Seven
‘She said no,’ Ashley stated.
‘She didn’t say yes.’
‘That’s what I said.’
‘Not quite.’
Ashley groaned. ‘Jesus, Simon. Talk like a human.’
‘I went through her agent. Her agent relayed that she’s thinking about it.’
‘That’s a no,’ Ashley translated easily.
‘You can’t know that.’
‘I know her. She wouldn’t be “thinking about it.” It would be yes or no, simple as that. So, either you’re bullshitting me or the agent’s bullshitting you.’
‘I don’t bullshit you, Ashley.’
‘That, in itself, is the most outrageous bullshit,’ Ashley said casually. She paused. ‘You made it clear this was your idea, didn’t you?’
‘Of course.’
‘She doesn’t think this actually came from me?’
‘Absolutely not,’ Simon said, a touch too emphatically.
Ashley sighed. ‘I need to go. ‘
‘Why?’
‘Because I need to call her. I don’t want her thinking this fuckery was my brainchild.’
‘You’re going to call her?’
‘Yes, and you will have nothing to do with the contents of the call.’
Simon sighed, disappointed. ‘Wouldn’t dream of it.’
They hung up, and Ashley found Molly’s number in her phone. She looked at it. She didn’t hit call.
Ashley did not intend to end up at the guitar. But she suddenly had more of the song she’d started after the party.
I almost called you
Just to hear the line go dead
Like maybe if I don’t reach you
It’s safer inside my head
She was procrastinating. That was all. She wasn’t writing any more songs about Molly Sullivan. There was nothing more to be said.
And yet…
I’m on the edge of ringing
Like it’s something I should do
But the thought of hearing your answer message
Feels worse than never knowing you
Hmm, rhyming scheme a bit dodgy on that one.
‘This is probably shit,’ she said, very softly.
She lifted her hands away from the strings. But the silence felt worse. So she put them back.
And if I called and I’m still blocked
I’d pretend it didn’t land
But I’d hear it echo for hours
Like it’s still holding my hand
How was she still writing this? She really was the ultimate procrastinator. Maybe if she spent another week not calling Molly, she’d end up with a whole album.
She stood and wedged her guitar on the stand, a bit too hard. ‘She’s only a bloody person,’ she told herself angrily, picking up the phone and hitting Molly’s name before she could think further about it.
And it rang.
Five Years Ago
Ashley pressed her palms into her eyes and tried to breathe like a normal person would, which was already where things had started going wrong.
In. Out. In.
It wasn’t working.
‘Come on,’ she whispered to herself. ‘It doesn’t matter if no one came.’
Someone knocked on the stall door. Ashley held her breath and waited for them to leave, like there was a charity fundraiser at her front door and not someone waiting to use an occupied pub toilet.
‘You dead in there?’ a voice asked.
Ashley was so thrown by that she accidentally answered. ‘No?’
‘You don’t sound sure.’
Ashley looked at the door. ‘What?’
‘You sound uncertain. About being dead.’
A surprised laugh fell out of Ashley. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Good,’ the voice said. ‘That would be inconvenient.’
‘Go away,’ she tried. It came out weaker than intended.
‘Can’t,’ the voice said. ‘This shitty pub only has one toilet. And my bladder is about to explode.’
‘Can you give me a minute then?’
‘You sure you’re alright?’ the voice asked, quieter now.
Ashley swallowed. ‘I’m fine.’
A pause. ‘That sounded like a lie.’
‘I don’t know you,’ she said, sharper than she meant.
‘True,’ the voice agreed. ‘Hello. I’m Molly Sullivan.’
Ashley stared at the door. ‘I didn’t ask.’
‘I know,’ Molly said. ‘Still, seemed rude not to introduce myself properly while you’re having a crisis.’
Ashley laughed despite herself and was immediately annoyed. ‘It’s not a crisis.’
‘Okay,’ Molly said. ‘Is it diarrhoea?’
Ashley was appalled. ‘What?’
‘You’re locked in a toilet cubicle, not having an emotional crisis. Are you having a bodily one?’
‘This is inappropriate,’ Ashley said. She hated herself for it.
‘Look, I’m sorry. But I need to pee. I just need to know if it’s going to happen soon or if I need to make alternative arrangements.’
