5. Lily
LILY
With me you can have anything .
His words echoed through my head as I went for a morning run.
They clanged in my mind, reverberating.
I wanted everything.
But could we truly have it all?
Could we have the closeness I revered? And the wild nights I longed for? As I rounded a curve along the path in the park, I tried to imagine what that would look like. How it would play out.
The after .
Would we be the same after my darkest fantasies became real?
My heart pounded faster and my legs burned as I looked in the crystal ball of my future.
But it was cloudy. Because you can’t see the future. You have to take chances without knowing the outcome.
That was the issue. Was this a chance worth taking?
Amidst the I dos and the marriage licenses, did I want to push for something else too?
When I finished my run, I showered, dressed for work, and met Nina at our usual coffee shop. She sported her new red glasses.
“See? They are sexy,” I said.
“Want to rear-end me?” she joked.
I chuckled as she grabbed an earl grey latte, her usual, and I ordered a vanilla latte. When it arrived, I laughed again.
“Are you going to keep that little humor nugget all to yourself?” Nina asked as we brought our drinks to our favorite couch.
I lifted the mug and smiled. “Just thinking how my favorite drink is a vanilla latte, but I’m not the least bit vanilla.”
Nina’s brown eyes widened. “Please entertain the virgin with your non-vanilla stories,” she said, taking a drink of her beverage.
Nina owned her virginity. She had her reasons for keeping it, and she wasn’t looking to shed it with just anyone at just any moment.
She was waiting for the right guy at the right time.
But I didn’t think she was vanilla. She might not be experienced, but from what she’d told Kate and me, she was experienced in her head. My friend had quite a kinky imagination.
She’d be open to my quandary. While I didn’t plan to divulge all my wild thoughts, I did want an opinion. After I took a drink, I asked her a question. “Just because you have a fantasy doesn’t mean you should act on it, right?”
She lifted a brow. “Of course not, but I feel like there’s a lot more to your question.”
I heaved a sigh, then shared more. “Sometimes I want more. A little something . . . extra.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “With Finn I presume.”
“Yes. And I don’t know if I should ask for it.”
She took another sip, then set down her mug. “Is what you want safe?” I nodded. “Consensual?”
“I would only do it if it’s consensual,” I said.
“And does it involve bananas?”
I cracked up. “There are no bananas in my fantasy.”
She laughed too, then schooled her expression, turning serious.
“I’m a big believer in letting your mind lead.
In listening to your imagination. And sometimes if we don’t let them play out, they can eat away at us.
So as long as it’s safe and sex positive, then I think fantasies are often worth acting on.
And some fantasies, I suspect, can bring you closer. Is this one of those?”
That was the question.
I marinated on her advice the rest of the day at the office until my phone pinged with a text.
I tore my focus away from the research I was doing for my upcoming conference session this weekend to read the note.
Finn: Tonight, wear something insanely sexy that’ll make me hard all night long.
Finn: Wait. That’s you in anything and everything.
Finn: Because I love you.
The club.
The last place I’d voiced all my dirty dreams. It had been my idea, my suggestion. The vibe, the music, the feel—it seemed to set me free.
Could I do it tonight? Say it? Reveal the next level in my after-dark fantasies?
A knot of worry tightened in me, but right alongside that I felt . . . possibility. Nina’s advice was spot on. Sharing our fantasies had brought Finn and me closer. We were open in the bedroom, and our communication led to steamiest encounters, to the ultimate in intimacy.
Maybe even to the deep love we shared.
We had what others longed for, I’m sure.
Would this fantasy bring us even closer?
I wrote back to my man.
Lily: Will you wear your sexy lawyer costume? Because I love seeing you in a suit and tie. Men in ties are hot, but you in a tie is the hottest.
I sent the note, picturing tonight, hearing his words. You know, with me, you can have anything . . . all you have to do is ask .
Those words had stayed with me all day. Since he’d said them. They’d been on repeat in my mind.
They beckoned me to share, to open up.
Because the other night at the sex-toy shop had been a revelation.
We’d never gone that far, never pushed those limits to include others. Real people. All our other games had been made-up; all the other people we pretended had seen us were unknown.
True, I didn’t know the clerk’s name, but he was flesh and blood and all man. He’d been twenty feet away while I went flying off the cliff, Finn’s fingers deep inside me.
But what shocked me most was Finn. He’d started it. He’d brought the man at the register into our game. He was skating so close to what I’d entertained only in my head.
