Chapter Twenty-Nine #2
It was my fault he was gone. If he had never gotten involved in my life, if I hadn’t agreed to the stupid fake relationship, and if I hadn’t fallen in love with him, he would still be alive. He would be here with his family, spreading his light to the rest of the world. As he should be.
Alexandra, Malachi, and I walked side by side to one of the many cars that had driven everyone from the restaurant to the cemetery for the service. We were supposed to go back, to continue his celebration of life.
I tugged them to a stop as the crowd moved past us, “I don’t want to go.”
“To the restaurant?” Alexandra asked, and I nodded.
Malachi nodded, “Where do you want to go?”
“Hey,” Will called as he came to my side. He hadn’t left since that day. Jackie had flown out for a few weeks, but had to get back home to work. Will was planning to stay for a few more weeks. He was worried about leaving me.
“We’re going to Mom’s,” I explained. “I need a break from all of this.”
Will glanced between Malachi and Alexandra as they exchanged worried looks, but eventually acquiesced.
It was a long, silent drive through the city to the Upper East Side.
I hadn’t been to my mom’s since the night Rome had kissed me for the first time.
I had been panicking for no good reason, terrified of my feelings for him.
With one kiss, he had silenced it all. Thinking back to that night, the worry and fear felt meaningless.
The buildings zoomed past our windows in a blur. The city that had been my home for so long was unfamiliar to me now. It felt empty, despite the millions of people. Maybe my life would always feel this empty.
“Bec,” Malachi called from the front seat.
“Huh?” I asked.
Alexandra sighed softly from her seat next to me, clearly concerned.
“We’re here,” Malachi explained with a sympathetic smile.
“Oh,” I looked around, seeing my mom standing on the front steps. She had offered to come with me today, but I hadn’t wanted it. I couldn’t handle any more pitying looks. “Thanks.”
My feet carried themselves out of the car, past my mom, and into the house. I could hear Will and my mom exchange worried words with each other about my state, but I didn’t care.
I wandered through the opulent halls and up the staircase to the one room that had been untouched by Rome. The one room that didn’t feel lacking. I sighed as I wandered into my childhood bedroom and collapsed onto the bed.
I was still in my black dress and coat, my pantyhose had dried, but they still felt chilled, and my heels were still plastered to my feet. I didn’t care.
None of it mattered anymore.
Not without Rome.
Three Months Gone, January 17th
Ireadied myself slowly, carefully. Picking out the perfect dress and matching shoes, and spending extra time on my makeup and hair… wanting it to be perfect.
I had taken over Rome’s old room. My clothes filled the closet, my books on the shelf, and I had even added a couple of photos to the wall.
I was going to move out of the Romano's house soon.
In fact, I had just signed the closing papers for my new brownstone just down the street.
My time here had helped my broken heart to mend, but I had accepted it would never fully heal.
My heart would no longer work as it used to, because the one person it beat for was gone.
I took a steadying breath and smoothed my hands over my dress. It was my first time in the office since I had lost Rome… and it was about to be my last.
The final board meeting of my probationary period was today.
They were to vote on the permanency of my position.
While the majority of the year had been successful, the last quarter was a spiral of epic proportions.
The company was floundering. I was acutely aware of the suffering stock prices and the mass resignations that had occurred, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
I had signed off on huge severance packages for every employee who left, and given glowing letters of recommendation.
I refused to let my indifference negatively affect my staff.
They deserved better than what I could give them right now.
I no longer cared about that goddamned company. It was my father’s empire that had ultimately taken everything from me. I wanted nothing to do with it. Not anymore.
If the board, by some act of divine intervention, agreed to keep me on as CEO, I wouldn’t accept it. I was done. What had been my life and my ultimate goal for so long, had ended up meaningless in the long run.
My job should have never been my entire life, and it was time I started living the right way. The way Rome would have. It was time I lived in the moment and learned to appreciate those around me.
Lucia and I had spent many late nights sharing stories of Rome.
She had explained how similar he was to his father and how, despite losing him so long ago, she’d still had a piece of him in Rome.
Having that final piece taken away from her was unbearable.
She was now living for her daughters, but I knew she wanted to give up—just as I did.
His family and I were surviving. That’s the best we could do under the circumstances.
A knock sounded on the bedroom door. Malachi peeked his head in.
He had spent the last few months flying back and forth between his family and here.
He was a good friend to Rome, even now. Malachi was heading home permanently after the meeting, but had insisted on joining me, as did Will.
They had both said it was what Rome would have wanted.
Rome would have moved heaven and earth to be there with me. He was the only reason I was second-guessing my choice to leave the company. He had wanted me to take over the world, and was happy to watch from the sidelines as my biggest supporter.
“You ready?” Malachi asked quietly.
I nodded and followed him out of the room and down the stairs. I could feel a foreign smile inching onto my lips. Every member of the Romano family was waiting for me in the living room.
Livia smiled softly and closed the distance between us, wrapping me in her arms, “You sure about this?”
Her dark roots had grown in, her pink hair fading, signifying how long we had all been without Rome—without the color in our lives.
