Chapter 11
CHAPTER ELEVEN
I was going to ask Grady about why he was suspended, a question prompted because I’ve been trying to figure out why Coach Badaszek, who has zero social media presence, with scarcely a photo of him online outside of hockey events, wants Grady to build his platform.
The sleuthing I did to understand the suspension resulted in me feeling suspicious. Not of Grady specifically, but something doesn’t sit right. If I’m going to be involved, I want information.
Keenly aware that we’re alone in the living room, that I’m kind of sinking into him on the couch, of his manly scent and so much of him filling my senses, I’m afraid I’ve also fallen.
Fully. Completely.
Snapping my focus back onto the conversation, I tell him I’d like to know more about the circumstances surrounding the team trade and then add, “I’ll help you with social media if you tell me why you’re hardly on there. You ghosted. Why?”
“Are you asking about the suspension? ”
“I’m genuinely curious but don’t want to be nosy if you don’t want to talk about it. Also, I am not among the locals who regularly chat with Mrs. Gormely. Just saying.”
He chuckles. “I’m not too worried about her. Though Sophia is definitely a long-necked neighbor always watering her plastic flowers when I come and go.”
“Don’t underestimate her. In high school, she wanted to take pointers from the Mean Girls movie and make it real life. Let’s just say that wasn’t so fetch .”
Grady’s eyebrows scrunch.
“I wasn’t a nice girl, but that was taking things too far.”
He lets out a long breath. “I know the type and unfortunately, not everyone leaves high school behind. Anyway, about the suspension. I didn’t do anything wrong, but it is my redemption arc.”
“I wouldn’t have cast you as the villain.”
He lets out a long sigh. “You have no idea.”
“You seem more like Superman than Batman.”
“Bane,” he mumbles.
“Derek wanted me to watch that one. It was a pass.”
Grady leans his head on the back of the couch as if preparing to confess and says, “I discovered that one of my teammates was using performance-enhancing drugs.”
“Like steroids?”
“Yeah, stuff like that. I talked to him about it. At first, it was cool. He said he’d stop. When he didn’t, I confided in my ex. She was supportive, or so it seemed, and came with me to have another chat with him.”
Confession: I am nosy because I did get a little dirt on his ex. “Alivia Alders?” She’s pretty in a stereotypical way—tall, thin, with smooth features, and long hair. Nothing wrong with that. I have some of those characteristics, but from what I gathered, her personality barely went skin deep .
He chuckles. “I see you’ve done your homework too. Lucan Ketsivalis was a great player, and I was genuinely concerned. If anyone else found out, he’d be off the team, but I also couldn’t live with myself knowing the Generals had an unfair advantage because of his choices.”
“That’s honorable of you.”
“Then he turned the tables. He went to the coach and said he suspected I was using performance-enhancing drugs. Of course, I had needles for my insulin which was his evidence.”
“But you also have a prescription.”
Grady shifts uncomfortably. “True, but, um?—”
I stifle my gasp. “You never told the NHL about having diabetes?”
Grady rubs his hand down his face as if this is a sticking point. “No. I didn’t.”
Connecting the diabolical dots, I say, “Lucan made the boy next door out to be a villain.”
“That’s one way to look at it. But I was also in the wrong. I managed not to have diabetes on my official record because I didn’t want special treatment or worse, not be able to play for some reason.”
“Does Badaszek know?”
“I think so.” Grady lets out a long exhale.
“But the whole thing could easily be substantiated if you disclosed your medical history. Why didn’t they believe you?”
“I didn’t defend myself.”
“But you didn’t have to take the fall.”
He nods in a way that tells me he hasn’t even gotten to the hard part. “The guy on my team, Lucan, and my ex were having an affair. They plotted the whole thing to get me out of the picture.”
Hackles up, I practically growl. “Seriously? Was this before or after the two of you confronted him? ”
“Before, during, after.”
“That’s awful. Never mind Mean Girls. Mean Couple. I’m sorry. But you could’ve exposed them, watched them burn.” But Grady isn’t like that.
“I could’ve, but Alivia knew about my medical condition and that I’d withheld it from the officials.”
“But would diabetes affect your play as a defenseman?” I ask with disbelief.
“Yes and no. Yes, because there are certain policies in place that would put me in a position where I’d be handled more carefully.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
He turns to me, expression plaintive. “When we were still in school, the nurse had to check my sugar levels until I was able to do it myself. Heidi, all I’ve ever wanted was to fit in.”
I can tell by the pain in his voice there’s more to that part of his story.
“And spoken or unspoken, if the diabetes diagnosis became common knowledge, not only would I potentially be treated differently but I might not be picked.”
“So you neither confirmed nor denied the accusation. You took the fall.”
