Chapter 19
Charlotte
With tea in hand from my favorite place, The Tea and Tattle, as well as some to-go scones with clotted cream and jam, my thoughts could not be more optimistic. I just know that our search for the tablet is going to be fruitful.
I give a slight glance to Horus as he walks beside me. He seems to be enjoying his tea. I guessed that he would like it a bit more bold. So, I used less cream and sugar than I did for my own.
I hold out the to-go bag of scones to him with a smile. “Try one of these! It will be a life changing experience.”
He gives me a smirk. “I’ve already had a few life changing experiences with you, doe eyes.” I feel a blush come across my cheeks as he leans down and whispers, “I don’t see how it could be any better than the feeling of your hand stroking my wings.”
I trip over an invisible crack in the pavement. Horus’s hand is immediately on my elbow to steady me. When I look back up he is chuckling behind the rim of his to-go cup. “I had no idea how intimate that would be for you!”
“It seemed like you were enjoying yourself just fine.” He winks at me and then grabs a scone from the bag.
He takes a tentative bite. While he’s chewing, he looks at the scone like it is a miracle to all mankind and takes a huge bite out of it. I have no idea how he doesn’t manage to choke, but he closes his eyes for a brief second while indulging in the tasty treat.
“I stand corrected. This is life changing,” he muffles while still chewing.
I smile up at him. “See, I told you! Stick with me, muscles, and you will learn what you have been missing out on.”
I take hold of his forearm and guide him to a small bench outside of the museum gates. We can’t take any outside food or drink inside. So, we might as well relax and savor the moment before we get to hunting for the tablet inside.
As I grab my scone from inside the bag, he says, “So, you got to ask me some overly personal thoughts. Mind if I do the same?”
“Go right ahead. I’m a pretty open book.” I bite into the still warm scone and sigh at the wonderful mix of flavors.
He lets me finish chewing before he asks, “What is it about this museum that excites you? Everytime you talk about it, it seems to be more of a home than your actual flat.”
I take another bite while I ruminate on my answer. “It is my home, in a way. It has become a safe space for me to broadcast my ideas and let my dreams become reality. It wasn’t until the other day that I ever felt threatened there. If anything, it’s going to take me a while to build up that sense of safety after the attack. The museum was like this beautiful, gilded mirror that I saw the world through. Now, that mirror is cracked. Even if I try to fix those cracks, I will still see them and it will not be whole again like it was.”
“Sometimes fixing those broken pieces can make something even more beautiful,” he answers. “The Japanese have an art form called kintsugi. If a piece of pottery breaks, they will put the pieces back together with gold. The symbolism is meant to show that no matter how broken something may be, it can become something even more beautiful once it is whole again.”
I smile to myself. I have been worried about coming back, but I’ve tried to shove those fears down because I want what Horus just described. I want to be able to walk into my museum with no fears and to feel welcomed and safe again. It will take time, but I think he is right. I already feel the pressure of stepping back through those museum doors starting to lessen.
“Can I ask another personal question?”
I nod and give him a small smile while I sip my tea.
“You have mentioned your friend, Charlie, but I have not heard you talk about any family. Are they around?”
Instantly, I am transported to the smell of ammonia in an overly sanitized hospital room. The walls are blank and as gray as the rain clouds outside. “My mother died of Covid in the first wave of sickness that infected Britain. I wasn’t even allowed in the room while she was sick. They only let me in after she died to talk about funeral arrangements and to give me her effects.”
Horus grabs my hand and looks at me in earnest. I realize that a couple of tears have slipped out and are running down my face. “I’m so sorry for your loss, Charlotte. The loss of a parent is never easy, but the pain does get better with time. It’s probably not an overly comforting thing to say, but I have found that to be true.”
He takes his other hand and gently wipes the tears from my face. “It was so hard at the time, because I felt like she didn’t get the funeral that she deserved due to the shutdown. I have made peace with her passing though. I have my hard days, but there are less and less of them as time has gone on.”
He nods in understanding. “What about your father?”
I take a deep breath to steady myself after opening up the wound that was my mother’s passing. “I never knew my father. My mother was an academic like me. She told me she met him one summer during her graduate studies but left when she told him she was pregnant. She managed to have me, graduate, and become an accomplished professor all as a single mom.”
His brows raise. “I applaud your mother for her tenacity. That would not have been easy to do on her own.”
“She was a wonderful mother and an example to me. If I could turn out half as accomplished as her, I would consider my life a success.”
“As you should.” He hesitates before he asks, “Have you ever tried to track your biological father down?”
“No. What would be the point? I don’t want to get to know the man that left my mother vulnerable and in such a difficult position. No, he doesn’t get the privilege of knowing me.”
Horus barks a laugh and looks back at me. “For what it’s worth, he missed out on meeting a one-of-a-kind daughter and I’m very proud to have had the privilege to get to know you, Charlotte.”
I look down at my half-eaten scone as I blush yet again in this god’s presence. Somewhere along the way, he shook off the gruff exterior that he uses a mask and has shown me the kind and caring god underneath. The one that would put someone else’s wellbeing before himself and be willing to be vulnerable with his feelings and desires.
I look back up at him and he has a content grin on his face. “Let’s finish our food and get inside before it starts to get too crowded.”
I take a big bite of my creamy scone and nod in answer. He laughs as he finishes off the rest of his scone in one bite. I try not to giggle lest the carb-goodness escape my mouth while I’m still chewing.
I’ve started to realize that speaking with Horus is just easy and natural. I don’t have to explain my thoughts any more than I already have, and he accepts my feelings as fact. If anything, he validates my thoughts and wants to hear more of my life like a friend or partner would.
It’s quite refreshing to think of him in this new light. Maybe there could be more to this once our search for the tablet is over. Maybe he would like to be more than just mortal and god.