Too Rash, Too Unadvised, Too Sudden
Sitting knees-up in the corner of a booth with her tray of stolen shots, Kerr felt smaller than ever. As a final insult, the shadows brought Lusa to her, half hidden, but concern evident. Kerr thought she would have left after the ridiculous stunt she pulled.
It’s not like she planned on kissing her. In the excitement of it all, her jealousy had taken over. Yet again, she found herself alone and humiliated. Lusa slid tentatively across from her, a bockety table safely between them. Almost alone.
“Sorry,” Kerr muttered. “You were probably into him and I just chased him off. I don’t know why I do that. Sometimes I think without acting.” She stared at the table, head heavy with shame. “I mean, act without thinking. Sorry. I know I already said that, yeah?”
“I…” Lusa started, but Kerr was in no mood to accept pity.
“It’s okay, you can go. I don’t need you to drive me home.” Drawing circles on the worn tabletop with her fingernail, the ache in her eyes warned she’d start crying soon.
“Why would I go?” Lusa placed a hand on the table, beside hers. Not touching. “I was having fun.”
“Before I put a gun to his head, yeah?” Kerr pulled her hand away. She could be attracted to her. Who wouldn’t? But liking her would be too far.
Squinting in the low light, Lusa’s dark eyes nearly disappeared into angry black holes. “Was I acting like I wanted him to touch me?”
Kerr squinted back. This was Lusa. The last man that touched her lost his fingers. The one after that lost his life. She didn’t fuck around.
But this man’s hands were around her waist when she had found them together, alive and fingers still intact. “You didn’t kill him. I thought that meant you liked him.” Kerr hated how her voice trembled.
Chin held high, Lusa reclined into the frayed cushion. “Not that it’s any of your business, but, no. Do threats look like flirting to you?”
Relieved, Kerr nodded. “I thought…” she pulled her hand back. “I probably shouldn’t have put a gun to his head, yeah?” Kerr sniffed and looked away.
Her eyes, a mixture of concern and curiosity, Lusa relaxed. “Were you flirting with him? Because your gun looked like a threat to me.”
Kerr laughed, and then wiped her nose on her sleeve. “No, I don’t threaten when I flirt. I’m not into men, either.”
Kerr had trouble interpreting her expression. A raised eyebrow. A raised chin and half covered in shadow, like an interrogation. Was she into women?
“Your club, your rules,” Lusa said, finally. “Though, I’ve never had anyone threaten to kill for me before.” Lusa snorted. “Except when Pinga threatened to kill my ex. Then she ended up fucking her. And her new girlfriend.”
Her tastes confirmed, Kerr blew out a tight breath and ran her fingers through her hair. “That’s…”
Lusa nodded in agreement at the unspoken. “Walking in on that was very awkward. She’s my sister though, you know?”
Surely, she must be joking. “I don’t know.” Kerr said. “Nobody here has sisters. It’s kind of strange that you do.”
An adorable crease formed between Lusa’s eyebrows. So many secrets and Kerr could spend weeks learning them. But that was the alcohol and Lusa recovered after a beat. The moment had passed and it was too late for Kerr to do anything about it.
“Anything else I should know before I say something ignorant?” Lusa leaned forward.
Feeling better now that Lusa had embarrassed herself, Kerr took another shot. Lusa copied her, and then coughed again. Kerr tried not to laugh, but the alcohol made it difficult to restrain herself.
Running her hands over her face, Kerr tried to stay serious.
“The Adlets are the only gang who trades with us. We’re at the bottom here.
” Kerr stared into her empty shot glass.
Then she grabbed another one. “We get by fixing old tech for everyone else, but we’re barely a real gang. We’re a glorified repair shop.”
Lusa pursed her lips. “And you thought you’d burn your relationship with your only trading partner by kidnapping one of them?”
Arms feeling a little too floppy, Kerr waved it away. “That was Chalice’s fuckin idea – rebuild Model 2 and wall off MB12, yeah?”
“Like the Glacier, but shittier,” Lusa said. “Got it.”
“Every gang would love to get their hands on the AI. Control infrastructure. Crack security. Develop new tech instead of fixing rubbish” Kerr turned to the wall. “Her idea was sound.”
“The execution though,” Lusa added.
Kerr nodded, scooping up her shot. “We had nothing to lose. The Chargers have always been Tyton’s waste. Even when the city was running, they only let us tap into power because we were cheaper than drones. It’s the other gangs that control supply lines, trafficking, extortion…”
“And you want to control that?” Lusa interrupted.
Kerr shook her head. “No. We just want to be left alone, right? Model 2 would have guaranteed enough defences to keep it that way. Now, I have no idea what’s going to happen. Chalice fucked me over again.”
An eyebrow raised.
“What?” Kerr didn’t need her judgment.
“Again?”
A weight shoved her down, like her strength amplifier gave out. Lusa wasn’t wrong, but what else was she going to do? You don’t just leave a gang. And Chalice was content to keep her in her orbit just enough to punish her for sins she didn’t own.
“Sorry.” Lusa leaned back against the unevenly stuffed booth. “I shouldn’t have asked.”
“It’s fine.” Kerr said. If she was being honest, this was probably the closest thing to a real conversation she’d had in years.
