Chapter 32
Evangeline
Zephyr has been gone for two days. Two days of agony worrying over my mate alone and wondering if Zephyr is okay. I mean, clearly he isn’t.
None of us are, no matter how many times Niko tries to reassure us that he’s fine. He may look in good spirits, but I notice the way his body sags when he thinks no one is looking. The way his smile fades and light leaves his eyes, rendering him empty, tired, and growing sicker by the day.
Lady Thalia has come by a few times to check on her son.
She never stays long; I think seeing Niko in this state pains her too much.
The most interaction I’ve had with her is when she told me she’s reading through her books but hasn’t found enough information yet.
She’s determined to find more about this well I saw in the Nephilim’s mind.
I can’t help her because the imprisoned died in its cell, using its last bit of strength to hurt my husband.
I want to believe Lady Thalia, I do, but my morale is quickly diminishing.
Not even Finnick can cheer me up, though he tries.
“Do you want to see me swallow my sword?” he asks as we watch Niko sleep. It’s far from peaceful, but at least he’s resting. I just had to chase him back into bed after he attempted to go out and find Zephyr.
I’m angry with Zephyr, but more than that, I’m scared. He’s hurting, and he shouldn’t have to deal with that alone. I wish he knew how much I wanted to help him. How much I need him too.
“Swallow your sword?” I tear my gaze away from my sleeping mate to raise my brows at his brother. “Is that safe?”
“Not at all.” He grins wickedly. “And it may kill me, but that is the price I’m willing to pay. So, want to see it?”
“Not particularly, no,” I admit, not willing to risk any more family members. “I already have to worry about your brother. Don’t make me fuss over you too.”
Finnick considers my words before nodding once. “Fine, but you’re missing out.”
“Have you ever actually swallowed your sword?” I’m not sure I want to know the answer, but I ask anyway.
“No. Never tried. But I don’t think it would be hard.”
Finnick launches into an explanation about the logistics of sword swallowing—something about posture, breath control, the angle of the blade—but his words blur in and out, distant and muffled like I’m underwater.
I try to focus. I do. But my mind drifts, too heavy to hold still.
My body aches with exhaustion, every limb dragging like it’s made of lead.
I haven’t truly slept in days—not since Niko fell.
Every time I close my eyes, I snap them open again to check if he’s still breathing, still here, still himself.
The curse curls under his skin like smoke, unpredictable, and I can’t risk looking away, afraid if I do, he’ll be gone.
There’s nothing of substance left to cook for him. Nothing to feed him except a few nuts that haven’t spoiled yet.
He’s fading. I see it in his eyes, in the way he turns away from food, and from me because he doesn’t want me to see him this weak. All I can do is sit here, pretending I’m strong enough to keep him alive with scraps and sleepless nights.
And maybe I’m not pretending very well anymore because I’m so damn tired.
“Evangeline?” Finnick’s voice cuts through the fog in my brain. It doesn’t seem like the first time he’s tried to get my attention, judging by the concerned furrow of his brow.
“Sorry, Finnick. I’m just…” I trail off. Not sure how to finish that sentence because, even though I feel too much, I also feel strangely hollow and empty. It’s exhausting to one moment feel like the world is caving in on you, and the next you feel nothing at all.
“I understand.” He flutters to me, landing on my lap. “Why don’t you take a bath? Relax for a bit. I’ll stay with him until you return,” he promises.
My first instinct is to say no. I don’t want to be separated from Niko for long. What if he gets worse while I’m gone? What if he dies? I would never be able to forgive myself.
“I shouldn’t.” I shake my head, even though a bath does sound nice right now. I haven’t bathed in a few days. I’m most certainly ripe and could benefit from scrubbing the layer of grime off me, but I’m hesitant to leave.
“He’ll be fine. You aren’t any use to him if you aren’t taking care of yourself. I swear I’ll come and get you if anything changes. But it won’t. Not in the time it will take you to take a bath,” Finnick assures, and I want to believe he’s right.
He has a point, though, even if I hate to admit it. “Fine,” I sigh, exhaustion weighing me down. “But please come and get me if anything changes.”
“I will, but take your time. I love you, Eva, but you smell, and I hang out with forest people, so that’s saying something.”
Despite my mood, a laugh rips out of me. “Noted. Thanks, Finnick.”
