Chapter 18
The entire day,Lily has been avoiding me, her eyes darting away every time I try to catch her gaze, her body language closed off and guarded. She’s been skillfully dodging any conversation that can lead us to the kiss we shared last night, the memory of her soft lips against mine still fresh in my mind, a tantalizing reminder of the electricity that crackled between us.
It takes extreme agility to hike with someone and yet stay far away from them, and Lily is a master at this game of emotional hide-and-seek, her steps quick and purposeful as she navigates the winding trails.
I watch her from a distance, my heart heavy with a mixture of longing and confusion, the conflicting emotions warring within me. Though I could pursue her, could try to break through the walls she’s erected around herself, I’m giving her space, my own thoughts a tangled mess of uncertainty and desire. I don’t even know what to make of that kiss, the way it set my soul on fire and left me aching for more.
Do I like her?
The question haunts me. She’s pretty—no, she’s fucking gorgeous, with her sparkling eyes and infectious laugh, her wild curls dancing in the breeze. I can see myself doing more than just kissing her. My body responding to the mere thought of her touch, the heat of her skin against mine. But . . . that’s all I can offer her, right? A fleeting moment of passion, a brief break from the loneliness that seems to plague us both.
There’s a reason why she wanted to search for all the men she’s dated, a quest for closure and answers, a desperate bid to learn how to find the one who’ll love her forever. And as much as I want to be that person for her, as much as my heart yearns to be the one to make her smile, to chase away the shadows of her past, I know that I’m not equipped for that kind of commitment, that kind of depth.
I, on the other hand, have never had time for more than just the moment, a string of casual encounters and short-lived flings that never quite managed to fill the void inside me. It’s relatively funny, knowing that I like to follow plans, schedules, and patterns in every other aspect of my life, but when it comes to love? That’s just an illusion, a fairy tale that I’ve long since stopped believing in.
We weave through the crowds of NashVibes, the weight of the kiss with Lily pressing heavily on my mind, a juxtaposition to the lightness of the festival air. I’m not one for crowds, my years as a SEAL having hardwired me for vigilance.
NashVibes is a world away from the structured life I’ve known, a kaleidoscope of colors and sounds that threatens to overwhelm my senses. The throngs of people, the relentless beat of music—it’s all so alien, a far cry from the quiet discipline of military life.
Yet, I find myself caught up in its pulse, the energy of the crowd infectious, even as I struggle to maintain my composure. I do it for Lily, whose laughter rings clearer than any tune played here.
“Excuse me,” I murmur as I sidestep a group decked out in an impressive array of glitter and glow sticks, their faces painted with neon designs that glow under the black lights scattered throughout the venue. They’re lost in their own world, a bubble of euphoria that I can’t quite penetrate, my mind too focused on finding Lily, on making sure she’s safe and happy in this unfamiliar territory.
“Where are you, Lil?” I mutter under my breath, scanning the crowd with growing anticipation. My heart races as I search for her familiar face among the sea of people. There’s a certain art to finding someone in a crowd; it feels like a game we’ve played many times before.
The air is rich with the scent of street food and excitement, and I swear I can almost taste the cotton candy on my tongue from a vendor nearby. The rhythm of the music pulses against my ribs, urging me to move, to find her, to be part of this night together. I feel the energy of the crowd coursing through my veins, and I can’t help but tap my foot to the beat.
“Come on, Ethan,” I coach myself, feeling that familiar thrill that only comes with these spontaneous moments—the ones that seem small but stick to your soul. It’s the same feeling I get whenever I see her after time apart, the way my heartbeat picks up just a bit more. My palms begin to sweat, and I wipe them on my jeans, trying to calm my nerves.
And then I spot the sunflower print blouse—a touch of her creative spirit—in the distance. My heart does that funny little skip, and I can’t help the grin that takes over my face. I feel a warmth spread through my chest, and I know it’s not just from the summer heat.
“Found you,” I whisper, my steps quickening as I weave through the crowd, dodging a couple swaying to the music and a guy with a backpack shaped like a rocket. My eyes never leave her, afraid that if I blink, she’ll disappear.
She’s backstage in the corner speaking with someone. Colton Barnes. The frontman for The Lunar Tides. I can recognize him almost anywhere. An unknown feeling hits me. What could they be talking about? I take a deep breath, trying to push the feeling aside. I trust Lil, and I know there’s nothing to worry about. But still, I can’t help the way my heart clenches at the sight of them together.
Navigating through the dense crowd, my heart accelerates with each step closer to Lil and Colton. The music envelops me, its rhythm pulsating against my eardrums. I maneuver past a group of teens dancing against each other, narrowly avoiding a collision with someone carrying a tray laden with beverages.
As I approach, I can’t help but notice the way Colton leans in close to Lil, his hand brushing her arm as he speaks. My stomach twists, and I feel a flare of jealousy ignite in my gut. I clench my jaw, trying to push the feeling aside. She’s not mine. The other night was just a kiss that left me sleepless and full with need.
A need for her body, her mouth . . . but nothing else.
