Chapter 21
Charlotte
My hands are shaking again when I try to slide the key in the lock to Charlie’s flat. The adrenaline must be wearing off, because Horus puts his hand over mine and helps me guide the key into the lock and turn the bolt.
“Thank you,” I say but it comes out like more of a croak.
As we take a step into the flat, I’m not able to take in the living room before shaking starts to rake my body and my breath is becoming labored. Horus turns me to face him, but he won’t come into focus. “You’re having a panic attack, Charlotte. Try to breathe with me.”
I try to do my breathing exercises, but I’m too far gone. I want to roll up into a ball and just let the attack take me. Before I can do just that, I am carried through the flat and into a bathroom. I hear shower water start running and then hands are taking off my shoes.
The next thing I’m aware of is the spray of warm water hitting my clothes and hair. It shakes me out of my stupor and I realize Horus is holding me in the shower with clothes on and all. “Just breathe, Charlotte. She didn’t follow us. I promise.”
I’m coherent enough to start my breathing exercises. I take five beats in and five beats out. Then I take note of three things that I can hear: water hitting tile, the exhaust fan, and Horus’s heartbeat. I feel my own heartbeat slowly getting back to normal.
“Do you think you can stand on your own?” Horus asks.
I nod in response and he sets me down and lets me lean on the shower tile. Once he’s satisfied I’m not going to topple over, he gets out of the shower and leaves me to my thoughts.
The first thing I feel is mortified that Horus had to see me in a panicked state like that. I don’t have attacks often, but when I do it can be hours before I find the strength to pick myself back up again.
When I was younger, it would happen before major academic competitions. When I was ten, I made it to the final round of the regional spelling competition. Before going on stage, I had my first full blown panic attack. The stage manager found my mother, and when they returned I was in the corner of the dressing room in a ball. My mother’s soothing voice brought me out of the panic and until her death, she was one of the only people able to bring me back to reality.
I had a panic attack brought on by grief after she died. It took me two days before I was able to leave my apartment and breathe fresh air. Now, it seems Horus is able to bring me out of the stupor before it takes too much of a hold on me.
I start to go through the motions of taking off my now soaking wet clothes while I am still under the warm spray of water. I might as well wash myself while I’m here. Nothing like a cleansing shower to wash away the horrors of the day.
I manage to throw my soaking clothes into the sink across from the shower, and then I get to work on washing my thick hair. While I’m going through the motions of washing, I reflect on what just happened.
Ammit was back at the museum and clearly looking for something and she didn’t seem to find it. It’s most likely that she also didn’t find the tablet piece and Set has tasked her with retrieving it.
It’s only a matter of time before she does find it. So, I need to pull myself together so that we can go back to start the search. My main concern is what if she is still there? How will we find the piece if we are constantly trying to stay out of Ammit’s way?
Another question hits me that I’m not sure I’m prepared for. Horus was armed and prepared for a fight. So, why didn’t he stay and grapple with Ammit to get her out of the way?
Deep down I think I know the answer, but it seems too soon and too wistful to think he left for me. Does he care for me enough that he thought about my wellbeing before getting a tablet that he’s been searching for thousands of years to find?
“Get your head out of the clouds, Charlotte. There’s clearly another explanation,” I mutter to myself.
I wasn’t thinking clearly once I saw Ammit. So, who knows what details I missed that lead Horus to the decision to run rather than fight.
Deep down though, I hope that he chose to run for me. What girl doesn’t wish for that type of devotion? I’ve alway read romances where the man leaves behind his quest for the woman he has grown to love. While I don’t want Horus to give up the search, it would be lovely to realize that Horus cares for me as much as I have started to care about him.
While I’ve had a few sexual partners throughout the years, nothing was ever explosive or made my heart soar when I saw their face. Something always took precedence over the relationship, or like Selfish-Stan, as Charlie called him, who only cared about getting himself off. I used many vibrator sessions after that bloody arsehole.
I think Selfish-Stan was my breaking point in casual partners. I decided after that lousy breakup that if I did get romantic with anyone else, it would be with someone that truly cared for me and put me first. Of course that is easier said than done, and I’ve had quite the dry spell since.
To be honest, it wasn’t until Horus came along that I realized what I was missing. The playful banter while getting to know one another. The friendship of sharing openly with someone you care about. The constant blushing when he looks my way. Of course, his physique is a huge plus, but I have grown to love his mind more. He’s a deep thinker, but he initially comes off as brutish. I think he wears that as a mask, even with his family.
Thank god I’m by myself, because I realize I’m grinning like a fool in this shower. I really do like Horus, and I think it’s time I made those feelings known. So, I finish rinsing the soap off and turn off the water.
When I step out of the shower, I use a towel to dry myself off and step into Charlie’s bedroom to find a change of clothes. She’s a little taller than me, but I manage to find some sweats and a t-shirt to change into.
Once I’m dressed, I walk into the living area of Charlie’s flat. Normally, her place is chaos personified, but she did a lot of cleaning and straightening before she left for Ireland for the semester.
I pad barefoot over to the couch and find Horus sitting with his head bowed in his hands. His hair is hiding his face from my view but he doesn’t seem to hear my approach.
“Thank you, Horus,” I start with my hands clasped in front of me. He shutters slightly with the sound of my voice but does not look up. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I don’t get attacks like that often, but seeing Ammit brought up trauma from the first attack I didn’t realize I had. So, thank you. Without you, I would still be on the floor in a ball.”
I wring my hands together, hoping I don’t need to end up in a ball of mortification. Maybe he has rethought his attraction to me and my anxiety is too much of a weakness for him.
Before my thoughts derail even further down a dark rabbit hole, he slowly lifts his head and looks at me with those honey golden eyes.
“Charlotte, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for,” he rasps. “It is I who owes you an apology. I should have never put you in that situation. Gods, if she ever hurt you again… I don’t know what I would do.”
I carefully sit down on the couch next to him and take hold of one of his hands. “Horus, I wanted to go. We are a team now, and you didn’t put me in any situation I wasn’t willing to go into. If anything, you helped me yet again out of a bad one.”
He squeezes my hand and meets my gaze. “I would do anything to keep you safe, Charlotte. You have become my sun, my north star, my… my everything. You encompass my thoughts while I’m awake and invade my dreams while I sleep. When I enter a room, yours is the first face I’m drawn towards. You make my immortal heart beat again for the first time in centuries.”
He takes his hand to cup the back of my neck and pulls my forehead against his. “I would walk through the twelve realms of the Duat to find you if anyone ever took you from me.”
“I’m right here, Horus. I’m not going anywhere. It would take an army to keep me from you.”
I close the centimeters between us and meet his lips with mine. All I can think is, finally, the god of the skies is mine.