Something beyond my place or yours. How fucked up was it that only yesterday, she wanted to kill her?
“We were together at one time. For far too long. It’s not like she was ever faithful, but it got worse after. ”
Lusa’s eyes widened. “You stayed with her after she cheated?”
“My autotherapist says she’s the cause of my trust issues.” Giving a snide grin, Kerr downed another shot before continuing.
She took a deep breath. “Piston sent my mum on a pickup. Lydia, her mum, wanted to go. We all thought it strange because she hadn’t recovered from her Chem addiction, hadn’t done the initiation, but my mum thought giving her a purpose would do her good, yeah?”
“I’m guessing it wasn’t?” Lusa sat up straighter.
“It was not.” Kerr clacked the shot glass against the table to make the point. “Lydia betrayed their position to the Styx, who had been supplying her Chem canisters. It was my mum who took her down. No-one walked away from that.”
“Then how do you know what happened?” Lusa asked.
“Opti footage recovered from the bodies.” She tapped her temple.
“Piston took me in after that. Probably felt guilty, but Chalice changed. I think she took it out on me because she couldn’t take it out on my mum.
” Kerr looked away, her vision blurring.
“Even though it was her mum that betrayed mine.”
“So, your girlfriend’s mom betrayed your mom for Chem, then her dad took you in while she took it out on you.” Lusa summarised. “But you still work with her?” Lusa said, incredulous.
“That’s how things are here.” Kerr downed the shot. “You work with the people you have.”
Lusa leaned her head against her fingers. “I guess that makes sense.”
Kerr stood with finality. “We should call it a night.”
Lusa nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow then. Same place?”
“What? No, you’re staying with me.” Kerr held on to the table so she didn’t fall. “Unless you have a better idea.”
Lusa looked stunned and the way her lips left a tiny space where they creased was doing things to her. If she had one more shot, she’d do something she’d regret later. Another something, actually. They should go now while she still had some dignity.
Not that she had much left.
“Are you…?” Lusa let the question hang, but Kerr’s brain was too fuzzy to know where it was leading. Lusa would have to spell it out. “…trying to hook up with me?”
“No!” Kerr said, a little too quickly. The alcohol shovelled the rest of the words out of her mouth before she could process them. “You need to stay somewhere and we’re both going to the same place in the morning.” Kerr was pretty sure that made sense.
Lusa’s face didn’t seem to think so. Her hand moved to her knife belt.
“I promise, I won’t kill you.” Kerr threw her hands out. “If I wanted to, I would have done it already. There’s lots of people here who would help me dispose of you after.”
“After you kissed me, you mean?” Lusa’s eyebrow rose very high.
Kerr realised her eyebrows were also raised. Apparently, she copied people when she was drunk. “Right.” She frowned in an attempt to balance it out. “We didn’t talk about that.” She needed her blood filters to work a lot faster. “Everyone left you alone after, didn’t they?”
“I guess.” Lusa still looked sceptical, but maybe with a hint of a smile. Or maybe it was the alcohol conjuring it in her head. Maybe.
“You hate me, remember?” Lusa added.
“Yes.” Kerr took a deep breath. “I’m clearly drunk,” she admitted. She stared at the ground, swaying. “Maybe I don’t hate you as much anymore.”
Lusa blinked slowly. “Why?”
Kerr waffled. “I dunno.”
Lusa raised an eyebrow. Kerr reminded herself not to copy her this time.
“Honestly?” She swallowed and stared at her knees. “You’re not as shite as I thought you’d be. Considering, you know,” Kerr gestured broadly. “Everything, yeah?”
“I’m not?” Lusa tilted her head in a way that reminded Kerr of a seagull. “Look.” Lusa reached out to take her hand, but stopped short. “I don’t do relationships.”
Kerr exaggerated a scoff, as if the idea of a relationship with her was preposterous. Which it was, but now, the idea had been spoken and it was lying there, like a corpse on the table that they were both trying to ignore.
“Iss grand. All of my relationships go arseways,” Kerr said. That much was true. “I dunno why I said that. Being with anyone right now would be a fool thing. Less move on.”
Lusa looked relieved.
Kerr couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed, which she absolutely should not be feeling. “I’m heading home.” She swayed a bit. “You coming or not?”
To her surprise, Lusa got up. Kerr craned her neck to look at her. “How did you get so tall?”
Helping her out of the booth, Lusa made a noise Kerr hoped was positive. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”
Even with the Thermabulle, the cool air outside helped to sharpen her senses.
The music faded to a muffled throb behind them, growing quieter against the gravel crunching beneath their feet.
Kerr couldn’t believe how unabashedly forward she’d acted, like her libido had taken over.
She should run a scan on her hormone regulator.
And yet, she still couldn’t tear her eyes away from Lusa’s arse, swaying like a hypnotist’s watch in front of her. She needed to end this dry spell, even if it was with someone out of her league and prone to provoking her jealousy. Just not with Lusa.
And then, Lusa’s helmet was on her head, her arms around Lusa’s waist. The universe had thrust them together to delight in her torment. She should relax her grip, but she couldn’t. She needed to feel the flex and twist of her muscles beneath the fabric of her tank top.
The universe wore a perverse grin.