15. Ivy
IVY
I stare in the mirror in the women’s room, trying to read the person reflected back at me. Same eyes, same cheekbones, same straight teeth.
I slick on my lip gloss, and try to understand how I can be this woman. Wearing a designer dress, running my parents’ hotel, hosting charity galas for charities. Signing paychecks for all the thousands of employees flitting in and out of The Extravagant all day.
But at night, I want to be someone else.
I want to be the woman who says yes to a threesome.
Or who goes to a sex club.
Or who asks her lover to buy, I don’t know, nipple clamps.
A rush of heat charges through me at that last one.
Or really, at all three.
I need to get it together.
I need to reconcile these different versions of me.
I leave the bathroom, and Russ is there outside, escorting me to the theater for one last check before the show. The event staff doesn’t need me for the details, but I want to say hello in case anyone has a last-minute question.
Fortunately, no one does, but the second I spot Kate, I know what I need.
Girlfriend time.
I set a hand on her arm. “Do you have a couple minutes?”
“Of course.”
I steal her away to a private room off the theater, shutting the door. I draw a breath, then rip off the Band-Aid. “I need advice, and you’re the most open-minded person I know,” I blurt out.
She smiles like the Mona Lisa. “I will take that as the highest compliment.”
“Good. Because it is.” I swallow and try to push away the nerves. I’ve been raised to believe private is private; that’s why saying this is so hard.
But I trust Kate.
And I trust Callum.
And even though I’ve kept my fantasies under lock and key, once I opened Pandora’s box, they all seemed to come tumbling out, along with my inhibitions at giving them voice.
Besides, she knows what I read after dark. “There’s something I want, and I need to know if you think it’s silly or foolish. Or risky. Or . . . something I shouldn’t do because of who I am,” I say, worry tripping through me.
“Talk to me. I’ll try to help,” she says, as calm as I need her to be.
“I want to have a threesome,” I say, and just voicing it lifts a weight from my shoulders.
Speaking the words aloud to someone besides Callum is more of a relief than I ever expected.
More words tumble forth. “With Callum and a friend of his. And I want to live out all these fantasies I have. But is that something I shouldn’t do?
I mean, I run a business, and I have employees, and I want to be respected. ”
She reaches for me, squeezes my hand. “Ivy, there is a simple answer and a complicated one, but they’re both the same.”
My brow pinches. “Okay, what do you mean?”
She tugs me to the leather couch, and we sit. “The answer is yes in both cases. Yes to doing it. If this is your fantasy, and you’re all consenting, you should do it. As long as you’re safe, and discreet.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “I wanted to say yes, but just needed to know that I could still be . . .”
“A lady?”
I dip my head, laughing. “Yes, a lady.”
“You can be a lady, and you can be a vixen. You can be a boss, and you can be submissive. You can run this hotel like a badass, and get off to double-dicked alien porn at night if you want.”
I arch a brow. “Is that the next book you’re gifting me?”
“It might very well be.”
“I’m looking forward to it already,” I say, and I can’t stop grinning. This is the first time in ages when I haven’t felt conflicted about my bedroom wants and my daily life.
Well, the other time I felt free and unburdened was in my suite with Callum.
“Sometimes I just wonder what it means that I have a public persona that’s perfectly put together, and a private life that’s wildly filthy.”
“Welcome to being a woman who gets to own her sexuality.”
I laugh. “I like the sound of that.”
“Then you should absolutely go for it. You are allowed to fantasize. More than that, you are allowed to act. No one can put limits on you but yourself.”
I relax.
Truly relax.
No nail tapping, no tension, no fidgeting. Then I admit one more thing. “Sometimes I think I don’t want any limits. Sometimes I think I want to explore so many things. And I want to explore them with my bodyguard.”
She waves a hand in front of her face, like she’s fanning herself. “Girl, that got me hot just now.”
We leave, and after I say goodbye, I send a text to Callum.
Ivy: Yes. I want it all. Please.
There’s an energy in the air. A buzzing. A hum.
The sense that great things will happen tonight.
That fans will be awed.
That crowds will be wowed.
And that this concert will be talked about for years.
In my suite, I change into concert attire. Leather pants, heels, and a silver tank top. Smoky eyelids, winged eyeliner, long lashes, red lipstick.
This time when I consider my reflection, I feel whole.
Like all the parts inside me fit together.
Before I go, I leave something on the bed. Something for tonight.
And when I’m in Stone’s dressing room a little later, we outline the rules.
Mine, Callum’s, and Stone’s.
Callum goes first. “I’m the only one who fucks you. The only one who kisses you.”
Tingles rush over my skin at his possessiveness. “I want that too.”
His passion-filled eyes lock with mine. But I need to make sure his possession doesn’t go too far. “But, Callum, I want to touch Stone. I want to touch you both. Maybe at the same time. I want to suck you both off. Well, not at the same time for that.”
Stone laughs. “That would be an impressive feat.”
Callum cracks a grin.
“Are you okay with that? Both of you?”
Stone wiggles his brows in a yes. Callum nods, his gaze serious.
“I’m okay with that. I had a feeling you’d want that,” he says, sliding an arm around my waist, tugging me close to him.
I shiver from his touch, and from the reality that we are touching again.
I don’t know how much we’ll touch after tonight, but I can’t focus beyond the here and now.
I want to live in the moment for once in my life. Not in my head. But in my body. “Beyond that, I don’t have many limits. I don’t want to be demeaned, but you can both be rough with me, mark me, because I want to be submissive to desire. I want kink and some filth.”
His hand grips me harder. “Don’t forget I’ve seen your browser history, beautiful. It’s given me plenty of ideas for tonight.”
“Do tell,” Stone says.
“Yes, inquiring minds want to know,” I add.
Callum grins wickedly then offers some scorching-hot suggestions that are going to require me to change my panties before the show.
“I’m good with all that,” I say.
“This won’t come as a big surprise, but same here,” Stone says.
I turn to him. “What are your rules?”
The man headlining a one-night-only show at my hotel slides a hand through his hair and shrugs. “Honestly, I’d like to come a couple of times, and I hope you will too, Ivy. That’s kind of my favorite thing. Everyone getting off. Beyond that, it’s all good.”
The three of us laugh together, and that laughter seals a circle of trust around us for the night.