“What are friends for if not to be brutally honest about hygiene?” he teases and flies off me, landing by Niko’s hand. My mate doesn’t stir, just stays asleep.
“I’ll be back soon.”
“Not that soon. Take your time,” he repeats.
Wordlessly, I push myself up from the chair, my movements sluggish and heavy, like I’m wading through molasses. The ache in my limbs isn’t just physical. It’s rooted deeper, hollow and aching in the cavity of my chest where something used to live. Where hope used to live.
The bathroom greets me with a low fog of steam curling in the air. The tub is already drawn, water full and hot, thin tendrils of mist dancing above the surface. I pause in the doorway, blinking slowly. Did Finnick ask someone to prepare this for me earlier? Did he think I needed it? Maybe I do.
I peel off the dress I’ve been wearing for the last few days.
It slips off my shoulders and pools at my feet, the fabric limp and wrinkled, like a shed skin.
My bra and panties follow, discarded without care.
The cool air brushes against my bare skin, and I shiver—not just from the cold, but from the absence of warmth that used to be there.
Everything feels wrong without Niko. I’m here, in this strange place, still moving, still breathing, but inside, something has curled up and gone still. I’m empty. Not even Zephyr is here to ground me in familiarity.
I take a deep breath, then step into the water.
The heat bites at first, but I welcome it.
I lower myself slowly, letting the warmth swallow me inch by inch.
It’s the first thing I’ve felt all day that doesn’t hurt.
My body sinks beneath the surface, and I close my eyes, hoping the water might wash away the hollowness too. But it clings to me like a second skin.
And I just stay like that. Submerged in the water as I let the weight of these past few days—hell, the past few weeks—settle upon me.
I was given a new, beautiful home, but now I fear it might be taken away from me.
I fell in love with Niko, but I feel absolutely helpless to save him now.
I haven’t even had the chance to properly tell Niko that I love him.
And then there’s Zephyr, a man who weighs more on my heart than he should.
When he’s made it clear he will never love me.
My heart aches for him and everything that could be.
It’s all so much. Too much. And I can’t hold back the dam of tears any longer.
A sob breaks from me, escaping from my core, until my whole body is consumed, shaking violently, barely containing the emotions pouring out of me.
I cry for Niko and the pain he’s going through.
I cry for Zephyr and the guilt he carries.
And I cry for myself and the overwhelming sense of doom that has been cast upon me like a gray, stormy cloud.
I’m not sure how long I cry; I didn’t even realize I’m capable of so many tears.
Each time I think they’ll stop, another wave of sadness washes over me, and I cry harder.
This is not how a queen should act. I don’t feel strong, and I’ve never felt this much fear in my life.
Maybe I was never cut out to be a queen.
As soon as that thought flickers through my mind, a hand lands on my shoulder. I gasp and twist away, heart pounding like a war drum. Panic floods me, blinding and breathless, as my body readies itself to fight or flee.
Then—
“Evangeline. It’s just me. I’m here.”
That voice. Gentle. Familiar. Anchoring.
Zephyr.
The world stutters to a halt.
My breath catches, and everything inside me crumples.
Relief crashes over me like a wave. I turn, and there he is, kneeling next to the tub—solid and real, eyes full of something I can’t name.
My chest aches, and before I can stop myself, I throw my arms around him, clinging like a lifeline.
I’m angry with him, but my excitement at seeing him outweighs everything else.
He’s back, and that only makes me cry harder. For the briefest moment, Zephyr tenses. I don’t take it personally because I’m a naked woman crying into his chest, but then he relaxes and moves to wrap his arms around me. He’s holding me, and I fit perfectly in his arms.
“You’re back,” I manage to say between sobs. “You were gone for so long.”
Zephyr is the calm sea to my raging storm. He holds me, his hand rubbing my back soothingly. It’s everything I didn’t know I needed until this moment.
“I’m back,” he murmurs, voice low and steady against the top of my head. “I’m sorry I left for so long. I went to check on our borders. Spoke to the fae still out there, and I suppose I lost track of time.”
I shake my head, unable to form words. It doesn’t matter anymore.
He’s here. I know he needed to leave to clear his head.
I don’t fault him for that. I just missed him.
He’s known Niko longer and has loved him longer than I have.
I will not deny him his time to mourn in his own way. Still, I’m glad he’s back.