I don’t own her, even when my body has a different perspective after what happened between us.
“Hey, stranger!” I call out, but my voice drowns in the sea of sound. I push forward, dodging a rogue beach ball and a guy juggling glow sticks, until I’m close enough to reach for her arm.
Lil turns, her eyes widening in surprise before a smile spreads across her face. “Oh hey, I was wondering where you were,” she says, her voice soft and warm. She glances at Colton, then back at me. “Hey, let me introduce you to Ethan Montgomery. He’s the one who made this happen.”
Colton arches an eyebrow, his gaze sliding from Lil to me. “This?” he asks, a hint of amusement in his tone. “Finding me or the whole searching for your old flames?”
“Probably both,” she admits, her cheeks flushing pink.
Colton gives her a casual smile, but I can see a flicker of sadness in his eyes. “You know it’s okay when things don’t work out the way you planned,” he says, his voice gentle. “Did I think we would last longer?” He nods, his shoulders sagging slightly. “My career was starting. College was demanding. You followed your path, and I did mine.”
Lil’s smile falters, and I can see the pain etched on her face. “It kind of broke my heart,” she confesses, her voice barely above a whisper.
Colton sighs, running a hand through his hair. “I broke mine, too,” he admits, a rueful smirk playing on his lips. He glances toward a group of guys, and I recognize the drummer, Carter Archer. “But then, I found my happy.”
Lily frowns, her brows knitting together in confusion. “You and Cart?” she asks, her voice laced with disbelief.
Colton nods, a happy grin spreading across his lips. “I trust you’ll keep it on the down-low,” he says, his voice dropping to a furtive whisper. “It’s something we don’t like to share with many, but we’ve been together for a couple of years.”
Lily’s face softens, and a genuine smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “I can see the two of you together. I’m glad you found your happy,” she says, her voice warm and sincere.
Colton reaches out and touches her arm, his fingers lingering for a moment. “You’ll find it too, Lil,” he assures, his eyes searching hers. “It’s out there. Not sure if this memory lane trip is helping, but I hope it does in some way.”
Lily’s eyes glisten with unshed tears, and she blinks them back, nodding. “Thank you,” she says, her voice thick with emotion. She glances at the stage, where the rest of the band is setting up. “Break a leg.”
As she walks away, I try to follow her, my heart pounding in my chest. The crowd seems to close in around me, and I lose sight of her for a moment. Panic rises in my throat, and I push through the throng of people, desperate to catch up to her.
I round a corner, away from the main stage, my eyes scanning the area for any sign of her. My palms are sweaty, and I wipe them on my jeans, trying to calm my racing heart. Where could she have gone? I wonder, my mind spinning with possibilities.
Suddenly, I see her, and relief floods through me. My heart skips a beat as I quicken my pace, dodging a group of giggling girls and a guy with a mohawk. “Lil!” I call out, my voice hoarse with emotion.
She turns, her eyes wide and glistening with tears. “Hey, Ethan,” she breathes, her voice barely audible over the din of the crowd. Her lower lip trembles slightly, and I feel a tug at my heart.
I close the distance between us, my arms aching to hold her. “Hey,” I say softly, reaching out to brush a stray tear from her cheek. Her skin is soft and warm beneath my fingertips. “Are you okay?”
She shrugs, her shoulders slumping. “I mean, yeah, but if you recall, this is the third person who found happiness right after we broke up,” she reminds me, her voice tinged with bitterness. “Hence why we’re not visiting Leo—the hot doctor, or Noah, the architect.”
I frown, my brows knitting together in confusion. “Help me out here,” I say, my voice gentle. “What is the problem?”
She averts her gaze, her eyes fixed on the ground. “They were ready for forever, and I wasn’t enough,” she whispers, her voice cracking.
My heart clenches at her words, and I reach out to tilt her chin up, forcing her to meet my gaze. “Or you just haven’t met the love of your life yet,” I remind her, my voice firm but kind. “It seems like he had it all along, and they were just in denial. That’s why Colton and you didn’t work out.”
She presses her lips together and nods, her eyes searching mine. “You’re probably right,” she concedes, her voice small.
I offer her a reassuring smile, my thumb stroking her cheek. “Don’t give up, sweetheart,” I murmur, my voice low and soothing. “Unless you want to call it a day.”
She shakes her head, a determined glint in her eye. “Nope. Let’s continue.”
I hesitate, my heart pounding in my chest. “Do you want to discuss the other night?” I ask, my voice tentative.
She presses her lips together and shakes her head. “I mean, it was just the moment, you know? Why rehash it?” Her words feel like a punch to the gut, and I swallow hard, trying to push down the disappointment that rises in my throat.
Because I want more, I want to tell her, but instead, I follow her lead. She’s ready to call it a night, and I promised to take her to a five-star hotel in the heart of Nashville so she can wash away the camping trip. I should remind her that sleeping in the RV doesn’t count, but I let it go—for now. My heart aches with the weight of unspoken words, but I know that pushing her will only drive her away.