To Thine Own Self Be True
Lusa tried to sit up, but Kerr’s hand remained in place, like an iron shackle at her neck. Helpless. The rush that followed – not rage, but something lower down confirmed what Lusa had been dreading.
She liked it. Really liked it.
Lusa liked the feeling of being overpowered. Liked it when Kerr took what she wanted. And most of all, liked it when she wasn’t responsible. If she lost control, it wouldn’t be her fault. In the trilling of anticipation, her lungs couldn’t get enough oxygen.
Breaking the kiss, Kerr looked at her. Saw her. Knew that she had permission to continue, even if Lusa’s pride wouldn’t let her say it.
She tilted Lusa’s head, staring into her eyes, combing for the words Lusa couldn’t speak. “Open.”
Her lip felt too heavy. Lusa let it fall, along with the tiniest sigh of surrender. Her eyes never left Kerr’s.
That was all the consent Kerr needed. Crashing against Lusa’s teeth, her tongue forced its way past pitiful defences. Lusa nearly choked. Kerr grinned devilishly at the bobbing of her throat against the sensor pads on her palm.
She pushed Lusa deeper into the wall, pulling away. “You can hate me later, if it makes you feel better, yeah?” Kerr released her grip. Lusa nodded. There would be a clear imprint of her fingers on her neck tomorrow.
“Good.” The corner of Kerr’s eye wrinkled delightfully. “Because I’ve been wanting to do this for so long.”
“You’ve known me two days.” Why she’d decided now was the time to bring that up, Lusa didn’t know.
But Kerr indulged her. “You did this to me years ago.” Kerr wriggled her artificial digits against her skin “And I thought you were hot then too.”
Lusa’s eyes widened. “You thought I was…”
Kerr stopped her mouth with a kiss, brutal and possessive. Lusa understood it well. Aggression served as a good cover for the embarrassment of admitting she’d been fighting hate and desire for this long.
But it no longer mattered. Eyes opening with immense effort as Kerr broke away. “For so long,” Kerr repeated against her lips.
Kicking her remaining objections away, Lusa threw her arms around Kerr’s neck, expecting to pull her in, but she was stopped, wrists pinned above her head.
Lusa arched her back, struggling to move.
Why wouldn’t Kerr let her touch her? A whimper escaped, but she didn’t recognise it as her own. She’d never made that sound before.
Kerr raked her teeth across her bottom lip. “You have no idea how hot this is, yeah?”
Lifting her hips to throw Kerr off balance, all Lusa did was give her a silly bucking bronco ride.
Elbows locked, holding her effortlessly, Kerr pinned her firmly in place.
Her grinning dripped with a mixture of amusement and lust. Even more maddening was the rush and flutter below her navel.
Part of her still refused to believe she was into this.
Even as her body screamed for more, Lusa tried a different tactic. “I thought you wanted this.”
Kerr grinned wider. She had a gummy smile that Lusa hadn’t noticed before. “Oh, I very much do.”
“Then why,” Lusa tried to buck in vain, “Why won’t you let me…”
Cut off by Kerr’s hand at her throat again, Lusa could only stare. “Because I make the decisions here. Because you’re mine.” Repeating her claim from the club, Kerr’s tone carried none of the protectiveness.
Saying it seemed to imbue Kerr with the confidence needed to make the fantasy real, even if none of it was true. She knew as well as Kerr this couldn’t last.
Before she could counter, Kerr’s tongue stole the objection from her throat. Lusa slackened like Kerr had found an off switch.
“It’s better if you don’t believe it.” Kerr bit, pulling her kiss-swollen lower lip before letting it snap back into a heavy pout. “It’s so much more fun if I can make you believe it.”
Certain she’d ruined her clothes and likely Kerr’s sheets as well, Lusa’s heart threatened to leap out of her chest.
Fisting her shirt, Kerr heaving her back to her mouth.
Threads squealed in protest before snapping – first one at a time and then all at once.
Kerr tore the shirt from her torso leaving only frayed strips hanging from her arms. Lusa attempted one last time to throw her off, but Kerr only laughed lowly.
“Taming lions is so much more satisfying than taming cats.”
“Lionesses,” Lusa corrected, as if that mattered.
“Lions only look impressive.” Lusa tensed as the words left her mouth.
It had been a stupid thing to say and Kerr’s smirk said she would pay for it.
Worse was the way her body responded. Whatever she might believe, her body kept insisting she wanted this.
It kept agreeing with Kerr. Her heart kept thudding, loudly proclaiming yes in her ears.
With unnatural speed, Kerr jerked her hair. Lusa gasped embarrassingly. “Fine, lioness, for that, I’m going to make you tell me you’re mine.”
Lusa clamped her mouth shut. Kerr made a fist, pulling her hair tighter. Lusa whimpered, but she refused to break. She also refused to let go of her forearm.
Kerr released her and shrugged. “Lioness, indeed.”
But it was a short-lived reprieve. Teeth sunk into her neck. Lusa yelped, blood rose to the surface. Kerr sucked, leaving a dark crimson mark.
“I can leave as many as I want,” Kerr drew the tip of her tongue across Lusa’s throat. “You can refuse to say you’re mine, but everyone else will see it. Everyone else will know anyway.”
The thought of everyone knowing was infinitely worse than whatever might happen here. “I…” The rest vanished into air. Bringing herself to say the words was too much.
“It’s a start.” Kerr smiled against her skin, sinking lower. “Your arms stay there.” She released Lusa’s wrists and traced the collar of her sports bra.
Lusa didn’t dare move. Discovering that pride was her weak spot, Kerr proved she wasn’t above using it.
Her breasts relaxed into gravity, the sound of elastic and cellulose rending apart.
