Chapter 37 Halvar
Halvar
Rays of moonlight brushed across my face as someone wriggled gently in my arms. I opened my eyes and found Freija’s head atop my chest, my arms wrapped around her bare back, the blankets scarcely covering us.
The sex was otherworldly. It had never felt like that before. Like I was being torn apart and put back together piece by piece by a beauty blessed by the ancestors.
I shouldn’t have done it though. Shouldn’t have given in. Shouldn’t have crossed that damn line. But as this might be all I’d ever have of her, I would enjoy every moment.
Her eyes fluttered open, and she yawned gently. “Is it dawn?”
I brushed my hand through her hair. “Middle of the night.”
“Ah,” she said and nuzzled against me. “I don’t think I’ve slept that soundly in years.”
Me neither. Yet I’d still woken up to keep watch and make sure none of the crew harmed her.
“Go back to sleep,” I said.
She shook her head and trailed a finger across my chest, her brows furrowing. “You don’t have any scars on your chest.”
“As a rule, I don’t let anyone get close enough to land a blow to my chest. My arms though…” Those were riddled with centuries of markings, some more faded than others. I let out a sigh. “Besides, not all scars are visible.”
The weight of my words settled over her and pressed down on my own damned heart. Fucking annoying emotions.
That finger of hers delicately traced a faint mark near my elbow. “What about this one? If you don’t mind me asking.”
She could ask whatever she wanted of me—which was terrifying.
“Couple centuries ago. Raiders tried to infiltrate a village near one of our mountains. Not far from Grim actually.”
She moved to another. “And this one?”
“I honestly cannot remember.”
She tilted her head up, facing me. Those lips were still slightly swollen, a healthy flush filled her cheeks, and those damned eyes peered up at me as if they could see my own tumultuous thoughts.
She was magnificent. However much my mind knew we couldn’t be together, that organ in my chest believed otherwise.
“What’s on your mind, solider?”
I shook my head and shifted us so we lay face-to-face, chest-to-chest. Warmth radiated from our bodies, heating the little cocoon of blankets.
Drawing my hand beneath the covers, I traced a finger over her legs and up her curves.
A gentle gasp slipped from her lips. “What are you doing?”
“Memorizing.”
I wanted to remember every part of her, every peak and valley, every stuttered breath between kisses that would live on in my mind for the rest of my days.
Fuck, I didn’t want to hurt her, but what if there was a way for this to work?
What if we could get the Council and King to see reason and grant us permission to see one another?
“What we did…” she started and let out a gentle gasp as my fingers traced around the swell of her breast. “Halvar, we should discuss this.”
We probably should. What Mikkel had said ran through my mind: Sometimes it really is worth the potential hardship.
You are the happiest you have been in years and I’ve seen you smile around her.
He did have a point, I had been happy around her.
Fuck, even when I wasn’t in her presence, the mere thought of her had me wiping away a grin.
Perhaps, what Mikkel said had some merit.
We could try this and see what happened.
I could put my life on the line for joy, for her.
It might not get me a permanent position in Skolvik, but it might just be worth it.
I brushed my thumb across her bottom lip. “Maybe. Maybe we could try some form of attachment. If you want to that is?”
Fuck the vulnerability coursing through me.
“Maybe we could,” she said, nodding lightly. “I don’t want to get you in trouble, though.”
“It would be putting myself and my career at risk,” I admitted.
“But you would like to?”
Like felt too small of a word, but it was accurate. I did want this. I wanted her, and had for some time. “Yes.”
She let out a satisfied sigh and nuzzled against my neck. “Me too.”
“We will find a way to be together.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “We can discuss it more when we get home. For now, let us enjoy this time alone.”
“Maybe I could talk to the Council?” she mumbled. “We could discuss it along with the new food plan I have put together thanks to the research with Vigdis.”
“You are strong enough to fight the Council and change the rules.”
She sucked in a breath. “Do you really think so?”
“I know so,” I replied. “Look at how much you’ve already done for your people. Look at how you handled yourself in that fight the other night.”
Her lips twitched at the corners as if she were brimming with emotions and unsure how to let them out, and those eyes grew teary.
I hugged her tighter.
“Would you”—she took another deep breath—“like me to request that you be permanently stationed in Skolvik?”
I stilled, my hand no longer stroking her back. I’d longed for that for years and here she was offering to be brave and fight for me too. Something akin to happiness swelled inside me and I slowly nodded. “I’d like that very much.”
She gave me a gentle smile. “Good.”
“Good.”
Silence settled between us once more only to be burst by the woman in my arms.
“Do you ever feel the pressure from your duty becomes too much?” she asked, sounding half awake and half asleep. They were the meandering thoughts of anxiety and concern that always crept in at night.
“I did. Still do,” I replied, openly admitting yet another secret to this beauty. “But I learned quickly to harness that pressure and use it as a tool to fuel me.”
She turned to face me, those long lashes fluttering lightly. “How so?”
“Pressure means you care, which ultimately gives you strength.”
Her hair brushed against my bare chest as she nodded, mired in thought.
“Do you feel the pressure?” I asked. “Of your role, your duty?”
“Extremely, and I fear it may overwhelm me and cause me to fail my people.”