I pulled away and nodded, “I am. It’s what’s right.”
“You sure you’re not being…” Aria trailed off.
“Impulsive because of overwhelming grief?” Bee supplied.
I laughed despite myself. “Maybe I am, but this feels right. It’s the first thing that’s felt right in…” I couldn’t finish that sentence.
We all knew how long. Lucia clasped her hands together, “I’m proud of you… and Rome would be, too.”
The mention of his name sobered everyone quickly.
“We need to go,” Malachi interrupted.
“Wait,” Lucia called, “we need pictures. We need to remember this moment.”
Malachi held back a laugh, “You want to capture the day Bec quits?”
“Malachi James, this is a big day for her,” Lucia chastised. “It’s the day she is choosing herself and what’s good. We have to memorialize it.”
I smiled and kissed her lightly on the cheek, “How about we take pictures when I’m back?”
"Home," she corrected and smiled back, “This is your home now. Forever. Rome chose you, and so did we.”
I held back my tears, realizing I finally had the family I had always wanted. But the cost was the love of my life.
Malachi motioned towards the door, and I nodded and followed him out to the waiting car. It was a long commute to the office, but it gave me a chance to sort through my thoughts and feelings.
“Last day, huh?” Andi remarked from her spot next to me.
She insisted on coming with me on my last day.
I felt guilty since she was now essentially out of a job too, but she didn’t seem overly upset.
She was planning on traveling abroad for a few years and had been spending her free time planning the trip.
It was about time she got a break from this crazy world.
Witnessing Rome’s death had broken something in her.
She was distracted and sloppy in the few tasks I gave her.
I couldn’t blame her, though. I wouldn’t have recovered.
Malachi glanced back from his spot in the passenger seat next to the driver. He did that a lot… always checking on me. I smiled at him with what I hoped was a reassuring smile, but who knew at this point, and then I turned back to Andi.
“Yeah, it’s time I step away.”
She nodded as if she understood. “Rome’s in a better place now.”
I know the words were meant to be comforting, but they cut deep.
Malachi laughed in the front, saving me from having to answer. “A better place, huh? He would disagree. Rome insisted he was heading straight to hell.”
Andi’s eyes grew wide in shock and what looked to be dismay, "Absolutely not!” She argued, “He is kind, caring, and loving.”
“He was,” Malachi agreed. “He also fucked his way across half the world.”
I laughed, “Not only did he plan on going straight to hell, but he was looking forward to it. He thought it would be more fun down there than with the ‘goody-two-shoes’ at the pearly gates.”
Malachi laughed, the first real laugh I had heard. “He really was a man of many, weird words.”
Andi looked between the two of us as if we had lost our minds. Maybe we had. “Why in the world would you talk about him that way?”
My laughter died down, and I sighed as I leaned back into the leather of the seat. “Because it’s how he would talk about it. The man had one hell of a foul mouth.”
“He was a dirty talker,” Malachi supplied with a smirk.
“How in the world do you know that?” I asked, curious.
Malachi chuckled, “The amount of times Rome got drunk and hit on me was concerning. Some of the shit that came out of his mouth made even me blush.”
“Malachi James, did you have a thing for my boyfriend?” I joked.
Andi scoffed at the comment, but I chose to ignore her. We were all dealing with our grief in our own ways.
He shrugged, “There was a stretch of time we were in a desert with no one else to talk to, and he seemed rather appealing.” Malachi laughed as he thought back. “Then I got back to civilization and realized I was delusional. Plus, he was all talk with most people.”
“What do you mean?” Andi interjected.
“He flirted with anything that had legs,” Malachi explained. “I’m not sure he knew how to have a normal interaction with someone. It was never real, simply how he communicated… well, until Bec.”
“He was like that with everyone?” Andi seemed almost disturbed by the revelation.
I nodded, “Even with my mom and my brother. He liked to make people laugh.”
“How was it different with Bec?” Andi asked Malachi.
He sighed, “I’ve known, or I guess knew…
fuck, that’ll never get easier… I knew him for over a decade.
I watched him find countless one-night stands, then helped him sneak out of said one-night stands’ houses, and so much more.
I basically enabled his ‘manwhore ways’—his words, not mine.
Only his mom thought he would settle down someday.
The rest of us thought it would never come.
The Forever Bachelor. Then Bec told him she liked him… ”
I groaned, “Don’t remind me of that god-awful admission. It’s embarrassing to even think about.”
Malachi smiled, “Maybe, but it flipped something in Rome. The idea of being with anyone else was out of the question… when he called me that night for the first time? Did he tell you what we talked about?”
I shook my head.
“He asked me if it was too soon to propose or if it would get him fired.”
A startled laugh fell from my lips, “Why was he so scared of getting fired? He asked me the same thing after he kissed me.”
Malachi shrugged, “He’s dramatic, always has been.”
Andi looked between the two of us. “He loves you both a lot, doesn’t he?”
I didn’t answer because I didn’t know. We had never said it.
But Malachi did, “I’m up there, sure, but Bec is, and always will be, number one.”