She briefly considered the problem of acquiring new clothes before a hot tongue around her nipple licked the thoughts from her mind.
Arching into Kerr’s mouth, knuckles skimmed the sides of her breasts. Kerr’s cruelty only made her kindness so much better. Lusa curled her fingers into the flex of cables and plasteel plating.
Kerr drew a line across her sternum. “You really have no external mods. All of this untouched skin is mine.” Kerr eyed her hungrily before devouring the nipple she had neglected. Lusa wasn’t able to stop the low moan this time.
“Such a beautiful noise.” Kerr’s words reverberated in the hollow of her chest. “Let’s see if we can make more of those.” She drew her palm across the gusset of Lusa’s TacPants, nearly sending her.
Resisting was too much. Lusa raised her hips to meet Kerr’s touch, but Kerr diverted to rest between her thighs instead. “Not until you tell me you’re mine.”
Lusa growled low in frustration.
Kerr laughed. “Growl away, lioness.” fingertips dug into her thigh.
Surging forward in one last attempt, Lusa fell back, Kerr’s hand on her throat, pinned to the mattress like she was nothing. Lusa couldn’t compete with Kerr’s strength amplifier. “You forgot, didn’t you?” Kerr drew a finger under her waistband with the other. “You’re mine.”
Hearing a clink of cheap metal, Lusa craned her neck to see, but Kerr wouldn’t allow it. Sliding free from her waist, Kerr fastened the synleather belt around her neck. “I won’t be able to reach otherwise,” she explained, prying Lusa’s fingers from her forearm. She kissed the pads lightly.
That meant stop, didn’t it? Her pulse ringing in her ears, Lusa panicked. That meant she’d won whatever game they were playing. That meant this was over.
Kerr placed her hand on top of her head. “Let go of my hair if you want me to stop.” The relief Lusa felt told her how screwed she was. Tomorrow, her heart would be in a million pieces. But the look she got from Kerr between her thighs, like a crocodile, erased any instinct for self-preservation.
Fastened around her neck, Kerr gave the makeshift collar a brisk tug. “You’re mine.”
Lusa still couldn’t force herself to form the words.
Kerr brushed her cheek against the inside of her thigh, lips tracing agonisingly close. “Admit you’re mine and I’ll give you what you want.”
Lusa clenched her fist, Kerr’s head angling toward the pull. Even Lusa couldn’t budge the most well-mortared bricks of her ego.
But Kerr was patient. A glint in her eye promised a wrecking ball if Lusa couldn’t relent. And she brought it. “Do you know what I saw?” Kerr gripped the belt tighter. “The night before last?”
Unable to fathom where this was going, Lusa quieted her breath so as not to miss a sound.
Kerr slid two ceramic fingers across her legs, framing the sopping fabric of Lusa’s underclothes. “You thought I was asleep.” A fingertip grazed just inside the hem. “But I know you were fucking yourself.”
Lusa tried to gasp, but a tug from the belt prevented her.
“It’s okay.” Kerr’s words tumbled across her legs.
“I was right there with you.” She initiated the sonic cleaning function of her fingers.
Pressed against the side of her vulva, Lusa could only imagine how they would feel elsewhere.
The thought caused another flood, and this time, there was no hiding it.
“My, you are such a mess,” Kerr cooed.
Lusa knew it was true. She could feel herself running across her skin.
Kerr cupped her underclothes, the vibrations causing Lusa’s eyes to roll back.
That had never happened before either. She had always thought that was something women in porn did to be dramatic, but there was little else she could do.
How could this much tension feel better than any orgasm she’d ever had?
And then the vibrations stopped.
Her heart dropped. Kerr released the belt. That couldn’t be it, could it? Lusa made a noise somewhere between annoyance and disbelief.
“What was that? I didn’t hear you.” Kerr sang sweetly.
“You’re stopping?” Lusa managed to croak out. God, the desperation in her voice was pathetic.
“I may be a lot of things.” She continued to stroke the swollen skin gently, but it wasn’t enough. “Short. Impulsive. I have a huge jealousy problem.”
Lusa tried to arch into her but Kerr pulled her hand away.
“One thing I’m not, though, is a thief.” Kerr leaned her head against her thigh, just enough to put tension on her underclothes and remind her that unfinished business remained. “I don’t take what isn’t mine, yeah?”
“I’m…” Lusa hesitated again. Kerr pulled hard on the tail of the belt around her neck. Another rush sped to Lusa’s core. Kerr relaxed her grip so Lusa could speak.
“…yours.”
The fabric fell asunder under Kerr’s fingers. Her tongue burned against her lips, sweet release filling her mouth. Lusa threw her head back, the most guttural noises that she had ever heard, emanating from some dark and forbidden part of herself she’d buried long ago.
Kerr didn’t stop. Fingers from the hand Lusa had taken years ago pulled secrets from her body. This time, her orgasm was more intentional. Kerr let go of the belt. “Sit up and watch.”
Lusa propped herself up on her elbows, Kerr’s blue eyes, darker now, boring into her. The new angle put just the right amount of pressure in the spot where Lusa liked it best.
Kerr’s mischievous smirk shone wetly in the filtered sunlight when the telltale flutter arrived. “Not yet.”
“What?” Lusa whined between gasps of air.
“This is mine as well.”
Lusa choked, incredulous, but Kerr only smiled wider. “Say please.”
Her resolve already shattered, Lusa surrendered immediately. “Please?”
Kerr activated the sonic cleaning function, rocketing Lusa toward her release.
It was the flash of the bomb, before you heard the siren, the ring in your ears before the blast of heat.
Lusa’s wail – mourning the crumbled walls around her heart and celebrating the freedom from the prison they had become.