That was the same feeling I’d felt before. Something I could wholeheartedly relate to.
“Please don’t tell anyone,” she whispered.
I’d take her secrets to my grave.
I brushed my fingers across her cheek and tucked her hair behind her ear. “I promise. The finest weapons and gems are forged under the greatest of pressure. Let it fuel you. Take breaks, but know that if you are feeling that pressure, you are doing the right thing.”
She let out a satisfied sigh and nestled into my chest, resting her palm against my sternum.
“Did you enjoy your time with Vigdis?” I asked.
“More than I ever could have imagined. Did you know that foxglove is severely poisonous? Oh, and she showed me this enchanting little grove, nestled in the woods. It was like a haven. Absolutely beautiful.”
It must’ve been as spectacular as the excitement currently flowing through her words.
“Perhaps you can return one day,” I said.
“Perhaps.” She peered up at me. “Do you have any favorite places you’ve visited on your… erm… travels?”
Travels was a nice way of putting it but… “Yes. The human fortresses in Scotland were incredible, and the icebergs of the north were large enough to sink even this ship.”
“Of course you’d enjoy something like a fortress.”
“And you wouldn’t?”
“You’re correct.” She laughed, a light trill that should be bottled. “I would. I’d hunt down their library if they had one. Did you always want to travel? Follow in your father’s footsteps?”
Yes and no. I swallowed hard. “I wanted to be a soldier, yes, but I didn’t like leaving home at first.”
Fuck, I’d never admitted that to a soul.
“Why?”
“I didn’t like leaving my mother alone. Father worked so much, was called away quite often, and she always stayed behind.
She was used to it of course, but I could see the way her smile faltered a little bit with every goodbye.
” Father had likened that smile of hers to the lights that danced across the northern skies.
“Tell me about her,” Freija said.
I hadn’t spoken about my mother in years, maybe even centuries, but something tugged inside me as if pulling the memories out one by one.
“She grew up beneath the Svartisen glacier and was as hardy and brave as the ice and stone around her. She always made me small treats whenever I came home. I remember returning from Sweden one time and she’d baked me an elk pie.
Just for me. The whole thing. I ate every piece of it and was almost ill, but it was still—” A lump lodged in my throat, blocking the sentence.
“It was the best thing I’d ever tasted.” Letting out a rumble in an attempt to clear my throat, I added, “Sorry. Don’t know what came over me. ”
Damn emotions.
Freija placed her hand against my chest. “No, Halvar, thank you for telling me. It’s nice to hear more about your family and time on this earth.”
I pulled Freija tighter against me, feeling her soft skin against my own. She placed a kiss where her hand had just been, and I lost myself to the blissful feeling emanating through me from her touch.
While I may not have known what was in store for us, one thing was certain: I never wanted to lose her. And, ancestors save me, that was terrifying.
Meals were consumed, Freija slept soundly in my arms, and by the next morning a knock at the door informed us we were entering Grim’s harbor.
We dressed quickly, her in her dress, and me back in my leather trousers and new shirt from the healer.
I strapped on my marred leathers and threw our packs over one shoulder as she tied her hair in a braid. We were ready to go home.
The ship barely bobbed as sailors shouted orders to tighten the rigging on the decks above us. We climbed up the steps, Freija carefully lifting her skirts in an effort to avoid tripping. I’d catch her if she did, but even so, skirts and ships were not a safe combination.
We slowly ascended and the echoes from above grew still, then a slow hum flitted through the ship as if dozens of men and women were murmuring to one another. My brow furrowed, and I clenched my jaw as we alighted on the top deck.
A sea of eyes turned to us, and Freija came to a halt.
Something was happening.
Tension filled every jawline.
Boots shuffled in the silence.
Something was definitely happening.
I didn’t like it.
Freija brushed her hands across her skirts, righted herself, and strode toward the railing and gangplank as if nothing were amiss. But the way her shoulders had just stiffened told me she felt the tension too.
Whispers rose again, and I stepped closer to Freija while scanning the Fjord Fae for threats.
Minimal weaponry at hips, hands lowered and relaxed, no looks of malice—but they all stared in shock as if we had grown two heads.
Henrik stepped out of the crowd and ambled toward us, his brow creased, jacket missing like he’d forgotten it, fingers toying with one of his obnoxious rings.
I wasn’t having this. I pulled on my magic and crafted an axe as we came to a stop before the captain. Freija peered over at me, her eyes narrowed on the weapon in my hand.
“There will be no need for that, Halvar,” Henrik said.
“Tell us what’s going on,” I growled, “and no one will get hurt.”
The crew fidgeted, and Freija looked at them anew, hopefully taking note of the wary gazes thrown her way.
Henrik straightened and focused on Freija. “A messenger arrived in the village this morning and brought some important news to our ship.”
“Oh,” Freija said, the sound requesting he continue in the politest fashion.
“It is my understanding that King Erik of the Fjell succumbed to illness two days ago.”
Fuck.
Freija swayed on the spot.
My entire world listed as if we were still on open ocean. My mission had just become that much more difficult. This changed everything.
The crew dropped to one knee as Henrik bowed to Freija and said, “My condolences… Your Majesty.”