Chapter 11
ELEVEN
Jada
An acacia tree was beating against my bedroom window furiously, the monsoon in full force. The sky was a nasty shade of brown as wet, sandy rain dumped from the thick clouds above. I felt much like that inside—turbulent, frustrated, and a little heavy-hearted.
Cane was right. Something unnamed pulled us together. We definitely had chemistry, like he said, and it was a pity not to explore it. Because things weren’t going to go any further.
It was clear from the look on his face a few days before when I explained things to him that he understood my reasoning. And he agreed. Which was exactly what I wanted … so why wasn’t I more relieved?
My emotions were a battleground, and my heart was the target.
I remembered my mother saying that the best way to predict the future was to look at past behavior.
I was adamant that my future be brighter than my past, so I had to change my habits.
Unfortunately for me, the habit I had to break was the one that had taken over my subconscious with his bright-blue eyes.
I have the Landry family on my Kindle. I don’t need a real man.
Dejectedly, I swiped open the book when I heard a knock on my door.
“Come in.”
“Hey.” Max’s voice rumbled as the door swung open. “Kari picked me up after her shift at the hospital this morning for breakfast, and we ended up over here. She’s now passed out, and I don’t want to wake her.”
“I can take you home if that’s what you need. Or I’m sure you can take Kari’s car.”
“She has to be at work again tonight, so I don’t want to put her in a bind. And it’s a mess out there right now,” he said, looking out my bedroom window.
He shoved his hands in his pockets as he looked cautiously at me. “Look, Cane called me a few minutes ago, and he’s in the area. He said he could swing by and pick me up …” His voice trailed off as he watched my reaction. “Would it bother you if he came to get me?”
I swallowed. “Why would I mind?”
“I don’t know what’s going on with the two of you, so I thought I should ask.”
“Nothing is going on with us.” I blew out a breath in exasperation. “I promise you that.”
“I don’t care one way or the other. It’s none of my business.”
“It’s fine, Max.”
He held his hands out. “Just tryin’ to be respectful.”
“I know, and I appreciate that. But it really is fine. If you’re going to be hanging around my sister and plan on continuing to be Cane’s friend, I’m going to assume our paths will cross sometimes.” I shrugged with a fake nonchalance. “I’ll just stay up here and read, so it won’t matter anyway.”
“Jada,” Max said, leaning against the doorway, “you’re mowing the sidewalk here.”
I laughed hard. “I have absolutely no idea what that means.”
“What I’m saying is that you’re doing something that isn’t necessary. You’re sitting up here avoiding Cane—hell, you’re avoiding life—because your ex-husband was a dick.”
I began to respond, but Max waved me off.
“Look, I haven’t known you all that long, and I sure as hell am not a psychiatrist. But not all guys are like the one you married.
Take Cane, for example. My man is clearly not a saint.
Hell, he could start an argument in an empty house, for cryin’ out loud.
But you know what? He isn’t a complete asshole either.
If nothing else, he’s a good guy to have in your corner.
” He turned on his heel and shut the door behind him.
I considered his words until I remembered the part about Cane dropping by. I darted into the bathroom, a burst of excitement coursing through me.
Crap. I look like a mess.
I brushed my teeth, pulled a brush through my hair, and changed into a pair of yoga pants and a soft-pink long-sleeved shirt.
He’s going to pull to the curb and leave. He won’t come in here. Why would he?
I coated my lips with a thin pink gloss and swiped on some mascara.
It never hurts to look cute. Just in case.
I headed back into the bedroom just as my phone rang on my bedside table.
Maybe it’s Cane, calling to see if he can come in.
I rolled my eyes at myself as I looked at the number. BLOCKED was flashing on the phone, so I clicked it to voicemail. I picked up the phone and held it, waiting for a voicemail notification. After a few minutes, it was obvious that there would be no message.
Ding dong.
My chest constricted. He was here.
I’m like a damn junkie.
I rolled my eyes at myself, sitting on the bed. He got the memo. He hasn’t asked for anything. This can’t happen, and he knows it now, too. Obviously.
The door opened and shut. I held my breath, straining to hear the murmured voices downstairs.
Everything went quiet until I heard footsteps on the staircase. With each step, my heart picked up its pace. As the footsteps reached the landing, a knock sounded on my door.
I froze.
There were two more loud knocks.
“Max said you were up here, Jada. Can I come in?” Cane asked softly.
Goose bumps broke out across my skin at the sound of the voice I had been playing on repeat through my mind for days. I really wanted to see him, but I really needed not to. I was screwed either way.
In typical Cane fashion, he didn’t give me an option.
He opened the door slowly and poked his head around the corner. “Hey,” he said, smiling sweetly at me, causing me to melt a little on the spot.
“Hey,” I said, giving him a small grin.
“Can I come in?”
“Does it matter what I say?”
“Good point. I’m coming in regardless.” He walked confidently into my room, closing the door behind him. Dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a gray T-shirt, he looked even better than I remembered.
“You okay?” he asked, watching me intently.
I realized I was still holding my Kindle against me and I set it down. “Yeah, I’m good. How are you?”
“Been better, been worse.” He shrugged.
“I know the feeling.”
I looked out the window as the silence between us hung thick in the air. The rain was coming in one way and then switching to the other.
“You don’t mind that I came inside, do you? Because if you do, I can go.” His hands were in his pockets, water droplets evident on his T-shirt. He looked so calm. So gorgeous.
I relaxed back against the pillows, trying to control my breathing. “No, I don’t mind.”
Cane made his way over to my bed and sat on the edge. “I was hoping you’d be a little happier to see me, but I sense I still haven’t won you over. Yet.”
