Chapter Twenty-One #2
I looked at her, confused, “I’ve always been happy.”
Bella rolled her eyes. “You’re very good at showing the world a happy face.
Plastering on that smile that comes so easily.
But it’s been different since you came home.
I can see it all weighing on you… everything you’ve seen and done.
You don’t need to pretend that being in the Army for so long was all sunshine and roses.
I know it wasn’t. Bec here is bringing back that true happiness you’ve been missing. ”
I sighed, “Am I really that bad of an actor?”
She shook her head. “The opposite. I just know you really well. Something has your mind…” she paused as she looked for the best word, “…screwy. It haunts you. I can see it.”
“I really fucked up, Bella,” I explained and played with my pen as I spoke. “In the last assignment, I didn’t do my job… and I just can’t move on from it.”
“With Malachi?” she asked. I nodded in affirmation. She sighed and took my hand in hers. “Maybe give him a call back and actually talk to him about it. Your best friend misses you, and it may be the first step to finally being able to move on.”
I wish it were that simple. I couldn't talk to Malachi without remembering that night. The sound of my bones snapping as I desperately tried to get to Malachi before he could. The man I thought I could trust, the man I did trust for years… he’d betrayed us.
I had practically grown up with Damien in the Army.
The things we saw together had bonded us in ways I couldn’t even begin to explain.
He wasn’t just a teammate but a brother.
But he turned on us, especially Malachi.
It should have been routine, keeping Malachi safe from the people who wanted to hurt him and use him for their own purposes.
But Damien helped those people, and had nearly killed me in the process.
I screamed and yelled, praying to God that Malachi would wake up and know to get ready.
But it was worthless. I ended up unconscious on the ground, unable to help one of the most important people in my life.
Yeah, they were fine now. But it wasn’t because of me, it was despite me. Despite my choices.
“Rome?” I heard my voice being called, but it sounded like I was underwater, as the memories crashed through my brain like waves during a hurricane.
Replaying that night, wondering if there was anything I could have done differently.
“Rome,” Bec’s damp hand landed on my cheek.
I snapped back into the moment. Bella had a look of concern as she scanned my face, while Bec’s eyes shone with compassion.
I leaned into her touch, “I’m sorry.”
Bec smiled fondly and lightly kissed me, “Don’t be. Whenever you want to talk about it, I’m here.”
“I know,” I whispered.
Bella cleared her throat, “What just happened?”
I sighed, “The clinical term… Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.”
“He gets stuck in his head sometimes,” Bec explained. Both Bella and I looked at her with surprise. “What?” she asked.
“My mom says that, too,” Bella explained. “It seems you know him just as well as she does.”
Bec shrugged and then turned back to the dishes, “Well, I have spent a lot of time with him, you know. Speaking of… how much time do I have left? I want to try and get through the rest before we leave.”
I stifled a chuckle at Bella’s look of despair, knowing she was going to have to rewash every dish if Bec got her way. “About an hour before we have to head back.”
Bec nodded and went back to work.
“Why didn’t you tell us you had PTSD?” Bella asked me just as Luna wandered in.
Luna stopped in her tracks. She was dressed in a black button-down, her hair slicked back. She was the restaurant's main bartender for the dinner service. “Who has PTSD?”
I raised my hand, “I do.”
Luna looked at me with shock, “Why didn’t you tell us this?”
I shrugged, “I didn’t think it mattered.”
“Of course it matters, you idiot!” Luna exclaimed. “You would want to know if one of us had to deal with something like that.”
“Why are you yelling at your brother this time?” Mateo asked as he walked into the kitchen from the back office.
“He has PTSD and didn’t tell any of us!” Bella exclaimed.
Mateo looked between his daughters with a look of amusement, “I love you both, but it was obvious.”
I smiled at Mateo, because, of course, he had picked up on it. “How did you figure it out?”
Mateo turned my way, “I remember practically dragging you out of bed every day until you enlisted. It wasn’t that you weren’t a morning person; you weren’t a ‘waking-up’ person.
Since you’ve been home…” he shrugged, “I’ve noticed you don’t really sleep.
I figured something was keeping you up at night. ”
I sighed resignedly, “Yeah, there is.”
Bec glanced at me over her shoulder, a soft smile on her lips. It was nice having her support. Even if she didn’t interject any comments, I knew she was there in the moments that I needed her. But she was right when she’d said I needed to talk about what had happened.
I took a steadying breath, “Sometimes I feel like you all expect me to always be ‘Happy Rome’, who’s never upset. It makes it hard to tell you when things aren’t going well… when I’m fighting my own mind, and my own memories.”
Bella and Luna stared at me with sad eyes before the former wrapped her arms around me.
“You don’t always need to be ‘Happy Rome’,” Bella mumbled, “I just want you to be my brother. That’s it.”
“Oh my God,” Luna cried, also wrapping her arms around me, sandwiching me between my sisters. “Don’t ever think you have to always be okay. Talk to us, tell us what happened… tell us what’s going on.”
I couldn’t help but laugh as my sisters held me tight, “I’ll try to be better about that.”