He nods, then says, “And Lucan made sure I fell hard. They started rumors online. Mostly whispers at first, but it grew in certain circles. The coaches started asking me things about my personal life.”
“So that’s why you deleted yourself from social media.”
“More or less.”
“And now?”
“Now I see it was all for the best.”
“How do you factor that?”
The corner of his mouth lifts with a smile. “I’m here. ”
Lady Justice in me is perturbed. Ready to run down to City Hall and strike . . . or something. But this isn’t a superhero movie. “Derek said Coach Badaszek hasn’t played you yet.”
“But he will . . . and I won’t let Lucan forget what he did,” Grady says.
I pull out my phone and search for that player only to find articles about him recently getting married, then after nine months, divorcing Alivia.
I have to admit the timing freaks me out, given gestation and my pregnancy, but I scour the internet and there is no interruption of her being photographed with Lucan while sporting a baby bump.
The two of them lived a high-profile, party life. That would never fly with Badaszek.
“They look like a match made in—” But before I finish that sentence, I say, “But they’re divorced now.”
Grady nods. “No surprise. She was awful.” He tells me a little bit about his ex.
“Sounds like a toxic relationship.”
“The writing was on the wall, but I didn’t know how to get out of it.”
“You could’ve done like Trey and walked away.”
“I would never. I wanted to make it work. Give her another chance.”
He doesn’t even need to say this for me to know it’s true.
“I wanted to fix things. But how they turned out was a way for me to take a break from my life.”
“By literally breaking it?”
He waggles his eyebrows but looks as tired as I sometimes feel. Now, I get his urging for me to have more fun. “But I’m back.”
“That’s because Badaszek is bonkers. ”
His expression falls.
“I wasn’t done. In a good way. He knows talent when he sees it. But can he tame the talent?”
“Does he need to?”
I poke Grady in his very firm chest. “Promise me you won’t do something so stupid again.”
“Like what? Forget to keep track of my blood sugar levels?”
“That and keeping it a secret. In case you have a stupid voice in your head telling you that makes you weak—” I lean in and whisper, “It doesn’t.”
“I’m at risk of going blind someday.”
“We can cross that bridge when we come to it. Also, don’t you think that showing people that you’re a top hockey player and have diabetes would inspire fans? Show them that they can still pursue their dreams?”
A slow smile appears on his lips as we both realize what I said about the two of us crossing a bridge in the future.
Plowing past that because I’m a teeny bit afraid of what it means, I add, “If I didn’t have the faintest memory of my mother once mentioning your insulin when we took you on a family trip, I wouldn’t have known what to do.”
“Thanks for calling Derek.”
I gaze at my hands and then meet his eyes and say, “He saw the way I looked at you.”
Grady’s head turns sharply toward me. “And how was that?”
“The same way you looked at me while we were singing karaoke.”
“So you admit it?”
I give a small nod.
“I was hoping so. But what about your brother?” Before letting me answer, he gets to his feet and says, “I’m going to talk to him. ”
“Now?” I tug his shirt sleeve so he drops back on the couch. “If you do, there is no turning back unless you want your throat slit. After everything with Trey, he’ll be even less forgiving if?—”
There’s so much unspoken between us, so much bottled up, bursting to get out.
Even though my brother isn’t my keeper, he and Grady were friends first and whatever might happen follows that. I respect Derek. He’s a good man and treasures his family and friends. He gave Trey a chance to make things right. I don’t want anything to come between him and Grady too.
He adjusts his position on the sofa and says, “Tell me everything.”
“Like the mysteries of the universe or?—?”
“What happened with you and Trey?”
“You don’t want to hear that sob story.”
“I do. I knew him too.”
“Well, at least I don’t have to worry that you’ll try to tear his head off like Derek did.”
“Don’t be so sure of that.” Fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen burns in Grady’s eyes.
Nonetheless, I tell him about the whirlwind romance. “It was over in less than two weeks. The ink wasn’t yet dry on our marriage license.”
“Did you love him?”
My lips twist and I shake my head. “I don’t think so. Not love. Lust maybe. The idea of him. We’d flirted here and there. But after that game, it’s like we were possessed. I can’t explain it. I’ve had to convince myself that I don’t regret it because of Bunny. But it’s hard.”
“Being a single mom?”
“All of it.”
Grady says, “I had one of those. My dad wasn’t a part of my life. ”
“You turned out great.”
He grunts.
I make Bunny’s version of the sound which is more like a cute little piggy snort.
We both chuckle, lightening the mood.
I say, “Tell me about that.”
“I’ve never told anyone.” But without a preamble, Grady tells me his life story, including how he practically raised his brother, and then the accident that took his young life, his mother’s time in jail, and then her passing. “Through it all, I had you guys.”
I feel terrible that all that was going on and I had no idea. “I was such a brat.”
“I’ve more or less known you my whole life. Your mom met my grandmother at a playgroup.”
