Nothing Either Good Nor Bad, But Thinking Makes It So
There’s something about standing around, waiting for someone, that makes time slow.
Normally, Kerr would disassociate, scrolling through the endless stream of recycled and remixed content on her Opti, but she had a job to do.
One that involved making sure no-one saw what they were up to and that Lusa didn’t sneak out and leave without her.
That sort of boredom becomes dangerous. Without distractions, Kerr would have to confront her conflicting feelings. Seeking something else to occupy her mind, she gathered Lusa’s knife belt, the synleather, still warm from the heat of her body.
She curled her lip at the borrowed intimacy, trying to forget that Lusa had practically worn her like a shirt the entire way here. Try as she might, her body refused to show the appropriate level of disgust at the trace of her presence.
Unsheathing one of her knives, Kerr flipped it in the air, trying to catch it. The clang on the asphalt broke the quiet. Somewhere in the distance, a gull squawked, but otherwise, no-one had witnessed her fumble. Lusa made it look effortless. Surely, she could do the same with some practice.
“Stupid Lusa,” she mumbled. Voicing what she was supposed to feel didn’t work either.
By rights, she should hate her. She had to hate her.
Kerr flexed her composite fingers, but the anger felt manufactured.
Lusa-the-person was much nicer than Lusa-the-myth.
Standoffish, but no more than reasonable, all things considered.
Redirecting her grievances, Chalice was the one to blame. She brought them here. They didn’t need Model 2. If they laid low, let everyone else fight it out, they could swoop in and take the scraps. That’s what the Adlets were doing, wasn’t it? The only difference between them was their tech.
Kerr threw the knife at the dirt. It ricocheted instead of sticking.
If her and Chalice had lived anywhere else in any other timeline, they would never have had to speak with one another again.
But here and now? With aging machinery, a rapidly dwindling population, and an even more rapidly dwindling group of competent people?
You needed everyone you could get. You repressed your feelings or you died. Or everybody died.
Kerr shoved herself off of the bike and bent over to retrieve the knife. Standing upright, she caught sight of Lusa, striding toward her with purpose. The front doors to the Model 2 installation sealing shut behind her with an audible hiss.
“You came out the front?”
“She opened them for me.” Lusa threw the cylinder at her feet.
Kerr rushed to scoop it up. “Careful! You’ll break it!”
“It’s already broken.” Lusa pointed at the bricked cylinder. “She dissolved the insides before I’d entered the chamber.”
Kerr threw her head back. “Pure hell.” They now had a useless hostage with time running out and they’d pissed off the Adlets for no discernible gain. “What now?”
“You’re asking me?” Lusa sounded exasperated, for which Kerr couldn’t fault her. “I did what you wanted. Now I need Pinga back.”
Kerr blew out her cheeks. The thought of heading back to Chalice and being berated for things beyond her control didn’t appeal to her. She wasn’t certain Chalice would release Pinga if she didn’t get what she wanted. More likely, she would hold on to her rather than admit she’d fucked up.
“Look,” Lusa straightened her spine and took a deep breath.
The way it made her chest stick out made Kerr’s ears turn bright red.
She averted her gaze before Lusa caught her staring.
“I did what you wanted but your tech failed. She’s no use to you anymore.
And if I don’t get Pinga back in the next few days, you’ll be dealing with the rest of the Adlets.
” Lusa took her knife belt back, lacing it across her hips.
She eyed the knife Kerr had been playing with, still in her hand.
There was a hint of a smirk. “I’m not sure why you thought this would work. ”
Kerr held out the knife and turned her head, hoping that Lusa would be too distracted by it to see the tears start forming. It didn’t work.
“Are you?” Lusa narrowed her eyes “Are you okay?”
“What do you care?” she spat.
Lusa sighed. “Because I’m not an arsehole.” She re-sheathed her knife, but kept her distance.
Kerr only glared angrily, like a wounded animal.
Lusa stared off toward the inner city, not the old part of Tyton where Chalice was holed up. “Even if your plan worked and I got Pinga right now, we’d have to lay low for a few days and wait for pickup.”
Kerr eyed her sceptically. “A couple days? Did the Adlets move cities? Is that why you disappeared?”
Lusa’s stance deflated. “Stop. I’m not doing this right now.”
Kerr supposed she deserved that.
Lusa put on her jacket, much to Kerr’s relief. She was running out of excuses for why she kept staring at her arms.
“Figure out what’s happening and I’ll come back for her in the morning.” Lusa grabbed her helmet and adjusted the straps. “She hates camping anyway.”
Lusa slotted the keycard. The bike’s supercharger whined.
Kerr suddenly had an idea. “Wait.” She held out her hand, as though she would be able to keep the bike from speeding off.
