Chapter 48
48
‘You’re sure I can post the My Side of the Story video on The Exes’ channel?’ Chloe asked nervously.
‘Of course,’ Abeo replied, placing a hand on her shoulder. ‘I really respect the way you’ve reclaimed your story. Everything finally makes sense.’
‘It needs to go on our main channel,’ I agreed. ‘There are too many rumours going around, Chlo. Everyone needs to hear the truth and see that we support you.’
‘And this is the perfect way to do that,’ Sanjay added.
We were in Sanjay’s Notting Hill flat-slash-studio. We’d been there for an entire day and night, having napped on the sofas in between all the work: preparing the script for our video, and then shooting and editing it. It felt like old times, even though the circumstances were far from the reckless pranks and banter that usually accompanied us filming together.
Our video highlighted all the ways in which Mr Ex had attacked us over the years. The cyberbullying, the stalking, the offensive remarks, and everything in between. We’d included as much evidence as we could – anonymous texts, photos he shouldn’t have had access to, screenshots of his taunting uploads.
It was important to inform everyone that Mr Ex was the reason Felicity had been so stressed while driving. This was our way of breaking him – even if we couldn’t figure out his identity, he was about to get cancelled. We’d been worried about him releasing more of our dirty secrets in retaliation, but at this stage that would only prove our point about his vindictive nature and how desperately important it was that he got cancelled online. Besides, getting justice for Felicity was more important than our fears right now.
Chloe had also filmed a video separately, in which she explained her side of the story, her truth. And it was just as important to share that with the world.
‘Shall we look through it one more time before putting it out there?’ Chloe asked us all quietly.
Abeo clicked play on his laptop. We crowded around the sofa he was sitting on and watched the clip of an uncharacteristically casual and make-up-free Chloe sitting on her bedroom floor and talking to the camera.
‘I know you guys have a lot of opinions about me right now,’ she began. ‘A lot of nasty opinions. Chloe Clark sleeps around, ruined The Exes because she doesn’t value friendships, got an abortion like it was nothing –’ Her voice broke, and I felt my own eyes fill with tears. ‘But I can’t tell you how far from the truth that is.’
She exhaled deeply before continuing. ‘I love my friends so much; I care about everyone in my life, and I most definitely cared about the fact that I was pregnant. And I still do. Sometimes I care so much about it all that I can’t handle it, and I need to switch off from it, escape from all the emotion and how much it can hurt .
‘The truth is that I just wasn’t ready to be a mother. I’m so young. How could I possibly raise someone when I’m still raising myself? I wouldn’t have been able to provide that child … my child, with a healthy and stable life. I knew that down to my core, and I just wanted to get out of that situation as soon as possible.’
Chloe wiped away her tears. ‘As awful as the abortion was, the aftermath was just as bad: I did whatever I could to forget, to move on, to erase my past. And nothing worked – not the drinking, not changing partners, not losing myself in work. I’m ashamed of everyone I hurt while I was so desperately trying to heal the wound in my heart that may never fully close, but I’m going to do everything I can to better myself and earn their forgiveness.
‘I’m also sorry to myself – to the old Chloe Clark, who was just a scared young girl trying her best. I’m not going to be so hard on her in the future. And I hope that maybe you could find it in yourself to give her a break once in a while too.’
When the clip finished, Chloe uploaded it.
‘I don’t know if anyone will forgive me for my behaviour,’ she said, her voice thick with emotion. ‘I don’t even know if I’ll be able to forgive myself. But it means everything to have you guys back.’
We all embraced her, and stayed in a huddle until her breathing evened out and she was ready to stand. Then the doorbell rang and Abeo went to grab the Chinese takeaway he’d ordered for everyone.
‘Let’s upload everything after dinner,’ Abeo said, tearing into the bag of food that smelled delicious. ‘I think we deserve a break.’
We settled down around the living room with our food and ate in silence for a while. We were famished, emotionally exhausted, still tense with worry about how Felicity was doing.
‘Do you think we’re missing anything important in school?’ Sanjay asked.
‘Mocks are coming up, so probably,’ Chloe replied. ‘It’s cool though, I’ll get the girls to –’ She froze, her eyes wide with realization, then sighed irritably. ‘I still can’t believe those bitches had the nerve to ditch me like that. There’s no way they’re going to share any notes with me.’
Abeo laughed sarcastically. ‘But honey, the whole purpose of what we’re doing is to tell people they should stand up to their bullies.’
