Chapter 24 Freija #2
Mother’s eyes flicked from me to Hans and back again, completely ignoring the man who stepped back so he wasn’t standing between us.
I wanted to grab Halvar by the hand and yank him back into position, but knew better than to touch him right now, especially in front of my parents.
Guards and Princesses didn’t touch unless it was a matter of safety, and there was nothing threatening about Hans.
As if to emphasize that fact, Hans wore a fine tweed jacket, breeches with large buttons, and a cravat of silk.
It was the complete opposite of the nearby soldiers and Halvar.
Where they were strapped with weapons and the colors of the mountain, Hans looked like a scholar who had spent time on the southern continent or in the prestigious schools in England.
He caught me staring and a grin grew.
The focus of those around us, including a few council members, caught the exchange, and I proffered a polite smile in return as worry swelled within me.
I needed to pull Hans aside. Needed to stop this courtship nonsense now, before anyone got hurt. “Hans?” Those big brown eyes flicked to me. “Would you care for a dance?”
He proffered his upturned hand. “I would be honored.”
I doubted that sentiment would last but I placed my hand in his and let him lead me out onto the dance floor.
Skirts twirled and swished as people parted and made space for us.
Everyone smiled like it was a joyous occasion to see their princess dancing with someone.
Council member Thyra seemed particularly pleased, beaming from ear-to-ear.
Spinning us into the middle of the crowd, Hans placed one hand at the small of my back and clasped the other around my own hand. The string quartet started a new tune, a smooth and wondrous melody that reminded me of the way the fjord wound inland from the coast.
“Are you ready?” Hans asked.
I smiled and nodded. With that he began steering us with slow but assured steps that followed the peaks and valleys of the music.
We likely made a beautiful scene. A princess and her beau.
But that couldn’t last. I wouldn’t hurt Hans.
He was kind and a good listener. Someone who clearly valued knowledge and learning.
And yet, he wasn’t meant for me. I knew that in my bones.
I was never excited to see him. My body didn’t hum when he stepped close. Not like it did with a certain someone.
I stared up at Hans. His long brown locks had been brushed off his forehead, exposing even more pale skin.
However much I didn’t like Hans for me, he deserved respect.
“Hans, there is something I wish to speak with you about.”
“Oh?”
I swallowed hard as he spun me out and pulled me back into a perfect hold again.
“And what might that be?”
My teeth dug into my bottom lip, eyes darting around us. There were too many people. Too many ears. We needed somewhere quieter where we could still be seen but not be the center of attention. An empty corner of the room came into view and a plan settled in my mind.
I gripped Hans tighter and took control, leading us toward the vacant spot.
“Where are we—” He stutter-stepped, but I held him upright. “What kind of conversation do you wish to have?”
His eyes twinkled with excitement and my heart clenched.
I’d let this go too far already. Flashbacks of rejecting Edvard all those years ago filled my mind.
The sad look on his face when I turned down his proposal was something I’d never forget, nor an emotion I’d wish on anyone.
And with the way Hans kept looking at me…
I feared we were already headed in that direction.
It was better to let him down now rather than later.
I turned and brought us to a stop in the corner, angling his back to the crowd so his facial expression wouldn’t be visible to any potential onlookers.
And there would be fae watching us. There was always someone watching me.
Even before Halvar had stormed in and been assigned as my guard, residents of the mountain had always watched my every move.
Which was even more reason why this—whatever this was—had to come to an end tonight.
Straightening my spine, I took a deep breath and began. “Hans, I want to discuss this courtship with you.”
“What about it?”
My fingers clenched into a fist, nails biting into the flesh of my palms. “There is no easy way to do this.”
The excitement slipped from his eyes and his shoulders dropped.
“Hans, you are a wonderful man with a brilliant mind and love for books that I truly admire. However, I do not think we should continue this courtship or whatever this visit has been.”
His hands trembled, chest rising and falling as he stared down at me in disbelief.
“I respect you and want to be considerate of your time. I know you were asked to come here under unusual circumstances with the potential for a match and marriage, but…” How did I put this?
“But,” he said, the sound wistful.
“But I do not think I could love you as you deserve.”
The words settled between us like a landslide coming to a stop at the foot of a mountain.