Lusa took her feet off the pegs. “What?”
What indeed. The word had left Kerr’s mouth before she’d had a chance to really think this through. All she knew was that she didn’t want to return to Chalice without Model 2 or Lusa. “What if I show you around?”
Lusa narrowed her eyes. “So, you can take me somewhere isolated and kill me? You hate me, remember?”
“Well, yeah.” Kerr shrugged with her whole body. “I mean, no. Here’s already isolated. And you hate me too.”
Lusa removed her helmet. “Then, why…” Her bottom lip stuck out in a way that fascinated Kerr.
“Fine,” Kerr squeezed her eyes shut so Lusa wouldn’t think she was staring. “I don’t want to go back empty handed. I can’t deal with Chalice right now, yeah?”
Lusa eyed her warily, but she hadn’t left either.
“I’ll…” Kerr scrambled to think of something she could offer that wouldn’t be too strange. “…pay for your drink or something.” By Lusa’s expression, it was definitely too strange.
But her face softened. “Do you really not have any other friends you can hang out with?”
Kerr wanted to take offense, but if she was being honest, her friends were just regulars at the bar. And if she drank with them, she’d complain about Chalice. And that would get back to her and she’d pay for it later.
As if she could wipe the awkwardness away, Kerr ran her fingers through her hair. “You got me. I’m a big loser who still does whatever her ex tells her to.” Kerr kicked at the dirt. “I was going to get drunk and then go to bed. But,” she teetered on one foot. “Drinking alone is awful.”
“And I’m the one you want to drink with?” Lusa chewed the inside of her lip. Probably a habit or a facial tic, but Kerr couldn’t help thinking suggestive thoughts. She turned neon. She needed to hide her face, and quick.
Kerr snatched the helmet and jammed it on her head. “Come on, let’s go.” She clambered up the back of the motorcycle like she belonged there, making an embarrassing situation infinitely worse. She fully expected Lusa to shove her off and drive away.
Lusa only shook her head and started the bike. “Which direction?”
Kerr pointed toward MB12. Her sense of relief quickly replaced by stomach-dropping terror. What had she gotten herself into?
“Park here.” Kerr pointed to a row of abandoned storefronts. A PetroLube barrel served as a makeshift fire pit. Three men huddled around it, various prosthetics glinting in the dancing light. “If you park anywhere else, someone will strip your bike for parts.”
Lusa snickered. Kerr didn’t understand what was so funny, but she let it be. She removed the helmet and held it out to Lusa. “It’s okay, they’re ours.” She nodded to one of the men. “Text me if anyone gets near the bike.”
“Thanks.” Lusa lifted her hand in a half-wave. One of the men smiled with fewer teeth than he had fingers.
Kerr fixed her hair. “That’s TC. His voice modulator broke. C’mon.”
“TC?” Lusa adjusted her knife belt. The man smiled wider.
“Timing Chain. No-one is going to take you seriously bringing those as weapons.” Kerr swept her eyes across her body. “Also, lose the jacket. It makes you look pretentious.”
“You doubt me?” Lusa removed her jacket anyway, stashing it with the rest of her gear.
Kerr laughed, feeling better now that her people were around. Lusa didn’t seem quite as scary here. “I saw what happened with Cinder. They didn’t.”
“But I’m with you.” Lusa said. “Aren’t you a higher up around here or something?”
Kerr couldn’t help but blush, nor could she hide it by stealing Lusa’s helmet again. Rushing to the bar before Lusa could see was her only option. Kerr had never thought of herself as a protector before, even if it was by dint of her position and not her prowess. She liked the feeling regardless.
Rounding the corner brought a wave of stale piss and rotting algae. Kerr giggled at the face Lusa made. She spotted Reel behind the turret surveying the crowd milling about. Scanning biosigs on the way in was Myo perched on a metal stool. He couldn’t do much else without new knee implants.
Popping and scraping as it moved, Myo held up a rusted prosthetic arm, barring Lusa from going further. Lusa shifted, like she was about to fight and Kerr rushed to intervene. “She’s with me.”
“I can’t scan her.” Myo tapped his temple, as if that would reset his Opti.
“Then get a new one.” Kerr shoved past him. “Tell Regedit I sent you.” She grabbed Lusa’s hand and pulled her past as well, catching the slight upturn of her lip.
It caused a thrill. Kerr tried to shove it down, suppress it, but there was no denying being around Lusa made her feel better about herself than she had in years.
How pathetic was that? How pathetic was it that she found herself caring less about what she should feel and more about chasing that feeling for as long as she could.
Alcohol, she decided. It would either kill the feeling, or she could blame whatever happened on it. Kerr dragged Lusa through the doors and into the overwhelming crowd.