I felt myself settle into the natural rhythm I was finding with Cane.
“Actually, I have softened where you’re concerned. A little.” I laughed when his eyes lit up. “I think you are a really nice guy, although possibly a little self-centered.”
“Me? Self-centered? I was the one who brought you dinner out of the kindness of my heart. You’re the one that wouldn’t reciprocate.”
“Oh, is that how it is?”
“Yeah, I’m afraid so. But I’m all about giving second chances.”
“I’m sure you are.” My world felt like it had color for the first time all week.
“No, I heard what you said the other night and I understand. I would never want you to do something you didn’t truly want to, even if I think you absolutely should.”
I bent forward and smacked him on the shoulder. “You’re terrible.”
“Oh, so you do want to get physical?”
“No.” I laughed.
“That’s too bad. I thought we were making progress.”
I took a deep breath. I was tired—tired of fighting Cane, tired of arguing with my feelings, tired of feeling torn.
Deep down under my raging hormones, I knew we couldn’t be together.
But I had to get that across to him. We could be friends, and I would learn to navigate that, but he had to stop trying to … do whatever it was he was trying to do.
Maybe if I just admit that I am attracted to him, it will make him feel like I’m not some challenge.
Perhaps that will be enough for him to move on, which would make it easier for me to do the same.
I can’t keep sitting here “mowing the lawn.” Max is right.
I have to go on with my life, and I can’t do that the way I need to with Cane Alexander.
I took a deep breath. “You want the truth?”
He stilled and nodded slowly, looking unsure of where I was going.
“I do feel a pull between us. How could I not? I’ve never felt anything like it before.” I looked into his eyes, emboldened by the desire burning in them. “That kiss ...”
Having him so close with that look in his eye while I admitted how I really felt was a recipe for disaster.
My mouth just started talking, forgoing any filter. “I can’t stop thinking about it, Cane. I-I think about you all the time.”
“What do you think about?”
The sound of his voice, low and controlled, made my own voice quiver. “I—”
“Tell me, Jada,” he demanded, his eyes blazing. “What do you think about? Do you think about me touching you?”
I nodded as I tried really hard not to pant, my body temperature spiking.
“Where do I touch you?” He leaned toward me, taking over my personal space. He seemed taller, darker somehow. His voice was thick with desire.
I twisted my fingers in the sheets so I wouldn’t reach up and pull him down on top of me.
“When you think of my hands on you, where are they?”
I tried to look away, but he caught my chin with his fingertips, turning it to face him once again. “Jada,” he said, more forcefully this time. “Where do I touch you?”
“Everywhere,” I whispered, my voice overflowing with need.
I ached for him to touch me, nearly desperate for physical contact. I tried to hold on to the part of my brain that remembered why that shouldn’t—couldn’t—happen, but I was losing control fast.
“Like here?” He trailed his fingertips lightly down the side of my face. I could feel the connection ripple throughout my entire being.
I nodded faintly as my breath hitched.
“Where else?” His fingers lazily trailed down my throat, across my chest. He paused at my breast, my nipple hardening at the contact.
My body was throbbing, screaming for a release. And the only thing that could release me was waiting for a response.
“I think about you touching me everywhere,” I whispered. Before I knew it, I was flipped to my back.
Cane placed one knee on either side of me, pinning both my hands firmly above my head with one of his. He leaned down, his face inches from mine.
“I want to touch every part of your body, Jada. I want to make every part of your body mine.”
All thoughts of fighting my attraction to him were gone. I was putty in his hands.
I tipped my chin, and his mouth crushed mine, owning it. I kissed him back with everything I had. He growled at my responsiveness, which only made me want him more.
His mouth moved more urgently. He nibbled my bottom lip, and I couldn’t hold back the whimper that escaped against his mouth. As soon as I made the sound, Cane immediately broke the kiss. He pulled back, panting. My eyes searched his, wild and fierce, as I struggled to catch my breath.
“Cane,” I whispered raggedly, not sure why he stopped when I so desperately needed more.
He closed his eyes and rolled off the bed, pacing a circle in the room.
My head was spinning. I scrambled to sit up, my body feeling bereft without his touch. “Cane?” I asked again, my voice shaking.
He ran his hands through his hair, clearly agitated. He paced around a few more seconds before he stopped moving and turned to look at me.
My heart pounded, uncertainty and confusion warring inside my head.
“I’m not going to do this,” he said quietly, his voice rough.
I stopped breathing as I stared at him in shock. “What? You’re kidding me right now, right?”
“I can’t do this.” He threw his head back and chuckled. “I can’t even fucking believe this,” he said more to himself than anything.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something?”
His head jerked back up. “No, baby. You did nothing wrong at all.” The term of endearment wrapped around me, protecting me to some degree from the sting of rejection.
“If we do this—if I push this, you will hate me.”
“You’re not pushing anything. I want this, Cane. I really want this.”
He quickly took the few steps between us and bent down to eye level.
“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything as much as this,” he whispered, brushing a lock of hair out of my face.
“But you aren’t that girl, Jada. And I can’t treat you like one.
I will probably have to give up my man card for this shit, but I won’t let you do this to yourself. ”
“I’m a woman—we change our minds. I’m definitely that girl,” I reassured him.
He laughed softly. “But you’re really not. One day, maybe you will want this for real, and I will give it to you like you’ve never had it before. But right now, ironically, I’m the one who has to go.”
He kissed me on the forehead as he stood and walked out of my room.
I heard him call for Max and the door slam roughly as I sat there, not sure what in the hell had just happened.