‘Oh, shut up,’ she exclaimed, but there was a smile in her eyes. ‘To be fair, after seeing how everything panned out, I’m rather pleased I made their lives a little difficult.’
Sanjay shook his head, chuckling. ‘Ah, Chlo, I don’t think you’ll ever change.’
‘That sounds like a lyric from one of my songs,’ she chirped. ‘Can’t wait for you guys to hear the whole album.’
Abeo kissed his teeth. ‘Just as long as there aren’t any off-key notes like that time you tried to sing Mariah Carey.’
She pretended to stab him in the eye with a chopstick and he shrieked and rolled around on the floor as though she’d succeeded.
We all laughed. Something that had been a little broken inside me these past few months started to heal. It was good to be back to normal with my best friends; I hadn’t thought it would be possible after the summer we’d had. It felt like throwing on my favourite old jumper and finding it still fit me just right.
‘Have you guys noticed something?’ Sanjay asked thoughtfully. ‘Mr Ex has a lot of stuff on us, but he hasn’t really released most of it. It’s like he doesn’t want us to hate him. He just wants to feel in control of The Exes, like he’s a part of it.’
‘I’ve noticed that,’ Chloe pondered. ‘Even his name reflects just how much he wants to be a part of our clique. He doesn’t hate us, or else he would’ve destroyed us already. I think he craves to be us. Which is even more creepy, if you ask me.’
Abeo clicked his tongue. ‘If only we figured out who it is. But he kept us so wrapped up in our own messes that we barely had a chance to hunt him down.’
‘I can’t believe we nearly lost Felicity,’ Sanjay said quietly. ‘All because of the stress of Mr Ex.’
‘Mr Ex will get what he deserves,’ I said coldly. ‘We’re about to destroy his career.’
‘I’m not so sure about that,’ Abeo countered. ‘The internet is a weird and twisted place, as we all already know. A lot of people assume that if you’re a public figure, it’s justifiable for you to be criticized or harassed, so I have a feeling Mr Ex will still get some support.’
‘It’s true,’ Chloe chipped in. ‘I’ve experienced it repeatedly. If I call out those who bully me online, I always get comments where people suggest I’m the one to blame because I “put myself out there”.’
‘These anonymous keyboard warriors honestly think they can get away with anything, don’t they?’ Sanjay said, looking disgusted. ‘It all comes from a place of insecurity and hate. And bloggers like Mr Ex are the worst of them – profiting from it all.’
‘This time will be different,’ I stated confidently. ‘Felicity is so loved online, one of the most followed influencers in the world, and she nearly died because of Mr Ex’s harassment. There’s going to be a huge backlash.’
‘Let’s find out, shall we?’ Abeo murmured, playing our video for us to review one last time.
After we’d checked it through, he hit the upload button. This felt different from anything we’d put out there before.
‘I know this is a horrible situation because Felicity’s unwell,’ Sanjay said, ‘but I like that we’re together. It’s like we’re the original Exes again. When we were just a bunch of best mates uploading fun videos that we genuinely enjoyed making.’
‘The pranks and vlogs we made in the first two years of our channel will always be my favourite,’ Abeo mused. ‘I randomly flick back to them and watch for hours. I love that we’ve basically recorded us growing up.’
I smiled. ‘It’s crazy to think how much we’ve captured of our lives over the years.’
Chloe’s voice quivered as she said, ‘This situation with Felicity has made me realize that your lives and happiness are worth more to me than anything else.’
Abeo stood up and initiated a group hug.
We came together and held each other closely. I didn’t want to let go, to face reality. It seemed they all felt the same, because we stood there for a long time with our arms, emotions and breathing intertwined. Even when a ping alerted us that our video had gone live, we remained entangled in the silence. The fact that we had each other again was infinitely more important than any video we could ever upload.
Chloe’s phone started ringing, and she was the first to break away from the hug.
‘It’s Felicity,’ she cried, and then said into her phone, ‘Oh my God, yes! We’ll come now!’ She turned to us and pulled her car keys from her pocket. ‘We’re finally allowed to see her.’
I was tense the entire ride to the hospital. I didn’t know how on earth I was going to face Felicity.
But the moment we entered the ward and I set eyes on her, the only thing I knew was that I was so grateful she was alive and well. I tried not to focus on the fact that there was a thick cast on her right leg and bruises littered across her face.
We encircled her bed, and I could sense we were all bursting to speak to her, to say about a million different things because we’d been so afraid that we’d never get a chance to talk to her again. It was just a matter of who broke the silence first. But it seemed to stretch on and on, as though none of us had the guts to say the first word.
