2. Nina
NINA
With Marco and Evangeline banging in the elevator or screwing in the car, I popped in my AirPods and toggled over to my podcast app to learn the inner workings of black holes, then attached my camera to my computer to download the photos.
I couldn’t listen anymore.
My virginity was a black hole.
And I needed to escape from it.
And the longer the pull of gravity worked on my V card, the harder it would be to give it up.
And, in turn, to fully connect with my clients. To relate to them as a woman in the know . And then, once I was on that other secret side of knowledge, the images of their pleasure wouldn’t tease me as I worked.
But there was more at play, of course. I wanted what they were having . . . because .
Because pleasure was its own motivation.
And I’d never experienced true pleasure from another person.
It was time.
Time to fully connect with my own desires—desires that had lived only in my mind.
Communication. That was what I needed. The few times I was involved with a man long enough that I thought it might lead to sex, I’d never known exactly how to bring up the nagging little issue of breaking my hymen. So I hadn’t ventured down the roads that led out of virginity.
“Sorry, Finkelstein. It’s time for the goddess,” I said, and I hit download on the first episode of Ask Aphrodite , reading the description aloud.
“ How to have the love life you deserve. A love and intimacy advice show with your hostess, Aphrodite, answering all your questions. ”
I had so many questions. I turned away from the computer, knowing I’d come back to Marco and Evangeline’s passion soon enough.
For now, I gave Aphrodite my full attention as her voice filled my ears.
Hello there, gorgeous lovelies. Welcome to episode one of Ask Aphrodite. I’m your guide through the wilds of desire and sensuality, wherever you are in your journey. Ask any question, and I’ll endeavor to answer it, even if I have to dig far and wide.
But first, I want you to take the initial step on the path to knowing yourself, to understanding your fantasies, and perhaps to having them.
This is what I want you to do today.
Ask these questions and respond honestly. Only with honesty comes passion, intimacy, and incandescent bliss.
What do you want?
What thoughts and desires keep you awake at night?
What are the images that race through your mind when you’re alone?
We all know secretly what gets us off. Think about your dirty dreams, and then put pen to paper, writing them down, knowing them, and in so doing, knowing yourself.
When the episode ended, I reached for one of my idea notebooks, with an illustrated owl on the cover. I kept one in each room, writing down my ideas for new poses, new shoots as they struck me.
This time, I wrote down something for me.
I began a list.
My filthy, wild list.
I started with one, then filled in a few more items until my phone pinged with a text from my friend and next-door neighbor.
Adam: Can I take you up on that offer for one more night? I’ll make a chicken stir-fry as thanks tonight, and it’ll be so delicious your taste buds will sing my praises for days.
Nina: Of course you can take me up on it. But seriously, my taste buds will only sing for days? You must be slacking. Last time you made me a pad thai so yummy my taste buds performed arias for weeks. Now I get mere days?
Adam: Do not doubt me, woman. I will ensure you’re more than satisfied. Don’t I always please you in the kitchen?
Nina: Hmm. Always? That’s a powerful word. I’d say most of the time, because let’s not ever forget the pumpkin chocolate chip cookie incident.
Adam: Oh, no, you don’t. Do not go there. We made a vow to never bring that up again.
Nina: Did we now?
Adam: Yes. We swore you’d never bring up the worse-than-cardboard batch of cookies I made, and I’d never bring up the time you insisted the Hundred Years’ War lasted one hundred years.
Nina: Everyone gets that wrong! It’s a trick question.
Adam: And I was tricked by pumpkin. Everyone gets tricked by pumpkin. It’s what happens every damn fall. So let’s agree to never mention the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and I will keep that trivia faux pas under wraps.
Nina: *grumbles* Fine. I agree. Also, can’t wait for the stir-fry. You are a master in the kitchen.
Adam: Can’t wait to cook for you. Also, thanks, Nina. I appreciate it. I owe you big time.
Nina: You owe me nothing. Happy to help.
I set down the phone, a smile tugging on my lips. Adam had that effect on me, with his charming, laid-back ways, his easygoing personality.
I’d enjoyed having my friend spend the last few nights in my guest room.
One more night of his cooking, his laughter, and our long chats into the night about how solar panel highways worked, or how long badly named wars lasted, or whether it was better to say “champing at the bit” or “chomping at the bit” would be fun.
He was always fun.
But I had other matters on my mind and steep hills to climb.
I returned to my list, doing as Aphrodite said.
By the time I was done, I had ten items, and the last one would be the hardest. Take the longest. Require the most work.
I didn’t know where to start with that one, so I doodled next to it, drawing the outline of a fox, until an idea for one more dirty wish landed in my head.
The start of an eleventh. I began to write it down, but there was a knock on my door. A series of knocks, rapid, urgent, incessant. It sounded like someone was having an emergency.