I’m ready to face the past.
Isn’t that why we’re here?I ask myself. If not now, when?
“Five years, huh?” Kevin says, breaking the silence. He leans back in his chair, the flickering candlelight casting shadows across his sun-kissed features. His eyes hold a mixture of curiosity and something else I can’t quite decipher. “You’ve changed, Lily. Never thought I’d see you going across the country to . . . What did you say you were doing here?”
I feel my heart race, unsure if I should tell him the truth. My palms grow clammy, and I discreetly wipe them on my jeans beneath the table. “I didn’t,” I respond, my voice sounding more confident than I feel. “I’m just full of surprises these days.” I flash him a smile, hoping it comes across as enigmatic rather than nervous.
Kevin raises an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “You are. I never thought you’d be dating a . . . What is he again?” He glances toward where Ethan left, his eyes narrowing slightly. “He looks rough, athletic, but built like a brick. Like some Army guy or security dude, yet, he also looks like corporate America.”
I think he just described Ethan perfectly. He’s all of those at the same time and maybe more. So far, he’s surprised me a lot. Singing to *NSYNC and Backstreet Boys was . . . a total surprise. Though he also loves AC/DC, Queen, and . . . he has eclectic taste in music. Not what I expected at all.
“Ethan is unexpected,” I say, not confirming or denying that I’m dating him. My heart skips a beat as I think about Ethan, and I can’t help but wonder what other surprises he has hiding and if I’ll be able to discover them all before we walk away from each other.
Kevin leans forward, his elbows resting on the table as he fixes me with an intense stare. “So, if you’re not here to surf, why visit?”
I feel my throat tighten, and I take a sip of water to buy myself a moment. The truth dances on the tip of my tongue, but I’m not sure I’m ready to voice it aloud. I meet Kevin’s gaze, searching for the right words.
“Zoe says I’m having some kind of mid-life crisis,” I confess, my eyes dropping to the table as I fiddle with the napkin in my lap. A rueful smile tugs at my lips, and I feel a twinge of embarrassment admitting this to Kevin. “Probably because everyone in my family is married, engaged, or has a life partner.”
Kevin tilts his head, studying me with a mixture of curiosity and understanding. “You have an Ethan,” he states, his tone neutral but his eyes searching mine. “Unless things between you are . . . Is this why you’re doing this? Trying to see if the trip fixes or breaks your relationship?”
I feel a pang in my chest at his words, and I take a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. There’s no way I’m telling him that Ethan and I are nothing. “I’m trying to learn from my past,” I state, meeting his gaze with a newfound determination. “So I don’t make the same mistakes in the future.”
“Interesting.” He gives me a look, his eyebrows raised slightly. “I take it you came to learn from me then.”
I can’t help but let out a short, humorless laugh. “Only trying to figure out why we didn’t work out,” I state, my voice tinged with a mix of bitterness and nostalgia. “Then I remember you sticking your . . . tongue and dick in someone else’s mouth in our bed.”
Kevin’s face falls, and he looks away, a flash of guilt crossing his features. “You still don’t get it,” he starts, but I cut him off.
“What?”
He reaches across the table, taking my hand in his. I move it, because I honestly don’t feel like being touched by him. “Love, like everything, is free. You can’t contain it.” His eyes lock with mine, and I see a glimmer of the old Kevin, the one I fell for years ago. He’s suave, persuasive, and so dreamy that you really can’t see what he is . . . Full of shit.
“A part of me still belongs to you, you just refuse to share it, babe,” he says, his voice low and seductive. He leans closer, his eyes smoldering with unspoken promises. “If you want, I can take you to my place. Remind you how good we are together.”
Before I can respond, go and fuck yourself, I catch sight of Ethan approaching the table, his brow furrowed with concern. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, I think we should get going,” I say, my voice a little too high-pitched. I stand abruptly, nearly knocking over my chair in my haste to create distance between Kevin and myself.
Ethan calls the waiter who brings the check, his eyes darting between Kevin and me, trying to gauge the situation.
“I invited you. I should pay,” Kevin states, reaching for the bill.
“That’s okay. We’ll take care of it,” Ethan says, his voice firm. He takes my hand, pulling me to him, and I feel a shot of electricity shoot through my body at his touch. It’s like a thousand tiny fireworks exploding beneath my skin, and I can’t help but lean into him, craving more.
As we head to the hotel where we’re staying, Ethan glances at me, his eyes soft with concern. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” I reply, my voice distant as I try to process the evening’s events.
“He upset you,” Ethan states, his tone gentle but knowing.
I glance at him, surprised. How does he know? Am I that transparent, or is he just that perceptive?
“I take it you figured out why you broke up with douche number one?” he asks, trying to inject some humor into the situation.
I scoff and tell him about the time I found Kevin in bed with someone else and all the others I caught him in lies, but believed him when he said they were just friends. “If he had told me that monogamy wasn’t his thing . . . It’s about giving me the choice, you know.”
Ethan nods, his expression thoughtful. “If he had told you from the beginning?”
I pause, considering the question. My heart aches with the weight of past hurt and betrayal, but a part of me wonders if things could have been different. If Kevin had been honest from the start, would I have made a different choice? The thought lingers in my mind as we continue our walk, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore a distant backdrop to the tumult of my emotions.
I take a deep breath, letting the salty air fill my lungs as I contemplate my answer. “Honestly, I don’t know. I was a different person five years ago. Now, it’d definitely be a nope.” My voice is steady, but I feel a twinge of sadness for the na?ve girl I once was.
Ethan walks beside me in silence, and I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking. His profile is illuminated by the soft glow of the streetlights, and I find myself admiring the strong line of his jaw. Finally, I can’t take the suspense any longer. “How about you?” I ask, nudging him gently with my elbow.
He glances at me, a wry smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “I’m pretty upfront,” he responds, his tone casual but honest. “No names, no attachments . . . never callbacks.”
I raise an eyebrow, trying to gauge his sincerity. “So your number is really big, huh?” I tease, hoping to lighten the mood.
Ethan laughs, the sound rich and warm. “Not really. I’ve never had a relationship or been in love. I consider it zero. You on the other hand have tried fifteen times to fall in love—find your soulmate. I think that’s brave. Many would’ve given up by now.”
I stop walking, turning to face him fully. My brow furrows as I search his face, trying to understand. “And you don’t feel like you’re missing something?”
He meets my gaze, his eyes intense and unwavering. “Nope.” Then, he pauses, a mischievous glint in his eye. “So, are we surfing tomorrow?”
I groan, rolling my eyes as I remember my earlier confession. “As I said, I suck,” I remind him. “I’m not even embarrassed to recognize that I can’t stand on a board for more than two seconds before I lose my equilibrium.”
Ethan steps closer, his presence both comforting and electrifying. “Maybe it was the teacher,” he suggests, his voice low and confident. “If I were to teach you, it’d be different.”
I tilt my head, intrigued by his offer. “You know how to surf?”
He winks at me, his smile boyish and charming. “I was a SEAL and stationed in San Diego. What do you think?”
My heart skips a beat at his revelation, and I can’t help but imagine him riding the waves, his body taut and powerful. The thought sends my nerves into overdrive, and I find myself nodding. “Okay, you’re on. But if I drown, it’s on you.”
Ethan laughs, slinging an arm around my shoulders as we continue walking. “Don’t worry, I’ll save you,” he promises, and for a moment, I believe him completely.