By the time the first tear fell down Felicity’s face, we were all crying. Words weren’t needed today. I kissed Felicity’s cheek. When she smiled at me, I could finally breathe easier again.
I sat near her, just savouring the sight of her.
‘You’re not allowed to drive ever again,’ Abeo said eventually, and we all laughed.
Then we cried some more.
After some time, we began to speak as normal. The chatter between us was a rhythm I would never forget; even if I hadn’t experienced it in a while, I could always fall back into it as easily as singing along to an old classic.
I asked Felicity if she wanted anything to eat, and that prompted everyone to give me a long list of what they wanted. I stepped out with a grin, promising to be back soon with sushi, cheeseburgers and pizzas.
Chloe followed me out. ‘I drove here, so it makes sense if I come with you, right? Unless you’d rather go alone, of course. I could just give you my car keys.’
I wasn’t used to seeing her so awkward and unsure of herself. She really was changing …
‘There’s a lot of stuff to pick up, so it’ll be nice to have a hand.’
She beamed, and we headed towards the car park together. This was a day of making amends, and I planned to do exactly that. With everyone.
Zara crossed my mind, and my throat tightened. I’d hurt her so much and I had no idea how to make things right with her. All I knew was that I wouldn’t feel calm inside until I’d found a way.
‘Would you like to drive, or shall I?’ I asked.
Chloe flicked her hair dramatically as she got into the driver’s seat, making me chuckle. After putting her seat belt on, she paused.
‘Chlo? Are you OK?’
‘Not really. Can I talk to you about something?’
‘Of course.’
‘You’re my soulmate,’ she began, her voice already breaking. ‘And I know things between us have always been intense, but life just isn’t the same without you.’
She reached for my hand, and I let her hold it.
‘I wish I could go back and change it all,’ she continued. ‘The way I handled the abortion and how I chose to move on. I thought being with someone else would take away the emptiness inside me, but it only made it worse. You’re my person. Only you can fill this empty space inside me.’
‘No. You are your own person,’ I said firmly. ‘You don’t need anyone to complete you. Never give anyone that power over you.’
Tears trailed down her face and I brushed them away with a soft hand.
‘You’re about to start your dream career, Chlo. You are going to accomplish everything you’ve ever dreamed. You may want me there, but you don’t need me.’
She grimaced cutely. ‘Urgh. You always know the perfect thing to say.’
I put an arm around her and let her sob her heart out. She needed this closure. So did I.
‘The girl you were caught kissing at your brother’s wedding,’ she said after a while, moving back. ‘Who is she?’
It hit me that I didn’t know how to respond with a label. I decided to go with the simple truth.
‘Zara Khan. She’s really important to me.’
Chloe smiled. ‘I could tell. The way you held and kissed and looked at her … it was …’
The unspoken words lingered between us: it was like how you were once with me. The heartbreak on her face gave me chills. I had to look away. This was hard. I wished I could just get it over with, like ripping off a plaster, but it didn’t work like that when it came to real emotions. It took time to work through them. And although our relationship had felt contrived at times, a show for social media, it had been real. We had been in love for real at one point.
‘I just hope I haven’t messed things up with her,’ I murmured. ‘We had a bad fight and I feel like she’ll never forgive me.’
Chloe waved a hand dismissively. ‘Oh, you’re the most irresistible man I’ve ever met. Trust me, she’ll forgive you.’
‘I’m really counting on it.’
‘She seems like a sweet girl from the photos I saw, and the Chlarim gang has been quite nasty to her. I feel so bad.’
‘The Chlarim gang will eventually settle down and get over us.’
‘I just hope I do.’
I shifted uncomfortably. ‘What’s going on with you and Sanjay?’
‘We weren’t right for each other. I’m just glad he’s forgiven me. Even though I really don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve having any of you guys as my best friends.’
‘We love you, Chlo. Despite all your crazy bullshit and drama.’
She laughed loudly, but when she turned to me, she looked a little sad.
‘This may be a selfish thing to say, but I have a track record for selfishness now, so what the heck. As toxic as Chlarim fans can be at times, there’s one thing I have in common with them: I believe we’re meant to be. Regardless of who we date, I think we’ll find our way back to each other in the end. Right?’
There was such hope and conviction in her eyes that I didn’t know how to tell her there was only one girl I now envisioned a future with.
So I didn’t say anything at all.