‘Make them,’ Ashley said.
Molly sighed. There was a silence, and Ashley assumed she’d left. But then she spoke again. ‘There’s a guitar case out here. You doing the gig?’
‘That’s the idea.’
‘Ah, Ashley Malone. We meet at last. My housemate says you’re good. He dragged me here.’
That surprised Ashley. ‘Your friend is wrong. No one came.’
‘I came.’
‘Why?’
‘As I said, my housemate said you’re good.’ There was a pause. ‘He also said…’ Molly broke off, laughing.
‘What?’
‘It sounds bad.’
‘What does?’
‘He said… you’re hot.’
Ashley blinked. ‘He got that wrong too.’
‘I guess I’ll never know for sure,’ Molly sighed. ‘Unless you perform.’
‘I’m not performing for two people.’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s humiliating.’
‘I see,’ Molly said eventually. ‘There’s more than two people out there, by the way.’
Ashley frowned at the door. ‘I don’t mean literally two people. It’s an expression.’
‘Okay,’ Molly said. ‘So, what is the minimum amount of people you’d feel okay about playing for?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Fifteen?’
‘No.’
‘Twenty?’
‘Getting there.’
‘OK.’
There was the thump of feet and a door banged. Molly had left. Ashley was oddly disappointed.
But the door banged open again seconds later. ‘I counted the people.’
Ashley smiled for the first time in hours. ‘You didn’t have to do that. How many?’
‘There are eighteen people out there,’ she said. ‘Wait, I didn’t include me. Nineteen. Can we count the barman? That brings us up to twenty.’
That was better than it had been. But still, not great. ‘I can’t count staff, so nineteen.’
‘I know it’s not quite what you were hoping for. But you have to take into account that I’m going to be one of those people.’
‘Right...’
‘And I’m gonna go nuts. Clapping, whooping. I’ll really embarrass myself. And my housemate will join in because I’ll make him. That’s going to seem like one of those secret gigs for someone really huge.’
Ashley let her head rest briefly against the door. ‘I’m not doing it.’
‘You’re not doing the gig?’
‘I’m not doing the gig.’
‘Do you like the songs?’
Ashley blinked. ‘What?’
‘Your songs,’ Molly said. ‘Do you like them?’
‘That’s not the point.’
‘Feels like it might be.’
Ashley hesitated. ‘Yes,’ she said eventually. ‘I guess I do like them.’
‘Right,’ Molly said. ‘So you’re refusing to do the thing you like because not enough people might witness it.’
‘That makes it sound stupid.’
‘It is a bit stupid.’
Ashley exhaled through her nose. ‘Thanks.’
‘No problem.’
Another pause. Then Molly said, ‘Also, I’m still outside the toilet.’
‘So?’
‘I’m now emotionally invested in this situation, and I still need to piss.’
Ashley closed her eyes again. ‘I don’t know what you want me to do.’
‘Open the door.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I can’t argue through wood much longer. It’s degrading for both of us.’
That got a small laugh out of Ashley again. She hated that it kept happening.
‘If I open it…’ she began and sighed. Was she going to admit this? Yes. Yes, she was. ‘…you’re going to look at me like I’m pathetic.’
‘No, I won’t.’
‘You will.’
‘No, I won’t.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because I just googled you. And my housemate was right. You are hot. So right now, you’ve got pretty privilege. This breakdown just seems, frankly, adorable. But the privilege is finite. So, open the door before you run out of hot points, and I have to call someone to get you.’
Ashley’s cheeks went pink. ‘If that’s the picture I think you’re looking at, it’s very complimentary. I’m actually a solid five.’
Molly laughed. ‘I don’t buy that.’
Ashley stared at the lock. Her hand hovered over it, not moving yet.
‘I’m still not doing the gig,’ she said, quieter now.
‘Fine,’ Molly said.
Ashley blinked. ‘Fine?’
‘Fine,’ Molly repeated. ‘But open the door anyway.’
‘That doesn’t make sense.’
‘It does. I still need the toilet.’
‘If I open it,’ she said again, ‘you’re going to make this worse.’
‘I’m really not in a position to make anything worse,’ Molly said. ‘I am, as previously discussed, at capacity.’
Ashley groaned. Then, finally, she turned the lock.