Bet you’d even like it if he wanted to have you too.
Those words from him had detonated me. But they’d seemed to unleash him, too. When we went home that night, we hadn’t even made it through the door. He’d taken me in the car in the parking garage of our building, my wrists pinned over my head, my legs wrapped around his waist.
He’d been ravenous and harder than I’d ever felt him before. As if he was just as aroused, just as turned on as I was.
But still, that was only pretend. Simply another aspect of our role-playing.
That didn’t mean we had to act on it.
Or maybe, just maybe, it did.
And perhaps it would bring us even closer.
That possibility sent a wave of heat across my body. But it wasn’t just the physical closeness. It was so much more.
It was true intimacy that I constantly sought with Finn. We had that and I wanted us to keep having it.
Was Nina right?
Was Kate right?
And more so, was Finn not only right, but ready?
I absentmindedly kicked one high-heeled foot back and forth, waiting for Kate in a bar at the Luxe Hotel, a gin in my hand.
I wore a little black dress.
Because that was what fantasies were for.
Little black dresses.
We’d meet Finn at the club, and our friends were coming tonight, too—we operated as a pack.
Kate arrived at the bar, looking fabulous in black strappy sandals, designer jeans, and a silver top.
I gave her an approving whistle. “Sexy babe. You should take the best man home tonight.” I couldn’t resist trying to push her and Jake together. That was what friends did—tried to set up their single friends. Jake would be with us tonight, so why not?
She groaned like she couldn’t take it anymore as she flopped next to me. “Don’t you think if it were going to happen, it would have happened?”
I scoffed. “Things happen when we’re ready for them.”
She set a hand on my elbow, her hazel eyes locking with mine. “Let me level with you. Nothing is going to happen with Jake and me.”
I pouted. “Why not?”
She heaved a sigh. “Lily, do I need to spell this out?”
“Um, maybe you do. Have I mentioned he’s hella hot and so are you and you’d make a great couple?”
“You are relentless.”
“Only because I know you’re right for each other,” I said, goading.
“It’s not in the cards.”
“Why? Tell me why.”
She laughed. “I’m. Not. Attracted. To. Him.”
My jaw came unhinged, then I set the back of my hand on her forehead. “Yes, you do have the flu.”
“Natch, I’m terribly ill for not being into Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome.”
“Aha!” I pointed at her like I’d caught her in a web of lies. “So, you do admit he’s good-looking.”
“Just because I can recognize he’s extremely good-looking doesn’t make him my type.” She nudged my waist with her elbow, her voice dipping. “But maybe he’s your type. ”
My brow creased. “What?”
“Aww. That’s cute how you act all innocent.”
“It’s not an act.”
She parked her hands on her hips. “Studies have shown that threesomes work best when the third party is someone you all know and trust.”
What had she just said?
Had she said that ?
The notion was a gong banging, waking me up.
I blinked. Swallowed. My brain went into overdrive.
Jake?
The best man?
The man we knew?
Could he? Would he? And more so, could I?
My mind supplied the image. The man who’d been nameless, faceless, in my threesome fantasies suddenly became flesh and blood.
He became my fiancé’s best friend.
My pulse soared, and my skin tingled. What if Jake was the other man in my dirty dreams?
Would that work? Could that work? What would it do to their friendship if things went haywire?
I didn’t know any of the answers, but my chest tingled as I pictured a new reel of fantasies.
Fantasies that felt like they could become real.
So damn real.
Kate smirked and twirled her index finger in a circle. “I see the spreadsheet columns in your mind adding up.”
I shook my head. “I don’t speak spreadsheet.” It came out robotically because I was still processing that . . . sum of the columns. That specific sum of the parts.
Had the nameless, faceless man been in front of me all along?
“But I do,” Kate said. “And I can tell the sum of you plus Finn plus Jake is looking pretty damn good.”
I grabbed her arm, whispering, “They’re best friends. Would that be weird? For them?” I had to get her take. She was so smart and sharp. She’d know this. She’d understand it.
Kate’s eyes glinted. “I don’t know. I guess that’s what you’d have to find out. But I don’t think it’d be awkward for them if it’s what Finn wants for you. And I bet it’s what he wants for you.”
I was a desperate woman now, focused on this brand new option. “How can you be so certain?”
“Because Finn is obsessed with your pleasure.”