I learn she passed away when Grady was six. My parents all but took him in. We were his refuge.
He says, “Thanks for listening.”
“No, thank you for listening to me. I’m such a mess.”
He tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “Not even close.”
Grady leans in, head at an angle.
My pulse races like I’ve been skating laps.
His presence somehow occupies the entire room, filling me with something that feels better than social media likes and popularity.
Grady Federer won’t leave unless I ask him to. He won’t turn his back unless I make him.
The puck is in my zone, so to speak. What play will I make? Take a risk and let him fully into my life to see where this goes or hate him?
I meet him halfway, shifting on the couch.
His lips brush across mine .
My eyes flutter closed and my fingers graze his stubble, turning on my senses. His clean, soapy masculine scent fills my nose. One of his massive palms presses flat against my back and the other curls at the base of my neck.
He draws me into his warm embrace and I melt into him, into his lips.
The racing of his pulse invites mine to keep up as the kiss goes deeper, further, our hands covering the terrain of cotton and flannel. At some point, his fingers are in my hair and mine wrap around his frame, never wanting to let go.
Footfalls hit the stairs.
We split apart as if caught like two teenagers.
Grady’s hair is mussed and it’s adorable, if a man like him could be.
When the footsteps track away and toward the kitchen, then rummage through the pantry—Dad and those spicy peanuts—I drop my head to Grady’s shoulder. He smooths my hair. A breathy, contented sigh escapes.
My cheeks are still pink from the kiss with Grady earlier.
I’m a bundle of butterflies.
It was wonderful.
There were sparks between us and inside, I feel alive again. Not that part of me died when I had Bunny, but that Trey took something with him when we broke up. But this is a bigger feeling than I had for Trey—or any other guy I’ve ever dated.
Our footing is more sure. Grady is grounded in a way that makes me certain he’s reliable. Loyal, if his story about what happened with the Generals is any indication. When I saw his blood sugar crashing, I had a flash that if something bad happened to this man, that would be it for me.
This tells me there are feelings beneath the surface that I’ve hardly let myself realize. Perhaps pushing him away when he first got to town wasn’t so much a matter of self-preservation. Like deep down I knew if I let myself fall and he broke my heart, there would be no coming back. No recovery again.
Could Grady have been my number one all along and Trey was the runner-up?
Later that night, as Bunny dreams of unicorns, I’m all squishy and sleepy, but instead of putting my phone away, I browse social media.
I could help Grady with the daily video diary and give the Knights an online boost—not that they need it since the arena fills up regularly, at least according to my dad. But online, offering a broader reach.
I open the app and type a message to Grady.
Me: One second I hated you, and the next …
While I think about how to finish that sentence, he replies.
Grady: I blew your mind?
I suppress a chuckle.
Me: Don’t get too big a head.
Grady: I talked to your brother.
I physically startle.
Me: Already?
Grady: I still have my head, all my limbs. No missing fingers.
Me: You mean to say he was okay with us?
Grady: I got the stern warning I expected. He said there’s no comparing Trey and me. But that if I ever gave him a reason to put our names together in the same sentence again, I’d be wiped off the planet.
Me: Sounds about right.
We’re both quiet for a long moment because of what this could mean. Us. Grady and me . . . and Bunny. If it’s not obvious, she adores him.
Nerves fire inside because Grady and I have both recently had bad relationship experiences. There’s still pain there, probably for both of us. I lay this out in a text as clearly as I can even though it’s probably a better conversation to be had in person.
Grady: I know and now we have this exchange in writing, so if we ever go off course, we can refer back to it and get on track.
Me: I’m a little scared.
Grady: Me too. Don’t tell anyone though.
Me: But I’m more excited than afraid.
Grady: Same.
Me: What about us working together on the social media campaign?
Grady: I’m in.
Me: I have a lot of ideas: bowling, viral dances with the team, Easter on ice!
Grady: So you’ll do it?
I’m not sure whether we’re discussing a relationship, the social media campaign, or both.
Me: Do what?
Grady: Be my girlfriend.
I send a photo of me smiling because I’m speechless. Had you asked me if I ever thought this would be happening, I’d say never . . . but it turns out the saying is true. Never say never, especially when it comes to hockey players.
Grady: You look pretty. You always do.
Me: I don’t know what to say.
Grady: Not going to lie, that’s not exactly what I was hoping to hear.
Me: It’s just that you’re you and I’m me.
Grady: And we’ve proven that we make a great pair.
Me: This is true.
Grady: So...
Me: So yes. I’ll be your girlfriend .
He sends a photo of himself smiling right up to his eyes.
Grady: If I was there, I’d kiss you right now.
Me: I’d definitely kiss you back.
But how is GG, as Bunny calls him, going to fit into our lives? Unless he already does.