Hans wiped his palm across his face. “Is there someone else?”
“No.” Liar. I reached for him and gently rested my hand at his elbow. “I hope you are able to find someone who loves you deeply one day, someone who will read and study with you, but that someone is not me. I am ever so sorry.”
His lips pinched together and he nodded slowly.
“Hans. You don’t have to say anything. I know it took effort to come all the way here and this might come as a shock.”
“No, no, Freija.” He took a deep breath, straightened, and placed my hands in his. “I thank you for honoring me with the truth and respect. This is not an easy conversation to have, but I’m glad you have told me.”
My mouth wobbled. I didn’t like hurting people. But I didn’t want to waste his time or be disrespectful to him. Especially considering my growing feelings for another man and upcoming departure. Carrying on, furthering any hopes… It wasn’t right, and I wouldn’t do it.
Hans let go of my hands and gave me a gentle smile. “You have my thanks. And I know you will be an excellent Queen one day.”
A scoff-like noise burst from me. “Even after I just let you down?”
He nodded. “Because of the way you handled a delicate situation with poise and grace. Don’t misunderstand me—I am a little disappointed, but I appreciate you respecting my time and giving us a moment of privacy.
” He motioned to the corner around us and the angle in which I’d placed him.
To the rest of the gathering it looked like a secluded moment between two lovers.
“Thank you for saying that.”
“It’s true.” He smiled gingerly, took a step closer, and leaned in. A gentle peck landed against my cheek, and he whispered, “I hope you find someone who can enjoy that garden with you.”
“I hope so too.”
Pulling back, he patted me on the shoulder and made to move before turning and adding, “Oh, and a quick word of advice. Don’t let anyone ever force you to do something to please others.”
Is that what he had been doing too? Either way, it was sound advice. “I won’t.”
“Good.”
With that, Hans disappeared into the throng of revelers.
Letting out a sigh, I tugged on the sleeves of my dress.
That had gone far better than I’d imagined, but it still stung.
My hands trembled ever so slightly and a clenching pain had settled in my chest. Not sadness per se, but a melancholy to have caused harm to someone who didn’t deserve it.
Because he didn’t. Hans was a fine man, but he would never be my man.
I turned to sneak away and crashed into a wall of muscles.
“Oh, my apologies,” I muttered. My gaze slid upward and found my brooding shadow staring down at me.
“Dance with me,” Halvar commanded.
Before I could respond, he took my hand in his and slid his other hand to my lower back. A thrill zipped through me and my melancholy washed away like the sandy banks of the fjord during a flood.
He guided us farther onto the dance floor. The throng of people parted, letting us into the center.
“You dance?” I asked, surprise lacing my tone.
He grunted like I’d insulted him, not spoken out of shock at the fact that he was actually on the dance floor.
Those ice-like eyes peered down at me as the music slowed and my feet followed his lead. Side to side, around and back. He moved with the grace of a flower in the breeze.
My heart beat in tune with the music, slowing into a calm and steady rhythm that I rarely felt outside of my garden or a good book.
Was that to do with the dance? Or was it who I was with?
With every footstep, I found it more and more difficult to not let my thoughts wander to the man who’d kissed me the other night.
My gaze remained locked with Halvar’s, as if neither of us could look anywhere else. The world around us faded away until there was just me, Halvar, and the gentle hum of music.
He swallowed hard and his eyelashes brushed across his cheeks.
It looked like he was soaking in the moment as much as I was.
With a gentle quirk of his lips, he spun me out and whipped me in again, drawing our bodies flush against each other.
The hand returned to my back, a touch lower than it had been before.
Then he dipped me into a perfect drop, and a gasp flew from me.
We were far too close. Touching too much. Fastened to one another far more snugly than would be seen as acceptable for a princess and her guard. But his grip tightened on me and I couldn’t move even if I’d wanted to.
“Why were you in the corner with Hans?” he asked, his voice low enough for only me to hear, as he righted me once more.
My gaze locked on the spot where his uniform fastened at the base of his neck. “Nothing to worry about.”
His throat moved with a grumble and the reverberations skittered across my chest eliciting a sensation deep in my core that was more than forbidden.